Fix You
by Whisper Sweet Nothings
Summary: What if Jacob hadn't stopped at just a kiss in Eclipse? How will Bella deal with being raped, especially now that she thinks she's unfixable? How will she handle telling Edward about the rape, or will she try to keep it from him? Rated M to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my second attempt at a Twilight story. If you want me to continue with it let me know, please, and definitely let me know what you think of the story so far. To the Jacob fans: I'm sorry! The kiss between Jacob and Bella in Eclipse just always bugged me because he just seemed so aggressive [with him seeming to get angry when she was trying to push him away, etc.] and didn't seem to care what she wanted. So...this idea came to mind.**

**Just a note, though...for the sake of this story...the conversation in Eclipse between Bella and Edward in the chapter, 'Compromise,' took place before the Bella/Jacob kiss, which is directly where this story picks up from. The first three paragraphs are completely Stephanie Meyer's from Eclipse, I just continued on from there.**

**This story is beta'd by Feenrai.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters, though I do wish Edward was mine =b. Again: first three paragraphs are Stephanie Meyer's.**

**---------------------------------**

**Chapter 1**

"Jacob's lips crushed mine, stopping my protest. He kissed me angrily, roughly, his other hand gripping tight around the back of my neck, making escape impossible. I shoved against his chest with all of my strength, but he didn't even seem to notice. His mouth was soft, despite the anger, his lips molding to mine in a warm, unfamiliar way.

I grabbed at his face, trying to push it away, failing again. He seemed to notice this time, though, and it aggravated him. His lips forced mine open, and I could feel his hot breath in my mouth.

Acting on instinct, I let my hands drop to my side, and shut down. I opened my eyes and didn't fight, didn't feel...just waited for him to stop." (Stephanie Meyer, Eclipse, Chapter 15)

But he never did. Some of the anger seemed to evaporate as I stood motionless, but his hands still continued to touch me. When I realized he wasn't going to stop, I began to struggle, trying to break free of his hold. But it was no use, he was too strong and too determined.

"Jake!" I yelled when his lips moved down to my neck, finally giving me a chance to breathe. But if he heard me, he ignored me. "Stop!" I tried again, this time attempting to shove against his chest. His hand behind my neck pulled me even closer, trapping me against him with not even an inch to move, while his other hand began to roam up my thigh.

I couldn't help it: I began to cry. Both angry tears for his refusal to stop, and real tears because I didn't want this. I wanted Edward. I wanted Edward to save me, but he couldn't...all because I had stupidly decided to go to La Push, the one place that Edward can't go due to the treaty.

Now I was stuck here, with no way of getting home, since Edward had brought me to the treaty line and Jacob had picked me up from there. Not that I could manage to escape Jacob's tight grip he had on me right now. I struggled and squirmed, but couldn't even manage to move an inch. I was trapped. This was going to happen: I had no way of escaping.

"No!" I cried, but to no avail.

I felt a whimper escape my lips as Jacob's came down on mine again with bruising force, his tongue forcing entry into my mouth. I could feel myself beginning to shut down again, anticipating what would soon happen. I was vaguely aware of the fact that he had somehow gotten his shirt off, and was now working on the buttons of mine. I tried to stop his hands, but it was no use.

I attempted one last time to push Jacob away with all my might and to struggle free of his hold. I knew it was useless and my struggling seemed to make him all the more determined and spark some of his previous anger. He pulled my arms away, holding them at my sides with too much force--to the point of it being painful, as his lips continued to assault mine.

I let my body go limp and that's when he decided to release my arms and began removing my jeans and underwear, after he trailed his hand over my backside. I couldn't bring myself to move or to scream. I couldn't bring myself to fight anymore. I felt numb. I think I felt the bare skin of his legs against mine, and I knew what would happen in a matter of seconds.

I was vaguely aware of him saying, "I love you, Bella," before feeling a pain between my legs due to something I never wished to experience this way. I squeezed my eyes shut as more hot tears streamed down my face. I didn't want it to be like this. I wanted my first time to be something special with Edward. He was supposed to be my first and my one and only. That was the last thought I could focus on before everything went black.

------------

When my eyes fluttered open I recognized where I was instantly. I was in Jacob's car. I felt a wave of panic wash over me. I was in his car with him—alone--after he just…after he did _that_ to me. I felt like I needed to get out of there…and fast.

That's when it hit me: the last time I was conscious I was naked. I looked down to find that Jacob must have put my clothes back on me. Half of the buttons on my shirt were not even in the right holes. I began to panic, and knew I would soon have a full out panic attack if I didn't get away from him.

"Hey, you're finally up, sleepy-head," he joked with a goofy grin on his face. It caused a sudden wave of nausea to wash through me. "That was great, wasn't it?" he asked with excitement. "I'm happy I got to be your first," he said, his eyes locking with mine before drifting over my body.

My breath caught in my throat as I fought for air, my heart pounding so violently in my chest that each beat seemed to cause physical pain. I was about to demand that he take me home when I realized that he was pulling up into Charlie's driveway.

I quickly flung the door open--before he had the car in park--and ignored every ache and pain in my body as I managed to start running towards the house. I barely heard Jacob as he yelled, "Bye Bells! We should do that again sometime!".

I managed to get in the house and upstairs without tripping once. Charlie was still at the station and Edward…oh God, Edward! That's why Jacob drove me home: so that Edward wouldn't be able to see what happened in his thoughts--so Edward wouldn't kill him on the spot.

My thoughts drifted to Edward, and where he must be right now. I realized that I was glad he wasn't here to see me like this right now. What would he say if he saw the mess I had become…the filthy, disgusting girl I am now?

That single thought, alone, caused me to want to take a shower. A very long, hot shower to scrub away any and all remnants of what had happened. I wanted to erase it from my mind--from my body. So I went to the bathroom and stripped down. I took a deep breath and then turned to look at myself in the mirror, to examine the damage.

I had a few bruises. I had multiple bruises on my thighs, along with a big bruise on each of my upper arms where Jacob had grabbed me. My lips looked a little swollen and red. My hair was a knotted mess, and my eyes were red and puffy. I was revolted with the sight in front of me. I couldn't hold it back as I leaned for the toilet, my stomach contents emptying into the bowl.

I stepped into the shower, immediately grabbing a cloth to begin scrubbing every surface of my body. As I did, my thoughts drifted back to Edward. I wanted him here with me, to take me in his arms and hold me. To feel the familiar and comforting coldness of his skin--I wanted it to erase the memory of Jacob's overly hot skin pressed against mine, pinning against him. The heat of the water began to remind me of Jacob's skin. It made me feel even dirtier…even more unclean. I immediately turned off the hot water in the shower, leaving only cold water running.

The coolness of the current water temperature reminded me of Edward. It brought me slight comfort. But then it hit me: I was scarred, and I couldn't be fixed. I was dirty now, and I was no longer untouched. Edward said he had wanted to protect my virtue. What would he say now that it was already destroyed--now that I was damaged? He couldn't possibly want me. He was Edward, my own personal Adonis. The scale between us was already out of balance with me being nothing more than a plain, average, clumsy girl. If he knew what had happened, he would never still want me…not now…not after this.

At that realization, I was overcome with uncontrollable sobs, making it difficult for me to even stand. Despite my attempt to furiously scrub the incident away, my skin already slightly raw, I felt dirty. I gave in, sinking to the floor of the tub, my legs curled up to my chest, as I clung to them for dear life.

I couldn't tell Edward, or I would lose him. He would no longer want me. I already lost him once, and I nearly went insane. I couldn't lose him again. Plus, him knowing this, knowing that I was...raped...it would kill him, he would find a way to blame himself. He would hate himself, and it would only cause him pain--all because of me.

How was I going to hide this from him? I wracked my brain trying to come up with a way to keep from losing Edward, to keep him from finding out. It dawned on me that Alice couldn't see the wolves in her visions. She wouldn't have been able to see what happened at Jacob's house. Alice would never know, which means that Edward would never know. As long as I managed to hide it from him, that is.

I was broken out of my thoughts by a knock on the door, causing me to jump and my heart to kick into overdrive.

**--------------**

**So, what do you think? Please review and let me know if you want me to continue. I already have another few chapters written, because the idea popped into my head, and I became very anxious to actually write it all out. So, please let me know what you think, and if you would like me to continue.**

**I just want to point out that Bella knows Edward loves her, however, right now with what happened with Jacob her self-worth is just totally gone, and she doesn't think much of anything of herself. So...she's scared that since she now considers herself damaged and filthy and unfixable, that Edward may not want her. She's just not thinking clearly. I also want to point out that I didn't want to make the rape scene too descriptive, so I left it relatively vague.**

**As for what the next chapter will hold...find out who's knocking on the bathroom door. Did Jacob follow her in? Or did Charlie come home? Plus, start to find out how she deals with hiding the rape from Edward.**

**Please review! Depending on the response, I may put up another chapter tomorrow, already, if you want me to continue.**


	2. Chapter 2

**As I said, I'm posting another chapter today. And thank you to those of you who did review the first chapter and have encouraged me to continue with it. Hopefully you'll still enjoy this next chapter.**

**This story is beta'd by Feenrai.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.**

**----------------------------------**

**Chapter 2**

"Bella?" Edward's velvet voice called me. "Are you all right? I got here a while ago, and you've been in the there for over an hour." His voice was laced with deep concern.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and instantly stopped sniffling. I had to be convincing when I came out of the bathroom. The only problem was that he knew I was a bad liar, and he had gotten too good at reading my face. "I'm fine. I'll be out soon," I told him in the most convincing and steady voice that I could manage.

He didn't respond, so I assumed he went back to my room to wait for me as he always did. I quickly shut off the water and climbed out of the shower. I dried off, putting on my ratty old sweats and an old loose-fitting t-shirt with long sleeves. That should cover the bruises. I hope.

I got to the bathroom door and grabbed the knob, bracing myself for what I was about to do. I had to lie to Edward. I had to try to convince him I was fine. I took one last deep breath before I opened the door, stepping out into the hallway.

I screamed as I felt a pair of arms snake around my waist, pulling me to them.

"Bella! Bella, love, what's wrong?" Edward's gentle velvet voice lulled me into a more calm state, as he quickly released me from his embrace, due to my reaction.

"Sorry, you just scared me. I thought you would be in my room," I half lied, not meeting his eyes. I had expected him to be in my room. But his arms suddenly grabbing me had reminded me of what had happened with Jacob.

I could tell by the look on his face that he didn't believe me, but he dropped it, extending his hand for me to take. After a second's hesitation, I took his hand and let him lead me back into my room, where he quickly sat down on the rocking chair. His arms were open, and he was waiting for me to come sit on his lap.

I wanted to. A big part of me wanted to--wanted to feel his cold, stone arms wrap around me and keep me safe…to make me feel safe. But I knew that if I did, he would notice something was wrong.

"I'm really tired. I think I just want to go to sleep," I told him, faking a yawn. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. Not after what had happened. I knew that as soon as I closed my eyes the memories would launch themselves into my mind even more vividly. I shuddered at the thought.

He looked slightly hurt for a split second before he composed his face into a mask of calm again.

As I climbed into my bed, I realized how sore everything was. My bruises, my lips, my head, and especially my legs. My thighs, especially the area between my thighs, ached with every step I took.

Edward came to lay beside me on the bed. My heart began to speed up. I knew Edward would never hurt me. I was safe with him, and I knew that. I just needed to calm down, to think rationally. Edward was with me, and I was safe with him, and he would never let anything happen to me. So as long as I was with him, I was safe.

'We should do that again sometime,' Jacob's voice flitted through my mind. It sent an involuntary shiver up my spine causing Edward to wrap my blanket around me more securely, before taking me into his arms. I held as still as possible, not wanting to risk screaming at both the physical contact and Jacob's words.

Edward shouldn't have to touch me when I'm like this. He deserves better than that. I'm nothing but a filthy, used, girl. I'm not even pretty. I held still, keeping my eyes shut tight to avoid the tears that were welling up behind my eyelids and threatening to escape.

As long as I was with Edward, Jacob wouldn't come near me. He knew better than that. He would stay away, because he knew Edward would kill him as soon as he saw what had happened, in Jacob's mind. So, as long as Edward was beside me, Jacob wouldn't be back, and he wouldn't be able to 'do that again sometime.'

A single tear escaped my eye, landing on Edward's shirt. I felt his lips ever so gently brush across my still-damp hair, placing a gentle kiss on my head.

"Is everything okay?" he murmured, his voice taking on that anxious edge.

I knew if I opened my mouth to speak, that sobs would escape, making my pathetic attempt at lying even worse. I simply nodded, and allowed myself to curl myself closer to Edward, knowing that he would keep me safe, even if he didn't realize what he was keeping me safe from.

----------------

"Bells," Jacob said with a toothy grin. "Up for some fun?" he asked as he pulled off his shirt: implying what he considered 'fun.'

Panic set in, and I felt my limbs flailing, trying to figure out a way to move…to get away…to run…to do anything aside from just lying there. But I was frozen in place. My legs refused to move, as did my arms. All I could do was lay there, waiting for Jacob to close the distance between us and rape me again.

I tried even harder to move my legs. I tried kicking them, I tried doing anything to get them to work. It was then that I saw Jacob come closer and lean right over me, his face right in front of mine, his lips almost touching mine, as his breath assaulted my face. I felt sick. I screamed.

"No!" I gasped, my scream not making as much noise as it usually would, due to being out of breath. It came out as nothing more than a tortured gasp.

I flung my eyes open to see that I was in my room, in my bed. But I still felt like my legs were being held down, like I was being restrained and kept in place…like my dream was real, and that Jacob was not letting me move.

I tried to kick harder, but it was no use. My heart began beating furiously as I began to have a panic attack.

"Love, it's okay. Calm down. It was just a dream." Edward's voice brought me back into reality. It was Edward who was gently holding my legs down--probably to keep me from hurting myself when I began kicking in my sleep.

I felt the tears stinging my eyes, knowing that I wouldn't be able to hold it back. I could barely breathe--my lungs refusing to take in air--and my head was swimming. I began sobbing as Edward pulled me against his chest, bringing his lips to my ear.

"It was just a dream, my sweet Bella. You're okay, I'm right here," he whispered. His words made me cry even harder. I wasn't okay, and I knew it. I was unfixable.

He placed his hand over my quickened heart, his cool skin instantly calming me slightly. I could feel my lungs allowing me to take bigger breaths, but the sobbing still continued. I buried my face against his chest, my hand fisting part of his shirt in my palm, as I clang to him, just like I was trying to cling to my sanity.

"It's all right, it was just a dream," he told me softly as he leaned his head down to place a soft kiss on my forehead. He began to gently rock back and forth with me in his arms, in an attempt to console me, as the tears continued to flow freely.

When I still didn't calm down a few minutes later, he grew extremely anxious.

"Bella, what's wrong? What's going on?" he asked as he brought his face down to the same level as mine, his anxiety leaking into his velvet voice.

"Nothing," I whispered, trying desperately to compose myself and stop the tears.

"You're a horrible liar, love. Please tell me what's going on," he urged, his hand now rubbing soothing patterns on my back.

"Edward, it's nothing. Nothing's going on. I just had a bad dream," I lied, hoping to convince him. But when I looked up to see his face, I saw his skepticism. "I'm just a little jumpy today, that's all," I added quickly, hoping again to make him believe me.

I could still see the doubt clouding his eyes, but he didn't push me, for which I was grateful. As much as I wanted to keep this a secret from him for my own reasons, I wanted to keep it a secret from him for his own good too.

We laid there in silence for a while. I kept having to silently remind myself that it was Edward's arms wrapped around me to prevent me from pulling out of his embrace, because every time I closed my eyes, I remembered Jacob's arms holding onto me, keeping me from getting away.

I finally broke the silence because I was unable to fall back asleep, since I knew what dreams would come.

"What time is it?" I mumbled.

"Almost 7am," he told me softly, his hand coming up to brush his fingers across my cheek. "You should sleep," he murmured as his fingers then traced the pronounced dark circles under my eyes.

I shook my head against his chest. I didn't want to sleep.

"I need to leave soon, love. I'm supposed to go hunting with Emmett," he told me as gently as possible, since he knew how much it usually upset me when he needed to leave, and when I would need to be away from him for any period of time.

There it comes, that instant wave of panic and fear washing through me. Not just because Edward was leaving, but because he would be leaving me alone, without any way to be protected from Jacob. Jacob would come here once Edward was gone--I was sure. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let Edward leave.

"No," I protested into his chest, as I clung onto him even tighter, hanging onto him for dear life.

"Shh, it will only be three days," he tried to soothe me as he placed a kiss on the top of my head.

"No," I mumbled again over and over into his chest. The tears I was fighting back finally escaped again. "Don't go," I pleaded.

"Love, I have to. It's too dangerous for you if I don't hunt soon," he patiently explained to me. Little did he know how wrong he was.

"It's too dangerous if you're not here with me," I said before I could stop myself. Oh no. I just said that out loud.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his brows pulling together in confusion.

"I just - I meant that bad things always happen when you're not around. You can't leave, Edward," I tried to cover. It was partially the truth.

"You know I don't like to leave you either, you know how anxious it makes me to be away from you. But I must go hunt," he tried to explain.

"No, Edward, please! Please, please don't go…don't go…please," I begged. I couldn't help but beg, I was in a complete panic, and all I could focus on was the fact that I needed Edward to stay. I couldn't let him leave me again, and I couldn't let him leave me here alone when Jacob could show up at any time. I needed him.

I saw the pain cross his face at my pleas, knowing he wanted to give in and not leave, but knowing he had to for my safety's sake. He quickly composed his face, though.

"Bella," he began, his eyes searching mine. I fought as hard as I could not to avert my eyes so he wouldn't be able to pick up on what was really going on. "I know it upsets you when I have to go hunt, but why is today so different? Why are you getting so worked up and panicking, love?" he asked me softly.

**----------------------------------------**

**Okay, first off...I just want to say that Edward isn't oblivious to something being wrong and her keeping something from him. He's just being Edward and doesn't want to push her too much. And well, Bella's just hysterical due to everything that's happened, and now at the thought of Edward going away, so...hence her begging him to stay. **

**So now the question is...will Bella crack and actually tell him, now that he's questioning her? Will Edward give in and stay with Bella?**

**Still liking the story? Review if you'd like me to continue, and just review and let me know what you thought. Reviews are very much appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here it is, chapter three. I'll apologize in advance because this chapter is short in comparison to the others, but it was the only place I could really end the chapter, because otherwise this chapter would have been ridiculously long. So, instead, I figured I'd end it here and then to be nice and make up for it, I'll put up the next chapter very soon, which I can promise is longer. **

**Let me just say quick that you guys are **_**amazing**_** with the response you're giving this story, and THANK YOU to everyone who favorited or alerted this story, and especially those of you who reviewed. **

**This story is beta'd by Feenrai.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.**

**----------------------------------------**

**Chapter 3**

"Because I need you, Edward. You can't leave me. I don't want to be alone. Please," I continued to plead. I didn't think I was getting anywhere with him, but then he sighed.

"We'll compromise. I do need to hunt, because I refuse to put your life at risk. But I won't go far. I will stay close and will be back later this evening. And you," he said, stroking my hair, "we can get Alice to call Charlie, saying she wants you to stay at our house for a sleepover with her. You can spend time with Alice while I'm gone, even Rosalie and Esme, if you'd like."

I knew it wasn't my preferred first choice, since I felt safest with Edward, but I also knew that Edward wouldn't budge and stay with me if he felt he was putting me at risk. And if I kept fighting for him to stay, even after the compromise he offered me, it would make it even more obvious to him that something was wrong, which would only make things worse. Plus I knew the other Cullens wouldn't let anything happen to me either. This was as good of a compromise as I was going to get right now, and I would be stupid not to take it, no matter how badly I wanted him by my side. I nodded into his chest. "Okay," I mumbled.

"I'll have Alice call Charlie once he wakes up, and I'll have her come and get you". He then sighed before he continued, "and if it will help keep you calm, I will stay until Alice gets here," he eyed me waiting to see my reaction, and no doubt still hearing my frantic heartbeat.

"Thank you," I whispered into his chest.

He gently stroked my hair off of my face, his brows still furrowed in confusion and concern. I hate that I was causing him pain. I hated having to lie to him. But his gentle movements with stroking my hair was lulling me into a calm oblivion, making my thoughts drift to the back of my mind.

I wasn't sure how long Edward had continued to stroke my hair, or when he had called Alice, but the next thing I knew, I nearly jumped a foot in the air when the house phone rang. Alice was calling.

"Alice will be here in about 15 minutes," Edward informed me.

As much as I wanted to get back in the shower again, to try yet again to rid myself of the filth, to try and make myself clean, I couldn't bring myself to move out of Edward's arms. Even if the physical contact made me uneasy and scared me, I still knew I was safe with Edward. Even if I had to keep reminding myself it was Edward's arms wrapped around me. I didn't want to let go. I didn't feel safe otherwise—even if he was just in the other room—especially since he would soon be leaving.

"Okay, love, Alice is out front, she said to tell you that you don't need to bring anything, she has everything you need, and for you to come down," he explained a few minutes later, still eyeing me in hopes of figuring out what I was hiding. "And I must go hunt now. I will see you at home later tonight when I return, okay?"

I nodded, again thinking I wouldn't be able to get the right words out, or that I would manage to blurt out my secret.

He swiftly jumped out of the window after kissing my forehead. I felt another rush of fear as he jumped out my window, leaving me. I knew I would see him later, but I didn't want to be away from him. I wanted him with me, to protect me, to keep anything else from happening. I knew I was safe with him. I wanted him, because he was one of the only things keeping me sane right now: knowing that I had him, even if I couldn't tell him about what had happened.

I looked around my room, only to have my eyes fall back to my window, the fear still twisting in my stomach at Edward's absence.

I remembered Alice was waiting outside for me, which brought a slight feeling of relief to me. I knew that as soon as I was out the door and with Alice, I would be a little bit more safe again.

I grabbed my coat as I managed to compose myself to an extent, and put on my shoes. I didn't bother to change out of my sweats and t-shirt.

"Hi Dad," I said as I walked downstairs into the kitchen and saw Charlie eating a bowl of cereal. "Thanks for letting me sleep over at Alice's place tonight," I genuinely thanked him. I couldn't be here alone when Jake could show up at any second.

"You're welcome, Bells. And I think she's waiting out front for you already," he said. "Say hi to her for me."

"Sure, will do, Dad. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye!" I tried to make things seem as normal as possible, but at least Charlie usually believed my lies, unlike Edward.

I made my way out the door, to see Alice sitting inside one of the Cullen's more inconspicuous cars, the passenger door propped open for me. I climbed in only to find Alice staring at me, and no doubt at my choice of clothing.

"What's with you today?" she asked me, taking in my outfit and the dark circles under my eyes.

"Just tired," I tried to respond nonchalantly.

"Sure," she responded, not believing me.

She began chattering away about some sort of shopping trip she hoped to convince me to go on, but I tuned her out. My thoughts engulfed me the whole way there. I was realizing how horribly things were going with lying to Edward. He knew something was wrong. He could tell I was hiding something. It would only be a matter of time before he finally figured it out, or before I accidentally let it slip. Or worse...what if I were to say something about it in my sleep?

I couldn't decide if it would be worse to let him find out accidentally in some way, hoping to keep it a secret for as long as possible, or to just tell him, and suck up my fears about him not wanting me and leaving me once he finds out. Maybe it would be best if I told him. Then, I would at least know why he left and no longer wanted me. It wouldn't come as a surprise to me and wouldn't hurt as much—I hope. Plus, the sooner Edward knows, the sooner he can get away from me, since there's no way he will still want me. Maybe I should just tell him.

I continued to maul the idea for a few minutes, still debating the pros and cons of telling him, and trying to decide what would be best for Edward. Before I knew it, we had pulled up in front of the Cullen's home.

As Alice was taking the keys out of the ignition, she suddenly stopped, her eyes zoning out as she sat still, a vision flooding her mind. I remained in my seat, waiting patiently for it to play out.

A second later, Alice's face turned to one of horror, and she looked at me with a pained look on her face.

"Bella!" she gasped with the same horror struck face as she leaned over and hugged me, and I held back an involuntary flinch.

"Alice, what is it? What did you see?" I asked her, thinking the worst: thinking something may have happened to one of the Cullens, or worst of all, to Edward in specific.

"You have to tell him," she whispered as she pulled away.

**--------------------------------------**

**For those of you who wanted Bella to tell Edward already...sorry, but she's very stubborn and determined to keep it from him. But she's at least mauling over the idea of telling him now, so that's a good thing, at least. And of course, Edward came up with a compromise for them again.**

**So...does Alice know what happened? And if she does know, how will she react? Or is she talking about something else completely? Next chapter, find out what happens with Alice and Bella, and what Alice saw in her vision.**

**Please review and let me know what you thought! I hope this chapter didn't disappoint. I'll have the next one up soon, so review to let me know you're still interested!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here it is, chapter 4, since I left you with a big cliff hanger last time. Hopefully this will live up to the expectations! I also have to say quick again that you guys are amazing with the reviews you've been leaving, and everyone who's putting the story in their favorites or in alerts...you guys are great. Thank you!**

**I read it over before putting it up, but if I missed any mistakes, I'm sorry!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.**

**--------------------------------------**

**Chapter 4**

I instantly froze. She couldn't be talking about that. She couldn't even know about that. There's no way. Then I remembered that I had decided a minute ago that it would probably be best if I told him. I began to panic.

This can't be happening. I had only decided it may be best to tell him, I was still trying to decide if I should change my mind and not tell him. She couldn't know about this. I can't have her know. She would tell Edward, whether I wanted her to or not. Or even if she didn't tell him, he would see the vision in her thoughts. This can not be happening.

"What are you talking about?" I decided to play dumb.

I couldn't tell Edward. There's no way. I can't handle him leaving me again, even if he does deserve someone better than the filthy disgusting mess I now am. I can't tell him, and I won't. Now I just need to keep Alice from telling him - somehow.

"You know what I'm talking about, Bella," she told me with a stern and determined look on her face. "And I know you just decided not to tell him while you were zoned out and panicking a second ago, but you have to. You have to tell him for your sake, and for his," she told me softly. "I can see that if you don't tell him, it will drive him crazy knowing that you're keeping something from him. It will only hurt you both by you keeping it a secret. It will begin to drive a wedge between the two of you."

I refused to listen. I didn't want to hear this. I didn't want to know how much I would be hurting Edward. I already knew I was hurting him, and I hated myself for it.

I flung the passenger side door open, quickly getting out and slamming the door. I made a run for the front door of the house, despite the protest from my aching body. I was just about to go through the door when Alice whizzed by me at vampire speed and blocked my path.

"Let me go in," I told her, tears again springing to my eyes. I was too overwhelmed by everything going on. By what had happened, and especially by Alice now knowing my secret and the possibility of Edward finding out now whether I wanted him to or not.

"Not until you agree to tell him, Bella," she countered.

I didn't need this. I couldn't handle this. Not when she was saying this where the rest of the family would hear everything with their sensitive vampire hearing. Then they would all know, and then Edward would for sure find out. Then it would be impossible not to tell him. Then he would leave, then they would all leave, and I would be alone again. I wouldn't be able to survive that again.

"Please, Alice, just let me go up to Edward's room," I pleaded.

"No," she said, crossing her arms over her tiny frame to show she meant business and planned to get her way.

"Alice, don't be rude," Esme chided her as she came around the corner to stand in the doorway. "Of course you can go on up to Edward's room, dear," she said to me with a warm smile.

"Thank you," I mumbled with a tiny genuine smile as she moved Alice aside to let me by.

I got up to Edward's room and began cursing myself for not thinking of this. For not thinking that as soon as I even thought about telling Edward, Alice would see, and she would find out what happened. I hadn't thought about that. And now I didn't know what to do.

I curled up in a ball on the bed Edward had put in his room for me, inhaling his scent that lingered on the pillows, letting the tears yet again flow freely.

Alice's words came back to haunt me as I lay there, contemplating my options. If I didn't tell him, it would drive a wedge between us. I would hurt him, and I would hurt us, our relationship, and then he may leave me anyway. But if I did tell him...I would still end up hurting him, and there's no way he would still want me. Then he would leave me for sure. Either way I would hurt him and I could lose him, and I wasn't sure I could handle that possibility, but either option I chose could or would lead to that happening.

The thought of that made me cry even harder, but I was startled out of my thoughts as I jumped a foot in the air when there was a knock on Edward's bedroom door.

I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and sat up, and in a shaky voice said, "come in".

"Alice," I groaned as the door opened and she gracefully walked in.

"Bella," she said in a softer, more gentle voice as I threw myself back against the bed, only to be punished for the movement by the pain that followed from my battered body.

"Go away, please, Alice," I asked, even though I knew it wouldn't work. Alice always got what she wanted.

"I'm not going anywhere. But you need to start talking," she said as she came to sit down on the bed next to me.

I sat up and curled my legs to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs to pull them closer to me in hopes of avoiding any physical contact. I didn't want to be touched.

"I don't want to talk," I mumbled, my eyes downcast to look at my knees.

"It helps to talk," she told me.

"I. Don't. Want. To. Talk." I told her, every word very deliberate and separate with added emphasis.

"Bella, you were r--" she began, but I quickly cut her off. As soon as she said the word out loud, it would all become even more real. And even worse, then everyone else in the Cullen home would overhear and find out about it, and find out how disgusting I really am.

"No," I told her. "Do not say it. I said I don't want to talk about it," I told her again, my voice an octave higher as slight panic was setting in again. I knew she wouldn't let this go.

"Jasper," she called softly.

I instantly felt a wave of calm wash over me. I didn't want to be calm. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to be angry that this happened, I wanted to be angry at Jacob for doing this to me, I wanted to be angry at Alice for knowing...and mostly, I wanted to be angry at myself for hurting Edward no matter which option I chose.

"Don't sic Jasper on me to control my emotions, that's not fair!" I protested while glaring at her.

"I'm just trying to look out for you and Edward," she said in a small voice, her eyes now locking on mine. "I seen that if you don't tell him, it will cause problems between the two of you. You don't want that, do you, Bella?"

"No," I responded, a single traitorous tear escaping my eye.

"Then tell him," she told me as she placed her hand over top of one of mine, which were still clasping my legs.

"I can't," I mumbled. "I can't lose him, Alice." I instantly shut up, realizing I shouldn't have said that.

"Bella, you won't lose him," she told me in such a sure voice, I wanted to believe her. But I also knew that she could only see the future based on the decisions people make. And she wouldn't know if Edward would leave me or not, not until he actually made the decision. So as much as I wanted to believe her, I couldn't.

"You don't know that, Alice," I told her grimly.

"Yes, I do," she told me in that same sure voice, her head giving a slight nod causing her spiky hair to bounce.

"You haven't see that," I reminded her.

"I may not have seen it, but I do know my brother. He won't leave you, Bella. If anything, he won't leave your side after he finds out," she tried to comfort me. As much as I wanted to believe what she was saying, I couldn't. What she was saying wasn't a fact, it was an opinion.

"I want to be alone right now, please, Alice," I told her as I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled my legs even tighter to my chest. I just wanted to end this conversation, to stop this from happening. I wanted to erase yesterday and today from even happening. I wanted none of this to be true, for none of this to be real.

I didn't exactly want to be alone, but the person I wanted with me was Edward and he's still hunting. And right now I couldn't handle this conversation with Alice. I needed to end this conversation, and I knew that I was in a house full of vampires who would hear everything going on around them. If anyone were to come near the house, they would know. More specifically, if Jacob were to come anywhere near the house, they would definitely hear him and smell him. So I knew I was still safe there, even if I stayed in Edward's room by myself right now, since the Cullens would still be in the house with me and will keep me safe.

"Tell him, Bella. He deserves to know. You owe it to him and yourself to tell him. Its what's best...for both of you," she tried one last time to convince me before getting up and heading towards the door. She must have realized I wasn't going to give in and talk about it. "I'll come back in and check on you in a bit. If you need me, just call for me," she said with a small caring smile, her normal excitement and exuberance all but gone due to the seriousness of this situation.

As soon as she walked out of the room, I felt a sudden intense wave of calmness come over me, making my eyelids droop, my tiredness due to my lack of sleep last night not helping, either. I instantly knew it was Jasper's doing, probably thanks to Alice.

I fought to keep my eyes open. I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want to dream. I needed to stay awake. But it was no use. Within seconds, my eyes shut and I was left alone with my dreams, courtesy of Jasper.

-------------------------

I soon awoke to the sound of howling. At first I thought I had dreamt it, but as soon as my eyes opened, I heard it again. I wasn't dreaming.

Sheer terror washed through me. Jacob was near by. He was here. He was coming for me.

-------------------------------------------------

**Yep, again you may want to kick me for leaving you with another cliff hanger. She hears howling nearby outside the Cullen's home..and I'm sure you can figure out what howling means. So...in the next chapter, you'll find out about the howling, and see how Bella reacts and what happens from there. You'll also see a bit more interaction with some of the Cullens. Plus, Edward will be back in the next chapter.**

**And...I just have to say quick...we all know Alice always gets what she wants. So that's why she was being a little more tough at the beginning of the chapter, and just because it's an important and serious subject and she wants Bella to do the right thing - the best thing for herself and for Edward, too. Anyways, we all know Alice is just trying to help, even if she has Jasper to help her in doing so.**

**Okay, so, what did you think? Worth the wait, and meet your expectations? I hope it did. Anyways, please review and let me know what you thought, and to let me know you're all still interested in this story!**


	5. Chapter 5

**You guys are seriously amazing and are making me very happy with the amazing response you guys are giving this story! And a big thank you to everyone who reviewed, or even just added the story to your favorites and alerts.**

**I read it over before putting it up, if I missed any mistakes, I apologize.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters.**

-------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 5**

I couldn't hold back the blood curdling scream that escaped my lips.

Instantly, Alice was beside me.

"Bella -- Bella, it's okay," she said soothingly, but with a hint of panic in her voice.

"He's here," I barely managed to whisper, though I knew she would hear it.

"Who's here?" she asked, her eyebrows pulling together in confusion.

"He's coming after me. He's outside," I said in the same barely audible voice, my head snapping towards the wall of windows in Edward's room, looking out into the woods. I couldn't bring myself to say his name.

"I don't understand," she said, her voice letting on to her slight frustration at her lack of understanding. She turned her gaze to follow mine, her eyes now searching past the window looking for the answer. Her eyes went wide as realization hit. "Jacob?" she whispered.

I nodded, not being able to find my voice as tears began to streak down my face in fear.

"Jacob did this to you?" she asked me in a whisper, her eyes now searching my face for the truth.

"I thought you already knew what happened," I mumbled quietly, my voice coming out hoarse as I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to talk about this.

"I only seen you telling Edward in my vision. You started to tell him that you had been ra--," she started, but seeing the pleading look on my face, she rephrased, "_you know_, but you never said who because you broke down crying and I never got to see you tell him who had actually done this to you," she said quickly in one breath, her voice low and hesitant, unsure of my reaction.

A howling sound came from nearby the house again, making me start to shake, my legs instinctively curling up to my chest as I clung to them, rocking myself back and forth as more tears fell from my eyes.

"Bella, calm down," Alice told me gently. "That's not Jacob. That's just a coyote. Jacob's not out there. You're safe," she told me as her eyes met mine to show she was telling the truth, and I could tell that she was trying to refrain from hugging me.

I instantly calmed slightly, my arms loosening their grip on my legs, but only a fraction of an inch. The tears still freely fell, and I was unable to stop them. I hated crying this much. I felt like all I've done the past few hours was cry, but I couldn't seem to stop, no matter how hard I tried.

"You can't tell him, Alice," I quickly began, knowing this would probably be a lost cause.

"I want _you_ to tell him, Bella. You should be the one to tell him," she explained.

"I can't," I whispered, my voice sounding broken even to my own ears.

"You can. I seen it, remember? You told him, Bella. It won't be easy, but you did tell him," she tried to reassure me. "Edward loves you," she reminded me, "he won't leave you."

"You think," I muttered under my breath, again taking into considersation that she didn't know that for sure, she was only assuming.

"Bella," she said fiercely. "Do you trust me?" I nodded. "Do you trust Edward?"

"Yes," I responded without hesitating.

"Then trust Edward enough to tell him. And trust me," she said, staring at me intensely now, "when I say that he isn't going to leave you if you do," she said with such conviction in her voice it was hard not to listen to her.

------------------------

For the next few hours, I fought sleep, determined to stay awake, despite my drooping eyelids. Though I secretly think that Jasper was working against me on that.

When Esme tried offering me some lunch, I didn't feel right telling her I didn't want any, since she had already gone through the trouble of making it for me. Food was the last thing I wanted right now, my stomach too twisted with anxiety, stress and fear to even think about food. So after a few bites, I placed my fork down on my plate and pushed it an inch or two away from me.

"That's all you're going to eat, dear?" she asked me with concern from my lack of appetite written across her face.

I nodded. "I'm not very hungry," I told her, my eyes not meeting hers. "I think I just want to go listen to some music in Edward's room," I quickly added in hopes of avoiding more questions about my appetite, or lack thereof.

"All right," she nodded, though I could see her eyes were scrutinizing me, trying to figure out what was going on. Esme was a smart woman. I knew she could tell something wasn't right.

I made my way up to Edward's room, aware of the four pairs of eyes that were on me as I did so.

Esme had gone into the living room, which is where Alice, Jasper were, all of which had their eyes on me as I walked by to go upstairs. Rosalie was at home as well, but she had been outside in the garage working on some of the cars all day. Carlisle was at work at the hospital, which I was extremely grateful for. If Carlisle had been home, I'm sure he probably could have figured out what had happened just based on my reactions. That would be the last thing I would need - another person knowing my secret who could easily tell Edward.

After getting into Edward's room and shutting the door behind me, I went over to his music collection and found what I was looking for. After popping the CD into his stereo and selecting the track I wanted, the peaceful melody of Clair de Lune filled the room.

I layed on the bed, burying my face into the pillow, inhaling Edward's calming scent. I refuse to fall asleep. I just need to try and relax, to push away the thoughts of what happened, to try and get rid of this panicky feeling that won't seem to go away.

I'm not sure how long I stayed laying like that, but the next thing I knew, fingers were brushing across my cheek.

I let out a small scream and jumped up, scrambling out of the bed, only to come face to face with Edward. Any fear that I felt at the intruders presence was now gone, now that I knew it was Edward.

His eyes were set on me, and he had a pained look on his face. "Is this a delayed reaction? With wanting to run away screaming because of the monster that I am?" he asked in an anguished tone, thinking the running and the screaming was finally going to happen after all this time, just like he thought it would when he first brought me to the Cullens' home.

"Edward, no," I tried sounding fierce, strong, but my voice came out hoarse and weak. "That's not it. I'm not -- I'm not scared of you," I tried to reassure him. Because in truth, I wasn't scared of him. I knew I was safe with him and that he would never hurt me. However, based on the look on his face, I knew he didn't believe me. "I know you would never hurt me," I told him with conviction.

"Bella," he began, his eyes searching my face until they landed on my eyes, as he stepped around the bed until he was beside me, taking my hands in his. "What is going on? If you're not scared of me, then what is it?" When I didn't respond right away, he spoke again. "What has you so afraid?"

I looked at the worry and anguish filling his features and hated myself for it. This was my fault, all of this. All because I went to La Push yesterday. And now I was hurting Edward, and he was the last person in the world that I would ever want to hurt.

I again thought of Alice's words of what would happen if I don't tell him. I would hurt him, and cause us both even more pain. But at the same time, if I tell him, I will just cause him pain, too, along with myself. I didn't know if I could handle telling him. I wasn't sure I could even bring myself to say the words. I couldn't even stand to let Alice say the words out loud.

Even though I was engulfed in my thoughts, I was broken out of them by the loud snarl that was rising from within Edward's chest as he looked outside through his glass wall.

"Edward?" I asked as my body instinctively stiffened, my voice dropping to a whisper, unsure of what to do, or what was going on. When he turned his face back to look at me, his expression was one of pure torture mixed with fury. "What is it?"

"Is it true, Bella?" he asked with a clenched jaw, his body completely stiff and immobile as stone, his eyes once again searching my face.

"Is what true?" I asked, unaware of what he was getting at - unsure of what he meant. My eyes darted over his body, taking in his rigid stance, his body language a sure sign of distress. I met his eyes, only to find that his looked beyond pained, but also a shade darker than before due to the unsurpassed anger coursing through him. I tensed in fear of what was causing him to react this way.

His upper lip pulled back over his teeth slightly, showing his gleaming teeth as he held back a growl. "Jacob Black," he spat out. "Did he hurt you?"

-----------------------------------------

**Eek, so again I'm mean with a cliff hanger. BUT, I do have about half of the next chapter already written. I keep wanting to change parts of it, because to me, that's one of the most important chapters, since...I'm sure you can figure out what happens. So, anyways, despite me being mean ending this chapter the way I did...rest assured, the next chapter is half written and I do plan to finish it right away.**

**Did I disappoint you all with the coyote? I didn't think Jacob would be stupid enough to come to the Cullen's home, but don't worry, he will be dealt with in later chapters. So now the question is for the next chapter...how did Edward come to the conclusion that Jacob hurt Bella? Did he find out from someone? Does he for sure know about the rape, or does he just know something happened to hurt Bella? And more importantly...how's Bella going to react and answer his question, and how will things go from there?**

**Okay guys, what did you think? As promised, Edward is now back [yay], so you got some Bella and Edward stuff again in this chapter, and he obviously knows something happened with Jacob. Please review and let me know what you think, and to let me know you're all still interested!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Oh boy. Okay, here's the next chapter. And...I'm very anxious and hesitant with posting this chapter, because I think it's one of the most important chapters, if not the most important. So...please review and let me know what you thought, and ease my nerves! Oh, and you guys are incredible with the last chapter! It got 36 reviews alone. And with this story only having 5 chapters, it had 113 reviews total along with lots of alerts, which is unbelievably amazing, so thank you for everyone who has alerted it, and for all of the reviews!**

**_Also, before you start reading the next chapter, I'm going to ask that you read this rant_. I realized I didn't make something as clear as I should have, so I wanted to clarify. Okay, so...most importantly, Bella wasn't keeping it from Edward for Jacob's sake, or to try and keep anything from happening to Jake. At this point, she doesn't want anything to do with him, she wants to be as far away from him as possible. The reason she isn't wanting to tell Edward is because she's having difficulties accepting the truth herself, and plus, due to the rape, her self worth is just completely gone in her mind, so she thinks she's horrid and disgusting and...she doesn't see how Edward could still want her after he finds out. She's terrified of him leaving her again, of no longer wanting her once he finds out, because she doesn't think she could live through him leaving her again. And we all know Bella is especially scared of him leaving after New Moon, and we all know about her insecurities about thinking she's not good enough for him, since she thinks so little of herself compared to him and thinking they're out of balance. Plus, we know how she tries to avoid hurting Edward, and that she doesn't want to hurt him at all [hence her trying to avoid bringing up him leaving her through the books, because she hates that it hurts him]. So...she's not trying to keep the rape a secret for Jacob's sake. She's doing it to protect Edward, because she doesn't want to hurt him, and also because she's scared, she's not thinking clearly, and because of how the rape has affected her emotionally, she's terrified of losing him. So...she's doing it for herself, and also especially for Edward.**

**Okay, on with the show. I'm very nervous about the reaction to this chapter, so I hope it doesn't disappoint.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.**

-----------------------------------------

**Chapter 6**

Oh no. No. No. No.

Alice said she wouldn't. She said she wanted me to tell Edward. She wasn't supposed to. I know I was still trying to figure out what to do, but I was seriously considering telling him. She had wanted me to be the one to tell him. She wasn't supposed to do this to me.

I could feel tears pooling in my eyes, which I furiously fought to keep from falling. I could feel the quickened pace of my heart, and my ragged shallow breathing.

"Bella?" he asked. I wasn't sure how long it had been since he had asked me, but I couldn't find my voice. I couldn't handle him finding out right now. I was already panicking, and I wasn't even sure how much he knew. "Did that mongrel rape you?" he asked, his voice laced with menace.

At his words, I pulled my hands from out of his. He knew. Edward knew,

"No!" I shouted, unsure whether I was shouting it in protest to him knowing, or in a pathetic attempt to cover up what had happened. "No, no, no," I kept mumbling over and over, my eyes squeezing themselves shut. "Alice wasn't supposed to say anything," I mumbled to myself.

"Bella," he said, his voice taking on a softer edge, but still filled with fury. "I didn't find out from Alice. Rosalie oveheard your conversations with Alice. She was thinking about it, comparing your reactions to her own," he explained, and I could still sense that his body was completely rigid. "I need to know if it's true," his voice took on an anguished edge.

"She -- she doesn't know what she's talking about," I spluttered out, my breathing still heavy and uneven. I didn't want Edward to find out like this, not this way. I was trying to figure out how to tell him.

"Isabella Marie Swan, did he rape you?" he asked me again in a strained tone, taking a miniscule step closer to me, but close enough that it caused me to back up.

I stood stock still, my eyes still squeezed as tightly shut as I could get them. I tried to focus on breathing, to bring the proper rhythm back to the bursts of air entering my lungs, but it was no use.

I continued to stand there, my mouth clamped shut, refusing to answer. I couldn't answer. I couldn't find my voice. He knew. I couldn't lie. This was it. This was when I would hurt Edward even more and Edward will leave me. As soon as he for sure knew the truth, he would be gone and out the door within seconds, taking my shattered heart with him...unless Alice was right, but I still wasn't so sure. I wanted to believe her.

The traitorous tears spilled down my cheeks, my head nodding infinitesimally.

When I heard footsteps, I opened my eyes.

I first noticed Alice and Jasper standing in the doorway, both with apologetic and concerned looks on their faces. But it was as Alice's eyes turned to follow movement, I followed her gaze.

Edward. His face was full of anger, full of uncontrollable fury. He truly looked like a vampire. But it was then that I noticed that he was beginning to turn and walk to the door.

Fear, panic, pain, and uncontrollable heartbreak all seemed to set in as my worst fear was coming true right in front of my eyes. Alice had been wrong. Edward was leaving me. Now that he knew how disgusting I was, he was leaving me.

The tears fell harder and faster, the hole in my chest from when he had left me before tearing itself open yet again. I fought to keep in the sob that was escaping my lips as my knees began to buckle from under me as I instinctively shut my eyes, waiting for the immense pain I knew would follow.

"Edward," I heard Jasper's slightly hesitant voice say. "She's feeling abandoned and unwanted. She's scared. She thinks you're leaving her again."

What Jasper had said was true, of course. He was picking up on all of my emotions. I realized that I wasn't just hurting Edward right now, I was probably hurting Jasper too with my overwhelming emotions.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I sobbed the words repeatedly, to Edward, to Jasper, even to Alice. To everyone who I was hurting.

My eyes were still clamped shut, stinging from the tears streaming down my face. I was blocking out everything around me, trying not to listen, trying not to feel. But then I suddenly felt an arm starting to encircle my waist, wanting to pull me closer to them.

"No!" I screamed, my voice harsh as I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter, my arms flailing as I tried to push them off.

"Bella," Edward's voice was soft now, calming as he let his arm drop, freeing me from his hold. I opened my eyes to see his beautiful gold ones staring back at me. Edward was still here. He didn't leave. It was only Edward who had touched me. I could feel some of the tightness in my chest easing. "Your heart is racing, love," he murmured, his face full of concern and possibly hurt that I shoved him away like that.

"Edward," I choked on his name, my voice breaking. I didn't want to hurt him, but that's exactly what I had done.

"Shh, love," he soothed, his hand coming up very slowly and hesitantly to brush along my cheek. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere," he said softly.

Now I was confused. He had been leaving. He was about to walk out the door before Jasper stopped him, and now he says he's not going anywhere. "But you -- you were going to leave," I said, my voice cracking.

"I wanted a moment to compose myself. Bella, I was too infuriated. I didn't trust myself with you while I was in that state. I feared I would lose control, that I wouldn't be able to concentrate enough to remember to be gentle with you," he explained, his eyes fixed on mine. "I won't leave you," he swore.

Instant relief washed through me, and this time, I don't think Jasper had anything to do with it.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. I couldn't seem to stop apologizing for the situation, and for hurting him. I didn't know what else to say. I couldn't find words, and couldn't seem to force myself to form any other sentences.

"Shh." He held up his right hand, showing me his movement before he reached his hand down and grasped mine, gently directing me over to the bed. "Come on, love," he soothed as he himself sat on the bed and scooted back, my hand still grasped in his as he gave it a gentle tug, encouraging me to join him on the bed, and I felt myself tense.

I climbed up, and stayed to one side of the bed, our hands still connected and clasped together. He layed down, his eyes never leaving mine, as he tried prompting me to do the same probably sensing my hesitation and nervousness.

I let myself fall back onto the bed, my eyes still on Edward. He rolled to his side so he was laying facing me, which was not a usual position for him to lay with me. But I realized a moment later that he was trying to comfort me, trying not to push me or scare me, and thought I wouldn't want to curl up into him with my head on his chest as I always did. And for that I was grateful, because right now, who knew if he thought I was disgusting. I felt better knowing he was at least still here with me, still willing to lay with me while I slept.

I knew many things still needed to be said between us, many things needed to be discussed and figured out, but at the moment, he was giving me time to calm down, to rest. And It wasn't until now that I realized how much I needed it.

So I turned to face him as well, our faces inches apart, and his right hand still clutching my left, and he slowly brought our hands up to lay in between us, and ever so slowly placed a small gentle kiss on my hand, his eyes on mine the whole time, making sure I was okay with his movements.

It was like that, our faces close and holding hands that I hesitantly fell asleep, the day's events and emotions proving to be too tiring for me as I was lulled into a state of sleep as I listened to Edward's melodious voice hum my lullaby, knowing that Edward would keep me safe.

-----------------------------------------------

**I know it's rather short [which I apologize for], but...if I got into the next part, it would have become too long. However...go easy on me, because...surprise! lol, I'm posting another chapter right after this one, which is very long, and it's from Edward's point of view, so you can see how he found out, and you can get inside his head for all of this and understand his side a bit better.**

**Anyways, so with that said...surprise, it wasn't Alice who told Edward...it was Rosalie, in a round about way. And now Edward finally knows the truth, and as of right now, he's wanting Bella to rest since she's a mess at the moment and it was emotionally draining with Edward finding out the truth, and thinking he was leaving, etc. But she also knows there's a lot more to discuss, and right now, since they have yet to discuss things...well, she's still has her insecurities, and thinks he still may not want her, even if he is staying. So...they have some things to talk about, which will be coming up soon in chapter 8 [because chapter 7 is Edward's POV on all of this].**

**Anyways, please review, let me know what you thought, I'd really like to hear your opinions on this chapter, and let me know you're still interested, of course!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay, guys, here's the chapter that was done in Edward's POV. I know someone at one point said to do things in Edward's POV. I figured for this part of the story, it was neccessary, just to help better understand his emotions, his reactions, and to see his side of things. I don't know if there will be any other parts/chapters done in Edward's POV. Originally when I started this, I just planned on keeping it all in Bella's POV, but...I figured this part should also be seen from Edward's perspective. And initially, I had planned on just adding in his POV in at the end of the last chapter....but it made it ridiculously long, so instead...you get a whole long chapter in Edward's POV. I hope you enjoy it.**

**I tried to make this chapter sound distinctly different, since this is supposed to be Edward's thoughts and perspective, whereas...all the rest are obviously Bella's, so hopefully that plays across well.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.**

-----------------------------------------------

**Chapter 7**

**EPOV**

I had just returned from hunting, my thirst now satiated and under control.

As I entered my home, I heart my favorite sound in the world - Bella's heartbeat, coming from upstairs in my room.

I quickly made my way to my bedroom and noticed she had Debussy playing softly causing me to smile, so I continued my descent to my room at full speed until I found Bella laying on my bed, her beautiful face hidden into the pillow. I could hear her heartbeat and the rhythm of her breathing; She was awake.

I approached the bed, and not being able to resist, I gently brought my hand up to her exposed cheek, and ran my fingers along her cheekbone, a faint smile adorning my face.

She let out a small ear-piercing scream, causing me to cringe and berate myself for scaring her. She jumped out of the bed on the opposite side of where I stood, her heart rate frantic and uneven.

As her eyes met mine, her body visibly relaxed from the tense position it had held.

I was instantly struck by the idea that maybe it was finally happening, just like I had originally thought it would. Could she now be scared of me, and what I am? Has the running and the screaming finally set in after all this time, and she now wished to have nothing to do with me?

I could feel my face scrunch up, the pain in my cold unbeating heart at the thought bringing forth a pain I never wished to experience again. But if she wished to be free of me, then I would let her.

However, I couldn't stop myself from asking. "Is this a delayed reaction? With wanting to run away screaming because of the monster that I am?"

She looked at me as though she was apologetic. "Edward, no. That's not it. I'm not -- I'm not scared of you," she said with a weak voice that was very unlike her. I could tell the amount of power she had tried to exert into her words, but her voice seemed to have betrayed her by its unevenness. But then a look of determination crossed her face. "I know you would never hurt me."

Something was wrong with my beautiful Bella. She was not herself, and she was never this jumpy, this frightened. She was always brave, always courageous. Yet now, she just simply wasn't herself. I was not foolish. I knew something was wrong, despite her refusal of that notion last night and even this morning when she pleaded for me to stay with her.

"Bella," I began, searching for the right words as I made my way to stand beside her, and grasping her small fragile hands in my own. "What is going on? If you're not scared of me, then what is it?" I was met with silence, aside from her slightly quickened heart. "What has you so afraid?"

I watched as her face filled with multiple different emotions all at once. Pain, hurt, regret, thoughtfulness, sadness, and consideration. But my thoughts immediately got pulled somewhere else when I heard Rosalie's voice within her thoughts.

_"Bella thought it was Jacob who had been howling, thinking he had come back for her. I at least got to make sure Royce could never hurt me again. Alice is a fool to wait for Bella to tell Edward herself. She's scared, anyone can see that. And the longer Bella waits to say anything, the worse it will get for her. She's already so scared, so jumpy, much like I had been. Though shortly after, I had the strength of a newborn, which brought me some comfort. But she's still human, still fragile. I can see already that she's shying away from being touched and is making sure she keeps a distance from everyone. It had taken me quite a while to get over that as well, to be willing enough to let anyone touch me, especially Emmett at first, despite how much I loved him."_

I tuned the rest of her thoughts out. Suddenly it all made sense. Rosalie's thoughts had made everything clear to me, filled in every missing piece of the puzzle. Bella had been raped. By that filthy mongrel. She was scared to be touched, scared for me to leave her this morning in fear of Jacob getting to her. She wasn't running and screaming due to the monster I am, it was due to that worthless dog, the monster that he was. He had harmed my Bella, he had raped her.

Fury filled me, consuming my entire being as I fought to control my urge to run off this instant and kill Jacob Black for even so much as touching Bella, and mostly, for hurting this sweet precious girl who stood before me.

Without realizing it, being too consumed in my thoughts, a snarl ripped from my chest, my entire body tensed and motionless.

"Edward?" I heard her call to me with an unsure edge to her voice. "What is it?"

I tore my eyes away from the windows, from where Rosalie's thoughts had come from within the garage, and my eyes fell upon Bella, her eyes holding the pain and anxiety she felt. I had to know if it was true. I had to know from Bella herself, so I stood unmoving, bracing myself for her answer. "Is it true, Bella?"

"Is what true?" she asked, seeming confused as she took in my stance. I could hear her heart pick up speed, as panic set in. Whether it was due to realization hitting her as to what I meant, or if my behavior at this moment was what was causing her anxiety, I wasn't sure.

My lip pulled back as a growl escaped my lips, preparing myself to say the words that were causing immense and unsurpassed anger to course through me. "Jacob Black. Did he hurt you?"

Her heart was pounding within her chest, and her breathing started to come in shallow bursts. She was panicking. I could see the tears starting to form in her beautiful brown eyes, despite her attempts to hold them back.

I couldn't take the silence any longer. I needed an answer. "Bella?" I asked after a few moments of her continued silence. "Did that mongrel rape you?" I asked, this time voicing the full accusation of rape. My voice came out harsher than I intended it to. I didn't want my voice to hold that anger when speaking to Bella, even if the anger was directed at that dog.

She yanked her hands from their place in mine, her eyes frantically darting around the room. "No!" she shouted. "No, no, no," she continued to mutter as her eyes furiously squeezed themselves shut. "Alice wasn't supposed to say anything."

Yes, Rosalie's thoughts had mentioned Alice knew, that Bella and Alice had spoken. However, she shouldn't be upset thinking that Alice betrayed her, so I decided to correct things, hoping to help calm her down.

"Bella. I didn't find out from Alice," I spoke more softly this time, trying to soothe her. "Rosalie overheard your conversation with Alice. She was thinking about it, comparing your reactions to her own," I told her gently, despite my still rigid stance. But now I needed to know once and for all if Rosalie's thoughts held the truth. "I need to know if it's true."

"She -- she doesn't know what she's talking about," she struggled over her words as her breathing continued to come out in slight gasps as she fought for air with her eyes still shut.

I heard people approaching my room. It was Jasper and Alice. They both stopped, and remained standing in my doorway, both with grim and apologetic faces.

_"I just thought I'd come up here, in case Bella needs me, since she knows that I already know,"_ Alice explained in her thoughts.

_"I thought I'd come in case you might need some help to calm her down. I can tell she's freaking out and panicking,"_ Jasper said to me within his thoughts.

I nodded in their direction, being okay with their reasons for being here before refocusuing myself back on Bella.

I couldn't take this. She was refusing to answer me. I needed to know the truth, to know if that mongrel had hurt her. I needed to know if she was hurt, and in need of medical attention. I needed to know the truth; Now.

"Isabella Marie Swan, did he rape you?" I asked her again, my voice more commanding this time, hoping the use of her full name would get her to realize I needed her to give me an answer. I took a small step forward, hoping she would open her eyes, and let me see her face so I could find out what was going on inside of her head. But as soon as I stepped towards her, she took a quick step away from me.

She stood there, seemingly refusing to answer, eyes still clamped shut, her breathing and heartbeat still erratic. But then I seen tears roll down her flushed cheeks, and noticed her give a tiny, almost barely noticable nod.

He had raped her. That mongrel, that worthless _dog_ had raped my Bella! I felt the fury continue to flow through me, and I fought to control it. I resisted the urge to grab the bed and send it flying through the wall of windows within my bedroom. I fought to stay calm, and control the urge to break something, and to avoid breaking the treaty right this instant by going to La Push and murdering that animal, like I had all the other rapists during my years of rebellion.

I was too angry. Too infuriated to be near Bella. I was too in danger of losing control. My thoughts were too consumed with rage, and with the desire and urge to break something. I didn't trust myself to be near her, for fear of reaching out to touch her, to comfort her, and end up crushing her fragile body.

No, I couldn't let that happen. So I began to turn, wanting to step outside the room in hopes of calming down, with Jasper's help if necessary, because I couldn't be near Bella while I was in this state. I needed to calm down.

I heard Bella's breathing hitch, knowing that she had begun to cry harder, her tears no longer silent. I wanted so badly to reach out to her, to hold her, to bring her comfort in any way possible, but I knew I couldn't. Not until some of the anger dissipated.

As I continue walking in the direction of my door, I heard Jasper call out to me in his thoughts, but I ignored him, simply wanting to escape from this room for a moment in order to try and calm down so I could get back to Bella. But when I refused to listen to him each time he tried to speak to me through his thoughts, he decided to become vocal to grab my attention.

"Edward," I paused. "She's feeling abandoned and unwanted. She's scared. She thinks you're leaving her again," he told me in a hushed tone. I looked over to Alice, who was glaring at me for attempting to walk out of the room.

Upon hearing Bella's voice, I turned to look at her. She had her eyes squeezed shut, and mumbling "I'm sorry," repeatedly in between her sobs. I seen her knees begin to wobble, her body swaying as her legs were about to give out from underneath her.

Seeing her in this state broke my unbeating heart, and if I could cry, I would be at this moment. The image of her in this state pushed some of the fury out from within my thoughts, refocusing my mind on Bella and making sure she was okay.

I didn't want her to think I was leaving her again. No. I would never leave her, not as long as she wanted me. She needed to know that. To see I would stay by her side, and to see how much I truly loved her.

I seen her legs quiver from underneath her yet again, and immediately went to her. I began to bring my arm around her waist, wanting to bring her shaking body to mine to help support her so she wouldn't fall. But as soon as she felt my arm come around her body, she screamed.

"No!" I felt her tense and flinch, her arms trying to push me away as they flailed about, trying to break free of my hold.

"Bella," I said softly, hoping it would calm her down to realize it was only me who had grabbed her. I immediately let go of her once she had steadied herself, not wanting to upset her nor scare her. As she turned her face to look at me, I seen her visibly relax as our eyes met. "Your heart is racing, love," I murmured as I listened to her heart fly.

"Edward," she tried speaking, but her voice broke, and she struggled for words.

"Shh, love," I tried to comfort her as I brought my hand up to tentatively and excrutiatingly slowly brush it along her cheek as to not startle her. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere," I assured her.

Her face contorted in confusion at my words. "But you -- you were going to leave," she tried to say as her voice cracked, the raw emotion seeping into her voice.

"I wanted a moment to compose myself," I tried to explain to her. "Bella, I was too infuriated. I didn't trust myself with you while I was in that state. I feared I would lose control, that I wouldn't be able to concentrate enough to remember to be gentle with you," I told her, hoping she seen that I was going to leave the room just for a moment, and only for the sake of her safety. "I won't leave you," I promised her, and I meant it with every fiber of my being.

I seen her relax, her body slightly slumping from the exhaustion and relief coursing through her. And upon seeing this, Alice informed me through her thoughts that she and Jasper would be downstairs if they were needed, now that I had the situation under control.

"I'm sorry," Bella mumbled, apologizing again for something. But she had nothing to apologize for. She had done nothing wrong. I wish she had told me immediately what had happened, and I question why she hadn't. But we could discuss that later. Right now I just needed to take care of her.

"Shh," I soothed as I held up my hand for her to see and follow my movement, so she would be aware of my touch, so it wouldn't frighten her. I gently grasped her delicate left hand, and began to step back towards the bed as I gently pulled her with me. "Come on, love," I encouraged as I climbed upon the bed myself and moved back giving her more space, all the while never letting go of her hand. I seen her hesitation, and gave her hand a gentle tug, hoping she would climb onto the bed. She tensed, but then she tentatively climbed up onto the bed, and seemed to purposely keep a big distance between us.

Seeing that she was scared to be close, and wanted some space, I simply laid back, her hand still in mine, and I waited for her to lay down as well. When she finally did, despite her slightly increased heart rate, I turned to lay on my side to face her.

After a moment's hesitation, she did the same. I brought our intertwined hands up between us, and very slowly and gently gave her a reassuring kiss on the back of her hand, before bringing our hands to lay on the bed between us.

Our eyes were locked on one another's as I watched her slowly calm down and relax. I noticed her eyes begin to droop, and moments later, I heard her breathing becoming even and her heart slow slightly to an even rhythm. She was asleep.

There would be tomorrow to talk. Tomorrow to discuss what happened, and for her to tell me what happened with Jacob. And as long as her hand was intertwined with mine tonight, I will resist the urge to go and rip that mongrel to shreds for what he's done to my Bella. I won't leave Bella's side, and I will be here when she wakes up.

But when she wakes up, I know there will be a difficult task at hand, especially considering Bella's reaction to being touched right now; Letting her have Carlisle examine her to make sure she is okay. I already know that won't go over well...

-----------------------------------

**So what'd you think of Edward's side of things? Did that help explain his behavior a bit better? See, he wasn't being mean when he went to walk out of the room...he was doing it to try and protect Bella, as always. And we also got to hear Rosalie's thoughts in this, too.**

**Coming up next chapter...like I said in the last chapter [Bella's POV], Edward and Bella have a lot to talk about, so that's coming up next chapter...along with Edward trying to get Bella to let Carlisle examine her...which as Edward said, won't go over well. So the question is, will he be able to convince her to? How will she react to him wanting that, and how would she react to the exam itself if she agrees?**

**Anyways, please review, let me know what you thought, especially since this one was done in Edward's POV. So, review, let me know you're all still interested!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Oy, okay...so, this chapter took me longer, BUT...it's also like, twice as long as usual. So hopefully that makes up for it, especially since I did some research for this chapter and the next to make it more accurate. This one gets a little more detailed, but hopefully you all like it.**

**Also, I wanted to comment. Hater of reality pointed out to me a discrepancy within my story [thank you =) ]. I had Edward say that he was supposed to be going hunting with Jasper and Emmett...yet when I had Edward gone, I still had Emmett and Jasper both at home. So...I've fixed that, so Edward's only supposed to go with Emmett..and Emmett's no longer at home. The second thing I just realized earlier today when I was going over this chapter...Edward doesn't start calling Bella "love" until they're in the tent, I believe after she's feeling guilty for kissing Jacob. But I just realized I've had him calling her that throughout this story so far. But...I'm sorry guys, I refuse to change it, lol. I adore him calling her that too much to change it. So...in this story, he starts calling her "love" now, instead of later with the Victoria/newborn fight.**

**I read it over before putting it up, but if I missed any mistakes, I apologize.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 8**

My pillow didn't feel right. It was too hard. Too stiff. And then I felt it underneath my half asleep head. The rise and fall of someone's chest.

My eyes snapped open, but in my panic they refused to focus on anything, and I jerked away from the body that was partially beneath me, but they were grasping my hand, trying to keep me from pulling away. I felt the familiar panic start to come over me, and I gave my arm one more angry and fearful jerk, and with a resounding thud found myself in a heap on the floor.

It was then that my eyes began to focus, the realization of having distance between me and the person on the bed making a miniscule amount of the panic cease. As my vision unblurred, I found myself staring at a very familiar golden carpet. Edward's carpet.

I lifted my head to look around and gasped when the first thing I seen was Edward standing above me, an anxious expression embedded on his face. "Bella? Are you alright, love?"

I nodded meekly, and he held his hand out to help me stand up, obviously realizing I didn't want to be grabbed if he were to just pick me up like he normally would. I was thankful for that, but that still didn't stop me from hesitating for a second before placing my hand in his to allow him to help me up.

Once I was back on my feet, I didn't immediately pull my hand away, I let it remain loosely clasped in his as a thought occurred to me. The events of last night floated into my memory. Edward knew.

I quickly pulled my hand back from his. He was still here, but he shouldn't have to touch something as damaged and broken as me. Edward's lips parted, about to speak, but I couldn't let him. Not yet.

"I'm sorry," I started sputtering, my eyes averted to his feet. I was sorry for what happened, because it was my fault. I was the reason this all happened, and I knew that.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, love," he assured me, but the worried and agonized look in his eyes made me continue.

"I know this is all my fault. I know now that I should have trusted you, and shouldn't have gone to La Push. I know I messed up, and --," I paused, taking a deep shuddering breath and mustering as much courage as I could before continuing. As much as the idea of it pained me, and caused the gaping hole in my chest to begin to tear open again, I knew I needed to give him an out. To think of the right words to free him of his imagined obligation to stay with me now that I was unfixable. "I want you to know that whatever false sense of obligation you feel towards staying with me -- it's okay, you don't have to feel that way. You shouldn't feel like you _have_ to stay with me. If you want to leave me, if you don't want to be with me anymore, I -- I understand," I ranted as I mumbled my words, and despite my will to keep my composure, a few tears managed to escape my closed eyes and cascade down my cheeks.

I realize now that it was selfish of me to not have told him about what happened right away. I did it to prevent him from being hurt, because I knew what it would do to him, the grief it would cause him. But I also did it out of fear -- fear of Edward leaving me again because of how utterly broken I am, because there's no conceivable way he could still want me after he knew. And that notion, that thought on its own was so ridiculously selfish, which is why I knew I needed to give him the chance to leave if that's what he wanted, no matter what it cost me, and no matter how much it hurt me. Because Edward deserved to be happy, not to be held down and held back because of someone like me.

"Isabella," he spoke my name with an almost angry edge to his voice, which caused me to snap my eyes up to meet his. His eyes were hard - determined. "Did you honestly believe that I would no longer want you -- that I would leave you due to what happened? How could you think such a thing?" he questioned, his tone incredulous as his eyes searched my face.

"I --," I tried to find my voice, to find an answer to give him for why I thought that, but I couldn't bring myself to speak. I couldn't think of a coherent answer. So instead I gave in, letting the tears fall miserably from my eyes.

Edward brought his hands up, and gently brushed the tears away, causing me to flinch back from his touch. He himself flinched due to my reaction, and knowing him, probably began berating himself for even so much as touching me.

"You are being utterly absurd," he murmured, his eyes now softer, gentle. "I'm_ not _going to leave you," he stated with a tone of finality. With a sigh, he continued speaking. "I told you that I would never be strong enough to leave you again, nor would I ever want to. You are my world, Bella; You are my life. I am not going to leave you," he declared in a soothing manner, but I could see the determination in his eyes, willing me to understand -- to believe him.

And I did. I believe now that he wouldn't leave me, which didn't help to stop my tears from falling, only now they were also happy tears. Edward wasn't going to leave me. His words seeped into me, instantly bringing me a sense of relief and security, and most of all...love.

But there was still one errant thought that I couldn't push out of my mind, despite the comfort his words brought me.

"But I'm broken, Edward," I whispered as my voice cracked and I tried to fight back even more tears.

"Then we'll fix you," he murmured, his tone comforting and warm. His eyes found mine, and I couldn't help but see the love and sincerity they held.

We both stayed silent for a moment, neither of us saying a word. Edward's face held a look of anxiousness and contemplation when he broke the silence.

"Love, will you let Carlisle examine you to make sure that you're okay?" he spoke softly, his eyes never leaving mine.

The thought of being poked and prodded, and having my body examined, especially by a man caused me to panic. I could feel my breathing begin to pick up, and my chest begin to constict in fear. I couldn't. I couldn't do that.

"No," I whispered, shaking my head furiously, wishing this would just all go away, for none of this to have happened.

"Bella, love, don't panic. It's okay, Carlisle won't harm you, he just wants to make sure you're not hurt," he told me quickly, his voice calm and soft, trying to soothe me.

He took a small step forward and held his hand out, hoping I would place mine in his, but I didn't. Instead, I took a step back, away from him.

"No!" I said, my voice rising more than it should have. But I couldn't help the panic that was slowly taking over my every thought, and every movement.

"Bella, please. I need to know that you're okay. I need to know how badly you're hurt," he pleaded, his face holding a look of pain.

I could feel my anger rising at his persistence. I didn't normally lash out at Edward, but I also knew that my emotions were all of the place right now, and that I was a complete mess. That is the only rational explanation I can come up with for why I did what I did next.

"You want to know how badly I'm hurt, Edward? I hurt everywhere! Everything hurts! My heart, my head, my whole body. There isn't a thing on me that doesn't hurt in some way. So you want to know how badly I'm hurt? That's how badly!" I said hotly, my body shaking at the strength of emotions coursing through me as I tried to take in big gulps of air.

I tried to control my breathing, to get myself to calm down and slow my heart rate. After a few moments, I looked up at Edward again, who had remained silent after my outburst, only to find him staring at me intently, his eyes wide and anxious. That's when the guilt set in. The guilt for lashing out at him for no reason, other than him being concerned about me.

"I'm sorry," I choked out as I could feel tears beginning to dew up on the rims of my eyes again. "I shouldn't have -- I didn't mean --," I couldn't compose a full sentence as my tears began to fall.

"You don't have to apologize, Bella," he said softly, his face grim, mixed with both worry and sympathy. "Just please allow Carlisle to examine you. I would feel much better knowing that you're okay. It would bring me some small peace of mind."

And due to the extremely anxious look on his face, my resolve was slowly crumbling, despite my massive amount of fear towards the idea.

"I don't want to," I whispered, my eyes fixated on the golden carpet beneath my feet.

"I know," he said simply in a soft voice. "Would it help if I agreed to stay in the room with you, love?"

I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to be touched. Not by Edward, not by Alice, not by Carlisle, not by anyone. I didn't want this. But if I had no other choice, then I didn't want to do it alone. I wanted Edward.

"Promise you won't leave?" I whispered, my hand instinctively coming up to wipe the fallen tears from my face.

He nodded, causing his bronze hair to become even more tousled. "I do."

He continued looking at me for another moment, his eyes never leaving mine, as if to see if I was truly alright first.

"Shall I get Carlisle?" he asked softly. I hesitated for a brief few seconds before curtly nodding my head.

"Carlisle?" he called out softly, his eyes still never leaving mine, knowing his father would hear him from wherever he is within the house.

Not even a full minute later, Carlisle appeared in Edward's doorway.

"Hi Bella, Edward," the golden haired doctor nodded a hello to each of us. "What can I help you with, son?"

"I need you to examine Bella, to make sure she's not injured," he told him grimly, and I noticed that he was pressing his lips into a tight line.

"Did something happen?" Carlisle asked, concern filling his compassionate eyes as he threw a glance in my direction, clearly giving me a glance over to see if there were any visible injuries.

Apparently, he didn't know what had happened. He wasn't home yesterday when Alice and Edward found out, and there hadn't really been anything directly said about it today for him to have overheard what had happened. He was still unaware of it all.

"Jacob Black --," Edward growled, his lips curling up as he spat the name, "he raped Bella," he finished, causing me to flinch at his words. The only time those words had been spoken was when he asked if it was true, but aside from that, the mere mention of that word has been avoided.

Carlisle's eyes went large, filling with horror, concern and compassion. He looked directly at me, his face turning to one of sympathy.

"Would you come with me then, Bella, and we'll make sure you're okay?" he asked, his hand out stretched motioning for me to exit the room.

I squeezed my eyes shut for a second, willing myself to be brave. With that, I took a hesitant step foward and exited the room, with Edward only inches behind me the whole way as the three of us walked to another room.

Carlisle stopped to open the door, then allowed Edward and I to go in first. He motioned for me to sit on the exam table, which he must have brought home from work by the looks of it.

I complied, slowly lifting myself to sit atop it, and Carlisle turned to face me as he finished digging through his medical bag, pulling out a note pad before meeting my eyes and taking a seat in a nearby chair.

"Okay, Bella. I just need to ask you a few questions first; Is that alright?" he asked, his tone now more professional.

I nodded and looked towards Edward, who stood right beside the table, still not leaving my side, just as promised. His face was possibly almost just as wary and tense as mine.

"Jacob Black raped you?" Carlisle's voice asked gently, causing my head to snap in his direction. But after our eyes met for the briefest second, I quickly cast mine downward, not being able to look at him.

"Yes," I whispered while trying to still my now shaking hands.

"When did this happen?" he asked.

"Yesterday evening," my voice shook. I didn't want to be talking about this. Anything but this.

"Do you know if a condom was used?" he continued to ask, which caused me to gasp. I don't know if it was also something Edward heard in Carlisle's thoughts, or merely in response to the question, but I seen Edward begin to glare at his father. "Son, I need to know in order to properly help Bella to the fullest extent possible." He then turned his questioning eyes back to me. "Take your time to think about it for a minute, Bella. It's all right."

I closed my eyes, trying to think. Trying to remember that night. I could remember his hands all over me, his lips forcing rough kisses upon me, his tongue thrusting into my mouth. But it was all vague, it was all a daze. I didn't want to remember it, and I could feel my mind trying to fight me, trying to make me numb, to shut down just like it did that night. But that didn't happen. Instead, I was assaulted with images and memories that I didn't wish to relive.

_Jacob's hands quickly made work of removing my jeans, pulling them down my legs along with my panties. I lay there completely still, my mind and body no longer cooperating to try and fight him off, no longer having the energy to. His hands roughly grabbed my thighs almost to the point of pain, forcing my legs apart. I felt his lips assault mine again, his skin overheating mine as he pressed himself on top of me, and I began to feel him force entry._

"No!" I let the scream escape me without meaning to.

"Shh, love, it's okay, you're safe now," Edward murmured from beside me, his face pained.

It wasn't until he said those words that I also realized I had begun to sob while I was lost in my memories. I furiously wiped the tears from my face, trying to get control back over my body.

Edward held his hand out to me for me to take, realizing it was possibly the only way to bring me any form of comfort right now. I stared at it for a long moment, unsure if it would help me, or make things worse. But a moment later I realized that this was Edward, and he would just be holding my hand. If it was too much, if I needed to pull away, I could, he would let me.

So with slight hesitation, I placed my shaking hand in his, and he gave it the most gentle of reassuring squeezes. I stared at our connected hands for a minute before Carlisle's voice pulled my attention back to him.

"Bella? Do you know if a condom was used?" he asked gently.

"I -- I don't know. I don't think so," I told him honestly as a few more tears spilled down my cheeks.

"Okay, Bella. Since it's been less than seventy-two hours since the rape took place, I can give you something to prevent pregnancy, in case a condom was not used. You would just need to take --" he began digging through his medical bag again, this time pulling out a packet of pills and handing them to me, "these two pills, and then you won't have to worry about any risk of pregnancy. Now I'll just get you some water --" he was cut off by the door opening, and Alice poked her head in, smiling apologetically and holding out a glass of water for Carlisle to grab. He nodded his thanks as she left the room and handed me the glass.

I quickly swallowed the two pills he had given me, and as I was swallowing, he began speaking again. "Now, you may find that you may feel nauseous. That's a common side effect after taking these pills. However, that's usually the only side effect you need to deal with. So if you're experiencing slight nausea, it's completely normal," he told me ruefully.

I nodded and handed him back the glass which he put aside on the desk that was within the room.

"Now, let's begin the physical exam," he said softly, his eyes now focused on mine. "Are you in any pain?"

"I, umm, I have some bruises," I whispered, "but they're not that bad," I added quickly, hoping to avoid any extra touching. I should have known it was useless.

"Let's have a look then, shall we?" Carlisle asked, his tone completely calm and I would usually find it comforting. But not right now. Not today.

I nodded, and pulled the sleeves of my shirt up, revealing the large hand print shaped bruises on my upper arms.

Carlisle let out an unnecessary breath, and Edward hissed and I could hear a growl beginning to rumble within his chest.

"Okay, Bella, I'm just going to touch the bruises and examine them, alright?" Carlisle cautioned me.

After I nodded my consent, Carlisle's cool hands slowly moved to touch the deep purpley blue, almost black colored bruises on my arms. I flinched, but tried to keep myself still as I fought to keep myself calm, to keep myself breathing even and only focus on Edward's hand holding mine, because if he was here, then I was safe. He would keep me safe.

He examined the other arm before asking, "are there any others?"

I hesitated before answering. I didn't want to tell him where the others were, because I knew what would happen once I did. But I felt Edward give my hand another squeeze before rubbing his thumb over my knuckles in a calming pattern.

"My thighs," I whispered as my body began to shake in fear.

"Okay, Bella. I'm going to ask you to remove your pants, and I will drape a sheet over your lower half to keep you as covered as possible, okay?" Carlisle asked in a low tone, his eyes gauging me for my reaction.

I squeezed my eyes shut and fought against the tears, but it was no use. They still slid down my face miserably as my body continued to shake.

"Would you like Edward to stay?" he asked me. I nodded quickly, and my grip on Edward's hand instinctively tightened. I couldn't do this alone. I needed him.

Carlisle gave a single nod before turning to grab a sheet from a cupboard along the wall, and asked me to lay down before draping it over me, asking me to remove my pants.

I unwillingly let go of Edward's hand for a minute, and managed to wriggle my way out of my pants before reaching for Edward's hand again, which he willingly gave me.

"I'm going to lift the sheet some, Bella," Carlisle warned me. I felt the cool air hit my legs, followed seconds later by snow cold fingers pressing along the tender bruises that marred the skin of my thighs.

I could feel my lungs fighting for air, my chest constrictingly tightly in panic as more tears gushed from my eyes.

"You're safe, Bella," Edward spoke softly in my ear, causing me to jump slightly at his unexpected closeness.

Carlisle placed the sheets back over my legs completely before speaking. "Your bruises should heal normally and will be fine, there's no reason to worry about them," he told me with a reassuring smile. "Is there anything else that hurts?"

I could feel my cheeks beginning to stain pink at his question, despite the panic in me. I knew what else hurt, and I didn't want to say it out loud, not in front of Carlisle, even if he was a doctor, and not in front of Edward.

"Bella?" Carlisle questioned, seeing my hesitation in answering.

"I -- it -- down there," I whispered, my voice trembling as I struggled to find a way to phrase my answer.

Recognition crossed Carlisle's features, and he quickly made his face unreadable. "You may be very uncomfortable with this, Bella, but if you're experiencing pain, it needs to be checked. I'm going to ask you to remove your underwear and bend your knees and lift your legs up so that your feet are flat on the table," he told me calmly, no doubt hoping his calm demeanor would help to settle my nerves.

But it didn't, not in the least. With shaking limbs, I finally managed to remove my underwear and position my legs as he instructed, and practically had a death grip on Edward's hand, refusing to let him go for even a second.

My breathing went ragged, and I could feel myself starting to shake uncontrollably as Carlisle headed to the end of the table by my legs. I wanted to pull them away, to curl up into a tight ball and refuse to let him touch me, to thrash and scream that he couldn't touch me. But as much as I was afraid of this, of whatever his exam entailed, I knew it was better for my own physical health, and for Edward's mental health if I allowed Carlisle to do what was needed, so I fought to control my reactions, to try and keep myself as calm as possible.

"Bella, I'd like you to take a deep breath. I won't harm you in any way, I just want to make sure that you don't need any other medication attention. I will be as quick and as gentle as possible," Carlisle told me as he began to lift the sheet up to my knees.

As soon as his hands came into contact with me, I couldn't hold back the scream that erupted from my lips as I fought for a minute to pull away, to move back from where Carlisle was.

"You're safe, love, you're safe. It's okay, you're safe," Edward kept whispering to me in an anxious tone, his other hand coming to engulf my hand between his two as his second hand began to rub soothing circles on the back of my hand.

I tried to take a deep breath, to get my lungs to inhale a lung full of air as I fought to control my shaking.

I was still trembling as I stilled myself as much as possible, and again more properly positioned myself the way Carlisle had originally asked, his face seeming remorseful of what his actions were doing to me.

He continued with the exam, my body continuing to shake, and my breathing never returning to normal. A few more shrill screams escaped me throughout the exam, and when they did, Carlisle would pause and give me a few moments to try and calm down, all the while Edward whispered calming words in my ear in a futile attempt to help keep me calm.

"All done," Carlisle informed me as he removed his gloves and moved away from my legs, thankfully being considerate to stand almost across the room from me now, giving me much needed space. "You can put your clothing back on now," he said softly as turned around to give me added privacy.

i quickly pulled them on under the sheet, feeling slightly less exposed when I did, before removing the sheet from over myself and sitting back up and clutching Edward's hand in my shaking one as tears still trickled down my face.

"How is she? Is she okay?" Edward asked his father, both his tone and expression extremely anxious as he ran his free hand through his hair, awaiting the news on my physical condition.

Fresh tears slid down my face as I caught a glimpse of Carlisle's expression after he turned around. It was wary and apologetic, and he was hesitating before continuing.

Only one thought ran through my mind; This wouldn't be good news.

--------------------------------------------------------------

**So...there you have it, chapter 8. It includes most of the exam...but not necessarily all of the results or findings from the exam. It ended up so long because, well, Edward and Bella got talking, and it just had to be said and dealt with, at least to an extent. Bella needed some reassurance. And there was a tiny little bit of progress, she allowed Edward to hold her hand.**

**And just a note...Carlisle allowed Bella to keep her shirt on and just show him the bruised areas on her arms so that she would be more comfortable, since the only bruises on her upper body were her arms. And I couldn't remember if Carlisle had somewhat of an exam room prior to Breaking Dawn..so now he does for this story, somewhat. And the pills Bella was given to prevent pregnancy are Plan B, which you can take up to 72 hours after unprotected intercourse in order to prevent pregnancy [and yep, I researched, and checked out side effects too, lol. I'm trying to keep it as realistic as I can].**

**Coming up next chapter...find out what Carlisle's going to say, and find out is Bella's okay. Plus, see how some of the other Cullens react to the news of Bella's rape.**

**So..what did you guys think? Good chapter? Worth the wait? You got lots of Bella and Edward time, though. So anyways, please review...I'm anxious to know what you thought, and let me know that you're still interested!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry for the long wait! Real life decided to come up and bite me. There was a death in the family, among other things, so I couldn't find the time to finish the chapter, so I just kept working on it during what small amount of time I had and tonight I made sure I got it done because I felt bad I left you guys hanging for so long, especially with how the last chapter ended. Anyways, I'm sure you don't want to hear my excuses. The bonus to the wait, at least, is that this chapter is also a bit longer. Not as long as the last chapter, but longer than the others. So hopefully you enjoy it and feel it was worth the wait!**

**Also, I have to say...you guys...are beyond incredible and amazing and just wow! The last chapter got 60 reviews! BIG thank you to everyone who reviewed! And I know I don't always respond to each review, but I do read every single one of them, and I appreciate every single one of them, so thank you.**

**I read it before putting it up, but if I missed any mistakes...sorry!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but I do own Twilight posters [never gets old staring at those].**

------------------------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 9**

My whole body was rigid as I continued to look at Carlisle's carefully composed and apologetic face.

Edward's loud growl of frustration caused me to snap my head in his direction. "Either tell us, or stop blocking your thoughts from me," he muttered as he pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep unnecessary breath.

Silence filled the room for another moment before Carlisle sighed, his eyes focused on only me now.

"You have some vaginal tearing." he said cautiously. "It doesn't appear that stitches will be necessary, and it should hopefully heal within approximately five weeks. However, you will experience some pain and discomfort in the meantime until it is fully healed," he finished with an apologetic glance at me, and then to Edward.

I felt Edward stiffened beside me at his father's words. "Is there anything else?" he asked his father through clenched teeth as I sat motionless beside him, trying to process the information.

The only coherent thought my mind could focus on was being thankful that there would be no needles or stitches involved, and that I wouldn't have to be touched anymore.

I let out the breath I didn't even know I had been holding, and shot a glance at Edward, who had a muderous glint in his eyes as he ran his free hand through his hair, all the while still grasping my hand.

"Bella, I'd also just like to ask a few more questions, if I may?" Carlisle asked softly, his tone of voice still holding a professional edge.

I nodded, casting my eyes downward, afraid of what else this may lead to. I could still feel the steady stream of tears cascading down my face, and my still slightly erratic breathing caused from the anxiety and panic from being touched during the exam.

"Have you been experiencing excessive fatigue or sleeplessness since the rape occurred?" he questioned, and after thinking about how exhausted I felt, and not only the fear of sleeping, but the very few hours of sleep I had managed to get since it happened, I gave a quick nod. He scrutinized my face for a moment, I assume confirming my answer after seeing the dark puffy circles that stood out beneath my eyes.

"Poor appetite?" Again, I gave a quick nod. I had no interest in food. "And what about nausea, Bella?"

I felt Edward's eyes on me, waiting anxiously for my response again. I hated admitting all of this in front of him. I let my hair fall forward, creating a curtain to hide behind. I didn't want Edward waiting for my answers to see how unfixable or badly broken I was.

With my hair now covering most of my face, I gave another small nod. I heard Carlisle sigh, which caused me to bring my eyes up to meet his.

"And judging by your reaction to the exam, even just while examining your bruises, I assume that you fear being touched, or begin to panic at the thought of anyone touching you, including those you know and trust?" he asked cautiously, which made me realize Edward had become as still as stone yet again.

"Yes," I answered quietly.

"All right, Bella. As I said, your bruises should heal perfectly fine. You have some vaginal tearing that should heal in just over a month. And based on the information you just gave me, it seems as though you are showing signs of PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, which is very common in rape victims. It also seems as though you have a case of haphephobia," he explained, his eyes now locked on mine.

I could feel my eyes grow wide with fear. I knew my bruises would heal. I understood about the tearing. I knew what PTSD was. But I didn't know what haphephobia was, but it didn't sound good. I already knew I was broken and unfixable, even if Edward didn't see that yet, and I didn't need something else to be horribly wrong with me, to prove to me again just how damaged I am.

Carlisle immediately seen my reaction, along with Edward, who gave my hand a squeeze, and began to rub circles on the top of my hand with his thumb.

"It's okay, Bella. There's no need to panic," Carlisle quickly assured me. But I wasn't reassured.

"What is it, love?" Edward asked me in a soothing tone.

"Haph--" I choked out, unable to spit the rest of the word out due to my own fear, and the fact that my body was beginning to tremble.

"Haphephobia?" Carlisle asked, his brows furrowed in concern as he realized why I was getting upset. "Bella, haphephobia is merely a fear of being touched. It's not uncommon after what you have been through," he explained quickly. "It may only last for a short while, or it could take longer for it to dissipate or become more manageable. But the fact that you're able to hold Edward's hand right now shows promise," he said in a softer tone, a small hopeful smile gracing his face.

He then turned his focus to Edward. "Son, I think you need to discuss it with Bella, but if she's ready, perhaps we should inform the family so we can all be prepared."

Edward nodded in his direction, his eyes now focused back on me. With one last look, Carlisle exited the room, leaving Edward and I alone.

"Bella?" he asked cautiously as he gazed at me as I sat there, stiff and unmoving.

"Can...we just go back to your room? I don't want to be in here," I questioned quietly, unable to stand being in this overly sterile room where I felt even more exposed. I needed the comfort and familiarity of Edward's room.

He simply nodded, and I released his hand, hopping down off the table, and began fumbling my way to the door and down the hall to Edward's room.

After I sat down on his black leather couch, I raised my eyes to meet his.

He stood in front of me, his eyes watching me warily, as though unsure of my reaction due to the upcoming topic.

"Are you all right?" he asked softly, his eyes still tense.

I couldn't find words to describe how I was feeling, because it was an insane mixture of things. Hurt. Anger. Pain. Sorrow. Fear. Stupidity. Hate. Insecurity. Confusion. Love.

So the only answer I could give him that would make sense was a simple nod.

I seen the look of skepticism on his face, but he let it go. "Are you okay with telling the family what happened?"

"No," I mumbled. Because in truth, I wasn't. I didn't really want anyone to know. "But I don't really have a choice."

"It's for the best, love, so we can all be prepared and able to protect you more thoroughly. I won't let anything happen to you, Bella," he told me fiercely, with such a deep intensity. "He's already done this to you, and I hate myself for not being able to stop it -- to protect you. If he were to do anything else to harm you in any way, it would kill me to know that I failed to protect you again," he murmured, his face turning to one of anger and sadness before he quickly composed his features.

"Edward," I spoke just as fiercely, looking up to meet his eyes. And this time, I forced myself not to look away, "this was _not_ your fault. If anything, it's my fault. It's my fault for going there in the first place. You tried to tell me to stay away from Jake. I didn't listen. So if anyone's to blame, it's me. _Not_ you."

"Bella --" he was going to fight me on this, going to try and take the blame like he always did. But I wouldn't let him, especially not for this.

"No, Edward. It wasn't your fault," I told him, the strength in my voice not matching my tired, frail body.

"It wasn't your fault, either," he spoke quickly before exhaling a loud gust of unnecessary air and he met my gaze again with troubled eyes. His expression held sadness, before I seen fury flit through his eyes, only for him to yet again mask his expression into one of calm and blankness.

I didn't want to argue this. I knew I was at fault for what happened. I also knew I was beyond angry at Jake for what he did, for what he took from me. But I was mostly angry at myself for not listening to Edward in the first place, for not finding a way to stop it, for letting it happen...and now for how many issues it was causing for everyone. So instead, I simply shut my eyes and took in a shaky breath.

"Everyone's waiting downstairs," Edward murmured.

"I can't tell them, Edward. I can't," my voice broke. I knew I wouldn't be able to say the words. To explain to them what happened. I hadn't told anyone, and I didn't know if I could bring myself to relive what had happened. At least not yet. Right now, I still hadn't been able to bring myself to even say the word 'rape'.

"We can do it together," he said, his hand outstretched, waiting for me to take it. "I can tell them what happened, if you'd like. But I don't know any of the details," he frowned.

"Can I just --," I paused, trying to think of what to do, because I knew I couldn't tell the details to all of the Cullens. "Can I just tell you what happened...later?"

"Later," he repeated, and I could tell by the determination in his eyes that he would hold me to that. I just hoped I'd be able to get it out without completely breaking down. But my doubts were interrupted by Edward's velvety voice.

"We'll have to tell your father later as well," he added.

I froze. Charlie and I didn't do well with emotional conversations, especially with one another. But he was also the chief of police. I would have to tell him, one way or another. And he's always loved Jake. How can I tell him what Jake did to his only daughter? Would he even believe me?

I could feel my head getting dizzier by the second with each thought, and I could feel my breathing pick up again, the anxiety setting in. I felt a cool hand gently touch my shoulder, and I instinctively flinched back, throwing myself flush against the backrest of the cool leather and my eyes snapped upward to a regretful Edward.

"Sorry, love. You were panicking, I didn't mean to --," he quickly tried to say, but I cut him off.

"It's -- it's okay," I stuttered, my thoughts still clouded with fear and uncertainty towards telling Charlie. "Can we just deal with the other stuff later, please?"

He nodded before I stood and waited for him to lead the way downstairs to six anxious vampires.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I've called a family meeting," Carlisle began as he stood at the head of the dining room table, his voice soft, but filled with authority. "There's something you need to be informed of, and to prepare for."

"Do we get to fight?" Emmett asked in an entirely too enthusiastic tone at the idea of some action, but quickly shut up when both Carlisle and Edward simultaneously sent him a look.

"Something grave has happened, and it deserves to be treated with the greatest amount of respect and seriousness," he proclaimed, again looking directly towards Emmett while saying this, making sure he knew to listen intently. "Edward, Bella," he waved his arm in our direction, bringing all eyes on us.

It wasn't until Carlisle took his seat at the head of the table, and I noticed every single pair of eyes on me that I began shaking.

Edward shot me a worried glance, but I nodded infinitesimally for him to proceed, despite my throat going dry and my shaking becoming more severe.

Edward pulled out the nearest empty chair for me which was a space away from the others, motioning for me to sit down, for which I was grateful for. He held his hand out for me, offering me whatever small amount of comfort he could.

I hesitantly placed my trembling hand in his, and he began to speak.

"As Carlisle said, something has happened. We need to be prepared for whatever may happen, and we must be able to completely protect Bella. She is not to be left alone at any point, and if I must hunt, someone else will need to be with her at all times until I return," his velvet voice became more harsh now. "We have no idea what the wolves may do, and as much as it pains and infuriates me, we should not go after them, in order to avoid ruining the treaty. That would only make matters worse," he ground out.

"Come on, man, just tell us what happened," Emmett cut in with slight impatience, to which the others nodded in encouragement for Edward to continue.

"Edward, please. You anger is so strong it's becoming painfully overwhelming," Jasper added with pleading eyes.

"That mongrel," Edward ground out through clenched teeth, his grip on my hand becoming slightly tighter. "Jacob Black raped Bella," he finally spat out, his expression becoming murderous.

I flinched at his words, and my shaking intensified more, if possible, and a few stray tears slid down my cheek. I had a death grip on his hand, afraid of what would happen if I let go while I was shaking so violently.

Alice sent an apologetic glance in my direction, having already known the truth, and knowing how much I hated having this conversation.

"Oh, Bella," Esme looked absolutely pained, her expression one of sorrow as she began sobbing tearlessly, her gaze locked on me.

Carlisle, although he knew already, wore a mask of calm, although the pain and sadness was detectable in his golden eyes.

Poor Jasper seemed to be feeling varying emotions from all around him, all within the range of a few seconds. His expression kept changing from one of shock, to fury, to sadness.

Rosalie, although she figured out what had happened the day before, still looked rather murderous as well, which I didn't expect to see, since it was no secret that she didn't like me, or care about me. Although given her past, and what she went through in her last minutes as a human, it made sense. Unless she was angry at me for causing her family so much trouble.

I quickly looked away from Rosalie, not wanting to keep thinking about the possibility of her hating me even more than she already does, and the fact that her anger may be directed towards me.

My gaze landed on the last Cullen who sat almost across from me. His reaction, however, I wouldn't have expected. I glanced in Emmett's direction, and seen a look of pure hated and fury wash over his usually cheerful expression, his fists clenching and unclenching upon the table top.

At vampire speed, he quickly shot up out of his chair, causing it to tumble over backwards. His fists were still clenched at his sides, his features showing every ounce of hatred he had.

"He raped you?" he boomed, tearing his eyes from Edward's still murderous expression until he was turned to me.

I cowered back into my chair at his angry booming voice, and his murderous stance. I was scared, which caused me to continue to shake, and more tears to fall. I knew I shouldn't be scared of him, because Emmett wouldn't hurt me, and he wasn't angry at me. But irrational as it may be, his furious voice and stance made me cower back into my chair, bringing my knees up to chest and hugging my legs tightly with one arm, my other hand still interlocked with Edward's.

Upon seeing my curled up shaking form, Emmett's face softened, his fists loosening slightly. "I didn't mean to scare you," he furrowed his brows in concern.

I nodded in response, not trusting my voice.

Esme stood from her seat, then, coming over towards me at a slightly faster than human pace, and held her arms out, about to wrap me into her embrace.

But I couldn't handle that right now. As much as I appreciated the gesture, I think it would have only made things worse for me. I didn't think I could deal with being touched, without falling apart completely.

"Please don't," I whispered, sending an apologetic glance in Esme's direction before staring back down at my knees.

She nodded, sending me a small understanding smile before she went to reclaim her seat beside her husband, her small body still shaking slightly with dry sobs.

I seen Edward take one more long anxious look in my direction, his face softening, before he turned to regard his family again.

"I'm going to take Bella back upstairs. This only occurred two days ago, and she's obviously overwhelmed. We can finish discussing this later. Right now what's important is to make sure that she's okay, and that we keep her protected and let none of those mutts near her," he explained, his tone clipped and fierce.

I assume they all must have agreed, because the next thing I was aware of was Edward gently tugging on my hand, willing me to stand up and follow him upstairs.

I choked out a quiet "I'm sorry" before I got up and followed Edward.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

After Edward brought me over to the bed, I dragged myself up towards the wrought iron headboard, using it to support me and keep me upright as I closed my eyes and tried to calm down. I felt weak and drained, but the shaking was subsiding and was only a slight tremble, and my tears had dried themselves.

Many moments of silence passed, with Edward sitting quietly beside me, his hand still gently holding onto mine in between us. He sat a slight distance away, giving me some extra space, which is what I needed right now.

"Are you able to tell me what happened now, love?" he murmured, his voice breaking the silence.

When I peeked an eye open in his direction, his form was slightly too rigid, and his face was anxious. Whether that was because of him being unsure of my reaction to his question, or due to the information he would soon find out, I wasn't sure.

But I considered his question, and whether or not I could do this.

I knew there was no possibility of me ever wanting to tell this story to anyone. But I also knew that I would have to...sooner, rather than later. I would need to tell Charlie later today. And at least if I tell Edward beforehand, any slightly more inhuman reaction he may have wouldn't be seen by Charlie. If I tell him now, he can prepare himself for when it's time for Charlie to find out.

I needed to do this. There wouldn't be a better time, or a better day. No matter when or how I tell him, I already know it will be horrible, and it was something I wish I didn't have to do. I just hope I don't fall apart while doing it.

So with a shaky breath and a slight nod, I mumbled the word that would bring on the pain that I didn't want to relive.

"Okay."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Now, I know someone's told me I don't need to explain the character's reactions so much, but I'd just like to for this, just so there's no confusion and so people don't think Bella's reactions don't make sense. With her getting upset when she didn't know what haphephobia was...she's stressed, and panicked, and going through a lot, she didn't know what it meant, so she got scared. Don't just think she's overreacting. She's very on edge, as anyone else in her situation would be. And as for her getting scared of Emmett for a minute there...he's a big guy, and he was very angry, which was intimidating to her, especially after what she's just been through. She's gone through what's considered acquaintance rape, meaning it was someone she knew and trusted who raped her, which in most cases makes it harder for her to trust or be as comfortable with even people that she knows and trusts and loves...considering, she knew Jacob too, and cared about him, but look at what he did. So..just keep that in mind, guys. There's reasons behind all of her reactions.**

**I did make sure I had information right concerning the medical stuff again, including healing time on the tears, and the stitches not being necessary. Someone asked in a review about if the Plan B may not work, especially since Jacob's not fully human...just to clear that up quick, they still work, even if he isn't fully human. I do hope everyone's satisfied with the Cullens' reactions to the rape, though, even though Edward and Bella went back upstairs shortly after.**

**Coming up next chapter...Bella's going to tell Edward what happened, in detail. Is she going to be able to do it? How will she handle it? Will she completely break down? And she's also going to tell Charlie. How will that go over? **

**[There won't be as long of a wait for the next chapter, and sorry for the long AN]**

**Please review, and let me know what you think...I'd love to hear your opinion on the chapter! So leave a review and tell me what you thought, and to let me know you're still interested!**


	10. Chapter 10

**I had a few issues writing this chapter...hence it taking a bit longer. I kept writing it, but wasn't happy with how it turned out, so I kept going back and changing it. I think this version turned out the best, since I ended up crying while writing. Anyways, hopefully you guys will give me your opinion, and hopefully it lived up to your expectations. And thank you to everyone who alerted/reviewed last time...you guys are _amazing_, and I appreciate the support and that you take the time to review!**

**I did want to add in as a bonus...two songs that may help you get even more of a feel from where Bella's coming from/what she's feeling. _Broken_ by _Lifehouse_ I feel really fits in perfectly with how Bella's feeling about things since she's been raped, with how Edward's helping her and how she feels towards him and about herself. And _Storm_ by _Lifehouse_ I find fits in really well with how she feels about having to tell Edward about what happened...so that one's a great song for this chapter.**

**I also just wanted to say quick...I know my writing isn't perfect, but...I'm also only human. I know I have tense issues, and like I say with every chapter...I do read it over before I put it up, but...I don't always catch my own mistakes. I don't have a beta or anything, so like I said guys...if there are any mistakes, I apologize, but just try to bear with me, okay?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any characters.**

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 10**

I closed my eyes and tried to take a deep calming breath. I could already feel the anxiety beginning to sink in, along with the dread and fear of having to tell Edward.

Exhaling a shaky breath, I looked over into his butterscotch eyes, but I quickly looked away. If I had to tell him this, I couldn't look at him. Not while explaining what Jacob did to me. What Jacob took from me.

Without my consent, a single tear trailed down my cheek.

"Bella," Edward said softly, willing me to look at him. "You don't --"

"No, I'm okay," I told him, hoping to reassure him. I wanted to tell him and get this over and done with, but the idea of doing that also terrified me. What if Edward decided after he knew all of what happened that he couldn't be with me after all? I didn't know what would happen, or if I would be able to handle the fall out. But I also knew there wouldn't be a better time.

"I need to do this," I explained, wanting to do this before I lost the courage. "I just...don't know how to start."

Edward simply nodded in understanding, his eyes tense, and his mouth set in a grim line, preparing himself for whatever information I was about to give him.

"How about you start at the beginning," he encouraged, his expression never changing. "What happened after I dropped you off?"

I took a moment to collect myself, taking a deep breath before I finally spoke.

"We got to Jake's place, and he ended up falling asleep. So...I just watched TV until he woke up. Then when he woke up, he wanted us to go for -- for a walk -- outside, so the fresh air would help wake him up. He wasn't happy that he fell asleep, because he said he wanted to talk to me," I explained from the beginning, forcing myself to remember all the details. I took a deep breath and continued.

"You know what he wanted to tell me," I whispered, unable to look at Edward. "He -- he said he wanted to make it clear, so there wasn't any confusion. He said he -- he lov--" I couldn't finish the rest of that sentence. I remembered hearing his voice say those words to me as he forced himself into me. I shook violently at the memory, and clenched my eyes shut.

I felt Edward give my hand a squeeze, and I tried to steady my breathing.

"He said he wanted me to know my options. He told me to pick him instead of you. He even said he knew I didn't feel that way about him," I couldn't hold back the sob that escaped with those words.

Jacob knew I didn't feel that way. He knew I didn't want that. But he still did it. He still pushed himself on me, he still took my virginity, and now because of what he did, I'm just a broken mess. Now it only makes it more obvious that there's no way I could be good enough for Edward. The reality of that thought caused another sob to escape.

"Bella, you're safe now. I won't let him hurt you again," Edward vowed in an attempt to calm me, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on the top of my hand.

"I tried to avoid it, I tried saying I had to go, but he grabbed me. He asked me if I wanted him to go away and to never see him again...and he was my best friend, so I said no, I didn't want that, but that just gave him the wrong idea. I tried explaining I wanted him around for different reasons; That he's like family. I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him, but he was still insisting that since I wanted him around...he would stay," I continued telling Edward, my emotions slightly more under control again. But at the thought of the next part of the story, my body tensed, and a few tears spilled past my lower lashes.

I looked at Edward before continuing, only to see he was sitting there, as still as stone, his face like perfect marble, like the most beautiful and pained statue I have ever seen. I quickly looked away, not able to stand see that much pain on his face, and knowing that it was all because of me.

"That's when he start -- started to try and touch me more. He had tried to touch my cheek, but I slapped his hand away and told him to behave. He said no, to take him as he is, or not at all. He said he -- he wasn't going to give up," I felt the tears stream down my face, knowing what was coming next. My body was still shaking, my emotions and nerves all over the place as I forced myself to remember the worst moment in my life.

"I told him I was in love with _you_, Edward. I told him you were my life," I sobbed, remembering Jacob's next words. I was hesitant to admit to Edward what Jacob had said, because I knew he wouldn't react well, but he wanted the whole story, and I was trying my best to tell him everything that happened, everything I remembered. "But he told me -- he told me I -- I loved him too, even if it was in a different way. He said that maybe once you were my whole life, but -- but then you...left, and now you have to deal with the consequences of that choice. Him. He's the consequence, Edward," I clarified, finally bringing my tear filled eyes up to meet his.

His eye were darker, harder, and his face was unreadable, aside from the occasional flash of pain within his eyes. I didn't like the look on his face, it was unsettling to see Edward look that way, and I wanted to erase that look from his face as quickly as possible.

"But I don't blame you, Edward. I don't. I know why you left. It's not your fault," I blurted through my tears, knowing where his train of thought was going. "It's not your fault that he did this to me."

"Bella, I --" he started, but I cut him off.

"No, it is _not_ your fault, Edward," I said fiercely, despite the fear and sadness in my voice, and the tears that still fell.

I narrowed my eyes briefly at him, not wanting him to argue with me on this. It wasn't his fault. He needed to realize that, and I wasn't going to let him blame himself. Especially not for this.

I began shaking violently, knowing that the next words I would have to speak would be the ones describing Jacob -- describing what he did to me. I didn't know how to say it. I didn't know if I could. It was hard enough to tell Edward everything I already had. I never wanted to think about that day again, but I had made myself remember every detail, every word, and had told Edward all of the events leading up to what Jacob did.

"We can stop if you need to, love," Edward's soothing voice came from beside me, making me jump, his eyes staring at me intently, a look of worry and pain in his eyes now.

As much as I wanted to stop, as much as I never wanted to have to tell him this, I knew I couldn't stop now. If I had to tell him what happened, I had to tell him now, otherwise I don't think I ever would.

So ignoring Edward's words, I continued. "Jacob," I said, the name sending a shiver down my spine at still having to say it out loud, "grabbed my chin tight, so I couldn't look away; I couldn't move my face away. He told me he would be there fighting for me until my heart stops beating," I relayed Jacob's words, casting a nervous glance at Edward, who seemed to become perceptibly more rigid and tense at the mention of my change.

"I tried to pull away, especially since it was starting to hurt, but I couldn't," I felt more of the hot salty liquid fall from my eyes, my body still trembling as I clutched Edward's hand like a life line. "I told him that my heartbeats are numbered, but -- but that just made him want to fight even harder. He wasn't giving up, Edward," I whispered.

Edward continued to stay silent, allowing me to get through my story before I no longer could, and for that I was grateful. His soothing words couldn't help me now, not with this, not with reliving this. His words would probably only cause me to cry harder, because I would know that I didn't deserve his comfort, his sweetness after causing him so much trouble and pain.

His eyes, however, stayed fixed on me as I forced the next words from my mouth. "That -- that's when he kissed me. I tried. Edward, I tried to pull away, I did, but he was still hanging onto my chin," I whimpered as I tried to calm the powerful tremors running through me, but to no avail.

"He was so -- so angry, I could feel it in the kiss. He grabbed me by the back of the neck," I mumbled through tight lips, my body still convlusing of its own accord, despite my attempts to stop it, my breathing ragged. "But the more I tried to fight, or tried to get away, the angier he became. I just wanted him to stop, so I did the only other thing I could think of -- I just -- I just stopped, I shut down. I shouldn't have. I should have fought harder," I wailed, bringing my free hand to cover my face, realizing my own stupidity.

If only I had fought harder, maybe I could have gotten him to stop. If only I had tried harder, or just done something, anything, other than just shutting down, hoping he would stop...maybe this wouldn't have happened. But I didn't do any of those things. I didn't fight hard enough. And he didn't stop.

"But he wouldn't stop," I whimpered, my breath coming out in short gasps now, more panic setting in. "When I realized he wasn't going to, I started struggle -- struggling again, but I was too weak. Too human," I realized. If I had already been changed, I would have stood a chance at getting away, at stopping it from happening.

I heard Edward growl, causing me to flinch, and knew it was a warning to not go there right now. I knew he was trying not to react to what I was telling him, and me bringing up a touchy subject like that at this exact moment was not helping matters -- or his self control -- any.

"Sorry," I mumbled through a gasp, bringing my hand away from my tear soaked face. Looking up now, I seen that Edward had repositioned himself on the bed to sit directly facing me now, his worried eyes burning intensely into mine. He held out his free hand, waiting for me to place my other hand in his.

I glanced at our already intertwined hands, and then at his out stretched one. His hand was firm and still. My own free hand was shaking uncontrollably, and despite the discomfort and fear of being touched, I wanted that comfort, that firmness that his hand offered.

Edward was my rock. He was my reason for wanting to try to get through this. My reason for not just curling up in a ball and pretending it didn't happen. And I knew without doubt that I wouldn't be able to get through this without him. He was all I had to hold onto.

So with a still shaking hand, I placed my other free hand in his, trying to repress the fear and the urge to flinch away from the touch.

"Keep going, love," Edward encouraged, his tone was sweet and soothing, with no hint of irration towards me and my mention of my change. But I knew him well enough to see the tense posture of his body, and the underlying rage within his golden eyes, but I also knew the anger was not directed at me.

"I tried everything I could think of, but...but it didn't help," I quivered at the memory, clenching my eyes shut yet again as I heard a growl rumble in Edward's chest upon hearing my words. "He held me to him by the back of the neck, and shoved his tongue in my mouth, and then I realized he -- he had taken off his shirt at some point, and at that -- at that point I knew. I knew what was going to happen. I could feel his hands everywhere. That just made it worse. I didn't want him touching me that way," I sobbed, trying to concentrate on the stillness of Edward's hands, hoping my body would stop shaking and become more still like his. The only part of me that wasn't shaking were my hands, since they were tenderly encased in Edward's.

"I started crying at some point, and I started getting angry at myself for not listening to you. For going to La Push in the first place and not staying away from Jacob. I'm sorry, Edward, I'm so sorry." My words came out in a muffled mess due to voice cracking and the sobs that still wracked my body.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm not angry with you, Bella," he murmured, his grip on my hands becoming slightly tighter.

I took slight comfort in Edward's words, but I knew I needed to continue telling him what happened, because I could feel myself already trying to stop, not wanting to have to relive this nightmare.

"I realized that -- that even if I could have gotten away...I had no way of getting home, or -- or to you. I didn't have my truck, and I -- I forgot the phone. I tried telling him to stop. I tried telling him no, but he didn't listen. He started -- started trying to take my shirt off, I tried to stop him, to block his hands, but..." I trailed off, my body practically convulsing as I shook so hard, my cries now becoming louder as well.

I managed to quiet my sobs after a few moments, while Edward stayed silent, his eyes more tense than I've ever seen them as his thumbs stroked the tops of my hands, and murmuring soothing sounds and words in hopes of helping me calm down.

"I tried shoving him away again, as hard as I could. But," I sniffled, not even bothering to wipe all of the wet tears from my face, knowing they would just keep flowing. "That just seemed to make him mad, and more determined. He held my arms down, and he wouldn't stop kissing me. I knew I had no way of getting away," I stopped and opened my eyes, trying to concentrate on anything other than the words coming out of my mouth, to help make this even a tiny bit easier.

"My body just...went limp, because I knew there was no -- there was no hope. So he let go of my arms and took off my pants and," I squeezed my eyes shut, hating the words I was speaking, "and my underwear," I cried. "I felt him touch my -- my backside. I couldn't even scream, I was just...frozen. Numb. I couldn't do anything," I wailed, squeezing my eyes shut impossibly tighter, my entire body now rigid as I continued to shake violently, making it more painful.

There was only a few sentences left of my story, and I forced each word and syllable from my lips as I sat gasping for air, the panic within me now as strong as ever.

"I don't...I don't remember everything. I felt him on top of me, I felt his skin on mine. It was hot -- too hot. I heard him say that he -- that he...lo-- loves me and then he forced himself into me. All I could feel was the pain before I blacked out. All I wanted was you, Edward. All I could think of was you," I sobbed, no longer even trying to calm myself.

I felt like I could feel his hands on me, touching me again. I felt like I was trapped again, and couldn't get away. Like I was being held down. I felt like I was back in that time and place, outside Jacob's house.

I felt myself scream, and yank myself free of the hands holding onto mine. I curled myself into a ball on my side, my hands covering my face as I shook my head back and forth, willing it to stop.

All I could see was that scene playing over and over again in my mind. I shrieked and curled up tighter when I felt my hands being pulled away from my face, and I tried to pull them free, but I couldn't.

"Bella," I could faintly hear Edward's voice. "Bella," again, but it wasn't clear, it seemed muffled -- by my ragged breathing and screams, and by the images running through my head. I tried to listen, to hear him, to hear the one person who could save me from this nightmare.

"Bella, love, open your eyes," he murmured. It was then that I realized the coolness of the hands that were restraining my own from covering my face.

I slowly opened my eyes to see Edward's anxious face right in my line of vision, his eyebrows furrowed in worry. Upon seeing him, my body began to relax, and loosened itself slightly from its stiff position.

I felt the tears still sliding down my face, and I didn't bother to stop them. Edward was still hanging onto my hands, even though I had stopped trying to pull away to cover my face again.

"Edward..." I whispered, unsure of what I even wanted to say. I was just happy he was there, even after he knew everything that had happened with Jacob. I was both relieved and happy that he was still here, and still by my side, even if I couldn't have him hold me.

"Oh, Bella," he murmured, his hands now protectively encasing mine as he brought one hand up to his face, and placed the smallest of kisses upon the inside of my wrist. I immediately tensed and gasped upon the contact, my breathing picking up slightly, but then soon relaxed moments later, knowing that Edward wouldn't go past my boundaries, and he only meant to comfort me.

Edward locked eyes with me to make sure I was okay, and I let him know I was with an infinitesimal nod of my head.

"You _are_ safe now, Bella. I won't let him touch you ever again. I'll keep you safe. If that means killing that mongrel, then I will," he vowed fiercely.

I sat up quickly and began shaking my head furiously. "No! Edward, you can't kill him! You can't hurt him...if you do, it will ruin the treaty. I won't let you put you and your family in danger for me. Just...don't leave me," I whimpered, my tears still falling, despite my determination. "Just protect me by not leaving."

"I won't leave you, Bella," he said, his eyes intense.

We were both quiet for a few minutes, both of us getting ourselves comfortable again, as I also tried to calm myself down.

"Thank you for telling me," Edward broke the silence, his voice nothing but sincere as he looked at me. I couldn't respond, so I merely nodded. "I'm proud of you, Bella. I know that was very difficult for you," he said cautiously.

"I didn't do anything, I just talked," I argued.

"You took a big step by telling me what happened," he explained. "Even though it wasn't easy, and it was very painful for you, you still got through it."

I didn't know how to respond to his words, so I shut my eyes as a tear fell, and I gave a small nod, hoping that was enough.

I told him because he wanted to know. He should know. He deserved to know, especially in case he no longer wanted to be with me after he found out. It was only fair for him to know everything that happened. It was what was best in the situation, so he would know the details before I had to tell Charlie.

I groaned when I realized that I would still have to go tell Charlie soon about what happened.

"What is it, love?" Edward asked, worried again.

"I have to tell Charlie," I explained. I really didn't want to. I didn't want to ever have to tell that story again.

"I'll be there with you, Bella. You don't have to be as detailed with Charlie," he said, his eyes fixed on me, watching my expression.

"Can...can I have a shower here first before I have to go tell him?" I asked nervously. I didn't usually ever shower here. But I wanted -- needed a shower. After telling that story, I felt dirty and unclean. I wanted to get the feel of Jacob's hands and mouth off of me. I wanted to scrub at my skin until I felt less dirty, less gross.

"Of course," he smiled, though I could see that it was a slightly tense smile, as he got up and began leading me by the hand out into the hallway, and walking me to the bathroom.

He opened a cupboard and pulled out a large towel, passing it to me.

"If you need anything, just call for me," he murmured, "I'll just be downstairs talking to Emmett."

"Okay. Thank you," I said sincerely.

With that, he left the room, shutting the door behind him on the way.

I quickly undressed, and stopped to look at myself in the mirror again. My face scrunched up in disgust at the sight before me.

I looked at the large, angry looking bruises on my arms and thighs, and brought my hand up to my right arm to poke the bruise, watching the color fade and then return. But what disgusted me the most was my flat, dead looking eyes, with dark circles beneath them. I always thought they were boring and dull, the color of mud. But even now, they looked so much worse. They lacked expression and shine, and my hair was dull and lifeless. My skin looked paler than usual, to the point of looking sickly.

Not only had Jacob damaged my body, and my mind, but he also damaged who I was. Who I am. I barely recognized myself. I wasn't sure I knew the girl staring back at me in the mirror.

I quickly turned away before I began to cry again, and got into the shower. I turned the water completely to cold, knowing that the hot would only remind me of Jacob's skin covering mine. I didn't need that reminder right now. It would only push me over the edge even further.

So with that, I began furiously scrubbing my skin, the events of today playing through my mind; The examination by Carlisle, everyone finding out, their reactions, telling Edward what happened...and having to relive what Jacob did to me.

I still felt like I could feel his hands on me, which only made me scrub harder, and begin to cry. Over what Jacob did to me, and over the fact that I would have to tell Charlie. But despite my tears, I knew I had to keep quiet, otherwise every single one of the Cullens would hear me crying, including Edward.

But my thoughts kept coming back to one thing...would Charlie even believe me?

**-------------------------------------------------------------**

**Okay, now before you guys want to start throwing things at me...I know I said Bella was going to tell Charlie in this chapter, but...Bella telling Edward what happened kind of became a bigger part of the chapter than I expected, and I didn't want to have a ridiculously huge chapter. With that said...I'm going to give you a choice. I'm doing something from Edward's POV again, because there's something important that needs to be done with him while Bella's in the shower. So you guys have a choice...do you want the whole chapter in Edward's POV, including when she tells Charlie? Or do you want the stuff with Charlie to be in Bella's POV? Tell me what you'd prefer when you review. I already have a good portion of the Edward part written that will be in that chapter either way. So the rest of the chapter's POV is up to you guys.**

**Also...don't think Edward's being insensitive with him kissing her wrist like he did...if you think about it, one of the main ways he usually comforts her or calms her is through touch, whether it's a simple touch of the cheek, or kiss on the head/forehead, or holding her, etc. He usually holds her when she's upset. But right now he's slightly unsure of himself as well, since he unsure of how to help her, and he's also scared to do anything to scare her or upset her.**

**Coming up...what is Edward going to talk to Emmett about? How will things go when Bella tells Charlie? Will he believe her? And will things change between Edward and Bella?**

**Okay guys...let me know what you thought, since I kept changing this chapter when I wrote it. So review and let me know what you thought of it, and let me know that you're still interested! [and tell me if you want Bella or Edward's POV with telling Charlie]**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys. I wanted to thank you all for all of the alerts and favorites, and especially those of you who took the time to review! Thank you!**

**Some news: Fix You now has a beta! Feenrai is now my beta, so...all my lovely tense issues and all that will be gone and corrected! [I know, you're probably all sighing in relief, lol]. She's also starting to go back through the older chapters, too, so as they're done I'll be replacing the them with the beta'd chapters.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.**

**------------------------------**

**Chapter 11**

**EPOV**

After a few long moments, I could hear the shower running and knew that Bella was safely inside.

I let out a large breath in an attempt to release the anger I could feel coursing throughout my every limb. I fought the urge to punch the wall, as I descended the stairs, knowing that Esme would not be pleased to know I had caused damage to our home.

Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs, I saw Emmett sitting on the couch watching a football game. I quietly made my way over to the couch and took the empty seat beside my brother, staring blanking at the screen in front of me.

"How did you do it?" I suddenly questioned.

He rubbed the back of his neck and gave me a quizzical look before asking, "Do what?"

"With Rosalie," I prompted, hoping to receive advice.

"Bro, I don't really think that now is the time for a sex ed. lesson," Emmett furrowed his brow.

As I listened to his thoughts, I saw that he really did believe that I wanted advice on such an inappropriate thing at this time--due to how I had phrased the question. That was the absolute furthest thing from my mind at the moment. My thoughts were on my Bella, and how I could help her.

"Emmett," I growled. "I _meant_ how did you do it: how did you help Rosalie deal with what she went through?"

"Oh!" he exclaimed, looking apologetic. His thoughts proved that he felt bad about his previous comment. His face became very serious, his posture more at attention, as he turned to look directly at me. "It wasn't easy at first," he told me solemnly.

"It's harrowing," I interrupted gently. "I don't know how you did it, Emmett. Every moment is so heartbreaking, knowing that the love of your life went through that and is in so much pain. It makes you feel so--," I stopped, trying to summarize all that I was feeling into a single word. Nothing seemed adequate.

"Helpless?" Emmett offered. I nodded in agreement.

I could not help but feel helpless. My Bella is in such pain, and is terrified, but I cannot seem to do a thing about it. I would love nothing more than to be able to take her into my arms and hold her against me—until she falls asleep—murmuring soothing words to her and letting her know that she will be okay and that she is safe now.

But I could not do that. I feared even touching her in the slightest way, knowing that it may terrify her. I have never felt so helpless or unsure of myself. I always thought of myself as a knowledgeable being, but in this situation I felt as though I was a mere fool.

"I felt that way, too," Emmett's unusually quiet voice broke me out of my thoughts. "It gets easier over time. You just need to keep that in mind," he encouraged.

I stayed silent, but gave a slight nod to acknowledge his words. I just hoped with all my being that things would get easier for Bella.

"Things were really hard with Rose at first, you know," he confided. I snapped my head up to look at him, never having heard he or Rosalie speak of their situation in detail before. "Things are obviously a lot better, but even now she still has times where she gets caught up in memories, and then she ends up a little more closed off and distant.'

"At first," he continued, "it was a slow process. It took her a long time to trust me the way she does now. At first, I was lucky to even get to hold her hand, or touch her hair," he said softly, a far away look in his eyes as his mind conjured up the memories he was explaining to me. "I once made the mistake of coming up behind her and wrapping my arm around her waist," he lamented. "She freaked: started hitting me and screaming. Let me tell you, the girl can throw a punch," he mused, a smile threatening to creep onto his face, seeming proud of her strength. But once she saw it was me, she apologized and went upstairs and locked herself in our room. She barely spoke to me, unless it was necessary, for a few days after that," he told me, his face serious and his thoughts nothing but reminiscent.

"There wasn't anything I could do but just be there for her. Listen, if she wanted to talk. Hold her, if she wanted to be held. Just be there with her if she just wants to sit there with you, just to know you're there," he brought his eyes up to meet mine. "Right now, it's all the small things that count, Edward. That's all you can really do, even if it makes you crazy to know you can't do more. Be there for her, talk to her, listen to her. But don't push her. She'll just close up, bro. Just give her time to trust you again," he advised. "And whatever you do, either let her initiate physical contact, or don't touch her without giving her a choice in the matter, or without waiting for permission," he added, his eyes fierce with his warning.

"Bella and Rose are dealing with the same thing and not just because they were both raped." I shot him a quizzical look, so he quickly continued. "Both were raped by men they knew and trusted. That makes it harder, bro. Just think about the fact that they both knew their rapist—they were close to them and cared about them. They trusted them. What these guys did…it betrayed the girls in so many ways. Mind, body and soul. It makes them question who they are and it shatters their trust. It makes it harder for them to trust anyone: it destroys their self-image and self-worth," he patiently explained to me, his thoughts still filled with moments between himself and Rosalie in past.

"You know that Rose has always been known for her beauty," he went on. I nodded in agreement, knowing this about my sister, and how she used to be treated while still human because of her appearance. "Sure, she may have seemed confident all along concerning her looks, but there are countless times where she is so unsure of herself or thinks so very little of herself. Sometimes even now she still needs reassurance," he informed me.

I sat back in my seat, shocked by what he had just told me concerning my confident sister. Rosalie, despite what she had been through, had always appeared completely confident. Even her thoughts seemed confident. The only times I have heard any question within her about her own beauty was when she realized my feelings for Bella. She thought Bella was plain and could not understand how I could be attracted to Bella but not her when Carlisle changed her in hopes of us being together.

But, I suppose she would know to block her thoughts from me when those thoughts did come to mind. Knowing Rosalie's personality, it was obvious that the more insecure, vulnerable side of Rosalie was reserved for only Emmett to see.

"You have to be careful with Bella," he broke me out of my thoughts. "She's very fragile right now. She's scared. Be there for her. That's all I can really tell you, man. It's hard as hell, and it will take a while, but things will get back to normal over time—or as normal as things can be. She'll start to be a bit more at ease…not so scared. Hopefully she will be able to deal with being touched again, too," he added, his face now appearing sad as his thoughts focused slowly on Bella and her fear towards his outburst earlier.

"She knows you didn't mean to scare her, Emmett," I explained in response to his thoughts.

"I'm sorry about that. I didn't think. I didn't mean to scare her," Emmett added in a remorseful tone, casting his gaze downward.

I realized, while looking at Emmett's serious, tense expression, that this is the most serious I had ever seen my brother. He was generally so care-free and laid back, always taking things lightly. But now, he was anything but. Even his thoughts were troubled with no hint of humor or ease. I was glad for the fact that I was able to see this side of him—this serious and loving side of him.

We fell into silence for a moment, before Emmett's deep voice spoke.

"What are we going to do about what that dog did to her?"

I could see the mental images he was creating in his mind of all the things he wished to do to Jacob. All the ways he could kill him or inflict pain upon him.

"We can't break the treaty. Bella made me give her my word that I won't harm Jacob, for the sake of the treaty. As always, she is looking out for us instead of herself…If killing him meant that she was safe, that he could no longer hurt her, then I would gladly face the repercussions of my actions from the rest of the wolves. Even if it meant that the treaty was broken," I almost snarled. "But, I've promised Bella, so we cannot kill that mongrel," I reaffirmed.

I could still see Emmett's thoughts focused on ways he could physically harm Jacob, varying from beating him senseless, to torturing him.

"Emmett," I warned.

His eyes met mine, and his thoughts redirected themselves.

"He shouldn't be able to get away with this, Edward," he told me in exasperation.

"He won't be getting away with it. If you wish to protect Bella, do so by making sure that neither Jacob, nor any of the other wolves get near her."

I stopped, listening to a sound I was attuned to. Bella's heartbeat. It was no longer calm and steady: it seemed to be erratic—panicked.

"Just please be good, Em. Don't do anything stupid," I cautioned as I stood, quickly making my way upstairs towards the bathroom, to check on Bella.

**BPOV**

I sat at the bottom of the tub, the ice cold water spraying down over me from the showerhead, as I still scrubbed my raw skin.

My fingers were now prunes, and my teeth were chattering, but I couldn't bring myself to move. One thought kept paralyzing me in fear: would Charlie believe me?

I was snapped back to reality when I heard a frantic knock on the door.

"Bella, love? Are you all right?" I heard Edward call to me through the door, his voice anxious.

"Yes," I choked out.

"Please come out, Bella," he pleaded.

"I—um…kay," I stuttered, unsure if I could finally bring myself to come out.

With as much determination as I had—especially with the knowledge that Edward was waiting for me on the other side of the door—I quickly shut off the water and climbed out of the tub.

After drying myself and dressing while being careful to avoid looking at myself in the mirror, I finally opened the door and came face to face with a worried Edward.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his eyes visibly giving me a once over, making sure I was indeed okay.

I nodded in reassurance, though I could see his eyes linger on the exposed, reddened skin at my neck and hands, from my having scrubbed the skin raw.

"Can we just go tell Charlie and get this over with, before I lose the nerve?" I asked, knowing I didn't have the nerve to do it in the first place. But, the sooner Edward's scrutiny was off of my skin, the better.

"Of course," he told me, attempting to give me a small smile; but it was all wrong. It was tight and forced. His eyes betrayed him, as they were still full of pain.

Without another word, he led me outside to his Volvo and, as usual, after making sure I was securely belted in, he sped towards Charlie's.

I wasn't sure if I was thankful for his speed for once, or if I was even more terrified of it than usual. Part of me was thankful for it, knowing that then it would bring me to Charlie faster, and I could get this over and done with, before I chickened out. But, another part of me was terrified of it because I did not want to tell Charlie. I feared Charlie's reaction.

Apparently, I couldn't get away from it. Within what seemed like minutes, we pulled up into the driveway, right beside Charlie's cruiser.

"Are you ready, love?" I heard Edward ask me.

But I didn't answer, my gaze transfixed on the front door—knowing that I have to walk through it and tell Charlie that I was raped. That _Jacob_ raped me. He could either go on an insane rampage, or he could laugh in my face. I'm not sure which reaction I'm more terrified of.

I could feel myself start to hyperventilate, my nerves now becoming too much.

I shook my head, telling Edward I wasn't ready. I couldn't do this. There was no way. What if Charlie didn't believe me? What would I do?

I gasped for air, before hearing Edward's voice speak softly to me.

"Bella, look at me," he instructed. I shook my head, not wanting to meet his eyes. Not wanting to see the anxiety and pain I had already caused him and now, may possibly cause Charlie. "Look at me," he demanded in a more firm tone.

Unwillingly, I turned to meet his gaze.

"I'll be in there right beside you, Bella. If it becomes too much, we can stop. We can take a break," he reassured me. I still shook my head, not being able to do this as I continued to gasp for air. "Bella, you can do this. I won't let anything happen to you. I will hold your hand the entire time, if you'd like. But you need to tell him, Bella. He can help you. Since you refuse to allow me to 'take care' of Jacob, Charlie can help ensure that Jacob will never be able to come near you." Edward patiently explained this to me, his eyes boring into mine with such warmth and care that it was hard not to feel calmer afterwards.

"Okay," I muttered. I was still taking in uneven bursts of air, but not quite as harshly, anymore.

With that one word, Edward got out of the car and quickly came around to the passenger's side to open the door for me. His eyes met mine again, and he offered his hand to me.

I stared at it, blinking multiple times before finally placing my hand hesitantly in his, hoping his nerves of steel would transfer to me as well. However, I knew that was nothing but wishful thinking.

Edward took my hand in his, leading me towards the house. When we got to the front door, I could feel the constriction in my chest again, my breathing becoming a bit more erratic.

"Breathe, Bella," Edward whispered in my ear, causing me to jump as he opened the door and led me inside.

"Is that you, Bells?" Charlie called out, seeming slightly distracted by the game he was watching on TV.

"Yeah," I managed to blurt out when I caught enough air in my lungs.

"Hello, Chief Swan," Edward added, his tone polite.

"Edward," Charlie grumbled, not seeming very thrilled by his presence.

"If Bella and I could have a word with you in the kitchen, please," Edward asked, probably knowing I wouldn't take the step on my own.

After some incoherent muttering under his breath, I heard the TV click off and Charlie's foot steps approaching.

I kept my eyes cast downward as Edward led us all into the kitchen—Charlie taking a seat on the side opposite of Edward and myself.

"Now, what's this all about?" Charlie asked after a minute of silence.

After still getting no response from neither Edward, nor I, Charlie's voice became slightly agitated. "Bells, what's going on? Did Edward hurt you?" He began to ramble, but cut himself off with a new thought: "You're not pregnan--"

"No!" I practically shrieked. "Edward didn't hurt me! And I'm not—I'm not pregnant," I added in a whisper, my voice now lacking its strength. I knew that it could have been a possibility, had it not been for Carlisle treating me earlier.

Charlie eyed Edward, sending him a slight glare before refocusing his gaze back on me, waiting for answers.

"Edward didn't hurt me," I told him again, trying to suck in a large amount of air. I could already feel my chest and lungs constricting painfully in fear. "Jacob did..."

"What?" he asked in disbelief. "Jake's a good kid. I'm sure whatever it was, he didn't mean any harm," he said in an off-hand tone, not yet understanding the severity of the situation.

At his words, I saw Edward visibly stiffen beside me. I could feel myself beginning to gasp for air—my throat and chest were now completely constricted, blocking my airway. The familiar, traitorous tears were dewing up on my lower lashes, as I watched my fears about this situation come true, right in front of my very eyes.

Charlie didn't believe me.

I felt Edward bring our intertwined hands into his lap, taking my hand into both of his and rubbing it softly to try and calm me.

Edward's soothing touches, however, had little effect on me, and my fear was replaced with panic. Charlie is my father—he should believe me. But, instead, he's believing that Jacob is innocent. If he doesn't believe me, then I won't be safe. He would still let Jacob and Billy come to the house, and I would have to see Jacob. I would have to be near him. And the worst part of all, was that Charlie would trust him. He would trust him to be around me, and then who knows what will happen. But I wasn't going to wait around to find out. He had to know, otherwise he wouldn't understand, and I wouldn't be safe.

I stood up, still gripping Edward's hand. I felt the words rise up in my throat before I could think to stop them. "No, Dad!"

"Now, Bella, calm down," he told me sternly, rising to his feet. "That's enough. I'm sure whatever happened was a misunderstanding," he told me, his confused and serious eyes now locked with my tear filled ones.

"Jacob raped me!" I clamped my hand over my mouth, my eyes wide with fear and shock at my own outburst.

Everyone remained in total silence. No one dared to speak. The only thing I could hear was the heavy pants of breath and my occasional sniffle, as my tears gushed, miserably down my cheeks.

Charlie, who had remained standing, suddenly plopped down into his seat, the color slightly draining from his face.

I felt Edward gently tug on my hand, in hopes of getting me to sit back down. With no resistance, I slumped down into my chair, still gasping for air and rapidly blinking my eyes, in a futile attempt to stop my tears.

I felt an icy cold hand softly pry my hand away from my mouth, probably in the hopes of helping me breathe more easily.

I was focusing on looking at anything but Charlie through my blurry tear filled eyes, when I heard him speak, his voice uneven:

"Wha--" he cleared his throat. "What did you just say?"

After a moments hesitation on my part, being too scared to speak the words again, Edward decided to speak up on my behalf.

"He raped her," he confirmed for Charlie, his voice grim, and his posture yet again taking on that rigid pose.

Charlie sent a glance in Edward's direction, ignoring Edward's confirmation, perhaps in fear of it's truth, before turning his intense and confused stare to me. "Bella?"

I could feel the sobs rising in my throat, and I fought to keep them at bay. I quickly swiped the fallen tears off of my cheeks, as I felt Edward give my hand a reassuring squeeze.

"He—he...raped me," I whispered, the sobs finally erupting from within my chest.

Charlie's overly pale face started to become the color of a tomato when he finally managed to find words. All the while I sat there sobbing, with Edward rubbing soothing circles on the top of my hand.

"I—he—he what?!" he both shouted and questioned at the same time. His hand came down hard on the table, causing me to jump, flinch back into my chair, and begin to shake. "I'm going to kill him! That little..." his voice trailed off, then he suddenly turned to me. He seemed to regain his composure, and took on a professional edge. "When?"

"Two days ago," I gasped out, my eyes still shedding tears, as I shook.

"Two days ago? And you're only telling me this now? Why didn't you come to me sooner, Bella?!" he demanded, his harsh tone causing me to recoil back even further.

"I—I couldn't..." I whimpered, hanging my head down and avoiding Charlie's gaze. "I didn't want anyone to know."

"Yet you have no problem telling _him_," he huffed, pointing his head in Edward's direction.

"I found out purely by accident. Bella did not willingly tell me. I just found out last night," he told Charlie before I even had a chance to respond.

Everything went silent, causing me to look up, as Charlie seemed to think about this for a minute. He shut his eyes and inhaled deeply before sighing. When he opened his eyes, he looked me right in the eye, before I quickly looked away.

"Bells, you should have come to me right away. I would have taken care of you: protected you. You should have been taken to the hospital to do a rape kit and to make sure you're okay," he rambled before inhaling sharply and asking me the one question I didn't know the answer to: "Are you okay?"

I didn't know how to answer that question. I _couldn't_ answer that question. I may be okay physically, for the most part, but I didn't _feel_ okay. Every part of me ached, both with physical and emotional pain. I was hurt that Jacob did this to me. I was also angry that he did this to me. I was angry that he took my virginity from me—a thing that I was supposed to give to Edward. I was angry at myself for letting this affect me so much that I was afraid to let Edward touch me. Edward, who I knew, more than anyone, would respect my wishes and would only touch me when and where I was comfortable. Yet, I couldn't stop myself from being scared. I hated that the one person I wanted comfort from...I couldn't, because I was too scared to let him get close enough to me to comfort me the way he usually would, if I were upset.

I felt so many things—so many conflicting emotions that it was impossible to decide if I was okay or not. So I gave Charlie the only answer that I could—the only comforting information I could give him.

"I—umm—I don't know…Carlisle examined me," I whispered, my eyes clenching shut at the memory, as another few tears slipped down my cheeks.

"And?" Charlie prompted, seeming anxious to find out the results of my exam.

"Physically, she's okay, aside from some bruising," Edward cut in for me, taking over the conversation to explain to Charlie the extent of my injuries. Thankfully he omitted the vaginal tearing--I didn't want Charlie to know about that. I was already embarrassed and ashamed of what happened and Charlie knowing that would only make it worse. "My father diagnosed her with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, along with haphephobia: a fear of being touched," he explained calmly. Out of my corner of my eye, however, I could see that his eyes were tight and anxious, his posture to rigid, and his cold hand never let go of mine.

"Is this true, Bella?" Charlie asked, once again wanting a confirmation from me. I merely nodded my head in response. My throat was thick with my tears, and my body was still slightly trembling, despite the fact that Charlie believed me. I could at least take in bigger gulps of air now that my mind began to acknowledge the fact that, despite Charlie's anger at me for not coming to him right away, he believes me. He actually believes me.

"What about a rape kit?" Charlie turned his attention back to Edward now, his tone back to being professional as he broke me from my thoughts.

"She had already showered by the time I found out what had happened. Any evidence was gone. He did thoroughly examine her, and although there might not be evidence to help prove that Jacob is guilty, there is additional physical and emotional evidence of the rape. The bruising and PTSD, for example, among other things," Edward explained, his tone almost seeming professional as well, in the slightly more detached way he was speaking.

I just sat there, gripping Edward's hand tightly in mine, with my watery eyes squeezed shut, my body rocking itself back and forth slightly. I just wanted this conversation to be over…for this whole nightmare to be over. I didn't want to talk about this and I didn't want to deal with this.

"Can I please go upstairs?" I asked in a whisper, just wanting to be in the comfort of my room, away from this conversation, and away from this issue.

Both brown and gold eyes turned towards me, making me gasp at their sudden intense gaze. I quickly diverted my eyes, unable to look at them. Too ashamed to look at them.

"Of course, Bells," Charlie told me, his face soft, unlike earlier.

I tried to send a weak smile in his direction, flashing my eyes up to meet his for the briefest of seconds before I stood up, whilst still not letting go of Edward. But Charlie's voice stopped me in my tracks and made my heart stop and then begin to pound painfully in my chest. My whole body began to shake in fear, again.

"But, tomorrow you're going to have to come down to the station, so we can file a report."

**--------------------------**

**So there you have it, guys. Bella finally told Charlie. Did it live up to your expectations? And just a note: I know the majority of you wanted Charlie to find out in Edward's POV, but I also realized it was important to see/feel Bella's emotions and response to telling him as well. For the sake of making sure this chapter wasn't ridiculously long, I decided to split it up. So this chapter is Bella's POV on it. The next chapter will be Edward's POV on telling Charlie, plus continuing on from where this chapter left off. So you will be getting BOTH character's POVs. Edward's will be next. **

**Coming up next chapter is Edward's POV on the conversation with Charlie, plus that night with Bella needing to stay at home instead of at the Cullens', and of course, going down to the station. How will Bella react to that? Will she be able to get through it? And...is someone having a bigger reaction to what happened to Bella than they've let on?**

**Anyways, please let me know what you thought, and if you felt this chapter lived up to your expectations. Was it worth the wait, at least? So, please review and let me know what you thought, and to let me know you're still interested!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay, guys...Chapter 12 is finally here. I do update as soon as I can, please try to keep that in mind and be patient with me. I wouldn't purposely leave you guys hanging for longer than necessary =).**

**Also, to all of those who reviewed the last chapter: you guys are amazing, thank you! I also wanted to take a minute to comment on something. I want to clarify that I do not hate Jacob [as in Stephenie Meyer's portrayal of him within the books]. I don't find him bad in any way. It's true, I am Team Edward, but that's because I feel Edward and Bella are more suited for one another, and the kind of love they have for one another...you wouldn't find that anywhere else. But with that said, despite me being Team Edward...I do NOT hate Jacob. This is not a hate story. This story was not written to offend anyone, including Jacob fans. In fact, I'm aware of a few people who are Team Jacob who also like this story. If you are Team Jacob and you are offended by this story, I apologize. I did not write it to be offensive, and it is not a hate fic. This is just fictional, guys. It's AU. I'm not meaning any harm.**

**P.S. For those of you who stuck up for me and this story, and also those who have been nothing but encouraging: thank you so much, it really means a lot to me. More than you know =).**

**Italics are Charlie's thoughts.**

**This story is beta'd by my fabulous beta, Feenrai.**

* * *

****

Chapter 12

EPOV

After a panic attack, and my attempts to sooth and convince her it was for the best, Bella finally managed to go inside her home to face Charlie.

I had her tiny hand encased within my own, in an attempt to give her as much comfort as I could, without being able to really touch her. But she seemed transfixed, staring at the front door as the panic returned.

"Breathe, Bella," I whispered, unintentionally startling her and causing her to jump. I mentally cursed myself for scaring her as I led her into the house.

"Is that you, Bells?" I heard Charlie call from his seat in front of the television. His voice was slightly distracted as his thoughts were focused on the game.

After Bella confirmed Charlie's question, giving him a shaky "yeah," I greeted him as well. For a moment, his thoughts drifted from the game, only to focus on me. He wasn't pleased I was there--that much was obvious as he grumbled my name in greeting.

I could see Bella's hesitancy, along with her fear. I knew she would not be able to force the words out on her own, so I attempted to help: "If Bella and I could have a word with you in the kitchen, please," I requested.

He began to mutter unintelligibly, but never the less, turned the television off and made his way into the kitchen, with Bella and I trailing behind him.

After we were all seated, with Bella's hand still tightly clasped in mine, Charlie's negative thoughts ran through my mind: Charlie had had enough of being patient.

"Now what's this all about?" Charlie questioned, his thoughts beginning to wander.

__

She seems upset. Is he leaving again? Did he hurt her? He -- oh God, he better not have gotten her pregnant!

His thoughts soon mirrored his words as he grew impatient and spoke to fill the silence. "Bells, what's going on? Did Edward hurt you? You're not pregnan--" but Bella efficiently cut him off.

"No! Edward didn't hurt me! And I'm -- I'm not pregnant," she explained, her voice seeming defeated and weak. So unlike my beautiful Bella who was usually so full of strength and determination. That was merely another reason I wished to kill Jacob. For causing Bella to become scared and timid. For robbing her of certain aspects of her personality.

But my thoughts were soon ceased, as I could see Charlie glaring in my direction, obviously not wanting to fully believe Bella's previous words.

"Edward didn't hurt me," Bella gasped, and I could hear the increase of her breathing as it became more shallow and labored with each breath. "Jacob did," she whispered as her body began to tremble infinitesimally.

"What?" Charlie asked as his eyebrows rose in question and disbelief, not yet believing the truth to Bella's words.

__

What has that boy done now? He doesn't usually mean any harm, he just gets over excited sometimes. It was probably just a misunderstanding and things will blow over and get back to normal between them soon.

"Jake's a good kid. I'm sure whatever it was, he didn't mean any harm," he voiced, thinking this was merely some small argument between Bella and Jacob.

I couldn't help but stiffen reflexively, his thoughts and words instantly putting me at unease. If it were merely an argument between them, I would be pleased that that was all. But instead, as Bella attempts to tell Charlie that her former best friend raped her, he seems to not be understanding the severity of the case. His judgment is clouded by his liking of the mongrel.

Sadly, I knew if it was I who she said had hurt her, Charlie would believe it in an instant, and begin to concoct the worst case scenarios in his mind.

I was pulled from my thoughts by the trembling hand that I had enclosed in my own. Bella was now completely gasping, beginning to have a full on panic attack due to the fear of telling Charlie, and also the fact that he seemed hesitant to believe her.

I could smell the slightly salty tears beginning to form in her eyes, and more than anything, I wished I could wrap my arms around her and console her. To make this precious creature beside me feel safe, even if only for a moment.

So I did the only thing I could. I brought her intertwined hands into my lap, and encased her hand between mine as I attempted to rub it soothingly. I wanted nothing more than to calm her, to help her. However, my attempts at comfort seemed to have little effect as I felt her body continue to tremble profusely.

She seemed to be steeling herself for a moment, as her eyes became determined, despite the fear and panic within them. And then without warming, she stood, never releasing my hand as she fought to prove Charlie wrong.

"No, Dad!"

"Now Bella, calm down," Charlie began in a warning tone, his thoughts proving that he wasn't pleased with Bella's behavior at the moment, thinking she was overreacting. "That's enough. I'm sure whatever happened was a misunderstanding," he dismissed the issue, but he began to realize that maybe something was not right. That there was more to it.

__

She really does seem upset, though. Maybe it was more than just a fight…

"Jacob raped me!" Bella's fearful but strong voice broke through the silence as she finally admitted the words that have caused her so much pain already.

She stood frozen in shock and fear, her eyes wide. Her free hand was fiercely clamped over her own mouth, as though shocked the words had come from her in the first place, as she continued to gasp for air.

As the room went silent aside from my Bella's ragged breathing and crying, my focus landed on Charlie's thoughts.

__

He...he what? No, that can't be. But Bella wouldn't lie about something like that. She knows better.

The reality that Bella was in fact telling the truth caused Charlie to suddenly sit, the weight of the situation hitting him like a ton of bricks as the color drained from his face.

__

She is upset. Really upset. She's scared, jumpy. This isn't the normal Bells. Something was wrong…I always thought Jake was a good kid. Did Jake really do that? Could he have raped her?

He continued to question himself and the situation in his mind, as the truth set in, but he was still filled with disbelief and shock. He had trusted Jacob. He never thought something such as this would happen.

As the room remained silent, I began to pull on Bella's hand in an attempt to get her to sit back down before she collapsed, as she seemed almost as pale as myself, and was still trembling and gasping for air. Thankfully, she easily sat back into her chair, the fight in her diminishing some as she realized the hardest words were already spoken.

I began to try and remove Bella's hand from her mouth, as her breathing was still so shallow and sporadic. I feared that she would faint.

I could see Bella avoiding Charlie's gaze, her free hand picking nervously at the hem of her shirt.

To see her so fragile and scared only fueled my anger, as I thought of all the things that mongrel had done to her, both physically and emotionally. The poor thing even feared her father's reaction, along with mine! He took her trust, her confidence, her innocence. And in Bella's eyes, he also damaged her self-worth. He even took away the simple comfort of being touched, of human contact.

I could feel a growl building in my chest as the anger of those realizations tore through me. If I had not promised Bella not to kill that mongrel, that monster, I would have already killed him. Nothing could have stopped me. The only thing that stopped me was having given Bella my word, who sat beside me crying and still fighting for sufficient oxygen.

"Wha--" Charlie stopped, clearing his throat as his thoughts remained a jumbled mess as he fought to sort through the facts that were already known. "What did you just say?" he questioned in a hoarse voice.

As I glanced at Bella in my peripheral vision, I saw her lower lip trembling, and her eyes were glassy. I knew she would not repeat the words. So I did the only thing I could in the situation to help her, despite the anger that those words sent coursing through every fiber of my very being.

"He raped her," I managed to force out, my eyes now locked on Charlie's as my body went still as stone, to avoid an outburst due to the unsurpassed anger in me.

__

I need to hear it from Bella. To hear it straight from her. I need to know if that boy did that to my little girl.

So after a quick glance in my direction, he turned to Bella, needing her to say those words over again.

She remained silent, harrowing tears still streaming down her face. I held her hand a little tighter, hoping to bring her comfort and the courage she needed.

While shakily wiping the tears from her pale cheeks, she spoke. "He -- he...raped me," she barely whispered, almost inaudibly before broken sobs erupted from her.

In a futile attempt to calm her, I began to brush my thumb across her delicate hand. All the while, Charlie's thoughts continued to run rampant through my mind:

__

Jake did it?

Jake _did it? Billy's boy, who is like a son to me? Jacob. Raped. My. Bella._

"I -- he -- he what?!" Charlie spluttered as a vibrant red flush covered his face, as he grew both angry and frustrated at his own incoherent and fragmented thoughts. But as his thoughts began to focus more on the situation, and less on the shock, he finally realized that that mongrel did rape Bella. That thought caused him to bring his hand smashing down onto the table, effectively making Bella recoil back into her chair as she shook in fear. "I'm going to kill him! That little..."

He suddenly turned to Bella, his thoughts now becoming more professional, more business-like. He was now in cop mode, dealing with the situation in the only way he knew how.

"When?"

As Bella continued to shake, and more tears cascaded down her face, she managed to gasp out a response. "Two days ago."

__

Two days ago?

Two days ago?_ And she's only telling me _now?_ She knows better than that. She knows these things need to be taken care of right away, to be dealt with. _

As his thoughts ran rampant, he seemed to forget the rational and more emotional aspect involved in Bella telling him. Charlie was not one for emotions, and by no means was he used to thinking of the emotions involved in a stressful situation with a teenage daughter. So he focused his thoughts in a more professional way, questioning why she would not tell the police chief immediately, instead of a daughter telling her father.

"Two days ago? And you're only telling me this now? Why didn't you come to me sooner, Bella?" he demanded, causing Bella to shrink back into her chair even more.

Bella's head hung low as she whimpered, her tears still flowing as she responded. "I -- I couldn't..." her voice shook, along with her body. "I didn't want anyone to know."

Charlie's gaze immediately fell to me, his thoughts becoming bitter and his voice becoming accusatory as he questioned why Bella had no problem telling me what happened.

"I found out purely by accident," I cut in on Bella's behalf, not wanting her to have to deal with the brunt of Charlie's misplaced anger. "Bella did not willingly tell me. I just found out last night."

As the room fell silent yet again, Charlie shut his eyes in an attempt to compose himself and reign in his anger. He wanted to be able to focus.

__

If I weren't the chief of police, I would go down to La Push right now and kill that little bastard. How dare he lay a hand on my daughter! I trusted him! Bells trusted him! And this is what he does, this he how he repays us: by raping my little girl! I am not going to let him get away with it. He'll pay for what he did, I'll make sure of it.

Bella needs me. I need to be there for her however I can be. I can't be mad at her. I'm

not_ mad at her. _

"Bells," he began as he opened his eyes, locking gazes with Bella for a split second before she quickly turned away. "You should have come to me right away. I would have taken care of you - protected you. You should have been taken to the hospital to do a rape kit and to make sure you're okay," Charlie began to prattle on, then abruptly stopped as he sharply inhaled a breath. "Are you okay?" he asked his daughter.

Bella seemed to instinctively stiffen at the question, as she blinked multiple times in thought. After a few silent moments, she finally spoke in a broken and reminiscing tone. "I -- umm -- I don't know. Carlisle examined me," she shivered as her eyes shut tightly through her tears.

"And?" Charlie pushed, hoping for a more definite answer. But seeing Bella in the shaken up and broken state that she was currently in, I knew she would rather not have to discuss this aloud right now.

"Physically," I spoke up, grabbing Charlie's attention, "she's okay, aside from some bruising. My father diagnosed her with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, along with haphephobia: a fear of being touched," I explained as calmly and thoroughly as possible, when really, the mere thought of her injuries made me want to snarl in anger at what Jacob had done to her.

__

Little son of a... How could he do that to her? How could --. At least Dr. Cullen was able to examine her. And now she's scared to be touched? And Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Oh God. I need to know if it's true. I have no reason not to trust what the boy says right now, but I need to hear it from her. I need her to confirm it.

"Is this true, Bella?" he questioned her. But the only response he got in return was a small nod from the still slightly trembling girl sitting across from him. But then his focus was back on me, firing off more questions in a true cop fashion. "What about a rape kit?"

I spoke in a more professional tone as well, hoping if I became detached, I would manage to keep my anger under control. I quickly explained to him that Bella had already showered before Carlisle examined her, and that all evidence was gone. "He did thoroughly examine her, and although there might not be evidence to help prove that Jacob is guilty, there are other physical and emotional evidence," I continued to explain, not wanting him to lose hope. "Such as the bruising, and PTSD, among other things."

As I spoke the words, I could see Bella begin to rock herself back and forth ever so slightly, her tears still quickly falling.

"Can I please go upstairs?" she pleaded.

Both Charlie's eyes, along with my own, snapped to Bella, causing her to gasp and quickly look away as she awaited her answer.

"Of course, Bells," Charlie's features and voice, along with his thoughts became softer. Concern for his daughter took over his mounting anger, and he decided to be as gentle and loving as possible, in hopes of it making things easier on Bella.

She attempted a smile, which appeared to be more of a grimace, as she stood, her hand never ceasing its hold on mine. I stood with her, letting her take a few steps forward as I began to follow.

But her steps suddenly faltered as Charlie's voice floated through the room once again.

"But, tomorrow you're going to have to come down to the station, so we can file a report."

Her heart rate fell and then went into over drive, pounding nearly twice as quickly as normal. Her palms began to sweat, and her body began to tremble in fear yet again.

Within Charlie's thoughts, he also noted the difference in Bella caused by his words.

__

It has to be done. No matter how hard it is for her. No matter what it does to my friendship with Billy. This needs to be taken care of and dealt with. And if it's the last thing I do, I'm going to protect Bella, and that means handling this the right way - filing a report and taking the proper legal actions. Despite how much I'd love to go down to La Push and find that kid...

He shook his head to clear his thoughts, and to stop the onslaught of near murderous scenarios running through his mind.

I stepped forward, keeping hold of Bella's hand to bring her along with me as we ascended the stairs to her room. Thankfully, Charlie knew I would not try to do anything to Bella, so he didn't protest to me accompanying Bella to her room.

Never would I harm her. I had decided that it was infinitely better that I stay by Bella's side than to foolishly believe she would be safer without me. I needed to be sure Jacob would never be able to harm Bella again. I had thought myself a monster, but it appears as though Jacob is far worse a monster than I ever thought myself to be.

I would not consider making love to Bella now, nor would she want that. Our prior discussion the night we were finally able to be alone, she had made me promise to at least _try_ to make love to her while she was human. But as of now, there is no possibility that I would ever agree to that. Not after what she has been through, even if by some miracle or twist of fate, she still wished to go through with that promise.

Bella's sniffling brought me out of my thoughts, her shoulders slightly trembling from her quiet sobs.

"Come on, sweetheart, why don't you get changed and climb into bed? I'll stay with you, even if I must leave for a few minutes for Charlie's benefit. I'll come back in through your window, as always," I urged her, already explaining I would stay, to avoid Bella becoming more upset in case she thought otherwise.

She simply nodded, unwillingly releasing my hand from hers as she grabbed fresh clothing and slowly made her way to the bathroom.

I sat frozen on her bed, unsure of where she would prefer me to remain. She may not wish to have me lay in bed with her, due to the close proximity. She may prefer me to remain sitting in her rocking chair throughout the night, as I've done other times in the past.

Moments later, she re-entered her bedroom, her red, puffy eyes still downcast. Her teeth were violently chewing her lower lip, as she appeared deep in thought.

"Bella?" I questioned quietly, not wanting to startle her, but to at least get her to release her bottom lip, as I feared it would begin to bleed soon.

Her head snapped up, her eyes meeting mine. "I can't," she said, her eyes filling with tears again.

"Can't what, love?" I asked, her mind still a mystery to me. I wished especially now that I would be able to have access to her mind, her hidden thoughts. It would be more helpful now than ever before, as a way to know what she was thinking, feeling, in order to help her more thoroughly.

"I...I don't know if I can tell it again, to tell the police -- to make the statement," she said so quietly it would have been hard for a human to hear. Her distraught face was heartbreaking, as she again took her tortured lip between her teeth.

I moved over, giving her more room so that there would be no physical contact, then patted the spot next to me, motioning for her to come sit. Once she was seated, I began to speak.

"You can do it, Bella. You are so incredibly strong and brave. In my one hundred and eight years, I have encountered few who are as brave as you. You are by far one of the bravest people I have ever met; and, over the years, I have met a lot of people and learned a lot about them, especially with my ability to read their thoughts. Not everyone has the strength that you possess. You are trying to get past this, to live your life. And for that, I am so proud of you, love. You can do this tomorrow, Bella. I know you can. I will be there to support you," I assured her. My hands twitched with the will to hold her, but I dared not move.

Her eyes finally raised to look up at me, and I saw more tears within her deep brown eyes. She finally released her lip from her teeth again, only for her to speak. "Thank you," she whispered. A single tear slid down her sallow cheek. If I knew my Bella, then these particular tears were thankfully not due to sadness, but due to my words.

"You should sleep," I whispered as well, matching her tone of voice in order to try and help put her at ease, knowing that with sleep came nightmares.

She visibly shuddered, but nonetheless began to shift on the bed, and pulled the covers over her legs. As she proceeded to do so, I stood, now centered between the bed and the rocking chair, unsure of where she would prefer me to be.

After she was seated comfortably, she turned to me, her eyes pleading. "Edward?"

I knew then where she wanted me. I nodded, slowly moving closer to her bed, before climbing in.

"Please stay," she pleaded, her eyes fearful.

"Always," I promised.

We lay so that we were not touching, both curled up on our sides to face one another. If that was how she was most comfortable, then I would certainly stay that way.

"I'm scared," her quivering voice broke through the silence moments later.

"Of what, love?" I questioned softly, as I searched her face for the answer.

"I don't feel...safe here. He could show up at any time, Edward," her lip trembled as she spoke the words, her fear evident. "When I was at your house, I knew your family was around. I knew he would never try to sneak in there. But here...here he wouldn't hesitate. I know Charlie wouldn't let him in, but -- but he's come in through my window once before, too," she told me, her eyes filling with fearful tears.

"Bella, you won't be left alone, not even for a moment. I will be with you at all times, and when I must hunt, or for some reason can't be with you -- someone else will be. Alice, Emmett, Esme, Rosalie... We won't let anything happen to you, Bella, I promise you."

After a few moments, her body seemed to relax slightly, and she snuggled farther into her pillow.

"Sleep, my Bella," I whispered. "I will keep you safe," I vowed.

Thankfully, her beautiful eyes fell closed and I waited for her breathing to becoming slow and even.

Eventually it did, and she fell into a fitful and restless sleep. I was sure she was having nightmares, but I was glad she was at least able to sleep. The dark circles protruding beneath her eyes proved that she needed it.

I lay watching her. The way her eyelids fluttered infinitesimally in her sleep. The way that she would purse her lips, before they would relax again. Or when she would frown in her sleep, her body tensing yet again. I wished to erase the fear and stress from her, to be able to give her some form of peace, even if only while in her dreams, where she should not have to be afraid.

She continued to mumble a few incoherent words, as I watched in both utter fascination and in sorrow. She still continued to fascinate me while she slept. I would never tire of watching her sleep. But unlike every other night, it now also filled me with sadness to watch her sleep, as she couldn't even seem to find any peace within her dreams.

I could hear Charlie approaching Bella's room, wondering what was going on due to the silence, and the fact that I was still here. He emerged through the door before softly knocking, his eyes going to Bella, and then to me, as I had positioned myself in the rocking chair upon hearing Charlie approach.

"Edward, you should head on home," Charlie informed me, his eyes on his daughter's sleeping form. "Are you coming down to the station with us tomorrow?" he asked, knowing that I would want to be with Bella.

"Yes, Sir," I informed him.

"Head on home. I'll have Bella call you to let you know when we're going," he told me, his thoughts proving he was speaking the truth, and intended to let me come along.

"Thank you," I stood, preparing to leave Bella's room, knowing that I would be back inside it within minutes. "Good night, Chief Swan."

"Night," he grunted, taking one last glimpse at Bella before closing her bedroom door and following me down the stairs to the front door. "And Edward," he said, causing me to pause just as I was about to exit, though I knew he was debating saying it. "Thanks for...helping Bella with this. She, uh, she seems to need you right now. So you better not take off again, otherwise I don't care what she says, I won't be letting you near her," he warned me.

I knew he was only trying to protect Bella, to keep her from being hurt even more. He was right to do so. I respected him for trying to protect her in any way he could. But he didn't have to worry about that happening again.

"That won't happen again, Sir. I'm not going to leave her ever again. I want nothing more than to be by her side, and to help her get through this," I tried to reassure him, my voice and expression nothing but sincere.

He gave me a brief nod, and with that, I left, getting in my Volvo and driving at top speed to get home, before quickly beginning to run back before Bella could wake. I knew Bella would be safe in the few minutes that took, as I knew Charlie was armed with a gun and would use it if necessary.

****

BPOV

I was vaguely aware of a body sliding into the bed behind me. I could feel them touching me. My hair. My arm. My thigh.

No!

I flinched back, then rolled around to look at them. What I saw made me freeze in terror.

Jacob. In my house. In my bed. Touching me.

His hand was still on my thigh, slowly inching higher. I started to hyperventilate, and tried to kick him away, but it wasn't working. He wasn't moving.

This can't be happening! Not again! I can't let this happen again. I can't. I won't be able to get through it. I won't.

So with that thought in mind, the fight in me kicked in. The instinct of self-preservation. I _wouldn't_ let this happen again.

I swung my arm back at full force, before propelling it forward. My fist came into contact with the hard surface of his chest, causing me to cry out in pain as I heard a sickening snap coming from my hand.

* * *

**That's it for now! I know, I'm horrible to leave it there. But if it makes you feel any better, I've already written some of the next chapter and am about to write some more after this is posted. I hope this chapter was worth the wait, at least. You got a look into Charlie's mind about all of this, along with a better look into Edward's mind. Who's POV of telling Charlie did you like better? Also, I know the stuff with Bella going down to the station was supposed to be in here, but there were a few extra scenes in this chapter, and it was getting long and I couldn't fit everything in. So it will be in the next chapter.**

**Coming up next...find out what will happen to Bella and if she will be okay, along with going to the station. And let me just say...there will be at least two surprises in the next chapter...both good and bad.**

**With all that said, let me know what you thought! Please review and give me your opinion, and to also let me know you're all still interested!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Here you go, the wait due to the last chapter's cliff hanger is over! Thank you to everyone who reviewed! You guys are amazing and I appreciate all of your support =).**

**It was asked why Edward would leave Bella for even a minute in the last chapter. It was because he knew Charlie was there, and awake, and with a gun. He went as fast as he could, and figured she would be safe, given Charlie's presence...plus the gun. He knew Charlie would be on high alert, basically, and knew Jake wouldn't be as daring to try and fight Charlie.**

**This story is beta'd by Feenrai, my fantastic beta.**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

He grabbed the hand that I had just swung at him, holding it rather gently by the wrist, as I felt a pain similar to the one I felt when James broke my leg.

I didn't want him to be touching me. I didn't want to be touched. Especially not by him.

So I began to struggle, and squirm, anything to try and get away, to put some distance between me and him.

"Bella!" a voice whispered urgently, strongly. "Bella, stop. Relax," they whispered, as I continued to struggle and fight, and finally managed to yank my arm from their grip.

But the odd thing was, it was not Jacob's voice. The voice was familiar, and soft, and the tone of anxiousness within it was easy to identify. Only one voice could be that smooth. That velvety.

"Open your eyes, Bella," I heard Edward's voice whisper in urgency, bordering on panic.

This confused me, because I thought my eyes were open. I was seeing Jacob. Right beside me in bed. But, deciding to listen to Edward's anxious, yet soothing tone, I attempted to open my eyes. What I saw made me gasp, and continue to pant for air.

Edward lay beside me, his body kept a safe distance from me, as he lay facing me. His eyes, if possible, became larger, and rounder as he stared at me with his furrowed brows.

As the feeling of ease slid over me, realizing that I had, in fact, dreamed Jacob's presence, I felt my muscles relax a miniscule amount. I tried to force myself to take deep breaths, the short gasps beginning to burn my lungs.

"You were having a nightmare," Edward confirmed for me. "May I please see your hand? I fear you may have broken it," he asked gently, as he watched me carefully, probably waiting for me to scream in terror.

I felt my eyebrows knit together, as I thought over his words. If I had dreamt Jacob's presence, then he wasn't really here. He didn't touch me again. Nobody had touched me, because I knew Edward surely wouldn't. So I didn't really punch Jacob: which meant I punched Edward.

"Oh God," I gasped, as the realization hit me. "You're okay, right?" I asked, only wanting to know he was all right, as it didn't dawn on me in my sleep induced confusion that my fist would not be able to harm him.

He laughed a short, bitter and sarcastic laugh. "Of course. Can I please see your hand, love?" he asked gently, his eyes now shining in concern.

I hesitantly held out my throbbing hand to him, waiting for the unwanted contact. I had been able to hold his hand, to have some form of contact with him, and I was grateful for that, though it wasn't without hesitation. But after that dream, I didn't want to be touched, even if it was Edward. I didn't want anyone's hands on me. Thankfully, he seemed to sense that as he tentatively took my hand in his, giving me a moment as I flinched back, then slowly bringing it closer to him to examine it and ghost his fingers across various bones.

"Bella, love, it looks as though you've broken your finger. We need to get you to Carlisle, so he can set it properly," he murmured, his voice completely anxious and tinged with sadness.

I froze, thinking of what that would mean. More touching. More prodding. More contact that I didn't want. And all due to my own stupidity for punching Edward in my sleep.

As I debated whether or not I could handle the unwanted contact from Carlisle's snow cold fingers, I looked down at my injured hand that was still held by Edward's, and gasped. Because there on my wrist, was the bracelet Jacob had given me, his wolf charm still attached, along with Edward's heart. I had forgotten I still had it on. I hadn't removed it since before what happened. I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed it before. But now that I had, it made my heart stop.

"Love? What's wrong?" Edward asked, his voice even more anxious.

I could feel myself begin to hyperventilate as I yanked my hand from Edward's, as I fought to try and rip the bracelet from my wrist. I needed it off. I needed it off of my wrist. Now. It was from Jacob. It was his. It was from him. It was a symbol of friendship, or love. Friendly love. But mostly, it was a reminder of him. I needed it off.

I fought, and yanked and pulled, trying to pry it from my wrist. I was vaguely aware that my wrist was becoming sore and red, but I didn't care. I just needed it off. I needed Jacob off of me. Every part of him.

"Bella!" Edward nearly shouted, but low enough to not wake Charlie, as he was both alarmed and stunned at my erratic behavior. "You're going to hurt yourself! Stop!"

"Please!" I begged as I still tugged at it, wondering why it wouldn't just break. "Just get it off! Please! I won't even complain if you get me a new bracelet to put the heart on, just please! Please get it off!" I begged, as tears began to fall as I gasped for air.

"Bella, stop. Calm down, love. It's okay. Just be still, and I will get it off, okay?" he asked, in his most soothing tone.

I attempted to take several large breaths, and finally managed to stop my frantic movements as I held my trembling wrist out for Edward to finally remove the bracelet.

Once it was finally off, I staggered back, wanting to be far away from it, from the reminder of Jacob: of what he used to mean to me, of what he did to me. I needed air. I was still gasping slightly, and I just needed air.

I opened my window, gulping in the cool fresh air, as I fought to control my trembling limbs.

"Bella?" Edward called hesitantly. "Do you want me to put it away somewhere?" he asked softly.

I turned away from the window, leaving it open in hopes of the cool air soothing my beyond frayed nerves.

"Please just get rid of it," I whispered, not meeting his eyes, and not wanting to see that bracelet which held so many emotions. "But not the heart," I told him quickly, my eyes shooting up to meet his. "Never your heart," I murmured, realizing that despite everything going on, and despite everything Jacob had done, I had never been more sure of my love for Edward. He was still my rock, my own personal angel, of sorts. I wanted and needed him by my side, and I would never want to dispose of his heart after he's given it to me. Not his un-beating, beautiful heart, or the sparkling one that hung from my bracelet.

Edward's mouth ghosted into a slight smile, before his face became serious again. "Will you allow me to take you to Carlisle? Though since...I can't carry you to run there, and my car is no longer here," he paused, thinking. "We would have to take your truck, and hope it doesn't wake Charlie, because I'm unwilling to leave you alone to get my car and come back. And I can see in your eyes that you would never agree to that, either," he read me like an open book as he explained our predicament.

"Okay," I shuddered as I thought of Carlisle fixing my hand. I checked my alarm clock, seeing it was nearly 4am. "I'll leave Charlie a note, in case he does wake up."

He nodded in approval, pulling his cell phone out, I assumed to call Carlisle. So I went and quickly scribbled a note, explaining to Charlie that I woke up and fell out of bed, injuring my hand so I went to see Dr. Cullen.

After going downstairs and placing it on the kitchen table, Edward and I left, climbing into my old truck and both wincing as it roared to life.

The drive was silent, and despite my heavy lids, I refused to sleep, not knowing what dreams would come with it.

Faster than I imagined my truck was capable of, we got to the Cullen's. Edward quickly came around to open my door.

As we entered the house, Carlisle came to greet us and told us to go on up to the same room we had been in before. The memory of it caused an involuntary shudder to roll through me, but I followed behind Carlisle, anyway, with Edward right behind me.

When we got in the room, I wordlessly sat upon the same exam table, my entire body rigid with tension and anticipation of what un-pleasantries were to come. I watched cautiously as Carlisle approached me, with Edward by my side.

Edward held his hand out, in offering to me, knowing this would be difficult. I stared at it a moment, and decided to try. I needed comfort. I needed something - anything to get through this, and what a part of me wanted most was to be able to be held in Edward's arms like before this all happened. But now, that idea caused me nothing but panic and fear, making me almost want to scream. I wanted the comfort and familiarity of how things were before. So I decided to try. To try and place my hand in his, to see if I would be soothed by his touch, or recoil from it.

As soon as my unscathed hand touched his, I recoiled, pulling it back close to my body. I shook my head in his direction in a silent apology, my eyes pleading for him to understand.

He gave me a comforting and understanding smile before he spoke. "I'll be right here beside you, Bella."

I tried to smile gratefully at him, but again, I think it was more of a slight grimace.

"All right, Bella," Carlisle spoke, snapping my attention to him, and I held out my painful hand.

He grasped it gently, carefully examining it. I fought the urge to yank it back, to shudder from the touch. I tried to remain as stiff as possible, trying to keep myself locked in place, as to not let the panic take over. I just thanked the stars that the only thing needing to be examined today was my hand.

"Edward was right. You do have a fissure in your knuckle. If you promise to keep it on, I can fit you with a brace instead of a cast," Carlisle spoke softly, and released his grip on my hand.

I nodded quickly in agreement, not wanting a cast.

I shut my eyes, trying to think of only Edward. My happy place. To think of anything but the touches to my hand, and Carlisle fitting a brace to it. Edward in the sun, sparkling. Our first day in the meadow together.

"All done," Carlisle said, breaking me out of my thoughts, with an accomplished, faint smile on his face. "Just take some pain medication if the pain becomes too much," he advised.

"Thank you," I tried to smile again, unsure of whether or not it worked.

As I went to hop down from the table, the muscles in my legs still aching from what happened, Carlisle's voiced made me stop.

"Please be careful, Bella. I would hate for anything else to happen to you," he told me sincerely, his eyes holding nothing but pure compassion.

I nodded once, my lips twitching into a barely there smile at his concern for me.

"I'll try," I whispered, as Edward and I exited the room.

"Are you okay?" Edward murmured, studying my face closely. I nodded, and after staring at me for another minute, he told me he just needed to grab a change of clothes.

After he came back, and we were making our way to the door, Alice's voice suddenly filtered through the room.

"I'll have it there right on time!" she chimed, though I couldn't see her within the house. I shot Edward a questioning glance, and he gave a tense smile before telling me that he was going to ask Alice to drive his car near my house, but out of sight. That way, he would only need to leave for a minute, just to get in his car and show up. He would be close enough by that should anything happen in that minute, he would hear it and be able to be there within seconds.

* * *

Thankfully, Charlie was still asleep when we got back. The note lay undisturbed, so I took it, quickly crumpling it and throwing it in the garbage.

When we got back up to my room, Edward eyed me cautiously. "Do you want to try to go back to sleep?"

I quickly shook my head, not even wanting to consider that option. I would much rather feel exhausted, then to have those dreams forced upon me. I had no control over my dreams. I didn't know what nightmares they would bring. That's what scared me.

Edward frowned, and I knew he was worried. He knew I barely got any sleep.

"At least come lay down. You don't need to sleep. At least just rest," he tried to plead. And still, I couldn't say no to him. Not after everything he's done for me. I knew he was only concerned.

I crawled into bed and laid on my side, pulling the blanket up to my chin as I snuggled into its softness.

"Lay with me, please?" It was my turn to plead. If he needed me to lay here to feel better, then I wanted him right here with me, just like always. It was what I needed to feel better.

He hesitantly climbed into the bed, as he lay on his side facing me, again making sure to keep a safe distance between us as to make sure there was no contact.

I felt his eyes on me the whole time. Any other time, I would have just blushed. But now, it made me uncomfortable. Because he was gorgeous, and pure, despite his beliefs about his soul. But me, I was now tainted and dirty. I didn't want him to see that -- to see _me_. The new me, the way I had become. He shouldn't have to look at me like that. So I continued to avert my eyes, only peeking up at him on occasion.

I didn't know how long we had been laying there, in the silence where sleep never came, before Edward quickly whispered that Charlie was coming. By the time I blinked, Edward was gone.

I heard a faint knock on my door, before Charlie cautiously poked his head in. I turned to look in his direction, as his eyes landed on mine before I quickly looked away.

"It's time to wake up, Bells. Then we can head on over to the station when you're ready," he told me, as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. He stepped into the room more fully before he spoke again. "I know you don't want to give a statement, but Bells, it's for the best, honey. It's one of the best ways to help protect you," he sighed. "I won't let Jake do anything else to hurt you. I'll be there when you give your statement. Call Edward and have him come along, if you want," he told me softly.

"Thanks, Dad," I mumbled. I did appreciate his words, and the gesture of him telling me to call Edward to come with. I wouldn't have been able to do it without Edward either way, though I already knew he was coming, one way or the other. But as much as Charlie's words touched me, I still mentally balked at the idea of going to the station and having to report it -- to have to tell more people. I sighed in defeat, before throwing the blanket off of me so I could get up and hopefully get this over with, despite the anxiety it caused me.

"It'll all be okay, Bells. I promise," Charlie tried to comfort me, his voice suddenly a little hoarse. I appreciated his effort, but I knew it would never be okay. _I_ would never be okay.

With that, Charlie left my room, only for Edward to emerge from my closet.

He encouraged me to go shower and get ready, and that he would be here in my room, waiting for me.

I grabbed my bag of toiletries and some fresh clothes, and made my way into the shower. I turned on only the cold water, not wanting even an ounce of heat. Again, I scrubbed my skin until the point of pain, and when I was done, I was shivering from the cold. The only bonus was that the freezing water had managed to wake me up from the tired haze I had been in.

I tried to keep my now alert mind off of what I was about to do. If I thought about it, I knew I would freak out and try to refuse to go. But I also knew that wouldn't do any good. So I continued to think of Edward--only Edward.

After quickly getting dressed, using a larger sweater in hopes of the sleeve covering more of my braced hand, and finishing my morning routine, all the while avoiding looking at myself in the mirror, I went back to my room. Edward sat there on my bed, not having moved an inch, just as promised. My heart swelled that he had actually stayed, that he wasn't going to leave.

"Bella, love...why don't you go downstairs and have some breakfast? Charlie just finished making some eggs. I'm just going to get my car, and will be back in a minute. I will hear you if anything happens. But I also know that Charlie has his gun on him just to be more cautious." Upon seeing my frown, he continued to speak. "I'll only be a minute. Time me," he tried to smile my favorite crooked smile at me, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Okay," I whispered, already feeling on edge as I walked downstairs.

"Morning," Charlie greeted me when I walked into the kitchen. "Breakfast?" he asked, cocking his head towards the already made food on the stove.

I pursed my lips before nodding, knowing that it would make both Charlie and Edward feel better if I did...even if I didn't end up eating any of it. At my confirmation, Charlie got up to fix me a plate. But as the seconds ticked by, I became more jittery and anxious: both for Edward getting his car, and because of what I had to do today. My leg was bouncing under the table, but I quickly stopped as I winced, my legs still sore.

There was a knock on the door, which caused me to jump. I knew it must be Edward, because it had now been almost a minute. But as I got up to answer the door, I started to wonder if it was someone else. If maybe Jacob had come here, and it was really him on the other side of the door.

I could feel my heart rate picking up, but it quickly regulated as I heard Edward's voice on the other side of the door.

"Bella, it's okay, it's just me," he said, just loud enough for me to hear him through the door.

I flung it open to reveal Edward, wearing fresh clothes, and his now ever present facial expression: anxiousness.

* * *

After one almost break down, lots of fear, followed by lots of nerves, and multiple pep talks, I was finally getting out of the car to go into the station. Charlie walked in front of me, leading the way, while Edward walked beside me, far enough away to give me my needed distance, but still close enough to let me know he was there.

As we went inside, Charlie went to speak to another cop, as I took nervous glances around the station, and at Edward. He seemed completely stiff and rigid, his body too still. He was staring at me with nothing but concern and love in his eyes.

Charlie came up to us, telling us to follow him and Officer Reed. As we did as told, I looked around the room quickly, not wanting anyone to know why I was there. I didn't want that kind of attention. I didn't want the looks of pity.

Officer Reed opened the door to a small, but relatively empty room. It mostly just consisted of a table, with four chairs.

"Have a seat, please," Officer Reed motioned to the chairs.

As I approached the chairs, with Edward still right beside me, and Charlie across from me, I froze. My eyes were glued to the steel chair, and I couldn't figure out if I wanted to sit, or simply bolt out the door. Edward's hand appeared in my line of vision as I continued to look at the chair. He was holding his hand out to me in offering -- in comfort.

I hated it. The idea of being touched. The idea of not being able to touch Edward the way I always used to. But I needed it. The comfort, the strength. I needed him. Fear and flinching be damned, because I needed him, otherwise I would be running out of the door. His hand would keep me grounded. Keep me strong, just like it had when I had to tell Charlie. At least I hoped it would.

So with an extremely shaky and unwilling hand, I slowly put mine in Edward's. I wanted to flinch back, but I locked every single muscle I could, trying to stop myself. I shut my eyes, and breathed in deeply. I kept repeating two things over and over in my mind. _It's just Edward. It's just Edward_. _He won't hurt you._

I fought not to panic at the contact, and silently took my seat. I whimpered shakily, and had a death grip on Edward's hand as Officer Reed took out an audio recorder.

"This is just to record your statement, Ms. Swan," he told me, having noticed my reaction. I breathed in shakily, my breathing already becoming a bit more shallow. The officer began to list my name, the date, and other case information. I tuned him out, not wanting to hear the details of it. I wasn't sure I could handle it.

"Okay, Ms. Swan. You say that Jacob Black raped you, correct?" Reed question. I nodded, before realizing I needed to verbalize all my answers, which only made me more nervous and fidgety, and didn't calm my breathing any.

"Yes," I stated, trying to take deep breaths.

"When did this happen?" he asked.

"Three days ago," I whispered, my eyes focusing on the table top, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone as I continued to try and inhale air into my lungs.

"Where were you at the time?"

"His house. In La Push," I trembled, just picturing the house in my mind. I could feel my whole body begin to shake slightly.

"Can you tell me what happened, Ms. Swan?"

I choked back a sob, not wanting to break down. I could still feel the tears welling within my eyes, though. This was the part I was dreading. The part I feared the most. Now I would have to tell them everything that happened.

So with tears streaming down my face as I shook, and my breathing erratic, I started at the beginning from the time that Edward dropped me off.

I managed to get to the part where Jacob woke up before the sob I had been holding back finally erupted. Edward tightened his grip on my hand, as his thumb began to rub continuous circles on my hand. I tried to concentrate on the movement, on the continuous rhythm of it, despite the fact that it was touching my skin. I tried to time my breathing to his movements. Two circles -- inhale. Two circles -- exhale.

"It's okay, Bells. Take your time," Charlie spoke for the first time. His voice was soft, kind, caring. It was what I needed to force myself to continue. The two most important men in my life being here with me, supporting me, even though I was nothing but a broken, dirty mess.

I continue to tell them what happened, the recorder continuing to document my every word, my every sob and sniffle.

Every time I got to a more difficult part, or clammed up, Edward would squeeze my hand a little tighter, while his thumb never stopped its continuous soothing motion.

I stopped multiple times, my eyes stinging too badly with tears, my throat feeling as though it was sealed shut, and my mouth completely dry. My lungs burned with each and every shaky breath I fought to take.

"I -- I just remember...everything going black. I guess -- I guess I must have passed out," I whimpered as my body continued to shake, and shame continued to engulf me. "The next thing I remember," I sobbed, "is waking up in his car. He...he put my clothes back on me," my voice cracked. "And when..." I trailed off, realizing I hadn't told this part to Edward, or my Dad.

"Go on, honey," Charlie said encouragingly, which caused me to look up at him for the first time since being in this room. His face was bright red, and his eyes were tense, but also filled with an underlying anger. His hands were balled into fists on top of the table as he stared at me, hoping I would be able to continue the story.

I quickly shifted my gaze away, and it fell on mine and Edward's entwined hands. Many times throughout the story, I had wanted to pull away, to flinch from the contact. Many times I did flinch, but I also continued to hold his hand with a death grip the entire time. He was practically my life line at this point. The only thing keeping me remotely sane.

I looked up at him as well, for the time since being in here. He sat as still as stone, forcing himself to breath in order to not draw attention to himself. His eyes were also tense, his expression anguished. His lips were forced into a tight line, and his jaw was locked.

I quickly looked down at my lap, to focus on my bandaged hand.

"He asked me," I whispered, "'that was great, wasn't it? I'm happy I got to be your first'," I recited word for teary word. I blushed at having to reveal that information, and began to shake more violently as another sob escaped. His words were forever seared into my mind. I would never be able to forget them, as much as I tried. And each time I thought of them, a shudder rolled through my body.

"Wh -- When I managed to get...to get out of the car," I stuttered, "I heard him yell 'Bye Bells! We should do that again sometime!'" I whispered through another sob, my shaking intensifying as I gasped for more sufficient air.

I shrieked, jumping back when a fist came crashing down on the table, their body trembling as well. But theirs was due to anger. Charlie had hit the table, his expression almost murderous.

"I'm sorry, Bells. I didn't mean to scare you," he instantly apologized when he seen my reaction, his voice soft, instead of angry.

Edward's hand tightened around mine again, and again, the rhythm of his thumb never stopped. "Shh, it's okay, Bella. It's okay," he whispered to me frantically. I didn't quite understand why, until I realized that I was practically hyperventilating. "Deep breaths, love," he tried to instruct me, and when that didn't work, he began to take the deep breaths himself as he stared me in the eye, hoping I would try to match my breathing to his own.

"A -- are we -- are we done?" I gasped, needing this to be over. Needing to be out of here. I couldn't take any more.

"Of course, honey," Charlie told me, as he began to talk hurriedly in a hushed whisper to Officer Reed.

"Air. Please. I need air," I continued to gasp, my free hand coming up to claw at my throat.

Edward said something to Charlie before he led me just outside the station, his hand still encasing mine.

"Breathe, Bella. Deep breaths. It's okay, love. It's okay. You're safe. I won't let him hurt you again," he murmured, and still, his thumb continued to try and soothe me.

I wished I was still normal enough to allow him to put his arms around me, to just hold me. But I couldn't do that. I was too messed up. Too broken and disgusting. I couldn't even let my fiancée hold me. That thought just made me sob harder, as I realized just how much what Jacob had done continued to make my life fall apart. Everything I knew was different now. I was different now.

"Bella, look at me!" Edward said urgently, as I didn't seem to be calming down any. I hesitantly met his eyes with my own, only to see worry in his eyes. "Breathe in," he told me, as he breathed in himself to show me. "Breathe out," he instructed as I continued to watch him. I managed to focus on him long enough to managed to get my breathing to regulate.

I continued to stare at him, and into his extremely anxious eyes. But suddenly, he froze, his face going blank and his body becoming as still as a statue.

I crinkled my eyebrows together, not understanding what was wrong. Edward's head suddenly whipped to the side, towards the parking lot of the station. I slowly turned my head to follow his gaze, only to see one thing that froze me in terror, and made my breathing become erratic again.

Jacob Black.

* * *

**Another big cliffy! I know, I'm mean. And yep, I made it so that she still broke her finger, like in the book. Except this time..she didn't _technically_ hit Jake.**

**Next chapter...Finally, they come face to face with Jacob. What's going to happen, and how will everyone react? How will Bella react? And how come Jacob is going to look a little...different?**

**Please review, and let me know what you thought, and to let me know that you're still interested!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Finally! I know. Trust me, I do feel horrible this has taken so long to get out. But things have been chaotic lately, from needing to put a beloved pet to sleep, to me getting some minor surgery. I do, however, come bearing some compromises [long AN this chapter due to that]. Sound fair?**

**Many of you have said you always need to go back to the previous chapter and re-read the last part before being able to read the new chapter. So I'm going to start including a "Previously:" thing at the beginning of each chapter, with the last paragraph or two of the last chapter. Hopefully you can jog your memory that way, without needing to go back and re-read. **

**I'll continue with another important AN at the bottom, so you can finally read the chapter. _Please_ read the one at the bottom, too. More compromises for you.**

**Beta'd by Feenrai, who is beyond amazing, and has been very helpful and patient with me.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or any of its characters. Just posters...and a blanket.**

* * *

**Previously: **

_I continued to stare at him, and into his extremely anxious eyes. But suddenly, he froze, his face going blank and his body becoming as still as a statue._

_I crinkled my eyebrows together, not understanding what was wrong. Edward's head suddenly whipped to the side, towards the parking lot of the station. I slowly turned my head to follow his gaze, only to see one thing that froze me in terror, and made my breathing become erratic again._

_Jacob Black._

* * *

**Chapter 14**

I stood there, unmoving. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't even blink. I was frozen.

I heard a low, menacing growl coming from deep within Edward's chest, as he moved to step in front of me, already in a protective stance.

But I managed to get a quick, unwanted and slightly unfocused glance at Jacob, before Edward's broad back blocked my view.

I had memorized his face, after what had happened. It was the same face that haunted my dreams. My nightmares. So it was easy to spot the differences. His lip was split, and slightly swollen, along with a very visible black eye.

I gasped, even through my uneven breathing, surprised at the damage done to his face. But the sight of it only caused my thoughts to swirl even faster, wondering who had caused the damage, and what had happened.

From my peripheral vision, despite my blurry, panicked vision, I could see part of Edward's face as the corner of his lip threatened to twitch into a faint smile, but he held it back. This only confused me further.

"What are you doing here?" Edward growled.

"Questioning, not that it's any of _your_ business, leech," Jacob spat.

I felt like I could see black spots, my vision going in and out of focus. I felt like every single part of my body felt like a live wire, but also felt as though it was weighted down and numb. Like I couldn't move, even if I wanted to.

It was the first time I had heard his voice since that day. It sent a shiver up my spine, causing me to wrap my arms around myself, in a futile attempt to hold myself together. It was the only movement my body could seem to decide to make, probably knowing I would shatter otherwise.

Despite the blurred vision, I could still somewhat make out the tension in Edward's shoulders as he continued to stand protectively in front of me. I heard him mutter something about police stations, mistakes, and bad timing.

"That brute of a brother of yours," Jacob snarled in our direction, obviously speaking to Edward, "you need to tell him to back the hell off."

"Emmett does as he pleases," Edward replied curtly.

"If he were to even try to do that again sometime, I will get the pack involved," he threatened.

But that was as much as I heard, because as soon as Jacob spoke the words 'do that again sometime' -- the same words that have been in the forefront of my mind these past few days, and causing me nightmares -- my body froze completely…including my lungs. I could feel them burning in protest, but I couldn't seem to make them take in air. My vision went black, only to be filled with even more revolting images.

_Jacob's lips came down on mine, hard. I held my lips firmly together, unmoving. I heard a deep grunt leave his lips as he roughly shoved his hips into mine, causing his growing hardness to press into me. I squirmed, and writhed, but definitely not in pleasure... No, in distress. In panic. I shuddered in disgust, not wanting to feel his hardness against me._

_Suddenly his hands let go of my arms, and they fell limply to my sides: useless, as much as I wanted them to move, to push him away, to fight. I was frozen. Stuck. Especially when his hands reappeared on my body, now fumbling with the button on my jeans, and swiftly yanking them down. I felt the sudden chill on my skin, only for it to feel increasingly overheated as his hands suddenly gripped my ankles, slowly skimming and massaging upwards, up my thighs. I could feel every muscle lock on impact, and I again squirmed, trying to fight, trying to move, trying to do anything. But his hands continued their motion, all the way up to my hips, where I could feel his nails press into my tender flesh, as he gripped my hips hard, before quickly yanking my panties down my legs, leaving me completely exposed. Naked, humiliated and mortified, as his hands made their way up to my bare backside, his palms now gripping it tightly, pulling me flush against him, as his denim clad erection pressed against me, in the place I especially did not want it._

_I could feel the scream bubbling up in my throat. I could feel it constricting. I could feel myself being to panic, my lungs seizing, desperately wanting air that my body was not allowing it to have. I felt like every limb was shaking, each individual hair standing on end as my mouth opened and I waited for sound to come out._

It was a jagged, sharp and piercing scream, cut off by my lack of oxygen, as I still couldn't breathe. I could still feel his weight on me. Being held against him. I could feel the heat. The overwhelming heat.

I still felt as though I couldn't move. I couldn't move or fight him off. I could feel the wetness on my cheeks, my tears continuing to help blur my vision.

I could see somewhat, or rather, I could feel a presence in front of me, too close for comfort. He was still on top of me, still holding me to him, unrelenting.

"No!" I shrieked, finding my voice. I wanted to pull back, to move away, to do something, anything, but I couldn't seem to move. My feet felt cemented to the ground, and as if lead had been filtered throughout my entire body, I remained stock still, my body not cooperating.

It was going to happen. He was going to rape me.

"No," I muttered. "Stop, please. No, no, no, no, no," I continued to mutter the words, pleading them, almost, as I gasped them out between jagged, shallow breaths.

I could hear a voice, very faintly in the background. But I didn't want to hear Jacob's voice. I couldn't. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to force my mind to block out the sound, to not hear it. To not hear him.

But as I failed to make myself deaf to the sounds around me, I heard a voice that was unexpected.

My angel. My rock. My Edward.

My eyes flew open, needing to find him, to see where he was within the room. To ask him to help me. To save me.

But as my vision tried to come into focus, my eyes saw only darkness. I blinked in surprise, trying to clear my vision. But the darkness did nothing to help my panic, or my breathing.

"Bella," Edward's velvet voice called to me, ever so softly. However, if I'm not mistaken, despite the calming softness that his voice exuded, there was an undertone of alarm, of panic and of unease.

"Edward," I whispered. "Please help -- please save me," I pleaded, as I felt my breathing hitch and continue to struggle for air, and fresh tears fall freely down my face.

"You're safe, Bella. He can't touch you," he murmured, his eyebrows furrowed in what appeared to be confusion.

As I frantically looked around, confused at his words, I finally felt the pressure release from on top of my body--especially my chest.

Jacob was not on top of me. As I snuck a blurry glimpse over Edward's shoulder, I saw Jacob standing in the parking lot, Charlie now beside him, his grip firm on Jacob's arm. I saw Officer Reed approach them and quickly grab Jacob's other arm, and began ushering him inside the police station rather quickly.

As I saw Charlie approach, he appeared cautious and unsure. He peeked at me from my position behind Edward, my breathing still uneven. But I couldn't deny the relief I felt at seeing Jacob go into the building and become enclosed inside it, away from me, and with at least one thick brick wall between us.

"Hey, kiddo," Charlie said quietly as he came to stand beside Edward, his face appearing older with worry as he gazed at me. "You okay?"

I could feel that my throat was raw, both from my screams and my continuously uneven breathing. Unsure if I could find my voice or not, now that the panic was fading, I simply nodded my head, hoping that I truly was okay. Honestly, I wasn't quite sure.

Charlie stared at me for a moment longer, assessing if there was truth to my unspoken words. He seemed skeptical. Then again, so was I.

He leaned over to speak quietly to Edward. "I need to deal with Jacob. He wasn't supposed to be here. Not yet, anyway. I was going to take Bella home, but I also want to make sure that kid's dealt with properly. I have some choice words for him." He nearly growled, before composing himself, though his frustration still marked his tone. "I'm not going to let her be left alone at home. She should have someone with her. Would you be able to take Bella home to your place for a little while? Are your parents home?"

Charlie didn't seem thrilled at the idea he was suggesting, but I was. I wanted, and needed Edward. I wanted to be at the Cullens', where I knew I was safe.

"They're both at home, Chief Swan. My father doesn't work until this evening. I can take Bella home with me--it's not a problem. I'll keep her safe, Sir," Edward promised.

"I'm sorry, Bells," Charlie said, his voice nothing but sincere. "I was going to take you home, but I need to deal with this. I'll see you in a little while, okay, honey?"

I nodded in his direction, and then he proceeded to tell us that an officer would drive us back to my house, so that Edward could drive us to the Cullen's in his car.

After Charlie said goodbye, an officer quickly approached us, and silently drove us home.

* * *

A short while later, after switching cars, and Edward driving us to the Cullen's, we both entered the large home and a feeling of safety swept over me.

I was protected by people I considered family. By vampires I considered family. And as much as Charlie's been trying to help make me feel safe, I still knew that Jacob would be able to get to me. But with Edward, with the Cullens, I knew that I was protected: safe. And I've never valued that safety as much as I did now.

"Hello, dear," Esme murmured sweetly, her smile hesitant and unsure of my reaction.

"Hi," I practically whisper, my eyes meeting hers for only the briefest of seconds, before I quickly looked away. I tried to smile for her sake, but my facial muscles didn't seem to want to cooperate.

"I think Bella should rest," Edward interjected softly, his eyes on Esme. She nodded quickly, and gave me another warm smile, just before Edward leaned down and whispered that we should go upstairs.

I silently went up the stairs, Edward trailing behind me. When we reached his room, he shut the door behind him, giving us what appeared to be more privacy.

"Are you okay, love?" he murmured, his perfect, beautiful face twisted into worry. I winced at seeing what I was doing to him. How my issues and my being broken were affecting him. And, obviously, not in a good way. "Bella?" he questioned, at my lack of response.

"I'm okay," I responded finally. He looked at me somewhat skeptically, so I continued in honesty. "I think."

"You must be exhausted," he said softly, as he took in my tense posture as I stood in the middle of his room. "Come lay down," he gently suggested.

I realized he was right. I was tired, so I didn't bother to fight him as I climbed onto his bed, instantly curling up on my side, bringing my knees up to my chest, as I tucked myself into a tight ball.

I felt the mattress shift under his weight, as he climbed onto the bed with me.

I realized as he did, and like the last few days, he kept himself a slight distance away, making sure not to touch me in any way. I realized then that since I saw Jacob at the police station, he hadn't made any attempt to offer me his hand. I began to wonder if it was because he didn't think I would want it, to be touched...or if he didn't want to touch me after he's seen what a mess I've become, on top of being ordinary, and ugly.

I eyed his hand, which was up near the pillow, between our bodies, as he lay facing me. I tentatively reached out, thinking I wanted to try and touch his hand, to hold it -- if he'd let me. To see if I was able to initiate that contact and to maintain that contact.

But as my hand got halfway there, I quickly pulled it back, snapped my eyes shut, and tried to stop my thoughts from surfacing, but with no luck.

I didn't want to risk him pulling away, or Edward rejecting me. I already knew I was a broken, disgusting mess, with no redeeming qualities anymore...but if he were to pull away, surely my already broken heart would shatter, and the gaping hole in my chest would reopen. I also wasn't sure of how my own body would react to the contact, but I had been willing to try. It was the fear of rejection that crippled my attempt.

But Edward had seen my intent, and he slowly brought his hand to mine, trying to grasp my hand in his, as I've been able to manage to the last few days. But again, that panic, that fear of being touched caused me to curl my hand into my chest, effectively stopping his attempt.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered hoarsely, "I thought you wanted -- when you tried..." he trailed off, clearly unsure if his words would upset me, or possibly thinking that he had misread the situation.

"I did," I whispered, as my eyes became excessively moist. I realized how confusing I must be. How confused I must seem. No, not confused -- messed up. Crazy, even.

"It's okay," he murmured, his face showing no sign of irritation when I chanced a glance up at him. He held his hand out in offering to me. I took the risk of my unknown reaction, as I realized that he was still at least willing to touch me. I hadn't repulsed him -- yet.

I placed my hand in his, slowly, and as his fingers slowly curled around mine, I felt every muscle in my body tense, and I stopped breathing for a minute. But I had to let go. It was too much--it was too overwhelming. I could feel Jacob's hands all over me again as soon as my hand made contact with Edward's.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, defeated. I forced myself to exhale, and to breathe in. After a minute, I relaxed as much as I possibly could, until Edward's voice interrupted the silence.

"Perhaps we should have a conversation, similar to one of the past." He pursed his lip, but with no trace of anger - only contemplation. "Exactly what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example'" -- he used his hand to motion to my own, indicating our hand holding, clearing not wanting to risk upsetting me by trying to touch me again -- "usually seems to be all right."

For the first time since the rape, a small genuine smile played across my lips as he practically recited my past words back to me. I realized how fitting my words were; only now, the situation was reversed. Now it's me who has issues with close proximity and with being touched.

"I just...got scared," I confessed. "You didn't do anything wrong, I did. I wanted to hold your hand -- or at least, I hoped I would be able to..." I whispered as I trailed off, feeling entirely too exposed. I didn't want to tell him the other reason I chickened out and dropped my hand when I had attempted to grab his.

His eyebrows were furrowed, lips still slightly pursed in an adorable way, as he stared at me, his eye intense. "Just tell me how to help make things easier for you, Bella," he breathed.

"Just by being here, you're helping me. When you went to grab my hand, I just...all I could feel were…_his_ hands on me. All I kept thinking about was earlier, and that night, as soon as you touched me." I abruptly stopped at the pained look on his face. "Edward," I said severely, wanting him to understand, "you didn't do anything wrong. I _know_ you wouldn't hurt me. It's just...it seems to consume me, to consume my thoughts, as much as I don't want it to. Logically, I know not to fear your touch. In my heart, I know I would never need to be afraid of you. But in my mind, it's just this automatic switch that seems to flip as soon as I'm touched. I'm not afraid of you, Edward."

His face softened, not quite so anxious. "You are my life, Bella. I don't want to do anything that would ever cause you pain," he murmured, his intense eyes still focused on me as a few tears manage to fall from my eyes.

The silence lingered for a few moments, but this time, I was the one to break the silence.

"Can we try something?" I whispered, suddenly feeling very shy. But after today, after seeing Jacob, after seeing those awful images flash before my eyes, seeming so real, so vivid, as if I was actually back there, as Jacob was about to rape me…I shuddered. I just wanted things to be normal. For Edward and I to be able to be how we were before. I wanted him to be able to hold me, to touch me, to kiss me. I used to love even the slightest touch from him, but now...in some small, messed up part of my mind, I seem to fear those touches. But not Edward. Never Edward.

I just need...normalcy. I need Edward. I need his touch, even if the thought makes my body tense up completely.

He appeared slightly wary, clearly unsure where I was going with this, but nodded.

"Can you just..." I trailed off, my shyness kicking into full gear. I could feel my cheeks tinge pink. "Can you try...running your fingers through my hair? Just...stroking my hair?" I whispered, suddenly unsure as my eyes became teary again. "I just need...you. I need you. I need us to be like we were before. I need normal. I just want to feel you, in some way, please..."

"Okay," he agreed cautiously, after a moment or two of contemplation. He slid himself up, into a slightly more upright position, so that he was now leaning back against the headboard. He motioned for me to move a bit closer to him, and I complied.

Once my head was near his thigh, I attempted to make myself as comfortable as possible, despite the rigidity of my muscles--already tensing in anticipation of what was going to happen. I didn't know how I was going to react. I didn't know what his touch would do to me. But, what I did know is that I missed it, despite the fear. And I missed him, and the closeness we were able to share. I used to find our physical contact was too limited before, but now, with how things are, I realized that I would give anything to get that physical closeness back. To get the comfort of his embrace back, and to be able to sleep curled up against him, my head on his chest.

Seconds later, I felt his fingers tentatively skimming through my hair, drawing it away from my face, but being extra cautious not to touch any part of my skin.

My first reaction was to tense. To stop breathing. He immediately noticed and stopped. I gulped in air, and I tried to relax my muscles. He gave me a few minutes, and I tried to relax, to remind myself that it was Edward, and I was safe. And as the minutes passed, I managed to relax, to loosen my muscles, and slow my breathing.

I nodded, and Edward tried again. And that time, despite my still slightly stiff posture...I managed to tolerate the contact. As the minutes passed, I manage to relax my legs some, letting them slide a little ways away from my chest.

"Try to sleep, love," Edward murmured, and then began to hum my lullably.

As his movements continued, still exceptionally careful to avoid contact with my skin, his soothing movement, and the beautiful melody caused my eyes to droop, until I finally succumbed to a restless sleep.

I woke up sometime later, panting for air, unsure of the time, or how long I'd slept. I did, however, remember why I woke up. I had a dream that I had been running through the woods, being chased by a russet colored wolf, and my legs never seemed to manage to carry me fast enough.

My emotions seemed to want to overtake me again, my eyes wanting to prick with tears as the nightmares came back to me in perfect detail. Tears also threatened to fall due to one other important factor: Edward wasn't there.

I began to panic, wondering if I'd finally scared him off. Wondering if he'd left me, because it was just too much -- I was too much.

I was about to give in and let the tears fall, but I became distracted by a noise. I tried to listen more closely.

Voices. Yelling.

And one of the voices belonged to Edward.

* * *

**Just so there's no confusion at all..when she seen Jacob, she had a flashback, and her flashback and reality were blurring. She wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't.**

**Next chapter: Who is Edward arguing with? Why are they fighting? And what does Bella overhear?**

**Okay, the other important compromise: A lot of you have said you'd like if it I was able to give you some form of a timeline for when chapters will be out. The problem is, I can't always go on a timeline. Sometimes I have lots of time, other days I don't. So again, are we willing to compromise? I've created a twitter account, solely for Fix You. For those who have twitter, you can follow it, for those who don't...if you're getting anxious, you can check out the link and maybe find some answers as to when the chapter will be up. I plan to use it to help keep you guys in the loop. I'll let you know when I'm working on it, if it's almost done, or half done, etc. I may also sometimes include little hints at things to come in the next chapter, too. You guys can also use it to ask me any questions you have about the story, or if you're itching to know, you can ask how much of the chapter is done, etc. I do ask, though, that you still continue to review the story here on , so I can find out what you think and get detailed feedback, and see how many people are still interested in the story. So please continued to review on , and I'll do my best to update as soon as possible, okay?**

******http: // twitter [dot] com / _fix_you_ (remember to eliminate the spaces, and fix the dot, and make sure you get the third underscore in _fix_you_ )**

**To everyone who reviewed last chapters...you guys floor me with the amount of people who reviewed! So please review, and let me know what you thought of the new chapter, and if it was worth the wait..and of course, to let me know you're still interested!**


	15. Chapter 15

**It's up earlier than the last few, at least! lol. Be happy! I'm just kidding. I do hope you guys are all still enjoying the fic, and willing to go along for the ride. Just to warn you...there is some action coming up soon in the storyline [not necessarily this chapter...but hmm, maybe next =b ]. Thank you to every single one of you who took the time to review -- you guys are _amazing_!**

**Of course, big thank you to the ever patient Feenrai for beta'ing for me to get rid of all of my little mistakes [and sometimes big ones, lol]!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or any of its characters.**

* * *

**Previously:**

_My emotions seemed to want to overtake me again, my eyes wanting to prick with tears as the nightmares came back to me in perfect detail. Tears also threatened to fall due to one other important factor: Edward wasn't there._

_I began to panic, wondering if I'd finally scared him off. Wondering if he'd left me, because it was just too much -- I was too much._

_I was about to give in and let the tears fall, but I became distracted by a noise. I tried to listen more closely._

_Voices. Yelling._

_And one of the voices belonged to Edward._

* * *

**Chapter 15**

I crept out of the bed trying to be as quiet as possible. I quickly brushed away a stray tear that had managed to fall, despite the fact that I now knew Edward hadn't left. But the voices -- the yelling -- only confused me further and made me want to panic, because I couldn't figure out who Edward would be fighting with right now. The only person I knew he wanted to fight was Jacob.

I shuddered at that thought, not wanting to even entertain that possibility. There was no way Jacob could be in the house -- right?

So being as stealthy as I possibly could, given my clumsiness, I made my way out into the hallway, and descended the multiple flights of stairs, all the while listening as the voices grew louder the closer I became.

I was beginning to be able to make out words.

"You told me you wouldn't! I asked you to do this one thing -- _this one thing_," I heard Edward's voice stress in frustration.

"I'm sorry!" the other voice growled, and despite the familiarity to it, I couldn't quite place it, though I'm sure the sleep induced haze I was still in wasn't helping my coherency any.

"You should have thought before you acted -- now who knows what will happen, how they will react," Edward's voice groaned, his aggravation evident in his tone.

I was reaching the bottom of the stairs now, leading towards the kitchen, where the voices were coming from.

"I didn't intend to hit him, Edward! I meant it before when I said I would leave the issue alone, but _damn it_," the voice growled, becoming louder and more menacing sounding, but still, the familiarity was there. "I couldn't help it. You know how I feel about her! You know she's like a sister to me, and I know how going through all that affected Rosalie when it happened to her…I wasn't around to help her when it first happened, but I am around to help Bella. And that....that _animal_ deserved it! He deserved much more than that. He got off easy," the male voice scoffed. I could clearly make out his frustration, or even desperation in his voice.

"I don't see what was so wrong with what he did, Edward. I'm glad he did it, because if he hadn't, I would have," a rich female voice spoke, full of determination and irritation.

As I finally reached the corner of the wall, allowing myself to take a peek into the kitchen, all of the missing pieces finally fell into place.

Emmett was the other male voice. And the last one to speak, the rich female voice, was Rosalie.

I wasn't sure how I hadn't connected the dots sooner, as I vaguely remember Jacob saying something about one of Edward's brothers, and not being happy with one of them. It made sense now. The bruises on Jacob's face. Someone had hit him. Emmett had hit him.

And…Rosalie was sticking up for _me_? She was saying she would have done it if Emmett hadn't?

As the realization of what Emmett had done, and what Rosalie was implying hit me, I gasped. The sound caused three pairs of golden eyes to all shoot in my direction at once.

"Bella, love...everything's fine. Why don't you go back upstairs to sleep? I'll be there shortly," Edward tried to coax me, his voice gentle and sweet; the complete opposite of what it had been minutes prior in his conversation with Emmett.

"No," I shook my head, which caused Edward to shut his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose. I quickly cast my gaze towards Emmett, and couldn't keep the words from tumbling from my lips. "You're the one who hit...who hit Jacob?" I asked, his name burning my throat as I spoke it.

Emmett gazed at me for a second, his eyes hesitant, and his body rigid, before he finally shrugged and a sheepish, boyish smile which was accented by his dimples, fell upon his lips. He finally nodded in confirmation.

"Yes, Emmett did," Edward cut in, his voice oddly sharp. "Because he apparently does not understand how to listen, or keep his word."

"Damn it, bro! He deserved it! How many times do I have to tell you that. I would do it a thousand times over if it meant helping Bella in some way," Emmett growled out again as he took a few steps closer to Edward, his voice having an angry edge that I never heard in it until today -- which I realized now, is why I hadn't recognized his voice sooner. He always sounded so happy and care free…but not today. Today he was frustrated and angry.

Edward opened his mouth, about to say something, his brow furrowed and tense as he gazed at Emmett fiercely.

"Enough!" ordered Carlisle as he walked into the room, effectively making Edward's words die on his lips, as Carlisle's voice portrayed that he wouldn't put up with any more of this. "I was attempting to get some paperwork done for the hospital, but couldn't even hear myself think over your arguing," he told them pointedly, obviously not very pleased with their behavior.

Rosalie huffed and rolled her eyes, before turning her focus back to Edward. "Besides, give it a rest, Edward. You know you want to kill him, so stop giving Emmett hell for doing part of what you wish you could," she snapped. "Besides, like I said...if he hadn't, I would have. That mutt deserves to pay, just like Royce and his friends did. He deserves to be dead."

Before anything else could be said, my panicked voice cut through, as I realized what they all seemed to agree on -- that Jacob should be dead. And if they killed Jacob, I knew what that would mean.

"You can't!" I pleaded. "You can't kill him! If you do you'll ruin the treaty, they'll come after you! The pack -- they'll hurt you, or even kill you. I can't have you all get hurt because of me, please! I've already hurt you all too much. Please," I cried, as both fear and anguish shot through me.

I could already see how badly I was hurting everyone by simply existing right now, by admitting that Jacob had raped me. It was hurting everyone, and causing problems for them all. I already hated myself for it. I wouldn't be able to stand if it any of them got hurt -- or even worse, killed -- because of me, because I was stupid enough to get raped.

"Bella, we'll all be fine, none of us are going to get hurt, because nobody is going to kill him, or harm him any more than he has been. The treaty will not be broken by us," Carlisle told me gently, his gaze fixed on me intensely, before his eyes shot to Emmett quickly, causing mine to snap towards him, too.

Emmett held up his hands in defense or surrender. "Okay, okay, I won't do anything to him....again," he added, a slow smirk spreading on his face after his last word. I could see Carlisle frown out of my periphery, and exactly like Edward had moments ago, he pinched the bridge of his nose while shaking his head slightly.

Rosalie nodded to Carlisle in agreement, as well, but I could see one side of Rosalie's mouth twitch, fighting off a slight smile. I knew what she had done to the men who raped her. I just couldn't believe she would be willing to do the same to the person who raped me. She didn't even like me, so why would she risk herself, or her family for me like that? It didn't make sense.

But I didn't have much time to think about it, as the phone rang, making me jump. It seemed no matter where I was or what I was doing, I couldn't help but be jumpy now. I wish I had nerves of steel, that I could just appear calm and collected, and be able to stop my nearly constant tears the last few days. I felt weak and pitiful due to my constantly shifting emotions. But more than that, I still felt dirty and disgusting, and completely unworthy of Edward's love. He had always deserved better, he deserved more, and now I only believed that even more strongly. The fact that I wasn't good enough was even more blatantly obvious now.

But I wasn't able to dwell on those thoughts completely, as Edward answered the phone, stopping its shrill ringing, as everyone went silent.

"Chief Swan?" Edward spoke into the phone. "Yes, she just woke up. She's fine," he explained. "Okay, I'll have her there shortly." His tone was polite, and had no hint of his previous anger or irritation in it. But as his words sunk in that I would need to go back home soon, I nearly wanted to cry. I hated the feeling of dread, and fear and anxiety that only increased tenfold whenever I was at home. It lacked some of the sense of security I felt after being in a house full of vampires who were easily more able to protect me from Jacob.

"We have to treat this situation properly," Carlisle spoke calmly after Edward had ended the call, and effectively drew my attention away from needing to go home, and back to the issue at hand, an issue that I also feared.

Carlisle glanced around at all of us before he continued speaking, just as Esme walked in the room and gave me a warm, motherly smile.

"We've had this treaty in place for many years. If at all possible, I'd like to avoid it being broken. Emmett, I understand your actions, although I don't condone them. Jacob does deserve to be punished for what he did to Bella, and we have every right to be upset due to what happened. But we must remain level-headed. We can't simply just blindly attack them. If we do, it will cause more harm than good. And right now, what we need to worry about is making sure that Bella over here is okay, and that she's safe," he spoke every word slowly, letting it all sink in. "She's our main priority right now," he concluded, as he motioned towards me at the end of his speech, and gave me a small, caring smile.

Esme came to stand beside me, but thankfully didn't try to touch me still.

"Try not to worry, dear. It will be okay. Carlisle is a smart man, he knows what he's doing," she whispered to me, a gentle smile on her lips.

Edward walked over towards me, his eyes hesitant and observing. I assume he was trying to gauge my reaction to him. I glanced at him for a moment before needing to look away, unable to keep the eye contact. He came to stand beside me, on the side opposite of Esme. I felt slightly better, just by his presence--his closeness.

"Now," Carlisle said, gaining everyone's attention again. "There is always one option we could try. It may be the most effective. It would allow us to keep the treaty in place, and also...allow us to change Bella when the appropriate time comes, as I'm sure you're all aware that Edward and Bella's plan is for her to be changed within the near future, at some point after the wedding," he explained, before finally elaborating on his actual idea. "We can inform the pack that we're willing to overlook the fact that Jacob broke the treaty a while back by informing Bella of what we were, along with offering to not act out in response to what Jacob's done to Bella," he held up his hand to silence both Emmett and Edward, who were beginning to protest at the idea of not doing anything. "We will do that...under the condition that they overlook Emmett's hostile actions towards Jacob last night, and more importantly, that they allow us to turn Bella when the time comes, without any consequences."

I noticed Edward tense up beside me at the mention of my change, as usual. But I could see the logic behind Carlisle's plan. It made sense to me, and I think everyone else must have felt the same way, because they were all quiet and lost in their own thoughts—I was too. I could see the thought and consideration he put into his plan. The reason behind it all. And if the pack were to actually agree to it...it could work out. It could actually make everything better -- easier. Except...that Jacob would still be free, and able to do as he pleases. Unless there is legal action taken against him, unless he's actually convicted of the rape...

"However," Carlisle added, "I think it best that we allow the pack to make the first move towards contacting us. We don't want to rush into this, since that would only aggravate them. So, I say we allow them to make contact first, since then we will be in a better position to put our offer forth. Is that understood? I wish to avoid anymore violence, if possible," he added.

"Bella," I jumped, Edward's voice startling me in the otherwise completely silent room. "I need to get you back home, love. Your father is expecting you," he murmured. I nodded hesitantly, not wanting to leave the safety of the Cullen home.

"Edward," Carlisle called out, waiting for his acknowledgement. "I'll leave it up to you to inform Alice and Jasper of our plan, all right, son?" Edward simply nodded in response, before leading me out of the house.

I left with Edward, and arrived back at home a few short minutes later. Charlie asked me the typical round of questions: how was I doing, was I okay, did I need anything, did I want to talk…I answered each one, simply just wanting to go upstairs and sit in silence. It wasn't anything personal, I just...needed to think. I needed to absorb everything that was going on, so after answering all of his questions, I told him I wanted to go to sleep.

Edward pretended to go home, and just drove his car a few miles away, never wanting to leave me for more than a few minutes at most. He would hide it within the woods, out of sight from anyone driving by, so as not attract attention from Charlie or anyone else. After that, he snuck back in through my window, as always, and stayed with me the whole night. He held my hand as much as I could handle it, and would hum me my lullaby, while using his other hand to stroke my hair like he had done the other night.

And that became our pattern over the next five days. We would spend the day at the Cullen's, as much as I could, given that Charlie was also trying to make an effort to be home more, trying to make sure I was okay and look after me in his own way. Then, whenever I had to go home, we would go back to my place, where I would force some food down, so as to not raise any extra suspicions, despite my lack of appetite. Then Edward and I would go up to my room to just...be together, until it got late and he had to "go home". After that night, and after a little help from Alice, he remembered to bring himself some clean clothes each evening.

Each day was the same, with me continuing to feel disgusting, dirty and unworthy, and Edward being as loving, and as anxious as ever. I was still as jumpy as ever, and continued to flinch back from any sort of unexpected contact, or extra close physical proximity. The only contact I was remotely okay with was still just Edward holding my hand, or stroking my hair. We also didn't hear anything from the pack, or anything concerning Jacob during those days. Things were just...calm. Or at least, as calm as things could be. I liked to think of it as the calm _after_ the storm. I was thankful for the lack of activity within these last few days, because I didn't think I could handle much else, as my mental and emotional state were still debatable and generally all over the place.

It wasn't until Friday night that our carefully constructed pattern became messed up in a very big way, by a very little person.

Alice.

She came to us on Friday, having decided that she and Rosalie wanted to have a girls night with me, just so I could have some time with them, and some time away from Edward. But the problem was...ever since the rape, really, the only time I've been separated from him was the time when he went hunting, when he was still unaware of what had happened. Since then, we've been inseparable, aside from the few minutes it would take him to hide his Volvo at night, before climbing back into the house through my window, and to retrieve it again on the mornings that Charlie was still at home, for appearance's sake.

I was terrified to be without him. I knew, in theory, that the other Cullens would keep me safe, but...Edward was different. Edward, I knew without a doubt, that he would do anything and everything he had to in order to keep me safe. It wasn't that I doubted that the other Cullens wouldn't do the same thing, that they wouldn't do everything in their power to keep me safe. I guess with the others, it just lacked that extra aspect of comfort, because right now, the person I was most comfortable with was Edward.

He knew not to touch me, and knew when to offer his hand for me to hold. He knew when I was overwhelmed, and about to lose control of my emotions. He knew to hum to me and stroke my hair when I started crying, and simply couldn't stop. He knew when I needed him to just...lay beside me, just to be close to me, with no words needing to be spoken between us, just so that I would know he was still here. He was almost liked a balm to my overly frayed nerves and emotions. Just his presence alone helped calm me in some ways. And as much as I knew that Alice -- and maybe Rosalie -- would take care of me in their own way, or to the best of their abilities...it just wouldn't be the same. Their hand wouldn't hold the same kind of [still slightly uncomfortable] comfort, that I needed, none the less. The closeness wouldn't provide the same kind of feeling of safety that came with knowing that Edward was right there.

As much as I knew it wasn't fair to Edward, I realized I had become very dependent on him in a lot of ways. He was still my rock, the main thing keeping me sane in all of this. Even within the few minutes he's gone to hide his car at night, I can usually feel the panic rising at being without him, and at being alone, along with feeling unprotected. I still loved just...to see him, to know he was right there with me, because...despite his words, and his comfort, and his previous reassurance, I still feared he would get sick of me -- get sick of what I've become -- and end up leaving.

But apparently, Edward may have somewhat felt the same way about being away from me, because he was against the idea as well. He didn't want to leave my side, either. He tried to fight Alice on the issue, he tried to give her a later date to have girl time instead. But Alice was Alice, and she's nothing, if not determined. When she wants something, she gets it. And this time was no exception.

So that's how I found myself, saying goodbye to Edward, after Alice and Rosalie showed up at my house on Friday night.

"Don't cry, love," Edward murmured, a pained look expressed on his features. I couldn't seem to keep my tears at bay. I was terrified to be without him -- as irrational as that may be. "You'll be safe with my sisters, Bella. If you need me, simply call me. I'll come back as soon as they'll allow me," he vowed, right before shooting his sisters a pointed glare.

"Oh, relax, Edward," Alice chimed, entirely too excited by the plans for tonight, for my liking. "She'll be fine, I promise," she added in a more gentle tone. "Now go, before I have Emmett and Jasper come drag you back home," she raised an eyebrow at him, and judging by the look on Edward's face, he got her silent message loud and clear.

A faint growl rumbled from within his chest, before he tore his glare away from her, and looked back towards me, his eyes softening instantly. He made sure I was aware of his slow movements, as he brought his hand out to encase mine. I saw the hesitance in his eyes, as he gently lifted our interlocked hands, and I tensed up as he placed a small kiss on the back of my hand, making me grip his hand more tightly as I realized he was about to leave. "Be safe," he murmured, before gently extracting his hand from mine, and turning and walking out the door, closing it behind him.

I felt ridiculous as I felt a sob bubbling up, wanting to escape my lips, but I fought it back, not wanting to look completely pathetic in front of Alice and Rosalie. This was foreign to me now. I had lived almost seventeen years without him in my life, an since meeting him, have spent most of my time with him (minus when he left after my birthday disaster). But especially this past week, I have spent practically every single minute with him, including when I was asleep. So now, to be apart from him, especially knowing it was for a few hours, or even the whole night...the feeling was strange, and foreign, and even fearsome. He was what had been keeping me grounded.

But thankfully, Alice didn't give me too much time to dwell on that, as she came flitting to my side, her voice causing me to jump, as I had been lost in my thoughts.

"Come on, Bella. Lets go upstairs to your room," she said softly, as Rosalie made her way upstairs, Alice behind her, and me hesitantly following.

"Don't look so pleased for us to be here," Rose said sarcastically, with a roll of her eyes. I supposed she was referring to my quiet, glum attitude, which, couldn't be helped, even if Edward were here…but also the fact that I still had a few errant, silent tears running down my cheeks. I just couldn't seem to make myself feel calm.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, wiping the tears from my face with my hands. "I am glad you guys are here, I'm just...I don't know," I sighed, unable to put it into logical words, or in a way they would fully understand it.

"You don't have to apologize, Bella. I know you feel safest with Edward. I can tell it's obviously hard to be away from him right now. But we wouldn't let anything happen to you, either...you know that, right?" Alice asked softly, her eyes wide and imploring.

"I know, Alice," I nodded. I felt bad that she was thinking my behavior meant I didn't trust them, or at least, didn't trust them to protect me should anything happen.

"Why don't we all talk? It doesn't have to be about what happened, it could just be about Edward, if you want," Alice suggested, making Rose huff at the suggestion of talking about Edward. Obviously that wasn't her first choice topic. "And while we talk, I'll do your nails," Alice told me with a bright smile.

I wasn't really in the mood to have my nails done -- not that I usually ever was. But now even more so; however, if it made Alice happy after she tried to do this--to do something nice for me—well, I wasn't going to deny her something as small as that. I shouldn't be dragging her down with my mood and my anxiety.

I almost felt cold, due to Edward's absence, which I knew was logically ridiculous, considering his cold temperature. But without him beside me I felt as though there was a piece of me missing -- there was a void. It just allowed the empty feeling to grow and become more severe. It made me feel alone and unsafe. And, unfortunately, all of my insecurities seemed to become more prominent in my mind, making me question if Edward would even come back.

I couldn't seem to stop all of my tears, so on occasion, some would still spill from my eyes. But thankfully, neither Rose nor Alice said anything about it as they painted nails, made small talk, and futilely attempted to engage me in their conversation as well.

I tried to give them my full attention as Alice tried to barely touch my slightly trembling hand as she painted my nails a pale pink, and as they talked about Jasper and Emmett, and some clothes they hoped to get that they had seen one of the last times they were shopping in Seattle.

I did listen to what they were saying...my mind just wasn't absorbing it. However, Rosalie's next words, as she closed up the vibrant red nail polish she had been using, caught my interest instantly, and just like that: she had my full, undivided attention.

"I think it's time you and I talk, Bella."

* * *

**I think we all know that with Rosalie...that statement could either be a good thing or a very bad thing...or of course, something helpful, or just something very cruel... **

**Next chapter: find out what Rosalie has to say to Bella..is it going to be something good, or something bad? And you also get some Edward's POV next chapter, too...find out how he deals with being away from Bella for the first time since finding out about the rape. And...something happens to the Cullens' home.**

**Hopefully the chapter was worth the wait! But leave a review, let me know what you thought, give me your opinion, even if you just tell me if you had a favorite part from this chapter [and what it was]. Actually...you could even tell me what your guess is as for what happens to the Cullens' home. I want to hear your theories. So please review, and let me know!**

**You can follow the Twitter account for this story: http:// www [.] twitter [.] com/_fix_you_ **


	16. Chapter 16

**Yay, new chapter! And as bonus, this one is the longest one yet.**

**Thank you to Feenrai, my beta, who has been seriously amazing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight...I just want Edward. Doesn't mean I own him, though...**

* * *

**Previously:**

_I tried to give them my full attention as Alice tried to barely touch my slightly trembling hand as she painted my nails a pale pink, and as they talked about Jasper and Emmett, and some clothes they hoped to get that they had seen one of the last times they were shopping in Seattle._

_I did listen to what they were saying...my mind just wasn't absorbing it. However, Rosalie's next words, as she closed up the vibrant red nail polish she had been using, caught my interest instantly, and just like that: she had my full, undivided attention._

_"I think it's time you and I talk, Bella."_

* * *

**Chapter 16**

I knew my eyes were probably wide with shock, and maybe also a little fear. The most Rosalie and I had ever spoken to one another was the night she came into Edward's room and told me about what had happened to her, and explained, somewhat, why she didn't like me.

So now, after she turned to me, telling me it was time to talk, I wasn't exactly sure what to expect. Was she about to tell me I was causing too many problems and ruining things for her family? I don't think I could honestly blame her if she did. I knew how many problems I was causing for Edward, and for all of the Cullens. But, as always, upcoming conversations with Rosalie left me feeling apprehensive and unsure of what to expect.

So with a shaky breath, I turned myself to look directly at Rosalie, and this time, I forced myself to make eye contact. It had never done me any good to fear Rosalie before, and it wouldn't help to fear her reaction or words now. Whatever she had to say, I would at least listen.

"We all know about what happened to you, Bella. We know what that mutt did," she spoke bluntly, but her voice was not hard, as her eyes continued to study me, while Alice sat silently beside me.

This information was nothing new to me, though. I knew the other Cullens were all aware of what happened. It was discussed at the family meeting, so my mind was whirling with why she was declaring that they all knew. But then cognizance struck me as she continued.

"I don't know all the exact details. But what I _do_ know, is that regardless of the details or the situation...it's still hard for everyone," her tone softened on the last part, and in what appeared to be a distraction from her own emotions, she lifted her hand up and examined her freshly painted nails with great focus. "I told you what happened to me, Bella. I'm sure you haven't forgotten, since it wasn't a very pleasant story," she looked at me pointedly, and I nodded in acknowledgement that I did, in fact, remember her story.

"I know you don't like to be separated from Edward right now," she said softly, almost compassionately. "And I've always known how much it's terrified him to be away from you, and I presume that's only intensified now. But it was for the best that he go home for a while, and you spend a bit of time with Alice and I," she explained.

"You know we just want what's best for you, Bella," Alice chimed in, her usual peppiness now replaced with a tone of seriousness.

"We're not doing it to be cruel," continued Rosalie.

I nodded. "Okay."

I still didn't understand why it was necessary, but I would trust them; even if I didn't like it.

"Let me start by telling you a little bit more about my past," Rosalie began. "After Carlisle changed me, I had him, along with Esme...and Edward I could have gone to, to talk to about what happened. But I didn't. I kept it all to myself, and it consumed my every thought. I didn't ask for help. I simply tried to deal with it on my own, and found my own ways to cope; to deal with the fear, along with the anxiety and trust issues. I was also in a house with virtual strangers, though considering they tried to save me, I didn't think they would try to harm me. I soon realized Carlisle and Esme were much too kind to willingly harm anyone.'

"My point is: I tried to deal with it alone, much like you seem to be doing, with the exception of Edward, perhaps. But I understand about it invading your every thought. I know all the doubts, and questions that run through your mind. There are always going to be what if's, Bella. I still wonder what if I had called my father to escort me that night, what if I had left Vera's earlier, or not gone there at all that night. But what I've learned...is that you can't dwell on the what if's. It won't change anything. What's done is done. All that we can do is try to move forward," she said softly, now sitting directly in front of me as I take in all the information she's giving me. She fixed her eyes on me again, then shook her head slightly before continuing.

"I think Emmett is what helped me the most, even if I didn't have him with me during the beginning. Not at first, mind you." Her eyes seemed to glint in remembrance, before a ghost of a smile played at her lips. "You know how boisterous Emmett is. The first time he went to give me one of his big bear hugs, well...it didn't go over so well," she smiled softly now. "I know I was the one to save him, but...that was just too much, he was too close. I just wasn't ready for that, especially with him still being a stranger to me--to all of us. But once he knew about what happened to me, he was very careful to respect my space, to not overstep my boundaries. He respected me, and still ultimately loved me, and that was exactly what I needed. Over time, I realized I could trust him completely, and he was patient with me the entire time. It was ultimately him who helped me feel better about myself, because I realized there was nothing wrong with me. If he could love me, then why couldn't I love myself?" she looked away as she spoke the last sentence.

"But unlike my situation, you've had Edward there to help you through this from the beginning. And I'm glad that you do, don't get me wrong," the breathtaking blonde added quickly. "I can see how much you both love each other, and believe it or not, I'm proud of Edward for standing by you throughout all of this. He's handling things very well," she said, her chin jutting out slightly. "But, Bella," she began, in a much softer tone than I've ever heard her use before. "There are some things Edward can't help you with. There are some things that you need to do on your own. You have to, because some things, as much as he may want to...he can't help you with..."

Her eyes were nothing but compassionate. She reached out her hand, and very slowly, I assume so I could stop her if I wanted to, she placed her hand on top of mine and squeezed it gently.

As much as I appreciated her advice--because if anyone could relate to my situation right now, it would be Rosalie--I didn't completely comprehend part of what she meant. What would I need to deal with alone? Because as ridiculous as it may be, I basically needed Edward to function right now. I didn't feel safe without him, and to put it very mildly, the idea of being away from him even more than necessary, like for tonight, did _not_ sit well with me. I knew it was irrational, but at this point, I just wanted normalcy, and for things to be...okay again. And right now, Edward made me feel the most normal. I just wanted to spend time with Edward like I always did, and just try to forget that this even happened.

"What do you mean?" I practically whispered, unsure of if I wanted to know her answer. "What do I need to do alone?"

Rosalie sighed, before flipping her golden hair over her shoulder, and looking at me, as though she was searching for something. "To want to heal, and get better. To _let_ yourself heal. And especially, to learn to trust again. Edward can't do those things for you. Those are things that _you_ need to do yourself."

"I do want to get better. And I _do_ trust him," I exclaimed immediately, which seemed to cause Alice to throw me a sympathetic glance for some reason. How could Rosalie possibly think otherwise? I furrowed my brow, as I silently questioned if Alice maybe agreed with her, for her to respond like that as well.

"I'm not just talking about you trusting Edward. I'm talking about you trusting anyone. And for the record, right now...you don't fully trust Edward. Rationally, you do. But the irrational part of you that's controlled by your fear...that part doesn't," she explained, her words somewhat making sense.

"But I do trust Edward," I still protested. Because even when I barely knew him, and had first found out what he was, I still always knew I could trust him. I trusted him still now. I knew he wouldn't hurt me.

"Bella," Alice interjected softly, as she scooted herself closer to sit directly right up beside me, and grasped my other hand, while Rosalie still hung onto the other. "Right now, you don't trust anyone. If I were to hug you right now, you wouldn't be comfortable with it. It would scare you. I've seen it," she said quietly, her eyes sad.

"But I do trust you," I squeaked, and I could feel my tears welling, ready to fall from my lower lashes.

"You don't trust _anyone_—not completely," Rosalie said quietly. "It's just...hard to trust anyone after something like that. Remember what I just said before? Logically, you know you're safe with Edward, or with Alice, or any of us, but there's going to be that irrational part of you that screams out against that trust because of the fear.

"Bella, you trusted Jacob. You knew him really well, and you trusted him. And by doing what he did to you, he shattered your trust completely. Not just your trust in him, but in everyone. It'll take time, Bella, for you to be able to completely trust someone again. Right now, it's kind of like your mind's defense mechanism, to try and help protect you. Just give it time," she said gently, but her eyes still stayed locked on mine. But this time, I couldn't remain looking at her. I looked down, ashamed of the fact that I didn't even trust Edward completely anymore, when I knew in my heart that he would never hurt me. I've always known that he would never hurt me.

I felt a few tears break free and slide down my cheek. I couldn't wipe them away, as both Rosalie and Alice each held one of my hands.

Alice's free hand was suddenly in my line of sight, as she hesitantly brought her hand up, before bringing it to my face, and gently wiping the tears away. I flinched back on instinct, at the close proximity and at the touch. No one had touched my face since it had happened, except that same night, when Edward still didn't know and kissed my forehead before he left to go hunting.

Alice pulled back, with a tiny frown on her face, which then turned into a small, apologetic smile. "You should probably get some sleep, Bella. You've had a long day, and Edward would kill me if I didn't let you get enough sleep," she said with a tiny smirk.

I nodded hesitantly, unsure of if I even wanted to sleep without Edward nearby. He had been there to calm me after my nightmares, to hold my hand, or stroke my hair--even just lying next to me calmed me more than I could explain. And now he wouldn't even be here with me, and I knew, as always, that my dreams would be filled with nightmares.

I got up, and grabed my pajamas and my bag of toiletries, before making my way to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I brushed my teeth, as slowly as possible, and then using cold water--which I've been using for everything--I slowly washed my face, taking my time. I dreaded going to sleep, especially without Edward here, and I didn't know what my nightmares would consist of tonight.

I also sat there thinking of what Rosalie had told me, and trying to figure out how I would accomplish what I would need to do on my own. How I would learn to trust again, and figure out how to help myself get better? I wanted to trust Edward completely. I wanted to be able to hug him like I used to. I wanted things to be like they used to between Edward and I, and also between me and the rest of the Cullens.

After taking as long as I could, and even brushing my hair to take up some more time, I finally went back into my room. Alice and Rosalie were both sitting on the floor, seeming to have a silent discussion. Now, Rosalie was also painting Alice's toenails.

I slowly made my way over to my bed and climbed in. Just as I was about to lay back against my pillow, Rosalie's voice stopped me.

"You know, if you...ever need to talk, I'm here," Rose said awkwardly. "I know we haven't always gotten along the greatest, and I haven't been the nicest to you, but...I know what you're going through, and I know what it's like not to have anyone to talk to who would understand. So if you want to talk...just let me know," she said with a shrug, as her eyes stayed focused on me for a moment.

"Thank you," I responded, stunned by her offer. I wasn't sure I ever would want to talk about all of it, but it was nice knowing that the option was always there--that I could talk to her whenever I wanted or needed to.

"And you know I'm always here for you, Bella," Alice smiled softly, her face seeming to hold the innocence of a child.

"I know, Alice," I gave a small smile back.

And with that, the girls turned back to what they were doing. I laid back, pulling the blankets up to my chin, and attempted to snuggle into them, seeking some kind of comfort.

I wasn't sure how long I laid there, unable and, in all honestly, unwilling to sleep, for fear of what nightmares may come. After a while, the blankets just made me feel too warm, without Edward being next to me. The entire bed just seemed too warm, which wasn't helping me with trying to fall asleep. I tossed and turned for who knows how long, with Alice occassionally throwing me sympathetic smiles.

After a while, Alice's voice broke the long silence in the room. "Would you like me to lay with you?"

I nodded, knowing that I was safe with Alice, and maybe if I knew she was nearby or next to me, that it would help me sleep, and possibly, hopefully, keep the nightmares away…at least somewhat.

She climbed into bed beside me, giving me my space. She curled up on her side like a small child, her hands beneath her cheek, as I stayed laying mostly on my back but slightly on my side towards her.

I closed my eyes, and finally, after a short while, I was able to find sleep. It was riddled with dreams and nightmares, however, with visions of wolves, and Jacob. Memories of what had happened flashed beneath my closed eyes as I slept.

Alice stayed beside me the whole night, while Rosalie took a seat in the rocking chair. Every time I woke up from a nightmare they were still there: Alice beside me, and Rosalie in the rocking chair. Alice would murmur soothing words, and I would eventually drift off again, all the while, my thoughts focusing on Edward every time I awoke from a nightmare, and wishing, futilely, that he was here.

* * *

**EPOV**

Both of my sisters had been attempting to hide their true thoughts from me. That alone should have caused me to worry. But the only thing I was focused on and worried about was the beautiful girl they were practically holding hostage.

I didn't want to leave her, as I saw the tears within her eyes and falling steadily down her cheeks--I wished more than anything to be able to stay. To never have to leave her side.

But, as always, one can never go against Alice. I had no choice right then but to trust that Bella was safe with them. Truthfully, I knew that she was safe with them. But still, the thought of being away from her simply terrified me. Alice, however, had promised that Bella would be safe with them, that they would be staying inside the house and just talking. That still didn't mean I approved of what they were doing. Or at least, not their methods for going about it. If, as Alice said, tonight would help Bella, then I would do whatever it takes.

Which is why I did as I was told, and went home for a while.

As I entered our home, I could hear that Emmett and Jasper were playing a game of chess in the living room, while Esme was in the kitchen debating whether or not to plant a flower bed in the back of the house. And, of course, Carlisle was in his study. By the track of his thoughts, he appeared to be reading some medical journals--his thirst for knowledge never quenched.

But it was not their activities that caused me to stop dead in my tracks once I entered the house. It was what their thoughts kept coming back to, what their thoughts were focused on: Bella.

"Hey, bro!" Emmett nearly shouted as he both heard and saw me come into the living room once I was able to force myself back into motion.

_I wonder if Bella will be able to get through this. I miss how funny she used to be when I spent time with her...even if it was just from her being a klutz..._

"Edward," Jasper nodded. "How's Bella?"

_Poor Bella. The amount of pain she's in is tremendous, along with her fear. Hopefully her time with the girls will be good for her. It's been difficult for me to take all of her emotions._

"Fine," I ground out, immediately disliking their thoughts of pity towards Bella, even though I knew they weren't purposely attempting to share their thoughts with me. "As well as can be expected," I added, in an attempt to seem more polite and proper.

But the truth was that Bella would be fine. I would make sure of that, because I would not let what that mongrel did to her cause her to lose herself, or to lose who she was. I would make sure she got through this. And my brothers' thoughts of pity, which seemed to imply that Bella may not make it through this, simply sparked my fury.

_Sorry._

Jasper's thoughts broke through my own, as he apologized. I knew, also based on his thoughts, that he had picked up on my anger. So I gave him a curt nod in acceptance of his apology.

He nodded briefly in return, before turning back to resume his game of chess with Emmett.

I had planned to spend the evening in my room, away from everyone and everything. I wanted some time to think.

So I made my way over to the stairs, about to do just that, when Esme's thoughts stopped me.

_She shouldn't have had to go through any of this, the poor dear. I just hope she's strong enough to get through it. I saw how hard it was on Rosalie, and she's as tough as nails. _

More pity. Always so much pity. I had heard it for days now, from the thoughts of my family and also from Charlie.

It was the pity everyone kept feeling towards Bella that was slowly driving me to the brink of insanity, and making me want to lash out. Every one of us is aware of how difficult this is on Bella, and how unfortunate it was that something this awful, this harrowing had to happen to such a precious being. But I could see what their looks of pity were doing to Bella. I could see them treating her differently, being overly cautious with what they say and what they do around her. She had already begun to notice it, and every time, it seemed as though she retracted a little bit more within her shell, in an attempt to shield herself from it.

If there is one thing Bella hates, it was attention. And although they mean well, and are only concerned for her, it continues to make her uncomfortable. And what she needs right now is for things to be as normal as possible.

But with so many people constantly pitying her that makes it near impossible.

As a result, I couldn't bear to continue to listen to Esme's thoughts, so I ascended the stairs. Upon reaching the first floor, however, I noticed Carlisle's thoughts had gone from his medical journals to cases.

_So many similar cases to Bella's. Most have done quite well as far as their recoveries go. I can only hope Bella shall show such progress. She seems to at least be making progress with Edward, as far as letting him in goes._

Carlisle's thoughts seemed to be the worst. He was looking at Bella as though she were merely a case: as though she were a subject to study. But Bella is not a case, nor is she an object to study. She is much more than that.

She is already considered a member of this family. She is best friends with Alice. And more so, she is my life, my _everything_. My world. And yet he's looking at her as though she's nothing more than a case--a stranger whose charts are being looked over.

I couldn't hold back the growl that escaped me, as I quickly turned away, wanting to be far away from Carlisle's thoughts.

As I angrily made my way back downstairs, my piano caught my eye, instantly drawing me to it. If anything could help try to calm my rage, it would be to play something. Possibly Bella's lullaby.

After seating myself in front of the ivory keys, I let my fingers begin to move of their own accord, orchestrating the notes to create the lullaby that I held so close to my heart.

But after playing multiple bars of notes, I realized that it was having the opposite effect. Instead of calming me, it was only fueling my agitation.

It only caused my thoughts to go to Bella even more, but this time, instead of fueling my anger, it continued to remind me that I was forced to be apart from her for the first time since I had learned what had happened to her. All of my instincts screamed to stay with her at all times, to be sure that she was okay, and ensure that no further harm would come to her. So to be away from her now…it tore through my every thought, making me ache to be with her, to protect her, and just be near her.

Being as masochistic as I was, my thoughts ventured to what things would be like if I had lost her--if she had ceased to exist. A blind rage immediately shot through me as I realized what it would be like to no longer have her in my life if Jacob, or anyone else for that matter, had done anything to stop her heart from beating.

At the thought, my fingers faltered on the keys, missing the notes I knew so well, as I attempted to continue to play, despite my thoughts. But each thought kept coming back to Bella.

She was beautiful and exquisite, and truly unique. I had never met anyone like her, and to this day, she is still completely and utterly fascinating to me. But most importantly, she also holds my heart. She has become my world, and my only love. I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my existence without her, because there is nothing in this world that I love more than her.

So the thought of her being gone, of Jacob harming her worse than he already had, tore at my un-beating heart. But the thought of what he'd already done…what he took from her…the pain and anguish he had already caused her, the self-doubt he had inflicted into her thoughts! As I thought back to Rosalie's words, insisting that I only wish I had been able to hit Jacob as Emmett had, I knew she was right. The only reason I wouldn't dare is because of Bella, because of the promise she made me give her.

But that didn't stop the flurry of fury from picking up and continuing to swirl within me. I hated Jacob for what he did to Bella. For how he treated Bella. In the past, he would have been exactly the kind of vicious monster I would have killed and drained of blood, letting him pay for the horrendous things he had done to others. He was now part of the disgusting filth that I would have thought deserved to die.

I wholly believed that he deserved death. He had turned Bella's life upside down and ruined her trust and her faith. He had damaged her confidence and part of her strength. He had altered her life in every possible way with what he had done to her. Not only that, but now, the people surrounding her, those who love her...they all now treat her differently, and continue to walk on egg shells with her, and worst of all, just continue to pity her.

I stopped playing entirely, as my hands clenched tightly into fists as I fought to hold back my rage at the situation.

The thought of all of this, and of what it had done to her, and of how it had caused the people around her to treat her, ate away at my control: the control I had been trying to keep in place so completely and thoroughly since Bella confirmed what Jacob had done to her.

I had kept it at bay, but it was never gone. It was always there, brewing within me when I learned the hell she was being forced to live through.

I couldn't stop the outrage that ripped through me as I continued to focus on what all of this had done to her. In a moment of fury, my fist quickly slammed down onto the piano, easily shattering and splintering the once pristine wood beneath my fist.

The release that flooded through me and the adrenaline that coursed at the prospect of releasing this anger and aggression caused me to continue. I brought my fist up again, and quickly pounded it back down onto the already damaged instrument, further destroying it, only to repeat the action once more, as one of the legs flew out from beneath it due to the force of the blows I inflicted.

But I didn't care. I didn't care that I had just destroyed my piano—the piano that I had once held so dear. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. No possession currently held any meaning to me. It was all irrelevant.

Despite not needing to breathe, I was practically panting, due to my anger. Even after seeing the damage to my piano, I still felt no remorse—only more fury. I didn't feel any better. I didn't feel any less angry. And nothing, not a single thing that I owned held any meaning to me.

So with that thought in mind, I ran at full speed up to my room, not even allowing myself time to focus on Carlisle's thoughts through my rage. When I reached my bedroom door, I swung it open, nearly ripping it off of its hinges in my uncontrolled state.

I approached my music collection--so completely organized, alphabetized, and cared for--lining my wall within the plethora of shelves. As I thought of how Bella had used to approach the shelves, gently running her fingertips over the spines of the CDs as she browsed them, compared to how almost..despondant…she was to things such as that now, I felt my body moving of its own volition again.

I didn't stop to think as my hand reached out, grabbing a fistful of CDs and throwing them across the room. I listened to them smack against the wall, before falling to the ground with a thud. But that didn't stop me—instead, I grabbed another handful, quickly tossing it across the room as well. But it wasn't fast enough to simply grab a handful at a time. I wanted to destroy it. To destroy the reminders of what Bella could no longer enjoy. So, using both hands, I quickly gripped one of the many shelves, ripped it from its place, threw it to the ground behind me and then grabbed the next shelf.

I didn't stop until every single one of my shelves, along with my sound system, lay scattered and broken on my floor.

I couldn't bring myself to care about my shattered possessions: the things I once loved. Because Bella was the one thing in this world that I loved the most. Sure, I loved many other things, some of them material--my piano, my music collection—but, none of it mattered in comparison to Bella. All of it was replaceable. Every single piece of it, regardless of its age or meaning. Whereas Bella, my beautiful Bella, was irreplaceable.

She was the only thing that mattered. And right now, she was broken, and hurting, and in pain, and I could do nothing about it. I could do nothing to help her.

With those thoughts, I fell to my knees, as I felt my chest constrict, before a loud sob ripped from my chest, into the empty and destroyed room surrounding me. I held my head in my hands, as I continued to sob, despite the fact that my eyes remained tearless.

As much as I wished to help her, I felt as though I couldn't. Whatever I did was not enough. There was nothing I could truly do to fully help her or take her pain away. Nothing I could do to help her feel safe, or to feel better again. I had known that before, but even now, the simple though crippled me.

She was the most precious and irreplaceable thing to me, and yet, she was the one I couldn't seem to help. I was utterly helpless in this situation. I could and would stand by her, and be there for her every possible moment, and protect her from anyone or anything that may harm her...but would that be enough to help her through this? Would she be able to get through this?

I wasn't sure how long I remained on the floor, tearlessly sobbing with my head in my hands, but after a while, I felt a large hand grasp my shoulder. I had been so engulfed in my own thoughts, and in my pain, frustration, and longing to help Bella, that I hadn't heard anyone approach.

I looked up, only to find Emmett clasping my shoulder, and a sympathetic look on his face, with Jasper standing a few steps behind him.

"Edward...you should go, man. Just go for a run, clear your head. Bella needs you and you need to stay strong around her. The girls will probably be back with her in a few hours. So just go for a run, clear your head, and get yourself together. Jasper and I will take care of this," he said, nodding towards the destruction that surrounded me.

I wordlessly stood, unable to find words. I had single-handedly trashed my piano and my room in my anger, frustration and desperation...and yet here my brothers were, ready to clean up my mess, ready to offer their help.

I wanted to thank them, but I found no words to properly express it, so I simply nodded, instead.

Emmett clapped a hand on my back, giving me a push towards the door. But I paused, still hoping to find words to express my gratitude.

I could tell Jasper was picking up on my moods, sensing my hesitation, gratitude, and every other myriad of emotions still coursing through me.

"Don't worry about it, Edward. You don't have to thank us. Just go and calm yourself down, before Bella gets here. You know what it would do to her to see you like this," Jasper told me quietly.

I nodded one last time, before quickly doing as they suggested and heading downstairs to go for a run in an attempt to clear the rampant thoughts and emotions still stirring within me.

As I approached the main floor, and headed in the direction of the front door, I stopped when I spotted both Esme and Carlisle near the piano. Both were bent down, picking up the smaller splintered pieces, as they gathered them together, placing them in a garbage bag.

Esme smiled sympathetically at me, her eyes sad. But it was Carlisle's thoughts that captured my attention.

_It's okay, son. It was only a matter of time before it became too much, and you had to let it out. It wasn't good for you to hold it all in, Edward. This situation is hard on you, too, and it has affected you deeply as well--anyone can see that. Go clear your head. Alice called not long ago, saying that Bella was asleep, and that when she woke, they were bringing her here. She's anxious to see you._

Again, I couldn't seem to find the appropriate words, so I simply nodded once more, before leaving the house and running into the woods.

As I ran, I realized that I did feel bad for destroying things the way I had. Not because those objects held too much meaning to me, but because it had caused damage within the house, and it was now left for my family to clean up. As my thoughts raced within my head, almost at the same speed that I ran, I realized one thing: no matter what, Bella would always be the most important thing to me, and everything else--everything else I owned or was once passionate about was irrelevant, as long as I had her. Because she meant more to me than I could even fathom, and she is simply irreplaceable.

* * *

The sun had already risen by the time I made my way back home.

As I entered, I could see that where my paino had once been, there was now an empty space. It seemed odd, in our already spacious home. I quickly went upstairs, checking my room. Amazingly, it, too, had been cleaned up. The shelves had been put back on the walls, and some of the few CDs and records that had survived my path of destruction had been placed back in their rightful place on the shelves. The stereo, however, was gone--obviously destroyed.

I walked back downstairs, finding my parents and brothers sitting in the mostly unused kitchen, absentmindedly discussing something.

"Thank you," I stated simply. There was much more I could say, but the words to do so failed me. I figured it best to stick to simplicity at this point in time, despite that fact that the mere words 'thank you,' seemed like a large understatement.

They all nodded, or murmured a faint 'you're welcome'. I stood awkwardly at the entrance of the kitchen, unsure of what to do or say. Never in my existence had I felt so ineloquent.

As I turned to go, wanting the solace of the privacy of my room, Emmett quickly approached me, stopping me just as I got to the bottom of the stairs.

"I know this is hard for you, bro. And I just wanted you to know that you can consider this -- the house -- pretty much a free space. If you need to let loose, then let loose. But you know that you can't lose it like that in front of Bella. At this point, it would just scare her. And you know how she is, Edward. She would blame herself if she saw you lose it like you did last night. So around her, you need to be strong. But here, in the house? If she's not here, then you don't need to hold back. Otherwise, it will just eat away at you." His voice was serious, but friendly, and it held no hint of irritation at my behavior from the previous night. For this, I was grateful.

"Thanks, Em," I told him in all sincerity. "For everything."

"And Edward?" he called, as I began up the stairs. I stopped, turning to look at him. "If you need to talk, I'm here. I know I act like an idiot sometimes, but I'm not stupid....well, not completely, anyway," he said with a grin, which caused me to laugh--a true, pure laugh, which sounded strange, even to my own ears, after not finding laughter in anything for days now. "This is something I know something about. So, hey," he shrugged, "if you want to talk, you know where to find me."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, Emmett."

With that, he turned around and went back into the kitchen, while I proceeded upstairs.

I wasn't in there long before I heard the front door open, followed by Alice and Rosalie's thoughts filtering into my mind.

I was already near the bottom of the stairs when I heard Alice silently announce their presence.

_Edward! We're back!_

I reached the landing, and saw Bella standing near the door, her eyes fixed on me. A slow smile spread across my face at the mere sight of her. I could feel myself relax, being able to see her and know that she was okay. I quickly made my way over to her, just wanting to be near her, to feel her warmth, and hear her heartbeat more clearly with the closer proximity. I relished those sounds: her heartbeat, her every intake of breath. All were signs that she was still alive and breathing, and that I hadn't lost her.

She met my gaze for a moment, her eyes locking on mine. But as she had done ever since the rape, she quickly looked away, unable to hold the eye contact. She seemed to be scanning her surroundings, but then froze.

"Edward," she gasped. "Where's your piano?"

This time it was I who froze, unsure of how to answer her question without exposing my prior actions, or upsetting her.

"I thought Edward could use a new one, so I got rid of his yesterday. I already ordered another one. We're just waiting for the new one to come," Alice chimed in, as an old vision flashed through her mind.

It was of me, destroying the piano. She had obviously known I was going to lose my composure, and lose control. It all seemed to make sense now, as she had insisted on the girls night last night, of all times, regardless of mine or Bella's displeasure at the idea of it. Alice had been trying to protect both Bella and I.

Bella seemed to accept Alice's explanation, and turned her focus back to me, though she still wouldn't look me in the eye.

I leaned down, bringing our heads more to the same level, before leaning in to whisper in her ear: "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," she said shyly, tugging at the sleeve at her wrist as she did so. Ever so hesitantly, she brought one of her hands down, before grabbing my hand.

My heart soared, realizing that this was the first time she had initiated any physical contact between us, aside from asking me to try and stroke her hair. She had managed to take a step forward, by being brave enough to grab my hand without any prompting.

I couldn't help the large smile that appeared on my face. I leaned down to whisper to her yet again. "I'm so proud of you," I murmured.

I saw her lips twitch up into a slight smile, before I froze, along with every other family member.

I could hear the distinct footfalls of animals. Wolves, specifically. And obviously, so could my family, as they all tensed. But what they didn't hear were the thoughts that accompanied the offending foot falls:

_Outside, you blood sucking leech. We need to talk to you._

* * *

**Okay, so...now you know why Alice and Rosalie insisted on the girls night, and we also got to see in more detail how all of this has been affecting Edward, too. I hope the chapter was worth the wait, and hopefully you all also like the conversation between Rosalie and Bella. And I know...evil cliff hanger, but...it had to be done =b.**

**Next chapter: Obviously there's going to be a confrontation with the wolf pack...how will that go down, and what are the wolves going to say about everything? And will Bella take Rosalie's advice and act on it?**

**Twitter account for this story: _fix_you_  
My personal twitter, for anyone who's interested in following me: frosted_stars**

**I just want to note quick, since I noticed there was a bit of a big drop in the amount of reviews last chapter compared to the past few... I just wanted to explain that I use the amount of reviews per chapter as a way to see how many people are still interested in this story, since we all know that sometimes people lose interest in a story after a while. So...with that in mind...I do love getting your reviews, and I do read each and every one of them. They truly do make my day. So even if you just review, saying to update soon...it helps me to know that you're still interested in the story, or to give a rough idea of how many are still interested in the story as the plot goes on.**

**So with that said...let me know what you thought, and leave a review, and let me know you're still interested. I love hearing your opinions =).**


	17. Chapter 17

**Okay, guys. Need to clear something up quick. I know I don't always update very quickly, and I apologize for that. You know I update as soon as I can. But some of you seemed to be confused due to my AN from last time. I _never_ said that I would stop writing/updating this story if I didn't get more reviews. I just said that I used the amount of reviews to gauge how well the story is being received and if it's maintaining interest throughout, and if there's a drop in reviews after a while, it could be because there's a loss of interest, or it could mean that I may need to improve in certain aspects of my writing. I also love getting the reviews, because it also lets me know what _you guys_ think of the story, and each chapter individually. Just because I didn't update quickly, doesn't mean I don't plan to continue. I'm very anxious to continue with this story, because I'm waiting for certain things to happen in the next few upcoming chapters. **

**To everyone who reviewed last time...you are_ a-m-a-z-i-n-g_! Thank you so much! Each and every review means so much to me.**

**With that said...here's the next chapter!**

**Beta'd by Feenrai, who beta'd this chapter very quickly so that you guys wouldn't have to wait even longer for it, so thank you, Feenrai! =) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

* * *

**Previously: [in EPOV]**

_My heart soared, realizing that this was the first time she had initiated any physical contact between us, aside from asking me to try and stroke her hair. She had managed to take a step forward, by being brave enough to grab my hand without any prompting._

_I couldn't help the large smile that appeared on my face. I leaned down to whisper to her yet again. "I'm so proud of you," I murmured._

_I saw her lips twitch up into a slight smile, before I froze, along with every other family member._

_I could hear the distinct footfalls of animals. Wolves, specifically. And obviously, so could my family, as they all tensed. But what they didn't hear were the thoughts that accompanied the offending foot falls:_

Outside, you blood sucking leech. We need to talk to you.

* * *

**Chapter 17**

Edward and his family all froze. I suddenly felt the tension and trepidation radiating from each and every one of them -- and I don't think it was due to Jasper.

After that, everything just seemed to become a flurry of movement. Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme all suddenly appeared in the foyer, having run at full vampire speed.

Alice and Edward, who had stepped an arm's length away from me, while still lightly holding my hand, seemed to be having a silent conversation. Everyone, myself included, looked at the two of them anxiously, waiting to find out more information.

A few seconds later I saw Edward and Alice's lips both moving slightly, but I heard no sound; however, they had apparently spoken, since I noticed the other family members nodding in their direction.

I huffed in irritation, and tried not to let my own sense of trepidation and anxiety take over due to their behavior. They obviously knew something I didn't, and it was rattling them. However, I knew that Edward is sometimes prone to overreacting, so I tried not to let myself succumb to the fear of this unknown.

But still, as they continued to silently speak low enough for me to be unable to hear them, I became frustrated and increasingly anxious. "What's going on?" I demanded, giving a slight tug to Edward's hand to help gain his attention, and try to receive an answer.

Their eyes all flashed to me for a moment, before going back to their conversation for a second. Then Edward was suddenly at my side, along with Esme.

"We need to go outside, but Esme will stay inside with you, love," Edward explained. He was trying to make his voice sound calm -- soothing. But I could detect the anxiety that he was trying to hide from me.

"What's going on?" I demanded again, but this time louder. I didn't like them not telling me anything, and simply leaving me in the dark, where I would only begin to assume the worst.

Edward paused, and didn't dare breathe, by the looks of it. After a moment, he exhaled loudly, before slowly turning to face me, his shoulders set and he appeared determined. "The wolves are here."

"What?!" I asked frantically, as a shudder went through me. I used every ounce of control I could muster in order to stay somewhat calm.

"Calm down, love, please. They're just outside. They want to speak with me. Stay inside with Esme, and I'll be back inside shortly," he murmured tensely.

"Is Jacob with them?" I needed to know. Because I knew I couldn't stand to face him again. Not right now. But I was also scared of letting the Cullens go outside to deal with the wolves-- who knew what would happen. All of this was my fault -- that the treaty was being questioned and threatened, and what was once a somewhat calm co-existence, was now fast turning into a war because of me. I didn't want to be responsible for anyone else getting hurt.

"Not from what I can tell," Edward answered.

I noticed that all of the other Cullens had disappeared, with the exception of Esme, who still stood beside me.

"Then I'm going out there with you," I told him. But even to my own ears, my voice was shaky and nervous. I tried to draw in a large breath, hoping it would calm my nerves; especially since I could feel myself beginning to tremble.

But I knew this was what I had to do. Rosalie had told me I needed to do some things on my own. And I think this was one of those things. I knew Jacob wasn't out there, and surely, seeing him again would still turn me into a sobbing, frightened mess. But the rest of the pack was out there, wanting to talk to the Cullens. And now that the treaty was threatened and questioned, there was always the risk of one of the pack members lashing out. I refused to stand back and not even be there. I wouldn't let anyone else get hurt because of me.

"No." Edward's jaw was locked tight, and completely rigid, along with his body.

"Yes. I can stand behind you and your family," I told him, my voice still shaking, but now filled with determination. "Esme can stay beside me."

"Edward," Esme murmured. "Maybe this is something she needs to do."

He looked up for a second, catching her eye, before letting his gaze fall back down. It was clear there was more that she was conveying to him through her thoughts. His brows creased, and he pinched the bridge of his nose, before he finally looked up at me, his shoulders slumped in defeat. He gave me a single nod. As he turned to walk away, waiting for Esme and I to follow, I heard him muttering under his breath, though all I could make out was "stubborn" and "safety".

When we reached the back doors, Edward turned around to face Esme and I, but his eyes locked on me. They were full of anxiety, determination, fear and protectiveness, and overwhelming love. It was staggering.

"Stay behind us, Bella. Please. I mean it. I don't like the idea of you being out there, but if it's something you need to do, or something you're insisting upon....then please, at least just stay behind us, and stay close beside Esme," he pleaded with me.

"Okay," I promised. "I will."

He then turned his attention to Esme. "Don't let her out of your sight for even a second. Should anything happen, or should things become too dangerous, bring her inside --" he saw me opening my mouth to protest, and quickly proceeded before I could get a word out. "Regardless of what she says."

Esme nodded, and with that, Edward opened the door, leading us outside, where the rest of his family already stood facing the woods, where I could see multiple pairs of large, glowing eyes as the light glinted off of them.

I inhaled an uneven breath, close to a gasp as they began to walk towards us, out from the trees.

The Cullens -- minus Esme -- all stood in a line, almost shoulder to shoulder, in a similar fashion to the way the wolves positioned themselves as they walked out of the woods. But Esme stood a few steps behind her husband and children, closely by my side.

As she heard my gasping breath and shaky exhale, her hand came up in an offering. I almost wanted to smile at the tenderness and love that the simple gesture from her made me feel. But since I couldn't find my voice, and didn't feel now was an appropriate time to be speaking my thanks, I simply placed my hand in hers, and squeezed it gently in silent appreciation.

But when my eyes turned back in the direction of the uninvited visitors, I saw their eyes practically glaring at the people who stood before me.

Of course, the conversation was silent, only soon to be vocalized by Edward reading their thoughts.

I could see Sam standing front and center, with Paul, Quil and Embry all flanking him, along with a few of the other wolves, who I didn't get a close enough glimpse of to determine who they were.

As Sam's large furry black head tilted to the side, as if in question, I saw Edward's body visibly stiffen.

"He wants to know why Bella would accuse Jacob of something like this," he muttered disbelievingly, his head turned only infinitesimally in Carlisle's direction, who was standing to his left, as he spoke in a low voice.

I strained my ears to hear everything that was being said, due to the hushed tones he was using to repeat Sam's words.

"You honestly think she would make it up?" Edward snarled in the pack's direction. I could see Rosalie slightly shake her head, and I imagined she must be rolling her eyes.

After a pause, Edward spoke again in a detached tone. "He says what he thinks is that Emmett went after Jacob, and that Jacob," he paused, spitting the next word out, "_loves_ Bella and wouldn't do anything to cause her harm," he growled fiercely.

Emmett suddenly crossed his arms, his posture defiant and defensive. I could see the large muscles in his back move and stretch, becoming more prominent in his movements. He was intimidating, even just seeing him from behind.

Before Edward could bite out a retort, no doubt fueled by his rapidly growing rage, Carlisle's calming voice captured everyone's attention.

"Has Jacob phased within the past week or so?"

After a moment, Edward voiced Sam's thoughts with a shake of his head. "No."

Again, Carlisle's tone was calm, eerily so, given how hostile everyone else seemed to be--both the pack and the Cullens. "Then I suggest you speak to him before approaching us next time. Once he has phased you will see his thoughts -- you will see what happened." I shuddered at the memory of the rape, and just like that, I was no longer somewhat calm; I was now visibly trembling.

"He said, regardless, he doesn't think Jacob would be capable of something such as this," Edward said in a complete monotone.

I stood there, growing angry at the fact that everyone else, aside from the Cullens, and Charlie, seemed to believe that Jacob wouldn't be capable of this. I knew, first hand, that he was capable of it. I knew that he was capable of raping me. I could feel it every second of every day, I thought about it almost every waking moment, and even in my dreams. I know what he's capable of, and yet, everyone else seems so willing to believe him--the attacker.

I let go of Esme's hand, and quickly pushed my way forward, to wedge myself in the space between Edward and Alice, who stood on his other side.

I didn't stop to look at Edward's reaction when I did this, nor would I have let him stop me. The truth was already out -- people already knew. There was no reason to hold it back, and allow the pack to believe that I'm some kind of a liar. I had somewhat been friends with them, too, at one point. And yet, everyone is so quick to discredit me, and to believe Jacob. I wanted to make them see.

I pulled down the left shoulder of my coat, leaving the large bruises on my upper arm visible below the sleeve of my t-shirt.

"He did this!" I yelled, my voice cracking. "He raped me! You may not think he's capable of that, but_ I know that he is_. You're not the one who has to live with it -- the memory of it every single day of your life from now on!" I practically screamed, my breathing harsh from emotions. I was about to continue, when I felt someone's hand on my bare arm, and I immediately flinched, pulling away quickly.

"Bella," Edward whispered, his expression pained. "Don't. Please, let us handle this. I don't want things to be worse for you."

At this point, from the suddenness of the unexpected touch, and the strong emotions coursing through me due to my outburst, I realized I didn't have the energy or emotional stability to even try to continue. So I simply turned around, and there Esme stood, almost directly behind me with a gentle smile on her face. She held out her hand, which I took, hoping to use her hand to help steady myself.

Esme and I resumed our previous positions behind the others, before Edward spoke again, but this time for everyone to hear.

"He still claims Jacob would never do such a thing. He claims that's more something that our kind would do. He's also pointing out that the 'big blood-sucking brute' attacked Jacob," he paraphrased for Sam. I could hear the familiar hints of anger lining Edward's usually smooth voice, before Carlisle's voice filtered through the air next.

"Emmett was out of line, yes. He should not have gone after Jacob. However, as you can see, Bella has sustained some injuries that were caused by Jacob. Even if you are hesitant to believe the full extent of the truth, you can still see the bruises marring her skin -- proof of the truth. Jacob harmed her, and Emmett acted in response to that. He's protective of those he loves, and he felt it was justified --"

Emmett interrupted him loudly, effectively cutting him off. "It was _deserved_. He deserved a whole lot more than that!"

Carlisle turned in his largest son's direction, shooting him a look that quickly caused Emmett to quiet, and stand stock still with his arms still crossed defiantly in front of his chest.

"He's mentioning how Emmett violated the treaty by doing so. That he harmed a human -- a pack member, no less," Edward explained.

"I don't condone violence, but as I said, it was in reaction to Jacob's actions towards Bella. I don't feel Emmett's actions violate the treaty in any way," Carlisle spoke calmly, his posture strong and professional. "I'm asking that you speak to Jacob first, that you discover his thoughts on the event, and then return and we can discuss this further. Because I don't feel it will do anyone any good to continue this conversation until you are fully aware of Jacob's recollection of the event. You know what we believe, and know as the truth, but you, however, are hesitant to believe that. So, please...speak to Jacob once he's phased," he finished, his tone now slightly more strained, as he clasped his hands in front of his body.

I could only see him from behind, but I heard Edward growl, low and menacing. However, I was not afraid of him, or of his anger as I would be with Emmett's. Instinctually, I knew that none of the Cullen men would harm me in that way. But still, Emmett was rather intimidating due to his size, and at the moment, I didn't have enough trust or security to allow any of them -- with the exception of Edward -- to touch me at all. I barely allowed the Cullen women to touch me in any way, either.

"Go!" Edward bellowed, his voce pure fury as he took a step forward towards the pack. "Go! Speak to the mongrel! Until you have, don't return!" he growled, as the wolves snarled loudly, the sound loud and rumbling.

All members of the Cullen family turned in Edward's direction, silently asking with their eyes what had been said to set him off, but he firmly shook his head, not willing to repeat it.

Emmett then stepped forward as well, willing to back Edward up and ultimately preparing for the worst. Carlisle placed his hand on Edward's shoulder, effectively stopping him from further approaching the pack.

The wolves began to retreat back into the woods, their tails swishing angrily from side to side, as they all seemed to glare in mine and the Cullen's direction one last time before disappearing from sight.

I could feel my shoulders slump, as the threat of the wolves was no longer there. I let out a long, shaky breath, before Edward turned around, his mouth set into a thin, grim line with his eyes down cast as he, along with the other Cullens, made their way over to Esme and I.

"Are you alright, love?" Edward asked, now standing directly in front of me. I could see the familiar tint of concern flicker within his eyes, despite his anger.

I contemplated his question, unsure of what the proper answer was. Was I alright? Was I okay? I had spent the night fearfully gripping my blanket, terrified of sleep and the nightmares it brought with it, and completely riddled with anxiety at being away from Edward. I had gone from somewhat content, or maybe even marginally...happy, at getting to see Edward this morning after being away from him all night. From there, it turned into panic and fear when the pack showed up, and morphed into anger at their disbelief. But as I stood here now, after the emotional whirlwind I had been on in the last few hours, I was beginning to feel drained, and confused, and entirely overwhelmed.

Before I could figure out how to honestly answer him, I began to cry.

"Bella!" Edward exclaimed anxiously, as his hands lifted and flitted in reaction to my tears, only to stop dead in his tracks, dropping his arms back down to his sides. "What is it? What's wrong? Please, tell me," he pleaded with a pained expression.

"I just...I just need a minute," I gasped. I felt Esme's hand tighten around mine.

"Perhaps she's just overwhelmed. It's been a rough few hours for her. Let's just all go inside, shall we?" Esme spoke, her tone light, and comforting, and motherly.

We all did as she suggested, Emmett and Rosalie heading inside, as Rose cast me a sympathetic glance over her shoulder as she went. The rest of the Cullens followed suit, and Edward stayed by my side, as Esme held my hand, leading me inside.

The other Cullens had dispersed once inside, leaving Esme, Edward and I standing alone in the kitchen. I was fine with the privacy, as I felt foolish for my tears.

"Tell me what's wrong, please," Edward murmured, both his voice and expression completely anxious.

"Overwhelmed," I gasped, trying to get myself to calm down. But I couldn't ignore the fact that so many people, like the pack had, regardless of the fact that they knew me -- wouldn't even believe the truth. They would believe the accused over me. So far, the only people I had on my side were the Cullens, Charlie and hopefully the rest of the police department.

"Come here, dear," Esme said softly. She grasped my hand tighter, pulling me closer towards her. I immediately tensed up, unsure of her intentions. I didn't think I could handle much more right now. Everything was just too much right now, and I didn't think I could handle her trying to touch me more than she already was.

But she continued to draw me closer, before pulling me against her chest, as her arms hesitantly wrapped around me, crushing me to her. Every muscle locked, and I drew in a sharp intake of breath, before I stopped breathing all together at the contact.

I was afraid to move, afraid to speak, for fear of screaming, or freaking out more than I already was. I could feel the panic. The panic at being touched, at being this close to someone. As I continued to cry, I bit my lip to keep any sounds from escaping, and I fought with myself to stay still, and not pull away.

After a moment, with the air in the kitchen silent and thick with tension -- at least to me, I finally exhaled a long, disjointed breath. And when I did, despite my erratic breathing, I realized that Esme's touch, her comfort, and her hug, weren't as frightening as I thought they would be. I could feel the comfort within her touch, even though I still wasn't completely comfortable—not by a long shot. But, I could feel the love in her embrace, the tenderness of her touch, and I knew she wouldn't hurt me.

I thought about what Rosalie had said, about needing to do things on my own, to help myself get better. And obviously, I would need to get used to being touched again. To learn to not panic at even the slightest touch or embrace. And once I fought through my initial panic, I had been able to feel the comfort involved in the embrace.

So with unsure limbs, afraid of my reaction to even more contact, I brought my arms up, and wrapped them around Esme. My breathing was still shallow, and I continued to cry, but I didn't panic any further.

Her embrace felt warm, despite her cold skin, and loving, and motherly. That only made my cry harder, as I realized that I could still somewhat find comfort in being hugged and held sometimes, even if I still couldn't allow Edward or any other male to touch me.

"Shh...there, there, dear. Everything's going to be okay," Esme whispered in my ear, as her hand started to rub gentle circles on my back. "You're so strong, Bella. One of the strongest people I've ever met. You will get through this. We'll all help you. You're going to be okay, and we won't let anyone hurt you. It's going to be okay," she soothed.

After a few moments, I managed to get both my breathing and my tears under control. I slowly pulled out of Esme's arms, and quickly wiped the shed tears from my cheeks as my eyes met with Edward's.

He stood beside Esme, fidgeting nervously, as he gazed at me anxiously. I wasn't sure if he was anxious due to my unexpected breakdown, or because he expected me to react differently to Esme's hug. Honestly, I was surprised with myself that I had been able to hug someone without having a complete panic attack. I was proud of myself for getting through it, for not just instantly recoiling.

It brought a real smile to my face, which seemed to make Edward exhale a breath of relief.

"Are you okay, love?" he asked softly, his eyes searching every inch of my face.

I simply nodded, before Esme announced that she would give us some time alone. Before turning to leave the kitchen, she grabbed my hand once again, giving it a squeeze, before smiling at me and leaving the room. I actually smiled back.

"I'm okay," I assured Edward, still seeing the worry in his eyes. "I just -- it was a lot to take in," I explained. "Do you think they'll realize the truth once they...once they talk to Jacob?"

"They should. Unless they're all truly blind, it would be hard not to see the truth. Everything's going to work out, Bella. I promise you. Neither Jacob, nor any of those dogs, for that matter, will ever hurt you again -- I'll make sure of it," he vowed.

Even though I believed he would protect me and do everything he could to bring justice to the situation, I knew that it wouldn't make my fears disappear.

But before I could respond, Emmett came barreling into the kitchen, a mischievous grin on his face.

"Yeah, Bella -- don't worry. We won't let anyone hurt you again. If anyone tries," he paused, his boyishly dimpled grin becoming even wider before he raised his right arm, and flexed his bulging muscles. He used his left hand to emphatically point at the large muscles in his upper arm. "I'll protect you with these bad boys." He kissed his bicep, and winked at me, his grin never ceasing, as his dimples became more pronounced with the extra large grin.

I laughed. I couldn't hold it back, and for the first time since the rape, I felt laughter bubbling up from within me, filling the air with its lightness.

It felt good to laugh. It felt good to have emotions other than just sadness and fear, and more than ever right now, I was truly grateful for Emmett's ridiculous sense of humor.

I glanced around the room, seeing Edward with a large smile on his face as well, as he eyed me with surprise. Under normal circumstances, he would have probably just rolled his eyes at Emmett's antics, but I'm sure it was my reaction that was saving Emmett from a sarcastic retort from Edward.

"Thanks, Em," I giggled. "For everything."

"It's my pleasure. I couldn't have anyone going around and hurting my soon to be little sister, now could I?" he questioned, with a gentle smile and the shake of his head. I smiled softly in return, before he grew serious. "I do mean it, though, Bella. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you," he elaborated.

"I know," I told him with a smile. And with that, he quietly walked out of the room, a stark contrast to how he had entered it.

When I turned to Edward again, he was gazing at me searchingly, his eyes never leaving me. Being around Edward tended to help soothe my frayed nerves, and right now, he was entirely too far away. I didn't like the distance that still stood between us, so I held out my hand, imploring him to come closer, to close the distance between us. And thankfully, he did. A second later, his hand was firmly wrapped around me, giving me both a sense of comfort and security, along with discomfort at the touch.

"Do you really think Jacob will be found guilty?" I asked quietly, as the question had been gnawing away at me in the back of my mind. I couldn't help but worry that maybe not everyone would believe me, and that Jacob would be found innocent.

"We'll make sure of it," Edward promised, as he slowly and hesitantly brought our intertwined hands up, and flipped them over, before placing a small kiss to the inside of my wrist. I felt the instinct to flinch back, but I held myself back, instead tensing completely, and unmoving for a moment.

He paused, staring up at me from beneath his lashes as he gauged my reaction, and I gave him a faint smile to show that I was okay.

"I'm so proud of you for last night and today, Bella. You went out there and faced the wolves, you stood up for yourself by speaking up and showing them your bruises. You've been amazing today," he breathed, his eyes filled with nothing but love.

"Thank you," I whispered shyly, as I looked down to avoid any eye contact.

"Would you like to go upstairs?" he questioned. I nodded in answer.

But again, we were interrupted as Alice danced into the room, her spiky hair swishing around her face as she came to a stop in front of us.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

Instead of repeating over and over again that I was, indeed, okay, which made me restrain from rolling my eyes, I nodded instead.

"Good. Especially since...well, I saw that Charlie wants you to go home. He's waiting for you. There's a bit of a surprise waiting for you, as well," she explained cryptically.

"What kind of surprise?" I was instantly suspicious. At this rate, there couldn't be many good surprises. But Alice didn't sound distressed, or anxious about whatever surprise it was.

"You'll see," she smiled.

I looked over to Edward, but he, too, was smiling, obviously in on this apparent so-called surprise.

"Would someone please tell me what's going on? You know I hate surprises," I huffed.

"It's nothing bad, love. Don't worry," Edward murmured, though his smile was still secretive. "Why don't I take you home and you can see for yourself?"

"Okay," I said slowly and apprehensively. In light of everything that's happened recently, I was very hesitant to believe that this could be a good surprise. But Edward and Alice wouldn't be smiling unless it was something good, right?

I sighed, giving up on trying to guess, knowing that it would only make me crazy.

Edward turned, about to lead me out the door when Alice stopped him.

She stepped closer to me as her gaze settled on mine, her eyes asking and unsure. As I saw her arms begin to lift -- again -- I was unsure about how much more I could possibly take, but her voice stopped me from stepping away.

"Please? I've already seen it. It'll be okay," she whispered. Her eyes seemed so large and child-like, almost pleading with me to allow her to hug me. If she were able to produce tears, I imagined that her eyes would be filled with them right now.

I stood perfectly still, waiting for her to continue. Slowly she did, until her arms were wrapped around my neck as she stood on the tips of her toes. I inhaled deeply, before letting the air out slowly, trying to keep myself as calm as possible. Still, again, I could feel myself not wanting to accept the touch, the embrace, but I could also feel the aspects of comfort in it as well.

I had missed Alice. Missed her exuberance, and closeness, as I could tell she had been more held off and restrained since the rape. She was one to show excitement, to offer hugs generously for random things.

"I missed you," she breathed.

"I missed you, too, Alice," I whispered.

She quickly pulled back after a few seconds, her face lit up in a beautiful smile. "You guys should get going. Charlie's waiting for you," she informed us. "I'll come visit you later today, Bella."

* * *

When Edward and I made it back to Charlie's, there was no other cars in front of the house, except for my truck and Charlie's cruiser. No one else was here -- unless Charlie had picked them up.

I wasn't sure what to expect, so I could feel my breathing become a little more unsteady, as we got out of the Volvo and made our way inside. As soon as I stepped in the door, I saw three large duffel bags sitting just inside the door. I looked at them curiously, unsure of who they would belong to.

"Bells? Is that you, honey?" Charlie called from the living room.

"Yeah, Dad, it's me."

"Come on into the living room, would you, please?" he asked.

I glanced questioningly at Edward, who made sure to remain stoic, not giving me any clues or hints. I huffed in slight annoyance at his lack of cooperation with my quest for clues.

I took his hand, leading him into the living room with me, as I didn't want to face whatever was waiting for me alone. But as soon as I got to the entrance of the room, I stopped in my tracks, because there -- sitting on the couch -- was Renee.

"Mom?" I gasped.

* * *

**See, twitter girls? I told you Renee would be in the story, lol. Obviously, despite the wolves presence, who showed up without any definite information, and nothing but hear-say information, Bella still managed to take a step forward by standing up for herself, and getting hugged.**

**Next up: Is Bella happy to see Renee, or displeased with the fact that she's there? And will her presence help or hinder Bella? What if Renee makes a demand on Bella that's impossible for her to meet, and could shatter her to the core? [Don't worry, Edward will be involved next chapter, too, lol, along with Alice]**

**Another thing...in the next couple of days, I'll be posting a new story called Never Say Never. I won't be neglecting Fix You at all, I promise -- don't worry. I'm very excited about this new story, so please, if you're interested, add me to author alerts so you'll know when it's been posted =).**

**Fix You's twitter: _fix_you_  
personal twitter: frosted_stars**

**Please review, and be my guest to guess what Renee's demand will be! Let me know what you thought, and let me know that you're still interested by leaving a review!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry, sorry, sorry! I feel horrible this chapter has taken so ridiculously long! I will say, though, that I have a plan from now on. I plan to try to write for at least ten minutes each day, so I can hopefully get the chapters up faster, since like I said...I feel absolutely horrible this has taken so long, and I'd like to be able to update faster.**

**BTW, my new story [Never Say Never] is also up already, so go check that out if you'd like. I promise I haven't neglect Fix You due to the new story, either. I focused on Fix You first.**

**Feenrai is the amazing beta for this story. A big thank you to her for staying up to beta this, even though she was extremely tired!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters.**

**

* * *

**

**Previously:**

_"Come on into the living room, would you, please?" he asked._

_I glanced questioningly at Edward, who made sure to remain stoic, not giving me any clues or hints. I huffed in slight annoyance at his lack of cooperation with my quest for clues._

_I took his hand, leading him into the living room with me, as I didn't want to face whatever was waiting for me alone. But as soon as I got to the entrance of the room, I stopped in my tracks, because there -- sitting on the couch -- was Renee._

_"Mom?" I gasped._

_

* * *

_

**Chapter 18**

To say that I was shocked to see my mother sitting on Charlie's couch would be an understatement.

For some reason, she just seemed odd and out of place in Charlie's small, lived-in living room. Maybe it was due to the lack of memories of her ever really sitting in this house--even though she had lived in it at one time. Regardless, as I looked at her now, she seemed slightly out of place.

"Hi, honey," she spoke softly and her eyes seemed to get misty.

Oh no. She knows, I realized. I hadn't told her about what had happened because I didn't want to deal with her reaction. She was flighty, unpredictable and would worry entirely too much. I knew I wouldn't have been able to deal with her calling incessantly, or showing up. I knew Renee well enough to know that she would ask me questions that I wouldn't be able to answer, and she would want to talk about it. I wasn't comfortable with either of those things.

So, for her to show up now, obviously knowing (considering her misty eyes and tone of voice, and the way that she was looking at me with pity), I knew that Charlie had to have told her.

I cast a glance in his direction, but he merely smiled sheepishly and offered a faint shrug, as if the situation couldn't be helped.

When I shifted my attention back to Renee, she remained gazing at me, a lone tear sliding down her cheek.

"Oh, baby girl," she murmured, as she rose from her seat with her arms held out, about to embrace me, taking two strides in my direction.

But, as she took those two steps towards me, I took two steps back, not wanting the touch. I knew she was my mother. I knew I was safe with her. I was well aware of the fact that I had just let both Esme and Alice hug me...but this was too much. Today I had faced the pack, which still left me feeling uneasy, and I had let two people hug me. All before the afternoon! So now, for Renee to be here, knowing about the rape, and trying to hug me...it was all just too much. I couldn't take any more physical contact like that today, and I didn't think I could take much more emotional stress, which -- unfortunately -- I was sure Renee would bring.

A faint sob erupted from her lips as she took in my rejection of her embrace. I saw her eyes land on mine and Edward's still-clasped hands. I cast my eyes to the floor, eyeing the old, worn-in carpet as I struggled for something to say.

"I'm sorry." Really, it was all I could say.

I managed to catch frantic movement from Renee's direction, causing me to look at her. She stood, with more tears streaking her face, as she emphatically shook her head.

"Sorry? What are you sorry for?" her voice rose to a higher pitch as she continued. "You were _raped_!" she nearly shrieked, causing me to flinch at the word. "And yes, I'd like to get to hold my baby girl, but..." she paused, and yet again glanced at mine and Edward's connected hands, which caused Edward to squeeze it reassuringly, even though I could feel his eyes on me. "I get it," she sighed.

Before I could even think of anything to say in response to that, everyone's attention was captured when Charlie hesitantly cleared his throat from behind Renee. He had come to stand just behind her, and looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Renee, why don't we let Bella have a few minutes to herself, and to, uh...just take everything in?" he suggested.

If there was ever a time I desperately wanted to hug Charlie as a thank you, it would be now, even if he did go behind my back and tell Renee. I knew the hug wasn't an option right now, though, so it was out of the question. But, under different circumstances, I would have.

"Can Edward and I just go upstairs for a few minutes, please?" I mumbled in Charlie's direction, knowing he would more than likely be willing to grant me that.

He nodded in approval, placing a comforting hand on my silently-sobbing mother's shoulder.

That was all the confirmation I needed, before heading upstairs, with Edward in tow. As soon as we were safely in my room, with the door locked, I turned to Edward, to see him already sitting on the corner of my bed, staring at me intently with a furrowed brow.

"Is everything okay, love?"

I sighed heavily before choosing my words as carefully as my muddled brain would allow. "It's just...it's Renee. She's just -- _Renee_," I huffed. "Please, please, don't get me wrong. She's my mother and I do love her. I love that she cares enough to come here. But the thing is, I didn't want her to know -- that's why I never told her," I explained, as I paced the length of my bed methodically, almost absent-mindedly. "I know how she is, and I love her for it. I do," my eyes moistened excessively. "But I knew she would get all worried and freaked out, and she would want to talk about it, or ask me a bunch of questions, or...like just now, with wanting to hug me. I know you saw her look at me holding your hand, too. I know she means well with all of this, it's just...I'm afraid I can't give her those things. I just can't. Plus, I'm scared I won't be able to give her what she needs -- to take care of her, now that she knows and is letting it eat away at her."

I knew I was rambling, and chances are, I barely made sense. However, Renee and I always had a different kind of relationship. She was usually the more child-like of the two of us, and I took care of things. Now, Renee would be freaking out over the knowledge that I was raped -- which was what I had wanted to avoid. She would want information and answers. While I was always the one to help her and to take care of her, I honestly just didn't think I had it in me right now. I didn't have it in me for the drama that I knew would be coming my way in the next few hours, or days, that Renee is here.

"Bella." Edward spoke calmly. "Just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine. Charlie's downstairs right now telling Renee that she needs to give you your personal space, and to not take offense if you let me touch you in some way, because it's always different. He's explaining things to her, because, well, from what I've gathered from his thoughts, he knows how Renee can be, so he's trying to make sure her visit goes as smoothly as possible for all of you," he gazed at me intently. "As for you feeling as though you may not be able to take care of her…Bella, you're the child, she's the parent. I know you're used to taking care of things when it comes to Renee, but this situation is about you -- not her. It affects her, but it isn't _about_ her. You don't have to try to take care of her, or comfort her. This is about you, love, and what _you've_ gone through -- what you're still going through," he exhaled loudly, as he patted the empty expanse of the bed beside him in offering of a place to sit.

I stopped my pacing, and sat next to him, exhaling a long sigh as I contemplated his words.

"What if she wants to talk about it? To ask me questions? To get all the details? I -- I can't -- I just...can't," I moaned. "I can't talk about it anymore. Not right now. I feel like...that's all my life is now. That it's all about what happened, and nothing is just..._right _or just _normal_. I want things to be normal. _I_ want to be normal."

I met Edward's eyes for a brief second, as a lone tear trailed down my cheek, before his brows furrowed yet again, and he spoke.

"Things will be normal again, Bella. In time. You must give yourself time, to deal with everything that's happened, to heal. It's going to take time, love," he spoke softly, consolingly, as he turned his body more directly towards me. "With Renee...we'll go downstairs together, Bella. I'll be with you the whole time. If she does any of those things, if she asks, or talks about it, or wants details, then I will be right by your side. We can tell her that you aren't able to talk about it, okay?" he questioned, as his eyes tried to hold mine, despite me continuing to avoid his gaze.

"Okay," I whispered, hoping with everything in me that he was right, and that Renee would respect my boundaries.

"Together?" he asked, as he stood and offered me his hand.

"Together," I murmured, placing my hand, and my trust, within his hand, and letting him guide me back downstairs, to whatever awaited.

As we entered the kitchen, we found Charlie giving Renee a pointed look, while she narrowed her eyes at him, before both turned their attention to Edward and I.

"Come on, baby," she smiled at me a little too big. "Sit down. Let's talk. I made a salad for us all for lunch," she proclaimed proudly, as she placed the large bowl filled with leafy greens on the kitchen table. She sat down, with Charlie following suit as he took the seat beside her, leaving Edward and I to sit together opposite them.

Honestly, I was in no mood to eat. I wasn't the tiniest bit hungry, and after the stressful events of the day, including Renee's presence, I didn't think I could stomach food. So, with a resigned sigh, I plopped myself down at the kitchen table, unthinkingly. As soon as I made contact with the seat, I sucked in a sharp breath at the pain that accompanied my actions.

I was still sore due to the vaginal tears, which I was reminded of each time I walked or sat, among other things. I wasn't thinking when I sat down so hard, and now I could feel the soreness even more intensely.

All eyes snapped to me, and I quickly tried to hide my grimace of discomfort and pain.

"What's wrong?" Renee immediately demanded, as Edward took his seat beside me, eyeing me worriedly.

"Nothing. It's nothing," I tried to brush it off, not wanting to discuss it, particularly with Charlie in the room. I'm sure Edward had already figured out the cause of my reaction, as he was already well aware of all of my injuries.

"You're not looking at me. You're lying," she announced confidently, thinking she knew my habits well. Truthfully, she probably did. The problem was, I was no longer that same girl. Whereas then, my reasons for avoiding eye contact may have been due to lying and the fact that I was a horrible liar; now it was because I couldn't stand to look anyone in the eye, for fear of them seeing me, of giving them that glimpse of me. I didn't want them to see what I've become. Even I couldn't stand to look at my own eyes in the mirror, always avoiding my own reflection, in fear of what I may see staring back at me.

At her words, a flash of anger soared within me, as the realization that she didn't understand that I was no longer that same person, that same innocent and naive girl that I obviously must have been. She assumed that I would still be the same old Bella, as though this wouldn't affect me.

"That's because I don't look at _anyone_ anymore, Mom!" my voice raised as the words spewed forth, almost against their will.

"Isabella, don't raise your voice," she spoke sternly. I saw Charlie give a slight glare in her direction, before he began pouring everyone a glass of water.

I was about to respond, when I felt a long, cool pinky finger slide against my own, and linking itself around my own pinky. I glanced at Edward out of the corner of my eye, and saw him looking at me with concern filling his eyes. I tried to give him a slight smile to show him that I was fine.

"The salad looks lovely, Mrs. Dwyer," Edward spoke formally, effectively ending my conversation with my mother.

"Thanks, Edward," she smiled brightly at him.

As we ate the salad -- Edward included, as I caught him making a few faces of disgust -- conversation was relatively minimal. I suspected Renee realized now was not the best time to try having a conversation with me, though I wasn't sure why. Whatever her reason was, I was grateful. Unfortunately, I knew it only meant that it was delaying the inevitable.

As soon as the dishes were cleaned and put away and we all made our way into the living room, where Charlie sat in his chair, Edward and I on the couch, and Renee opted to sit in the chair on the opposite side of the room from Charlie.

A few awkward moments passed before Charlie spoke up.

"I know you didn't want to tell her, Bells, but I thought it was only right that she knew what happened to her daughter," he cast me a sympathetic glance, and seemed to be beseeching me to understand his reasoning.

I merely nodded, knowing he meant well, even if I didn't like it.

"And I'm glad he did tell me, Bella, especially if you weren't going to. When I found out you were raped, I got here as soon as I could," she explained.

To give her credit, for all of her flighty-ness and irresponsible behavior, a part of me was happy she was willing to drop everything and come see me when she found out I was in distress.

"Phil's been worried about you, too, after I told him," she informed. I cringed, realizing that another person now knew.

"When you talk to him, tell him I say hi," I offered with a forced smile.

"Jacob did this to you? As in, Billy Black's son?" she wondered, a pensive look crossing her facial features.

I nodded in response, unwilling to say the words aloud.

She knew who Jacob was. I had mentioned him to her countless times during numerous phone conversations I'd had with her since moving to Forks. She also knew quite well who Billy was, since he and Charlie had been friends when my parents were still together.

"Jacob Black..." she muttered, her eyes narrowing angrily. "I never would have thought Jacob would be capable of something like this," she huffed.

"You and me both," Charlie ground out through clenched teeth, as his hands gripped the armrests of his chair in a vice-like grip, causing his fingers to turn white.

Little did they know, that I never would have expected Jacob to do anything harmful to me. He was like my sun - my warmth. Now, even hearing his name caused a chill to run up my spine.

"I know when it happened," Renee began, seeming deep in thought, which immediately caused me to tense, knowing where the conversation was going. I noticed out of the corner of my eye, that Edward's reaction to her words was similar to my own. "But _how_ did it happen? What exactly happened, Bella?" she sniffed, as a tear rolled down her cheek.

I chanced a glance at Charlie, who was narrowing his eyes in Renee's direction, trying to warn her with his eyes to stop. I fidgeted nervously, having dreaded these exact questions. "I...I ca-"

"With all due respect, Mrs. Dwyer --," Edward cut me off, only for Renee to do the same to him.

"Renee."

"With all due respect, Renee, Bella isn't comfortable talking about what happened. It's too painful for her, to have to relive it as she tells the story, and it only causes her further emotional stress, and she's had a stressful day already," he explained in his most polite and formal tone of voice. I'm sure that if I looked at him, he would probably be dazzling her, making sure that she agreed to his words.

Renee let out a long sigh. Whether it was out of sadness, or frustration, or irritation, I'm not sure. But after a moment, she acquiesced.

The room stayed silent after that, with only minimal words being exchanged between the people in the room. After a while, Charlie turned the flat screen on, turning it to a football game that was on. To say that things were rather uncomfortable would be a bit of an understatement.

I could tell Renee was itching to ask me questions, but I honestly couldn't give the answers to her right now. And Charlie, he's never been one for words, so it wasn't that abnormal for his silence.

An awkward few hours passed, with only a bit of small talk, before the person with a never-ending amount of words showed up at the door, thankfully ending the awkwardness.

"Alice!" I actually smiled when I opened the door to reveal the beautiful pixie.

What I had said to her earlier was true -- I did miss her. I knew she was trying to give me some space, due to her normally exuberant behavior and personality. She was never one to think twice before engulfing someone in a hug of excitement or tenderness, and I knew she had been trying to do so around me lately. I also knew she had been trying to give me time with Edward, since it seemed to have become a well known fact that I feel safest when I was with him.

"Hi, Bella," she smiled back largely, her gleaming teeth exposed. "I told you I'd come see you later."

"Alice." Edward gave a small smile and a nod in her direction, as he came to stand beside me by the door, as I let Alice inside the house.

"Bella," Edward murmured near my ear, his voice only loud enough for me to hear, and of course, Alice. "I'm going to give you and Alice some time alone to talk. I'll be back within an hour. You'll be safe, my love," he whispered, as his pinky wrapped around mine and he squeezed it gently in assurance.

I thought of protesting - of asking him to stay. But my conversation with Rosalie flitted through my mind, and I decided not to, knowing that I would need to get used to being away from Edward sometimes, like for when he needed to hunt, among other random things.

"Okay," I whispered just as quietly, still feeling uneasy about being apart from him, despite my mind being made up about needing to get used to it.

"If you'll excuse me," Edward spoke for everyone to hear. "I just need to run out shortly, I'll be back soon," he explained.

Charlie and Renee acknowledged his words, with my mother sending him a large smile and a wave, while Charlie grunted a goodbye.

He slowly moved towards the door, our pinkies still linked, until he got far enough that our arms could no longer stretch, letting our pinkies slide from their grasp on one another.

With one final gentle smile, he was gone.

Alice quickly turned to my parents, offering them an exuberant hello, as she introduced herself to Renee.

"Hi, Mrs. Dwyer! I'm Alice Cullen, Edward's sister, and Bella's best friend," she smiled largely.

"It's nice to meet you, Alice. And you can call me Renee," she smiled back.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Charlie's face light up into a smile due to Alice's presence.

"Hi, Alice," he greeted. "How are you?"

"I'm good," she smiled at him. "Do you mind if I whisk Bella away upstairs for a little while?" she asked, her eyes going slightly more round and child-like, making it difficult to resist her.

"Sure," he agreed easily, as Renee also nodded, though she had an undistinguishable look on her face as she did so.

After Alice and I were done settling into my room, her questioning started.

"So how are things going with your mom?"

"As if you don't already know," I responded. When she merely looked at me, her expression appearing all too innocent, I knew that I was correct in my words. She remained silent, waiting. I huffed. "Honestly?" I shrugged, looking down at my lap. "I don't really know. I feel like...it's a ticking time bomb -- _she's_ a ticking time bomb. I don't know when she's going to start throwing the questions at me, and I'm scared of when she's going to try to again."

"That makes sense," she said softly. "I can tell you that she is going to try asking again. Soon. But, Bella, she's your mom. Any mother would want to know what happened to their child. She's just worried," Alice rationalized.

"That's what _I'm_ worried about. She's worried, so it's only a matter of time before she freaks out, and I don't know how I'm going to handle that," I explained quietly, my eyes suddenly finding the scuffed hardwood floor in my room fascinating.

Alice, sensing my discomfort with the subject, quickly changed topics. Though I can't be sure how much better of a topic it was.

"Hey -- what happened to your bracelet? Well, I know what happened to your bracelet, but what happened to the charm from Edward?"

"Umm --" I thought back to that incident, where I panicked due to the bracelet being on my wrist. Due to the possible panic attack, the details seemed hazy and fuzzy. I remembered Edward trying to calm me. I remember his fingers at my wrist, gently removing it once I finally stilled. "I don't know. I told Edward to get rid of the bracelet," I mumbled. "But not the heart," I added quickly. "I'm not sure what he did with it."

She appeared thoughtful for a moment, her eyes twinkling.

After that, she chose random topic after topic, from Jasper, to the other members of the Cullen family, to shopping trips, and other inconsequential things.

As she carried on a stream of conversation, the fact that I was away from Edward began slipping slightly more towards the back of my mind, though not entirely, and I almost began to feel normal again for a few minutes. I felt like me again, if only for a moment.

But before I knew it, an hour had passed, and like Edward promised, he was back within an hour, wearing my favorite crooked smile.

Despite Renee's presence, that night, Edward and I continued our usual routine. Edward stayed with me in my room, laid beside me, and stroked my hair until I fell asleep.

The following few days were much of the same, with Edward being around as much as possible, and a few more visits from Alice here and there. Some were short, and others longer. Renee still attempted to ask me about what happened a few times a day, but, thankfully, Edward was usually around then and was able to help me deflect her attention. The conversation within the house continued to remain mostly small talk, with everyone skirting around the conversation that everyone seemed to sense was brewing.

After Edward had just left through my window—in preparation for "showing up" at the door—on Friday morning, I walked downstairs. It was the fifth day of Renee's visit, and as I walked down, I froze as I overheard my parents in conversation.

"Renee, you need to leave it alone. Please," he beseeched.

I was beginning to get more accustomed to the fact that Charlie was home so much more often now, as he had been cutting down on shifts at the station in order to be home with me.

"Charlie, she's my baby girl. I _need_ to know what happened," she lamented, her tears evident in her voice.

"I already told you what happened," his tone held slight authority.

"It's not the same!" she attempted to yell in a whisper. "I want to hear from her what happened. How can I not know what someone's done to my daughter? The fact that Billy's son raped her is bad enough, but to be left with thoughts of the unknown swirl around in your head? It's eating away at me. I need to know what happened. From her."

"She doesn't want to talk about it. I had to take her down to the police station to file a report and make a statement, and every single step that she took, I could tell she was wishing she could bolt in the other direction. She's terrified right now, Renee. She doesn't need the added stress of being pressed for information. So please, leave it alone."

I decided that now was a good time to interrupt, and make my presence known, wanting to leave Renee with Charlie's last words to linger in her mind, and hopefully dissuade her.

"Good morning," I spoke loud and clear, stepping off of the last few steps, and making my way into the kitchen.

Their heads snapped in my direction immediately, Renee's eyes wide as she looked at me.

"Morning, honey," she smiled, trying to erase the expression from her face.

"Good morning, Bells," Charlie offered a small smile, as he stroked his mustache out of discomfort of the situation.

As I was about to sit, there was a knock on the door. Of course, it was Edward, so I readily let him in. When Renee offered him some of the eggs Charlie had made for breakfast, he politely declined, claiming to have already eaten.

Renee remained remarkably quiet throughout breakfast, barely speaking a few words. After breakfast, Charlie retired to the living room. When Renee then requested my presence in the kitchen to help her clean up, while simultaneously suggesting Edward go watch the game with Charlie, I was instantly on alert. My heart began to beat faster, causing me to hear each _thump, thump _within my ears as I fought to stay calm.

"Bella," she began softly. "I know it's hard for you to talk about what happened. But I need some answers, honey. You know how much I love you, Bella," a tear trailed down her cheek as she began to cry softly. "And that's why I need to know what happened. I need to know what that sick boy did to my baby girl, because I keep --," she sniffled loudly, wiping the tears from her cheeks, "I keep imagining the worst, and each time, I think of something that's worse than the last time, and it's driving me crazy to think of what could have happened," she continued to cry.

I knew she wasn't doing this to be a pain, or to cause problems. I knew she simply wanted to put her mind at ease, and was -- in typical Renee fashion -- freaking out. But this was the moment I had been dreading, where she finally confronted the issue head on, pushing the issue further than she has these past few days. The problem was that even if I wanted to, I don't think I could push the words from my lips.

I could feel the panic rising, as my palms grew sweaty, and my breathing accelerated slightly, causing my chest to feel tight.

"I can't, Mom," I whispered, as my own eyes began to sting with tears. "I can't."

"I have to know, baby. I need to know."

Her insistence on the subject, on trying to force answers from me began to also cause a slight surge of anger.

"He kissed me, I tried to push him away. He took it further, I tried saying no, he didn't listen. That's what happened," I said through gritted teeth. Really, it was the truth - it was just summed up in a nut shell, with the very edited, very summarized version.

"Won't you give me any details?" she begged.

"I. Can't." I spoke pointedly, and emphatically, both still in irritation and fear. As she began to sob, the anger ebbed away, leaving only the panic. I knew she was freaking out -- I knew she just wanted details. But I couldn't give them to her, and now, I was left in the situation that I feared from the beginning. In order for her to feel better, to be better, she needed my story, the information and details, and right now, I wasn't able to give that to her. That thought alone caused my panic to intensify "It -- it hurts too much. I panic. I -- I can't."

My breathing became more erratic and labored, which caused my tears to start to fall.

"Bella." Edward spoke from the archway of the kitchen, his jaw tight and posture rigid.

I wanted so desperately to be able to go to him and hug him, to relish in his embrace and comfort that his arms could provide. But I knew that I wasn't ready for something like that, as much as I wished I would be. I knew the moment I was engulfed in his arms, I would panic, feeling nothing but Jacob's arms around me, holding me to him, crushing me to him and refusing to let go.

I released a shuddering breath, as Edward quickly made his way to my side and kneeled in front of me as I sat in the kitchen chair, immediately offering me both of his hands. I took them quickly, ignoring the discomfort of any kind of touch, and trying to focus on the comfort.

"I'm sorry, Renee, but she needs to calm down before she has a full-on panic attack," he said in almost a monotone, wanting to effectively end the conversation with Renee, as to not further upset me, I'm sure.

"I'm sorry, baby," Renee whispered solemnly, her voice sad. She took a step towards me, appearing as though she wanted to hug me. I instinctively leaned back, not wanting to be hugged, nor touched any more than I was already being touched.

"I'm sorry." She looked down, and quickly exited the room, her apology lingering in the air for another moment.

"I'm okay," I gasped after a minute, when Edward's extremely anxious eyes continued to stare at me, studying my face, and my every move.

"Shh," he whispered. "Just take some deep breaths, love. That's it. In. Out." He continued to do that for a moment, instructing my breaths, until it began to calm and I was no longer taking in such shallow breaths.

"I'm okay now," I reassured him once again. Even though my breathing had calmed and my body was no longer quite as tense, the anxiety never left his face.

"I wanted to interrupt. To stop the conversation, but I didn't know how to properly do that without making it seem as though I had been eavesdropping," he explained in a pained whisper, his eyes apologetic.

"It's okay. You _did_ help me, so thank you," I explained softly, and this time, it was me who squeezed his hand in reassurance.

x-x-x

The rest of the day went by in a tense quietness, and Edward managed to stay the whole day, with everyone mostly just speaking only when necessary, or only giving minimal word responses. Renee seemed to be trying to keep her distance from me, both physically and verbally, and whenever she thought I wasn't looking, she would stare at me with reproachful and sorrowful eyes.

By the time the evening came around, I was more than ready for bed, the emotional morning, and tense afternoon had left me drained. So, when Edward whispered low enough for only me to hear, that he was 'leaving' for the night, and that he'd be upstairs waiting, I couldn't have been happier to crawl into bed and put an end to this exhausting day.

Edward left, saying his pretend goodbyes, and I sat on the couch, mindlessly staring at the game on TV. I was paying no attention to it, and was, instead, merely staring off into space. I let my thoughts drift to happier things, giving myself a few minutes before going upstairs, so as to not seem suspicious.

I was trying to think of my favorite moments with Edward -- Edward in the sun, and the meadow, our first kiss, the first night he stayed, flying home from Italy, and the night after Italy, and in some ways, even the proposal.

As I tried to figure out my absolute favorite memory, I suddenly felt hands on me, gripping me.

I screamed, quickly flying out of my seat and wrenching myself from their grasp, as I breathed heavily, my breaths coming in short bursts and my heart thundering in my chest.

It was only once I was a safe distance away that I took in my surroundings, and stopped to see what had happened.

I was at home, in the living room. Renee sat in the chair she had been in since earlier, but quickly stood as she saw my reaction. Charlie stood near the couch, his expression full of heart-break and regret, as a deep frown marred his face, with his one arm still outstretched.

I tried to slow my breathing, and my heart rate, as I tried to take deep breaths and calm my nerves. Charlie had only touched my arm. That was all. It was just Charlie.

"I'm...I'm sorry," I stammered, feeling incredibly guilty for screaming, and reacting that way to my dad simply touching my arm.

"No, Bells. I understand. You have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who's sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry," Charlie quickly spoke, his tone showing his remorse, along with the pain visible in his eyes. "I tried asking you if you were ready to get to bed, but you didn't answer. I tried calling your name, but you still weren't responding. So...I was starting to get worried because you weren't responding. I just went to touch your arm, honey, just to get your attention and see if you were alright."

As I began to calm down, now having all the facts, Renee spoke up.

"Charlie, can you give Bella and I a minute alone, please?" she asked, looking from me to Charlie.

"Umm --" Charlie glanced at me, and then Renee, before finally glancing down and rubbing at the back of his neck. "I guess so. I'll just head on upstairs to get ready for bed and have a shower."

He quickly made his way upstairs, but not before apologizing to me once again, to which I nodded, telling him that it was okay, and that I was okay.

"Bella, this isn't good," Renee spoke softly.

"What isn't?" I questioned, unsure of what she meant.

"This. You being here. Baby, it's not good for you. You're scared of men, and yet, you're a young girl living at home with a man," she exclaimed quietly.

"What? Charlie would never do anything to me!" I raised my voice slightly. For her to think that Charlie would do anything to me was just ridiculous. He was a good man. He wouldn't do anything like that to hurt me. I didn't have one single doubt about that, and for her to insinuate otherwise only angered me.

"I don't mean like that, Bella," she rolled her eyes, and waved her hand, as is to dismiss my previous thought. "I mean, you being here, living in a house with a man -- it can't be easy, given your situation. It's not good for you, Bella! You can't tell me you would have reacted that strongly if it was a woman who had tried to touch you just now."

"I didn't know who was touching me, Mom. I was lost in thought, and then I just suddenly felt someone touching me. I would have reacted the same way to that, no matter who had been the one to touch me. I haven't even been able to hug you yet, either, and you are a female!" I fired back at her, not liking what she was trying to say to me.

"Bella," she sighed. "I'm trying to be lenient here, but you're making it awfully hard. It's not good with you being here with a man, and no one else in the house. Charlie means well, but my God, Bella. You just jumped ten feet in the air, and let out a blood curdling scream because your dad touched you. That's not acceptable. You shouldn't be living here with just a man, where you're probably scared to get too close, physically, or scared that you might be touched at any second. You would be more comfortable with a woman around," she tried to rationalize her ramblings.

"Either way, regardless of who I was with, or where I am, I would still be scared of being touched at any second. Besides, I'm perfectly fine here, with Dad. I like it here. And either way, I wouldn't leave."

It was her next words that made my day go from an exhausting mess, to an absolute nightmare.

"No more arguing, Bella. You're moving back to Jacksonville, and that's final."

* * *

**Long AN. Sorry guys, bear with me. Oh boy...so, this chapter ended up being longer than I expected, and I couldn't fit everything in that I wanted to. I didn't originally plan to leave it there, but I had to. So...Renee's demanding Bella go back to Jacksonville, and Bella has no one downstairs with her to help argue her case. Eek!**

**I want to take a minute to be clear on something, just so there's no confusion. Renee isn't trying to be a, well, a b-tch. Renee can just be childish, and therefore a little more self-centered. She's freaking out over the knowledge that her daughter's been raped, and she figured that, one, if she has all the details, she can better help Bella, and two, she wants all the details to put her own mind at ease. She's trying to help, in her own way. She's just going about it all wrong, and not stopping to really think about what would actually be best for Bella.**

**Next chapter: The fallout of Renee's demand. How will Bella react? What will Bella do to try and plead her case, and will Renee be willing to listen, or will she have to go to Jacksonville? Also...what will Edward do, and where is it he ran off to for an hour?**

**Twitter: _fix_you_**  
**Personal twitter: frosted_stars**

**As always, let me know what you thought, and leave a review. To everyone who reviews and alerts, you guys are AMAZING! So, let me know that you're still interested in the story, and leave a review!**


	19. Chapter 19

**I'm so sorry, guys! I swear, everything has been working against me whenever I've tried to write and finish this chapter lately. I've had some horribly bad luck whenever it came to writing. I know you're frustrated with me, I'm frustrated with me, too, for not being able to finish/update it sooner. But, I finally got it finished with some help from both Jadedtigger and Feenrai, so thank you both very much. **

**Also, you guys are absolutely, without a doubt amazing. The last chapter got over 100 reviews, and the story itself has over 1100, so a HUGE ****thank you**** to everyone who reviewed!**

**Oh! And dazzled eyes22, I noticed you recommended Fix You on the Twilighted Forums a couple of times - thank you for doing that =).**

**This story is beta'd by Feenrai****, who has been immensely helpful, and I'm very glad to have her as my beta and friend =).**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is all Stephenie Meyer's.**

* * *

**Previously:**

_"Either way, regardless of who I was with, or where I am, I would still be scared of being touched at any second. Besides, I'm perfectly fine here, with Dad. I like it here. And either way, I wouldn't leave."_

_It was her next words that made my day go from an exhausting mess, to an absolute nightmare._

_"No more arguing, Bella. You're moving back to Jacksonville, and that's final."_

* * *

**Chapter 19**

_"You're moving back to Jacksonville, and that's final."_

Renee's words swirled through my mind, echoing back to me, causing my chest and lungs to constrict further and my eyes to well with more tears each time.

_"That's final."_

I gasped, my heart feeling as though the shattered pieces that still remained were, yet again, smashed to pieces with the largest, most dangerous threat possible: losing Edward, losing the Cullens, and also losing Charlie.

As my breathing became heavy pants, causing my chest to rise and fall rapidly as I fought for air, I frantically looked around the room.

No one was there to help me. Charlie was upstairs in the shower, while Edward was stuck upstairs in my room, having gone 'home' for the night, leaving him no options to miraculously appear.

"No," I stated emphatically, shaking my head frantically, though my voice was quiet and shaky.

Renee sighed. "Yes, Bella. It's for the best. I just want what's best for you, honey."

She wanted what was best for me? I knew she had good intentions. I knew she meant well, but this...this would not _help_ me. This would destroy me and the already shattered remains of my heart. I needed Edward to survive. He was the only thing, the only person, that helped make me feel safe anymore. He was the only person that helped truly give me a sense of normalcy.

"No. I'm _not_ going to Jacksonville," my voice continued to shake, making my refusal lack the strength I intended, though despite that, it almost sounded emotionless, even to my own ears.

"You need to be away from here. Away from the place it happened, away from all the memories of it, and away from all the things you associate with it. Plus, a change of scenery would be good for you, too, Bella. To get away from the doom and gloom rainy weather here, and get to see some sunshine instead. The sun is more uplifting, more happy - healing," Renee tried to explain and plead her case, though her tone still held no chance of giving in. I could see the skin around her eyes pinching, however-a sure sign that she was upset.

"No," I stated again, my breathing still coming out in shuddering gasps.

But, as I heard myself saying no, over and over again in refusal, despite my will continuing to be ignored, I began to think of another situation where that exact same thing happened.

I squeezed my eyes shut against the memory.

_"No!" I cried, but his movements were relentless, as his lips crashed against mine with such a demanding force, it caused my teeth to ache. I could hear myself whimpering, silently pleading for him to step away, to retreat and not continue with what he was doing._

_Instead, I felt his tongue force past my lips, gaining entry into my mouth. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to do anything to stop this, especially as I could feel my lungs burning, craving the oxygen he was denying me as he refused to break the unwanted kiss._

_When he finally pulled back, my head spun with dizziness, as I panted for air, both due to lack of oxygen, and due to panic._

_"No!" I gasped. "Please..."_

Even now, as I stood in the living room, trembling and shuddering with my eyes squeezed shut, as the memory assaulted me, I could feel myself panting - panicking.

"NO!" I yelled. Whether it was at Jacob, at my mom, or maybe both, I wasn't sure.

"Bella?" I heard Renee ask cautiously.

"No! No, no, no, no, no," I repeated it over and over, as a mantra. I wished for the memories to stop, I wished for Renee to stop. I hadn't wanted Jacob to touch me, and I did not want to leave Forks - to leave Edward. But nobody listened. No one was hearing me say 'no'.

"Bella, honey, are you okay?" Renee's voice was soft, comforting...motherly, even. The fact that she was only now noticing how her attitude was causing me distress only furthered my sudden anger at being unheard.

"**No**! No, I'm _not_ okay! And I'm _not_ going to Jacksonville!" I screamed, as I let my tear filled eyes fly open to come face to face with a shocked looking Renee.

"Bella..." she began tentatively, but I didn't let her finish as I tried using the one thing that could save me.

"No! I am _not_ going, and you cannot make me. I'm eighteen. According to the law, I'm now legally an adult, so I do not have to do as you say," I both trembled and seethed.

She gasped at my outburst, with a look of shock crossing her features.

She took an unsure step towards me - to do what, I'm not sure - but I didn't allow her to get closer. I instantly stepped back, putting as much distance between us as possible.

Renee opened her mouth to speak yet again, but didn't get the chance to say anything, before Charlie came bounding down the stairs with only a towel wrapped around his waist, his eyes frantic and wild as he looked over the room, taking in the situation.

I'm not sure what he had been expecting, but he seemed to relax slightly after a moment, as droplets of water continued to drip and pool beneath him.

"I heard you yelling," he quickly explained, while looking at me, his eyes still slightly frantic, before they narrowed and shot to Renee, only to soften again when they landed back on me. "What happened?"

I stood, trying to calm my breathing, while simultaneously sighing in relief that I now had someone that would—hopefully—be on my side.

"She's trying to insist that I move to Jacksonville," I trembled as I spoke through clenched teeth.

I watched Charlie's face closely, checking for his reaction. I saw a myriad of emotions flicker through his features - shock, disbelief, sadness, anger - before he turned his gaze to Renee.

"You expect her to move to Jacksonville?" he asked, almost as though he was still trying to swallow this information.

"Yes," Renee fidgeted under his piercing gaze, the same one I was sure he had turned on to the few actual criminals there were residing in Forks. "It would do her some good to be away from here, from where it happened, and to be somewhere less gloomy, weather wise," she wrinkled her nose in reference to the rain, as she was quick to defend her demand that I move.

Charlie bristled at her words, his eyes narrowing, before he turned to look at me.

"Do you want to go to Jacksonville, Bells?"

At the prospect of having to move far away from Forks, and Edward, Charlie and the Cullens, my eyes automatically began to fill with tears again. I quickly and emphatically shook my head, not trusting my own voice at first. "No."

Charlie nodded, as he closed his eyes for a moment, before they locked on Renee, his demeanor one of both an angry ex, and a protective father.

"She's not a little girl anymore, like she was the first time you moved her away from here and from me; this time she gets a choice. She doesn't want to go to Jacksonville, so she's not going to Jacksonville, Renee. She's my daughter, too, and if she wants to stay, then I am happy to have her. I will not force her to leave." His voice was firm, leaving no doubt about the fact that he was becoming angry with her, and that he meant what he said.

"Char-"

"No, Renee. You think it's going to help her to be ripped away from the place she's come to know as her home? To be ripped away from all of the people who she is comfortable with, and close to? And what about Edward? I know you're not blind to the fact that she seems to feel the most safe when he's with her. Would you really want to deny your child all of that after everything she's been through?" he argued, his voice low and almost menacing as he continued to stand at the bottom of the stairs with his glare fixed on my mother's hunched form.

I knew I loved Charlie, but his actions, his words right now, and the simple fact that he stated that he would still want me, or still want me here with him after everything that has happened lately...that thought alone brought tears to my eyes, as I realized just how much I loved my dad.

I saw a contemplative-and possibly guilty-look spread across my mother's face, as her shoulders hunched further forward, with her head hung low. After a moment, I heard a quiet sniffle come from her.

"Bells?" Charlie's voice brought my attention back to him. "I'm sure you're tired, so why don't you go on up to your room? I'd like to speak to your mom."

I nodded, thankful for the escape. Honestly, I wanted to be near Edward right now, to know that he's there, and that we won't be taken from one another. I needed that comfort, so I quickly made my way towards the stairs, careful to skirt around the puddle Charlie had created, and to avoid bumping into him or touching him. But as I passed, he spoke quietly to me.

"Just know that if you don't want to go, I won't make you."

My vision blurred with fresh tears at his words. "Thanks, Dad," I whispered. "I don't want to go...I want to stay here, with you."

His own eyes seemed to grow slightly glassy, before I quickly broke the eye contact, and rushed up the stairs, anxious to see Edward.

As I stepped inside my door, I found Edward pacing the length of my floor, with one hand furiously running through and gripping his hair, while the other pinched the bridge of his nose as he screwed his eyes shut.

But as soon as the door was closed, he ceased all movement, and stood up straight, looking at me intensely. I still had tears running down my cheeks, and my breathing was still uneven and slightly labored.

"I won't go," I stated quietly, defiantly, unsure of what his reaction would be. If he would think that I should go to Jacksonville for my own good, like in the past, or if he would want me here.

"I wouldn't let you," he whispered, though his voice was clear and unwavering. I breathed a silent sigh of relief at the knowledge that he didn't want me to go, and wouldn't have let me go.

I so desperately wanted to go to him, to wrap my arms around him and not let go. God, how I missed the feel of his arms around me, the comforting feeling they provided and the indescribable feeling of safety. I wanted to be able to feel it again, to confirm that he was here, that I was here, and that neither of us were going anywhere. And to rid myself of the horrible memories running through my mind from earlier, but I didn't know if I could. I just knew that I wanted to try.

"Can yo- can we - woul-" I gave up, sighing. I didn't know how to ask. Even if I did, I could feel the words trembling as they escaped my lips, since I knew, without a doubt, that as much as I wished to feel the comfort of his arms around me...I also knew it terrified me immensely. I didn't know if I could handle it.

"What is it, love?" he asked softly, his brows furrowed in concern as he took a few steps forward, until he stood directly in front of me.

"I would like you to...try and hug me," my words were so quiet, even I could barely hear them, but I knew he could.

I chanced a quick glance at his expression, to see his eyebrows raised high on his forehead, and his eyes large in surprise.

"Are you sure?" he murmured, as a look of apprehension settled over his features.

I paused for a moment, thinking. I hesitantly nodded.

"I don't know if that's -"

"Please..." I whimpered. My one word plea seemed to do the trick, as he no longer seemed to question whether or not to accept my request.

He took another step towards me, as his arms slowly lifted to wrap around me.

I could feel my throat and lungs constricting slightly, my breath bated as I waited...waited to see if the panic would set in, or if I would be able to fight it off and be able to find that euphorically comforting feeling of being within his arms.

But as soon as his arms encased themselves around me, however gently they may have been, I could feel a scream building up within my chest, though I fought to hold it back. I tried and pleaded with my own mind and body to just allow me this-to allow me to feel safe within Edward's arms—but, apparently, the irrational part of me had other ideas.

I began to frantically shake my head, as my eyes yet again filled with tears. Tears of sadness, anger, and resentment towards Jacob and the entire situation, and especially towards myself for not even being able to allow Edward to hug me. Especially since both Esme and Alice had been able to. My body's reaction had a mind of its own, no matter how many times I tried to tell myself that it was just Edward holding me and that I was completely safe.

I felt trapped in the embrace, remembering not being able to break free of Jacob's tight hold on me that night. So I quickly shoved at Edward's chest, effectively putting distance between us, as I tried to let the rational side of myself calm the irrational side. I felt as though my own body and mind were at war with itself.

"I'm sorry," I choked out, quickly turning away from him as my tears spilled past my bottom lashes. I scurried over to my bed, and laid down on my side, leaving my back to Edward, as he continued standing where I had pushed him. I laid there on the edge of the bed, with my eyes shut tightly. I didn't think I could look at him right now, because I was sure I would lose it completely if I did.

I could feel the hot tears of sadness and anger roll down my face, as my pillow absorbed the moisture. I still felt as though something heavy was on my chest, making it painful and difficult to breathe, and I wished, more than anything, that the outcome had been different.

"Bella?" Edward murmured softly, apprehensively. And if I was right, also guiltily. I couldn't face him, however, so I simply shook my head, not wanting to respond.

"Bella, love?" This time, his velvet voice was much closer than I had anticipated, causing my eyes to fly open. I gasped, and instinctively flinched back at the close proximity.

There he was, sitting on my bedroom floor, directly beside my bed, leaving us eye level with one another.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you," he whispered softly, soothingly.

"Please don't apologize," I spoke in an agonized whisper, as I quickly shut my eyes, trying to prevent the onslaught of tears. "I should be the one apologizing. I didn't - I wanted -" I sighed, unable to figure out how to explain the combustion of thoughts swirling through my mind. "I didn't _want_ to react that way. I didn't...I didn't mean to push you away." My eyes betrayed me, as fresh tears cascaded down my cheek and onto my pillow.

"Bella." Edward's voice was unusually firm, commanding. "You have nothing to apologize for. _Nothing_. You were scared - it was an automatic and natural reaction after everything you've been through, love," he murmured softly, as his eyes shone in silent anguish.

"But it's not a natural reaction to react like that to _you_! I know you're not him. I know you wouldn't hurt me. I just - I can't... I want you to be able to hold me. I wish you were able to hold me," I whimpered, feeling completely helpless and hopeless.

"Shh," he soothed, as his hand disappeared within his pocket, only to withdraw it with something clasped in his fist, hidden from my view. "Will you sit up for a moment?" he asked suddenly, seeming deep in thought.

After my reaction to his embrace, I knew I couldn't deny him this, even though I wished to stay burrowed into my bed, curling myself into a ball. So, I sat up, as he asked.

"Can you close your eyes for a moment?" he questioned hesitantly.

I nodded, before closing my eyes, and fighting to prevent any kind of negative images from flooding my mind, as they usually did as soon as my eyes were shut.

But, I didn't even have time to focus on anything like that before I suddenly felt something cold touching the center of my upper chest, followed by my neck. I knew it wasn't Edward's touch, but it was something cold. Something metal?

"You can open your eyes now, love," Edward spoke softly after a few seconds.

When I opened my eyes, I saw Edward now sitting in front of me on my bed, with the faintest of smiles spreading across his lips.

Still feeling the coolness against my chest and neck, I brought my hand up to touch it, as I gazed down, trying to see what it was.

My heart pendant, now hanging from a delicate gold necklace.

"What -" Edward cut me off before I could even get out the rest of my question.

"You will always have my heart, Bella. And if you are willing, I'd like for you to wear this. Would you?" he asked, seeming slightly unsure of himself. I nodded slowly. "I knew you wouldn't like another bracelet, so I've gotten you a necklace, so that it could be a constant reminder to you that you will always have my heart, and my love. Any time that I have to hunt, since that's usually the only time we are apart...you will always have that part of me - the most important part of me - with you," he slowly, and very gently picked up the pendant with his fingers, careful not to touch me in the process as he examined it for a moment. "My heart will always be with you, Bella, it will always be yours. And every time that you wish I could hold you, when it's too much for you to bare...you have this to wear, and physically hold onto instead," he spoke softly, thoughtfully, as his fingers released the pendant, letting it fall against my chest.

My eyes had already welled with fresh tears just after he started speaking, but this time, they were happy tears. It was such an incredibly sweet, thoughtful gesture. He knew I wouldn't be able to wear the pendant on another bracelet, for which I was incredibly grateful. Even though it would have only been Edward's heart pendant, if it were on a bracelet, it would be tinged with memories of Jacob and the bracelet he had given me.

But this...it was laced with nothing but the sweet memory of Edward's sentiment behind it. It brought a smile to my face just thinking about it. I liked the idea of having a physical reminder of Edward's love that I could wear, always.

"Thank you," I whispered, my voice thick with emotion. I again held the pendant between my fingers, idly twirling it, and feeling each ridge from the facets.

His crooked half smile spread across his face. "You mean, you aren't going to fight me on this?"

I shook my head, fighting my own smile. "This is one gift...I'm happy to have," I whispered. "I would never refuse your heart."

"And you shall always have it," he murmured, a faint smile still visible on his face.

I blushed, a thought coming to mind. I sat, unmoving, as I pondered whether I was able to or not. I wanted to thank him, to give him something in return, and also...to prove I was able to handle this.

So with that thought, I spoke, and continued on before I lost my nerve. "Don't move. Hold perfectly still."

At my familiar words, his grin became bigger, and his eyes swam with curiosity. As requested, though, he kept perfectly still, not even breathing or blinking an eye.

I would have smiled at his expression alone, but my nerves wouldn't allow it. I steeled my resolve to do this. I wanted to do this, I just needed to get through the anxiety that accompanied it.

I brought my uninjured hand up to my face, placing my fingertips against my lips, and placing a kiss upon them. With nervousness swirling and twisting within my stomach, I tentatively brought my hand to Edward's face, letting my fingertips rest upon his lips for a mere two seconds, before quickly pulling away, unsure of how I felt about the now unfamiliar contact.

The entire time, Edward sat as still as a beautifully sculpted statue. His eyes, however, betrayed him. I saw the shock register within them, followed by amazement. Finally, his face shifted, morphing into a soft, gentle smile, as he gazed at me with an unreadable expression.

I bit my lip, feeling unsure of myself, and my actions as he continued to stare at me.

I was happy that I had been able to touch him, somewhere other than his hand, and not have freaked out-despite the anxiety that clung to me during my actions. But, at the same time, I wasn't sure how he would react, or if he would even like the gesture. Maybe he wouldn't want me to touch him in a more intimate way like that, due to what I've become...

That thought caused a wave of nausea to sweep through me, as my eyes welled with tears, and panic seized me. I shouldn't have done that, I realized. I shouldn't have tried to 'transfer' a kiss to his lips. He wouldn't want someone as dirty as me touching him.

But why was he still smiling softly? To placate me?

"I'm sorry." The words tumbled out, almost of their own accord. I felt incredibly guilty for assuming he would want me to do such a thing.

His eyes grew large, as confusion and shock settled upon his features. "For what?"

"For the...placing the..." I stumbled over my words, unsure of my wording, but Edward seemed to know what I meant.

"Don't apologize for something that I loved every second of. You have no idea how much that simple gesture means to me, how much it warms my cold, un-beating heart," he told me strongly, his eyes holding nothing but sincerity.

"Really?" I asked, disbelieving.

"Oh, you silly, beautiful girl," he murmured, as his expression became contemplative. I continued to peek up at him, unable to look directly at him for more than a few seconds. A moment later, he stood, offering me his hand. "Will you come with me?" he asked quietly, as a look of determination swept over his face.

I looked at him for a moment, unsure of what he was doing. I knew I trusted him, however, so I placed my hand in his and stood, letting him lead me.

He brought me over to the full length mirror that stood near my bed, towards the corner of the room. He positioned me in front of him so that I stood facing the mirror, while he remained behind me, looking over my shoulder at the reflection.

A second later, as my gaze was directed downward, I saw his other hand slip around mine, as he now held both of my hands. He stood close behind me, close enough that I could feel the coolness radiating off of him, and smell his scent, but not close enough to touch.

I still had not looked in the mirror, I had kept my eyes trained downward. I only saw the movement of Edward's hand out of my peripheral, and kept my eyes cast downward, as his hand slipped into mine.

I didn't want to see myself. Since what had happened, I had avoided looking at myself in mirrors, unwilling to see what I had become. I didn't want to know what would be staring back at me, because I knew I would hate what I saw. I knew I would hate myself.

Unfortunately, Edward seemed to realize what I was doing. "Look in the mirror, love," he spoke softly, gently. I shook my head, unwilling. I wasn't sure how I would react to seeing my reflection, and I didn't want to find out right now. Sensing my reluctance, Edward spoke. "May I please touch your face for a moment?"

I hesitantly nodded, thinking I would be able to deal with the slight contact. When his hand first came into contact with my face, I flinched, not liking the touch. But he gave me a moment, and I managed to relax. When I did, he tilted my face and lifted my chin up, leaving me no choice but to look at myself. My eyes locked on my own reflecting back at me.

"What do you see, Bella?" Edward asked me quietly, but with an unmistakable edge of determination to his voice, as he took my other hand again.

I saw the deep purple beneath my eyes. I saw the dull, lifeless brown eyes, that were also slightly sunken in. I saw dull, limp, messy hair. I saw a face that was slightly too thin—a result of how little I had been eating. That was enough. That was enough to make my eyes well with tears, as I gazed at this person being reflected back at me. I didn't even look like myself. I looked...empty, hollow. I looked as though I was nothing more than a shell of what I used to be. I saw nothing more than an ugly, messed up girl.

"Me," I whispered, as my tears spilled past my bottom lashes, now leaving my cheeks stained with trails of tears.

I had seen enough. I didn't want to see anymore. I didn't want to see myself anymore. I tried to look away. I was desperate to look away. To see anything but myself. But Edward's eyes locked on mine through the mirror, before he spoke quietly in my ear.

"Would you like to know what I see, Bella?"

I could see my own eyes become frantic with desperation to look away. I was sure he would tell me he saw the same thing as I did. How could he not? I allowed my eyes to dart back and forth, looking at anything - for anything - to keep myself from looking at myself, and to keep myself from hearing his answer.

"I see..." he began, leaving me no choice but to listen. I hesitantly raised my eyes, and grimaced at my own reflection, while diligently trying to avoid Edward's gaze in the mirror. I shut my eyes again quickly, trying to hold back more tears. "I see...a beautiful girl. One who is very strong, and brave, and unbelievably loving," he continued to speak in my ear, his voice as smooth as velvet.

At his words, my eyes snapped up to meet his in shock, as my eyebrows pulled together in confusion. I couldn't understand how he could see those things. I was ugly, and weak. I was disgusting.

At my look, he continued. "You have always been beautiful, Bella, and you still are. You always will be." I found it beyond difficult to believe his words, and a part of me wondered if he was just trying to placate me. However, his eyes seemed sincere, which only confused me further.

His hand that was holding my uninjured one began to gently play with my fingers, intertwining them with his own.

He brought his face down lower, beneath my ear, before turning his face to my neck and sniffing me, while again, making sure not to touch me. "You smell delicious. I love the way you smell..." he grinned crookedly at me, "but then again...you already knew that." I couldn't help the small teary laugh that escaped me at his words, and his accompanying expression, which caused his grin to widen. "You're very loveable, Bella. Every part of you. I love everything about you. I love your strength, which you keep in your heart. I love your beautiful chocolate brown eyes, as I'm sure no other eyes would ever hold the same amount of warmth and kindness, and most of all: love," he smiled softly at me, while I again tried to avoid his gaze. I continued, with difficulty, to accept his words, along with all of the compliments which I knew could never be true - though that didn't prevent my cheeks from flaming.

"I love your spirit, Bella, your feistiness, along with your honesty and loyalty. And I especially love your blush, which you're doing right now from all of the compliments," he grinned mischievously, making me want to groan, along with fight off a smile. "What I see when I look at you, Bella...is the beautiful girl that I love. The girl that gives me my only reason to live, if I'm truly even living. I see a girl that I could never walk away from, even if I tried..." he murmured, as I felt his cool breath on the side of my face.

I knew Edward. I knew that he wouldn't lie to me. However, I also couldn't see what he saw. I truly couldn't. So I looked at myself in the mirror again, trying - desperately - to see even part of what he saw. I wanted to see it, so much so that it brought fresh tears to my eyes. I still failed to see what he saw as I took in my own reflection yet again, but I decided that I loved him for saying those things, anyway, for possibly seeing those things, even if I couldn't, and even if I wasn't sure if I entirely believed that he really did.

"Thank you," I murmured, feeling my cheeks continue to flame.

"I know you may not see it now, love, but it's the truth. I only hope that soon you will see that for yourself," he spoke so softly, it was almost a whisper.

Honestly, I hoped so. I truly hoped I would see it, or even believe it one day.

In response, I only nodded, not wanting to share all of my thoughts with him on this. His words had been touching, loving, and beautiful, even if they were extremely hard for me to believe. The fact that he could possibly see any of that when he looked at me was astounding to me.

"Bella, love," Edward murmured, "you look exhausted...and confused. Would you like to go to sleep? Your parents are still talking downstairs, they may still be a while."

At the mention of sleep, my body practically melted, craving the rest, both physically and mentally, even though I knew that any sleep I managed to get would be accompanied by nightmares. Today was too much to take in, too much to think about, and Edward had been right...I was confused, and I was extremely tired.

"You'll stay with me?" I checked.

"Of course," he smiled, as he began walking, with my hands still in his, leading us to the bed.

He climbed in after I did, propping himself up on one elbow as he lay facing me, and began to stroke my hair, just like we had done many other nights recently. I silently reveled in the fact that I was able to enjoy him stroking my hair.

I wasn't awake to enjoy it for long, though, despite the slight rumble of voices coming from my parents downstairs. Edward quickly began humming my lullaby, causing my eyes to become heavy. As I drifted off to sleep, my nightmares were not only plagued with hot, unwanted hands, but with motherly demands, and losing those I loved.

I could only hope that some of those wouldn't become a reality.

* * *

**First off, a big thank you to ****Jadedtigger**** for her idea/suggestion about the necklace and kiss =)...though I added a twist, lol.**

**I expected the Renee issue to be dealt with more in this chapter, but...E/B apparently wanted more alone time than I had original anticipated.**

**Next chapter: Will Renee change her tune after her talk with Charlie, or will she still be just as adamant? Could Bella's nightmare come true, and she will still be forced to leave, and lose those she loves? Also, what three simple words shake Bella to her very core?**

**Twitter: _fix_you_  
****Personal twitter: frosted_stars**

**As always, please let me know what you thought, and let me know that you're still interested in the story by reviewing! I read each and every one, and they mean so much to me, so please review =).**


	20. Chapter 20

**Here you go, guys, the new chapter, finally. Unfortunately, it's not the longest chapter around, either, but it was necessary to end it where I did. I'm very much looking forward to writing the next chapter, and I hope you guys enjoy this one, since it's helping to lead into a part of the storyline I've been itching to write for a while now, which will be starting as of the next chapter! And also, thank you to those who sent me a PM, or left a review of encouragement after the AN went up...it meant a lot to me, and thank you for being so patient with me. =)**

**Big thank you to my beta, Feenrai, for getting this edited for me and all of you so quickly!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**

* * *

****Previously:**

**Things exploded between Bella and Renee, when she demands Bella go to Jacksonville. Edward also tried to show Bella what he sees when he looks at her.**

_"You'll stay with me?" I checked._

_"Of course," he smiled, as he began walking, with my hands still in his, leading us to the bed._

_He climbed in after I did, propping himself up on one elbow as he lay facing me, and began to stroke my hair, just like we had done many other nights recently. I silently reveled in the fact that I was able to enjoy him stroking my hair._

_I wasn't awake to enjoy it for long, though, despite the slight rumble of voices coming from my parents downstairs. Edward quickly began humming my lullaby, causing my eyes to become heavy. As I drifted off to sleep, my nightmares were not only plagued with hot, unwanted hands, but with motherly demands, and losing those I loved._

_I could only hope that some of those wouldn't become a reality.

* * *

_

**Chapter 20 **

After a restless night, having woken up multiple times, due to the unwanted thoughts that invaded my dreams, I awoke to the feel of a slight gust of wind hitting my skin, while a soft knock was produced on my bedroom door.

"Bella?" my mother's hesitant voice called. Due to being half asleep still, and unsure if I wanted to deal with her right now, I simply stayed quiet. It was only a little after eight in the morning, I could always feign sleeping in to avoid her. But as her voice called out again, I knew it would only drive me insane to wait. "Bella, honey? Are you awake? Can I please come in?"

"Yeah," I called out in a monotone. I sat up, and quickly scanned my room, noticing that my closet door was now completely closed, instead of partially open, as I had left it last night. Thankully, Edward hadn't gone far.

Renee slowly poked her head in the door, glancing at me for a second, before stepping all the way into my room and coming to sit on the edge of the bed.

"How did you sleep?" she asked conversationally, though I knew she was just stalling, since her hands fidgeted nervously in her lap.

I shrugged, not really wanting to give a full answer.

"I wanted to apologize, Bella," she began, finally cutting to the chase. "I just want what's best for you, baby, and ever since I found out what happened, I just...I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help you, and I just thought...if you were in Jacksonville with me, that...I'd finally know what to do - how to help you. I hate seeing you this upset and this scared, honey. I can only imagine what you're feeling and going through," she said softly, as her eyes quickly welled with tears, and began to fall.

I simply sat there, unsure of what to say, and unsure of whether or not I even wanted to hear this. I figured, however, that I should give her the chance to explain. So I continued to sit, idly playing with a thread from the comforter, that lay on my lap.

"Your dad and I talked a lot last night, and I realized some things. As much as I want what's best for you...I was going about it all wrong. And I'm sorry for that, baby. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I would never want to hurt you, especially since I know you're already hurting so much," she choked back a sob.

"Mom, I..." I stopped, to choose my words carefully. "I'm...okay," I told her, slightly unsure, even as the word 'okay' spilled forth from my mouth. It wasn't entirely a lie. I figured I was as okay as I could be, given the situation and circumstances. "But no matter what, I'm not going to Jacksonville with you."

"I see that now, and I understand. I finally get it now. Your dad made me see that me forcing you to go with me wouldn't have helped you at all. If you think that...being here in Forks with your dad - and Edward - is best, then I won't push the issue anymore. All I want is for you to get better, and to feel better, and if you feel safe here, then this is where you should be," she said quietly, her voice shaking, but still strong.

I honestly had no words in response, because I could still feel the sleepy haze slightly coating my mind, and because I hadn't imagined her realizing and admitting to her mistakes.

Renee was generally not the kind of person to admit her mistakes. Usually, she would just continue on, and either forget about it, or pretend it never happened. This time, however, she was admitting that she was wrong, and for her, that was a big step.

"I've just missed you, Bella," she whispered, as her tears overflowed from her bottom lashes.

"I missed you, too, Mom," I said quietly, knowing that the words were true. I had missed her. I just hadn't wanted her to be here during this, because I knew things wouldn't go well, just like they hadn't.

At my words, however, the sob she had held back earlier finally erupted, as she fought to try and get herself under control. I sat there uncomfortably, not knowing what to do.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I'm so sorry I reacted the way I did. I'm sorry..." she mumbled, as her sobs became soft cries.

I sat motionless, simply looking at Renee, who continued to cry while staring at her hands, which sat in her lap. She finally saw that she had been wrong, and she wasn't making it about her anymore. That's all I could ask for, and so I said nothing, as I let her words wash over me.

x-x-x

In the next few days, ever since the talk with Renee, things were much more calm and less tense in the house. To say things were perfect would be a lie. You could still feel some slight lingering tension and unease. Thankfully, however, she also seemed to be holding back from trying to hug me since then, which I was very grateful for. As much as I loved her, I couldn't deal with that right now.

It wasn't until she was about to go home about four days later (partly at my request), that I was able to respond when I saw Renee's hesitation to board her flight. She appeared to be lingerering, her eyes shooting towards me every few seconds, as if guaging my reaction. As the realization sunk in that I wouldn't be seeing her for a while again, I wanted to close that space between us, and also give her that small bit of comfort, knowing that I allowed her to touch me.

So after her eyes flitted over to me yet again, I stepped forward towards her. I could see the moment she realized my intentions, because her eyes lost their tension, and filled with unshed tears.

Her embrace was fierce, and strong, but also hesitant. At the moment, though, I held her tightly, despite my discomfort.

We may not always get along or agree on things, and I may not always be able to handle her flighty and ocassionally immature behavior, but she was still my mom, and I loved her. And I loved that, even though it took her a while to finally understand her prior behavior at Charlie's was not okay...that she now finally got it, and had tried to fix the situation, along with her behavior.

Us having both shed a few tears, Renee finally went back to Jacksonville, with the promise to call me often.

True to her word, she did continue to call relatively often, even if only to ask how I was doing. Those were the conversations I preferred, to be honest. Things were still slightly tense and shaky, and the less conversation we had to make, the easier things were.

It was also with ease, a week after Renee's departure, that I sat in the Cullen's kitchen with Esme and Alice.

Alice sighed, capturing my attention.

"Relax, Bella. Edward doesn't plan to be away any longer than necessary, it's just a quick hunting trip," she said calmly.

I was not freaking out, by any means, but being away from Edward in general always left me feeling anxious. It wasn't a question of feeling unsafe with the other Cullens, but Edward's presence just continued to sooth me in the way only he could.

That didn't stop me from trying to spend a bit more time with Alice lately, however. Since I felt more safe when Edward was with me, I worried I was slightly neglecting Alice - which is why I found myself in the kitchen with her and Esme...aside from Edward having needed to hunt.

"I know," I spoke softly.

"I know it's hard, dear, but you know that you're safe with us," Esme smiled at me, and placed her cool hand over top of mine, as it sat on the island counter top. At the sight of my slight smile in return, she went back to chopping the array of raw vegetables she had sprawled out before her.

Esme, apparently, had decided to make it her mission to make sure I was always fed, under the guise that she wanted to try out an array of recipes that she would otherwise never get the chance to try. She was even willing to go so far as - and was in the middle of - making an excessive amount so that she could freeze some of it, and have it already prepared when I wanted it. I appreciated the sweetness behind the gesture, even if my appetite was still severely lacking - a fact that Edward and Carlisle had both picked up and commented on, since I had lost a few pounds as a result.

"You know," Alice began, as she picked up a full length, unchopped carrot. When both Esme and I turned our attention to her, she continued. "I don't know _how_ you could possibly eat this stuff. It's just gross! I mean...look at it!" She held the carrot at eye level and began to swing her hand around for emphasis, as her usually sweet face twisted into a disgusted grimace.

Both Esme and I glanced at one another, before bursting into a fit of giggles.

Alice, however, paid us no mind.

"And this! This one's even worse..." Alice crinkled her nose as she held up an un-peeled potato, and also took a small sniff of the air. "These things even _smell_ bad, Bella. I don't know how you eat these things."

"Alice, you know you used to eat those things when you were human, too, right?" I asked her, attempting to hold back more laughter.

"Yes, but I don't remember any of that," she pouted. "And either way, I would definitely not want to eat any now. I'm glad it's you that has to eat it and not me," she smiled wickedly at me.

I simply smiled in return, enjoying the light-hearted moment, considering they weren't a very common occurance lately.

"At least the meat is slightly, only _slightly_ better..." she still grumbled under her breath.

"Oh, Alice," Esme laughed full-heartedly, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth, as her tinkling laugh filled the air.

But the sound of only laughter in the air didn't last long. Not a second later, Alice's squeal was also filling the air, as she turned around to the entrance to the kitchen.

"Hi!" she greeted Jasped excitedly, as he returned home from some errands he had left to run earlier in the day.

She ran up to him, lifted up onto her toes, and placed a quick, tiny kiss on his lips, before she took his hand.

He smiled a charming, toothy smile at Esme, and dipped his head in greeting, for which he recieved a smile in return.

"Hello, Bella," he turned to me, a slightly more reserved smile on his face. "How are you feeling?" he questioned, his eyes staring directly at me.

Still not comfortable with making eye contant with anyone, I quickly looked away. The problem with Jasper looking at me like that...I tended to feel exposed. His question alone was usually enough cause to make me feel extremely exposed. His asking me that put me on edge each time, because if I lied, and said I was fine when I wasn't...he would know. It unnerved me that right now, as disgusting as I was, he knew every single thing that I felt. I wanted to be able to hide those feelings.

I fidgeted under his intense gaze. My fingers idly picked and pulled at my shirt sleeves, as I pulled them lower to cover my hands. "I'm okay," I answered quietly.

He gave no other response, other than to quirk his left eyebrow with his steady gaze, probably easily picking up on my nerves.

I had decided by now, after having Jasper ask me how I was multiple times...that it was probably with the intention of him being able to find out exactly how I was doing. I knew as soon as he asked, that whether I tried to stop it or not, my feelings did surface, as I tried to decide how to best, and most truthfully, answer him. So far, each time I wasn't entirely truthful, I would receive a look similar to the one today, as he looked at me in a slightly disbelieving manner, but said nothing. I knew he wanted me to be truthful, but that thought scared me immensely - even Jasper knowing the truth put me on edge. And by association, I'm sure Edward would be able to read his thoughts if he wanted to find out how I really was.

I tried not to dwell on it, as Jasper asked Esme if he could help her chop the vegetables.

As the three Cullens fell into a comfortable conversation about their day, I allowed myself to zone out. It wasn't often I had any time truly to myself, and as much as I needed to have Edward, or Charlie, or one of the Cullen's with me...when I was able to turn off thoughts of what Jacob did, then it was kind of nice to just be able to allow my mind to wander.

Unfortunately, shortly after getting lost in my thoughts, I screamed and jumped up, nearly falling off my chair when I saw a hand come near me, out of my peripheral vision.

"Bella!" I heard my favorite voice say urgently, but softly.

I also heard Alice's voice in the background, quickly saying "it's okay, Bella."

It was enough to immediately calm me, though my heart was still beating erratically. Placing my palm over the uneven beats, I turned to Edward.

"I'm sorry," he spoke softly, a look of worry on his face.

I shook my head. "It's okay," I mumbled. "I missed you."

"As I missed you," he murmured. "Would you like to go upstairs for a while?" he asked suddenly, sending a quick glance in the direction of his family, who continued doing what they were doing.

After nodding my assent, we went upstairs, where I quickly seated myself on his lush, golden bed. When I finished getting myself comfortable sitting back against the headboard, Edward came to sit on the edge of the bed, towards the middle, so he could sit facing me.

"How are you doing?" he asked me quietly, his eyes anxious.

Since I knew us being apart was just as hard on him, I answered quickly, to calm him. "I'm okay," I told him, with a small smile. "I spent some time with Alice and Esme. It was nice." After a moment, I asked, "did you hunt enough? Are you still thirsty?"

He gave me a smaller version of his crooked smile before answering. "It was enough."

We continued to ask one another little questions about the other's day, keeping things light and simple, as we just enjoyed the other's company.

As the conversation lulled, and we fell into a comfortable silence, I let my eyes sweep over his room, until his next words surprised me.

"You are so beautiful, Bella." The way he looked at me was with such love, and devotion, I couldn't help but want to believe him, though there was still that nagging voice in my mind, telling me I was anything but beautiful.

Instead of finding words, or giving a fake thank you, I ended up blushing, despite myself. I quickly lowered my head, allowing my hair to shield me - and my blush - from his view.

"There's that lovely blush," he smiled softly, having noticed anyway. "I've missed it."

I rolled my eyes, but also let myself smile, because in all honestly, I had also missed hearing that.

As he laughed at my response, I couldn't help but think that this afternoon with Edward seemed to be perfect, and almost normal. It felt like a typical lazy day of just being together, like we would have done before everything happened.

But then his face grew serious, and he said the four words that would terrify me, and cause me to fall to pieces.

"I love you, Bella."

* * *

**See why it had to end there? Poor Bella. =(****  
Next chapter: What exactly causes Bella to fall to pieces over what Edward said? What does she do in her distraught state, and how does Edward react in response? And will the emotionally hightened situation lead to something dangerous?**

**By the way, real quick...someone said the pace of this story is too slow, but from the beginning, my intent has been to keep it realistic, and a big part of this story is Bella dealing with being raped, so I wanted the reactions, and emotions to be realistic and not rushed through, and that's why I'm not time jumping too much right now. It won't always be like that, but right now, it's necessary.**

**I'm sorry for the wait, but hopefully you found the chapter at least somewhat worth it. Things are about to get explosive and angsty, guys, so please review and let me know what you thought of the chapter, or even review and tell me your theories for Bella's reaction! Either way, I'd love to hear what you think.**


	21. Chapter 21

****

Gasp, a new chapter, and I didn't even make you wait forever! lol. Miracle, huh? Anyways, again, not the longest chapter, but it needed to end at a certain point, which you'll understand when you get to the end. And a few of you were right with your guess about Bella's reaction - good job! Also, thanks to everyone who took the time to review, or even just continue reading...you guys are amazing!

My beta, Feenrai, puts up with a lot of emails/questions from me, and she's been an amazing help!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

Argh, is anyone else having problems with changing the size and font of their text when they're editing a chapter on the site? It's done that the last couple of times, and it's driving me nuts.

**_

* * *

_**

Previously:

_As he laughed at my response, I couldn't help but think that this afternoon with Edward seemed to be perfect, and almost normal. It felt like a typical lazy day of just being together, like we would have done before everything happened._

_But then his face grew serious, and he said the four words that would terrify me, and cause me to fall to pieces._

_"I love you, Bella."_

* * *

**Chapter 21**

Everything stopped. My heart stopped beating, and my lungs ceased their motion. I stood there, frozen.

The words filtered through my mind, attempting to immobilize me, and filling me with an adrenaline-forced dread. I felt jittery, but also unable to move.

"I love you, Bella." The words continued to swirl within my mind, somehow being heard over the deafening whooshing in my ears.

Edward's voice had been so sweet, so tender. But as the words began to leave his mouth, his voice was no longer his own. It was _his_.

__

"I love you, Bella," he whispered hoarsely, his breath hot and unwelcome in my ear.

I looked around frantically, taking in the sight of my clothes, as they lay in a heap beside me. I wished for a way to escape, but my mind already knew there was none, as my body went limp, knowing I had lost the fight. I was too weak, and he was too strong. I could feel the weight of his body on mine, his already sweat slicked skin sliding against me, as the heat became overwhelming.

And all at once, it became worse, as I felt a searing hot pain between my legs and within me, accompanied by the heat of him inside of me. I could feel myself being stretched wide, my body feeling torn and broken.

I wanted to scream, but I knew it was no use. I could feel the edges of my vision darken, as my mind tried to shut itself down as much as possible, to shut out what was happening. Although it became coated in a slight haze, I could still see and feel what was going on..

His mouth crashed to mine, his tongue immediately forcing its way past my lips, as he invaded me in one of the only other ways possible. His arms gripped my torso tightly, alternating his position as he also groped my breasts. I didn't think it could get any worse, or be any more painful.

I was wrong.

After a moment, he pulled his hips back, causing the searing agony to intensify, and bringing fresh tears to my eyes. I was granted a moment of stillness, before he enthusiastically pushed himself back inside me, further intensifying the unimaginable pain.

He grunted, his lips finally leaving me, as I sucked in fresh air. But his lips didn't still, they trailed down my neck, making me shiver - not out of pleasure, but pain and disgust.

His heat was suffocating me. He was suffocating me. With each frenzied but harshly deliberate thrust, my breath left my lungs, as his hips continued to pound into mine.

As my tears continued to fall, I tried to decide which was worse: the physical or emotional pain.

My mind fought to try and block out what was happening. All I hoped was that it would be over soon, as I tried to remind myself to remain limp, to avoid feeling anymore pain.

The reminder to stay limp continued to replay itself in my mind. My body and mind felt like lead, despite my lungs seizing rapidly as I fought to get enough air.

As I blinked, I found myself in Edward's bedroom. He stood a few feet away from me, his expression pained, looking the most anxious I had ever seen him. But when he went to take a small step towards me, I took note of the fact that he was standing by the bed.

Hadn't I been sitting on the bed?

My thoughts were a jumbled mess, as my heart continued to pound painfully in my chest, and my gasping breaths continued.

After a moment, I became aware of the fact that I was standing near the glass wall, my back pressed against it, in an almost cowering, defensive type of position. I had no idea, or memory, of how, or when, I had moved myself off of the bed and against the wall.

"Bella?" Edward called softly, his voice attempting to be soothing.

I shut my eyes against it, trying to hold back the rush of tears that I felt collecting on my lower lashes.

There Edward was, standing across the room, looking almost heartbroken, and being nothing but sweet, kind and loving.

And I was the dirty, untouchable freak that stood cowering against a wall.

I was causing him pain. I was hurting Edward. He had been so sweet, and our day had almost been normal, until I ruined it. I damn well ruined it, just because he was being loving - because he told me he loves me!

He doesn't deserve that. He deserves better, so much better. I always knew I wasn't enough for him, and now it was even more glaringly obvious. He deserved someone who could love him freely, who could tell him she loves him, and be able to hear him tell her he loves her, without her panicking and practically losing her mind. I was gasping for air and cowering against a wall, for God's sake!

As I lost the battle to hold in my tears, I peeked up at Edward from beneath my lashes. His eyes were sad, lost, and completely unsure. The expression on his face was completely harrowing. It was a mixture of anguish and anxiety. I wished I could erase that look from his face.

"I'm sorry," I gasped, as tears continued to stream miserably down my cheeks.

"No, I'm sorry, Bella. So sorry," he breathed, his expression becoming even more pained, if possible.

He went to take a step closer to me, but I instinctively tried to push myself further into the wall to avoid his advance. He closed his eyes for a moment, running his hand through his hair, before he slowly opened his eyes again.

I felt like I was being suffocated. My chest still constricted, and my lungs still struggled to pull in and expel air. And for each second that I continued to see Edward's beautiful, but pained face - the pain that **I** had caused - I knew I needed to leave. Every second that I stayed only seemed to cause him more pain, and as it was, I couldn't bear the thought that I was so messed up and so horrible, that I would react the way I did to Edward telling me something as wonderful as, 'I love you'.

"I need...to leave," I panted, my eyes frantically searching the room, looking to see how far away I was from the bedroom door.

"Okay, we'll leave. We'll go wherever you want to go," he told me soothingly.

"Alone!"

"Bella, love, you know that's not safe. Would you please stay here, or at least allow me to go with you, if you insist on leaving?" he asked softly, as though he was speaking to a frightened child.

I shook my head frantically, unable to find the words to express myself for a moment.

"Alone. Please," I begged in a gasping breath. "I need to go...home. Please, don't follow," I pleaded, desperate to go, to get outside and inhale the fresh air, and to go home, away from Edward, and the insanity and pain I had caused.

I didn't care about the possible threat right now - I didn't care to acknowledge my fear. I also knew that if I ended up scared, being alone at home, since Charlie was at work...I knew I deserved the fear, and the pain.

Edward's eyes closed, seemingly in thought over my pleas to leave. But I knew I couldn't stay. I needed to leave - immediately.

So without any other thought, I turned towards the door, and ran as best as I could, given my disoriented, clumsy state, almost tripping down the stairs in my haste. I never once looked back to see the look on Edward's face, or to see if he was following. Only one thought was in my mind: run.

Thankfully having taken my truck to the Cullen's home earlier in the day, I still had the keys in the pocket of my sweater. I quickly pulled them out, climbing inside the cab quickly, while inserting the key into the ignition. As soon as it was running, I hit the gas, going as fast as my truck would allow me.

By the time I pulled up in front of Charlie's house, still gasping for breath, with my chest still constricted, and tears still clouding my vision...I realized that I had no memory of actually driving myself home. I remembered leaving the Cullen's home, and getting into my truck, but anything after that was a complete blank.

Shaking my head in an attempt to clear it, I had the thought to look into my rear view mirror to see if Edward had followed me. He hadn't. I breathed a sigh of relief, as I quickly got out of my truck, and let myself into the house.

It was quiet inside the house, with Charlie being at work. The flat screen was off for once, giving no background noise. The only discernable sound was my own harsh breathing. I was completely alone, with nothing but my thoughts, and I didn't know whether to be relieved or terrified.

I sank down to the floor just inside the doorway, letting my back rest against the door, as I let my mind wander.

As my memory replayed my flashback, and my reaction to Edward, I couldn't help the sob that escaped me. Unfortunately, as soon as the first sob escaped, it was impossible for me to stop.

How could I have done that to Edward? He had been so good to me ever since Jacob - ever since he did what he did.

How could he even love me, now that I'm this dirty and disgusting...and especially now, after what I did to him when he told me he loved me. But there's no way...there's no way he could possibly love me anymore. Not when Jacob had done..._that_ to me, and not after the way I reacted. He couldn't love me. I'm not loveable - I'm disgusting and broken, and just...unfixable. I won't ever be normal again, I won't ever be the Bella that Edward first fell in love with. I'm nothing but...this.

This mess, sitting on the floor crying, and probably close to losing my mind. I wouldn't even want me, so how could I possibly expect Edward to?

Instead of ceasing, my sobs only grew louder, as my body shook with the force of them. I tried to close my eyes and breathe through it, but nothing helped.

The thought of Edward's anguished face kept haunting me. Every time my eyes closed, I would see his face, twisted with pain - the pain that I had caused him, and every time I envisioned his face, I could feel my heart physically ache, knowing what I had done to him.

He's perfect, and he deserves happiness, not pain. He deserves the best - not me.

I curled my legs up to my chest, hugging them tightly to me, as I rested my forehead on my knees and allowed myself a moment to cry, before the memory of my flashback filled my mind.

__

"I love you, Bella."

I shuddered at the mere thought of those words. The words that have caused so much damage to my life. The words that were a verbal statement of why I was...of why Jacob did what he did. The same words that caused me to hurt Edward.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was because of Jacob that I hurt Edward. It was what Jacob did that caused me to react the way I did. And the more I thought about it, the more angry I became. At Jacob, and at myself.

He claimed to love me. _Love_. You don't do that to someone you _love_. What he did wasn't _love_. It was disgusting, and disturbing, and painful, and I hate him for it. I hate him for doing that to me, for hurting me like that, and I hate him for causing me to hurt Edward - the one person I would never want to hurt.

It was because of Jacob that I'm unlovable, and untouchable. It's because of him that I'm disgusting!

I hate _him_.

I _hate_ him.

"_I hate him!_" I screamed aloud, my voice filling the empty house as my chest heaved with the force of the words.

I hugged my legs tighter to myself, needing the comfort, and also trying to hold myself together. I could feel myself slipping. I felt as though I may shatter or break, especially with my life already falling to pieces.

Jacob practically destroyed me. And I...I could possibly destroy Edward, and I'm going to have to deal with losing Edward - again. He is the purest, and best thing that I have in my life, and I have no choice but to be without him again.

A whimper escaped me, as I sucked in a huge, gasping breath. I didn't even want to think about losing Edward, and now I would have to face that reality. The first time I lost him, I nearly went insane. What would happen to me the second time?

He couldn't possibly still want me, and it was all because of Jacob. Because of Jacob's apparent _love_.

As wonderful as love can be, it can also break you. There's the sweet, good, honest love...and then there's the twisted, painful, and just...wrong love. And apparently, both forms of love were out to break me - not just my heart, but myself as a whole. My body. My mind.

It was due to Jacob's _love_ that he did what he did, and that on its own broke me. But now, it was due to mine and Edward's love that I would have to leave him in order to keep from hurting him even more. Surely, that would break me completely, to the point of no repair, to lose him again.

I could feel another sob building in my chest, and my body shook with the force of keeping it in, until I finally allowed myself to let it out, to relieve the crushing weight it was laying on my chest.

Why? Why did all of this have to happen? Why did Jacob have to do that? Why did he have to make me so disgusting, broken and unloveable? Why did I have to go and hurt Edward?

Without realizing it, I had begun mumbling the same word over and over.

"Why, why, why?"

For each utterance of the word, I had unintentionally allowed my head to drop back against the wall, causing a rhythmic, low thunking sound.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there, ignoring the dull ache that was beginning to bloom at the back of my skull. It could have been mere seconds, or minutes, maybe even hours, but eventually, I noticed that I had stopped my crazed movements, and simply sat on the floor, shaking. I lost track of all time, simply allowing myself to be lost in my own thoughts.

That's why, when I heard a loud, resounding knock at the door, I jumped and let out a startled yelp. In the eerily quiet house, the sound seemed to be magnified, so even when the door was knocked on a second time about five seconds later, I still jumped.

Knowing Edward had finally followed me, at least having given me a few minutes to myself, I slowly got up off the floor, wiped the tears off my cheeks, and yanked the door open.

"I told you not to follo-"

Only it wasn't Edward at the door.

It was Jacob.

**

* * *

**

**I'm aware that due to how I've ended this chapter, that you'll probably want to throw sharp objects at me. Instead, I ask that you just review, please =).**

**Next chapter: What will happen now that Bella's stuck in the house, alone, with Jacob? How will she react, and what will Jacob do? And is Edward on his way, and will he be able to help Bella?**

**As always, let me know what you thought - I'd love to hear your opinion. Let me know how many of you are still interested in the story, by reviewing, even if it's just to tell me your theory on what will happen in the next chapter!**


	22. Chapter 22

****

Sorry, guys, this is out a bit later than I wanted/expected due to being sick a lot lately, but...it's finally done and being posted! Not the longest chapter, again, but it needed to end there. I hope you enjoy it, and that it was worth the wait. As always, thank you to everyone who's stuck with this story, and especially to those who have reviewed!

Feenrai is the lovely beta for this story. A big thank you to her for getting this beta'd so quickly!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

_**

* * *

**_

_**Previously:**_

_That's why, when I heard a loud, resounding knock at the door, I jumped and let out a startled yelp. In the eerily quiet house, the sound seemed to be magnified, so even when the door was knocked on a second time about five seconds later, I still jumped._

_Knowing Edward had finally followed me, at least having given me a few minutes to myself, I slowly got up off the floor, wiped the tears off my cheeks, and yanked the door open._

_"I told you not to follo-"_

_Only it wasn't Edward at the door._

_It was Jacob._

_

* * *

_

**Chapter 22  
**

For the second time today, everything froze. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't blink. My wide eyes simply stared at the large, bronze form in front of me. The very last person I had ever wanted to see.

It was _him_. It was _Jacob_.

I choked on air as I gasped, realizing that not only was Jacob here - _here -_ in my house...but I was alone. _Alone._

My hand flew up to my throat, as I felt it begin to close and my vision to swim.

I was stupid. So, so, _so stupid! _I told Edward...I told him not to follow me... He wasn't going to come, and Jacob was still standing in the doorway, with a large grin on his face, his presence essentially blocking me in. I was trapped. And as I already knew from before, I wasn't strong enough to fight Jacob off...

A sob tore through my throat, of its own volition. It took me a moment to realize that the noise had even come from me.

I was coherent enough to notice that Jacob's smile faltered, and confusion settled over his features.

"Geez, Bells. What's with you? You look like you're scared as hell right now," he muttered, his eyebrows still furrowed in confusion, and if I didn't know better, I would also think concern.

Hearing his voice, especially so close to me, sent a chill down my spine, which caused my body to continue to shake with tremors.

He walked through the doorway and quickly closed the door behind him. He attempted to take a step towards me, but I stepped back, trying to keep as much distance between us as I could.

He looked at me sharply, his eyes now narrowed. He kept his eyes on me as he took another step towards me, causing me to step back. What I didn't expect, however, was for him to quickly take another large step towards me, causing me to practically jump back.

"What the hell, Bella?"

"Wh-what are you do-doing here, Jacob?" I nearly choked on his name, as I fought to get the words out.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm here to see you." The last word of his sentence was punctuated by yet another step in my direction, with a look of determination on his face.

My panic only increased when I felt my back hit the wall. I whimpered, not able to hold it back. I frantically looked around, searching for a way to escape, or to at least get help. I saw nothing.

Jacob stepped closer to me still, and I immediately pushed myself as far into the wall as I could, while beginning to shake violently. "Please don't," I whispered.

At the sound of my plea, he quickly took a step back, while staring at me.

"What the hell has gotten into you, Bella? You really think I would hurt you?" he asked, incredulous. "You're being just as weird as Charlie, and I think he's even gotten to my dad lately." He shook his head harshly, purely out of aggravation. "As if I would ever hurt you," he muttered.

I didn't allow myself to focus on, or consider what he had just said. I was too pre-occupied trying to control my breathing and avoid screaming.

Despite the mass quantities of fear still coursing through me, along with my shallow breathing, I couldn't help but spit the words out. They were quiet, but firm.

"You already did."

His face scrunched up, seemingly confused, or at least...pretending to be confused. I was not sure who he thought he was fooling. We both knew the truth.

After shaking his head softly, his arm stretched out, his hand seeking mine. But the moment his pinky finger even so much as brushed against my hand, I flinched back, and ended up hitting both my head and arm against the wall, due to the force of my reaction.

"Don't touch me," I breathed. I wanted it to come out louder - stronger - but it didn't. I couldn't. I could barely even breathe, let alone keep my body from shaking so badly. I wanted out of here, and I wanted Edward, but Jacob's lumbering form still blocked any route towards the door.

"Wha- did one of those leeches mess with your head or something, Bella?" he demanded. "You're not making any sense. How did I hurt you? You're acting all scare- wait, did that blood sucker do something to hurt you? Are you hurt?" he asked, his voice rising. It sounded like a combination of anger and panic.

I was having a hard enough time sorting out my thoughts, and this game he seemed to be playing was causing my head to ache even more. I didn't understand what he was doing. Was he honestly going to pretend it never happened? And if so, why was he here? To do it again?

As so many questions swirled through my mind, I suddenly became aware of the fact that my face was wet. I had apparently been crying, to the point that the salty liquid was dripping off of my jaw, and beginning to seep into the front of my shirt.

"God, you're shaking," he commented, as he came closer towards me, his arms outstretched as though he were about to try and embrace me.

"_Don't touch me_!" I screamed, with my eyes clamped shut. I could feel fresh, hot tears beginning to slip down.

He stepped back, as though he had been scalded by flames. It was ironic, really, considering that due to his nearness, his body heat was making me feel as though my skin was on fire. I wish I were in the shower, and able to scrub it away. To scrub my skin until the feeling was gone - or, at least until my skin was raw. I had already learned by now that the dirty feeling seemed to be permanently embedded in my skin - no soap or loofah could rid me of it. At times, even my own body heat would make my skin crawl, when it would rise in temperature. It would remind me of _him_. Of his horrible searing heat.

"You're really starting to scare me here, Bells." His voice cut through my thoughts. "Did Cullen do something to you? Or one of the others?" he demanded yet again.

I felt a small surge of anger rush through me. How dare he ask if the Cullens had hurt me!

"They," I put emphasis on the word, "did not hurt me. _They_ would never do anything to hurt me, unlike you." Venom had leaked into my voice, venom that I didn't know I was capable of conjuring right now.

His eyes narrowed, and his posture stiffened. He seemed to think for a moment. "You think _I_ hurt you, Bells? I've barely seen you in weeks! Not since we made love... Oh crap, is that how I hurt you? Because I haven't called or been around since then?" he asked, his voice softening momentarily. "The reason I didn't come by was because one of _them_ has always been around, and I wanted to get to talk to you - alone. I knew they would be mad that you and I had been together."

Without my consent, my jaw dropped, and I suddenly found my voice. Could he be serious?

"You - you staying away...that didn't _hurt_ me, that was a _blessing_! You want to know how you _hurt me_?" a bitter laugh escaped me, containing absolutely no humor.

As I replayed his words of his feigned innocence in my head, an intense, strong surge of anger shot through me.

"YOU RAPED ME!"

I froze as the words left my mouth, and Jacob seemed to be immobilized as well. Everything seemed to go eerily quiet. The only thing I could hear was the deafening sound of my own blood rushing through my ears, and my own harsh breathing as my chest heaved.

I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut, to block out what was probably coming - more rage and aggression, like that night - but I knew that, if he was going to do anything, I wanted to be aware of it. I wanted to fight back. I didn't want to black out. Not like...not like last time.

The rage, however, didn't come. Instead, his mouth opened and closed a few times, with no sound coming out.

"Ho- wha- I..." he stammered when he finally found his voice. His eyes flared in anger, and he stared directly at me. "What?" he nearly shouted, causing me to jump, and cower further into the wall, but then as he saw my reaction, his demeanor changed as he finally spoke. He seemed to curl in on himself, while a deep sadness set into his features. "You...you think I...raped you?" he seemed to have difficulty getting the words out.

To his benefit, he did appear to be shocked. He was a better actor than I thought.

I chose to remain quiet, not even willing to dignify his obvious question with an answer. Instead, I focused on the whooshing sound within my ears, and my own laboured breathing.

"You - you believe all that crap? I know the cops questioned me, when I saw you that day, outside the station... But you know the truth, Bella. I thought - I thought Cullen, that he pushed you to make those claims because he found out we slept together and he was angry, or that maybe - maybe Charlie found out somehow and filed the report because he misunderstood what really happened, and was just trying to be...protective." His voice wasn't harsh, nor was it completely soft. Mostly, it was confused.

I was done listening to his rambling. I was done listening to his lies. And I was done letting him destroy me even more than he already has. He has taken almost everything from me...and I wasn't about to let him take what was left of my sanity, by listening to more of his false claims - his lies.

"You raped me," I spoke quietly, finding myself only able to repeat what I had said before. My voice still shook with nerves and fear, but I emphasized each word carefully, and slowly. I could feel a sob beginning to build in my chest, as I forced myself to admit the truth aloud again, to say what he had done to me.

"No..." he nearly whispered, while softly shaking his head, in apparent disbelief, as he took another small step back from me.

"Stop! Stop it! Stop lying!" my voice rose, despite the quiver to it still being present. As the words flew from my mouth, so did the sob that had been building within me. I could feel fresh tears stream down my cheeks, as my breathing became more harsh. I pressed myself further into the wall, fearing his reaction again.

He looked at me, his eyes large. After a silent moment, as he seemed to study me (causing my skin to crawl), Jacob's usually deep coloring suddenly vanished from his face, leaving him rather pale. His body had seemed frozen during the seconds it took for the color to fade, before he began staggering away from me. His feet clumsily propelled his stiff body backwards, until his back hit the wall opposite me, where he suddenly seemed to go limp, and his body slid down the wall, where he landed in a heap on the floor.

His knees were haphazardly pulled up, with his head in his hands. He was muttering something, but it was too quiet for me to hear. The most dominant sound I could hear was still my own harsh breaths and my muffled sobs.

I stayed pressed against the wall, too scared to try moving. As much as looking at Jacob caused my entire body to tremble, I also couldn't seem to stop looking at him-watching him-to be sure of what he was doing. The way he appeared now, sitting on the floor, with his head in his hands...it was a complete contrast to...then. To his rage, his violence.

I still didn't understand why he was pretending to be so shocked, when he already knew the truth. He was acting as though he honestly believed what he said, that he viewed that night as us 'making love'. Even thinking that way, phrasing it that way, caused bile to rise in my throat, making me gag.

I wanted out. Out of this house. Away from _him_. But I was essentially frozen in fear, my body completely unwilling to move. Another loud sob erupted, as I fought to stay upright as my legs began to shake more, threatening to give out from beneath me.

Jacob's words became intelligible within the otherwise empty room.

"I didn't - I just...no. Not possible. It's not possible," he exhaled a shaky breath, and began shaking his head, his hands still blocking his face. After a moment, his hands fell to his lap, and his eyes raised up to mine, causing me to flinch and look away. "Bella," he whispered. "I...I didn't. I couldn't... Do you - is that really how you think of what happened?" His voice was quiet, barely audible. In the brief second that I saw his eyes, they appeared sad, and pleading. I didn't know what to make of him.

"It is what happened," I whispered hoarsely.

I clenched my eyes shut. The more questions he asked, the more he spoke, and the more I saw him...the more memories it brought back. Memories of his hands on me. Of his lips on me. Of him inside of me. I shuddered, as a whimper escaped me as the memories continued to assault me.

I was still quietly sobbing, but was surprised when I heard a deeper, rougher, but equally quiet sound fill the room. After a moment, when I managed to open my eyes again, I noticed that Jacob seemed to be nearly curling himself into a ball, as he sat on the floor, pulling his legs tight to his chest, with his shoulders hunched right into his knees. His eyes, however, would shift from looking around the room, almost frantically, before focusing on me for a moment again. It was then that I noticed that his cheeks were wet, and his body was shaking. He was crying.

"I didn't...I didn't...oh, God. Bella..." He seemed to come undone. He quietly continued to cry, while studying me between bouts of scanning the room. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry," he began to chant the words, over and over.

I was lost, and entirely confused - unsure of what to make of what was going on. He seemed not to, or at least was pretending not to know what he had done...and now he was crying, and apologizing, as though he felt bad. As though he hadn't already known what he had done to me. But...that wasn't possible, was it? He _had_ to know what he had done. He had to. He had to have known that he was doing.._that_...that he was...

All I knew was that I couldn't seem to get my mind or body to cooperate. I still couldn't get myself to move. I wasn't sure how long I stood there, sobbing, with my thoughts racing, trying to make sense of things, while I struggled to calm my accelerated breathing.

The entire time, Jacob didn't stop with his pained repetition of "I'm sorry", his voice filling the room and my ears, while I struggled to block it out. It only seemed to make me cry harder, and there was no way he could mean it...could he?

I wasn't able to fully think about that, because suddenly, Jacob sprung into motion. He jumped to his feet, causing me to scream and push further into the wall, to the point that I could feel bruises forming. He looked at me one more time with seemingly pained eyes, and whispered "I'm sorry..." one more time, before he ran out the door, slamming it behind him.

The noise, despite being expected, still caused me to jump, and had my chest heaving with gasping breaths. I couldn't seem to fight the panic that was erupting, even now that he was gone.

But I didn't have time to dwell on that for long, because a moment later, the front door swung open, hitting the wall with a loud crash, and causing me to scream.

Alice raced into the room, her eyes frantic, as she looked at me thoroughly, assessing me, before quickly scanning the room.

"Alice!" I breathed, both startled and relieved. I was safe. I was okay. Alice was here. Alice wouldn't let anything happen.

"Bella!" she sounded frantic when she turned back to me, and then stepped towards me. As she got closer, she began to step cautiously, as though unsure of how I would react to her. "Are you okay? Did he - did he hurt you?"

I noticed her gaze flickering back around the room every other second.

I shook my head quickly, still finding it hard to find my voice. I realized, however, when I shook my head, that I was still pressing myself against the wall, keeping every limb plastered to it. I couldn't find the courage to move away from the wall yet, even with Alice now here.

"He...left," I breathed, still trying to regulate my breathing. I just wanted her to stop worrying, to stop glancing around the room, seemingly in search of him.

The door was still wide open, so when a male form stormed into the house, quickly searching the kitchen and living room with a murderous expression, I shrieked, and felt myself panic. My vision went slightly blurry. It wasn't until he turned to me, having heard my scream, that I relaxed. It was Edward.

"Edward..." I breathed.

His expression lost its remaining rage, and his eyes seemed to soften and grow sad.

All I felt at that moment was relief. Pure relief and safety. Edward was here, and I was safe. He came to help me, to save me. He was here.

Edward stood near the wall Jacob had been sitting against. He was unmoving, as still as a statue, as he kept his unwavering gaze on me. His presence seemed to overwhelm my already frazzled emotions, and I couldn't help the fresh tears that wracked my body, as I slowly let myself slide away from the wall.

As soon as I took the first step away from the wall, I found myself running towards Edward, and wrapping my arms around him. I pressed myself as closely to him as I could, needing to feel him, to know that he was here, that he was real, and that I was safe.

It took me a moment, while I clung to Edward, basking in the comfort of his presence, that I realized something.

Edward was not returning the embrace.

* * *

**Oh boy...so there you go, guys! New chapter, dealing with the whole Jacob confrontation. Worth the wait? Explain some things, or did it leave you with even more questions than answers?**

**Next chapter: What you've all been waiting for...Jacob's POV! Find out what he was thinking, and what he's been feeling. Was he faking his reaction in this chapter, or was he sincere? And find out why Jacob ran, why he raped Bella, and what he's going to do now after running off!  
Not sure if it will be the next chapter, or the one after [depends on how long Jacob's POV is], where we find out why Edward isn't returning the embrace...and also get more details on what happened after Bella ran off, and why Alice and Edward weren't there sooner.**

**Let me know you guys are still interested in the story, and also tell me what you thought of the chapter...even if you again express that you'd like to throw things at me for ending it that way =b Or even just tell me your theories for why Edward isn't hugging her back. Leave a review and let me know!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey guys, I'm so sorry about the slow update! I was having trouble getting what I invisioned for the chapter, put down into actual words, and this is an important chapter. Now, I also have something important that I need to say, so I'm asking you to please read the following...I know it's a ridiculously long AN, but it needs to be said, so please bear with me.**

**I LOVE that some of you are so passionate about this story, and what's going on with the characters. It truly means so much to me. Some of you are Bella fans all around, and others, you're mostly Edward fans...there's even some Jacob fans reading this story. And with this story...obviously, all the characters are going through ups and downs, and we all feel for them [maybe not Jacob in all cases, but you guys know what I mean]. But even if your loyalties lie solely with Edward, and you're an Edward fan all around, and maybe even you're reading this story purely for him...there's something some of you need to understand. This story is NOT about picking apart situations, where you feel the other character should have treated the other better. This story isn't about...things being perfect, and fluffy. I've tried really hard to keep things as realistic as possible in everyone's reactions, both physically and emotionally. The truth is...rape, and its aftermath is painful, and difficult, and messy, and horrific, and...the pain doesn't just last during the actual rape, or for however long the physical bruises/scars are there. There's so much to consider with how it also affects someone emotionally, and how it affects those that love them. We all know that Edward loves Bella, entirely and completely...but you need to remember that, Bella feels the same way about Edward. Right now, she's scared, broken, and lost, and is feeling VERY low about herself, and thinks she's nothing - that she's gross and dirty, and doesn't deserve Edward. We know she wants to be with Edward, and she wants things to be how they were...to hug him, kiss him, or just...be held by him, but she's basically battling an internal war. She wants those things, but her body and mind are warring against her. She wants his touch, but it also terrifies her, because all she can think of is Jacob, and what he did. Her emotions are all over the place, which is normal...and Edward understands that. She's not treating him unfairly, or as though he's a puppet, or disposable. She's distraught, and confused, and she's constantly fighting against herself, and also dealing with major self-worth issues. Edward understands that, and some of you need to as well. Just like there's also a few of you that need to understand that many rapists also think/feel/claim they didn't do anything wrong...but that doesn't mean that the rape victim is suddenly lying, either. And it's thoughts like that, that also cause a lot of women [and men] to not report a rape, in fear of no one believing them. I know this story is a work of fiction, but like I said...I'm trying to keep everything - every emotion, reaction, physical reactions and pains, and even thoughts - as realistic as possible. This is a real subject, and a real issue. It's not about Edward or Bella being right or wrong with their words/actions...it's about them learning how to deal with what happened, and get through it, both individually and together. I'm sorry if this whole speech seems preachy in any way, guys, but this is an important subject, and it's unsettling to see some of you being so harsh towards Bella in Edward's defense, because there's no "right" reaction to something like this...it's a leaning proccess for both of them. Bella can't control what triggers her flashbacks, and during/after a flashback...you don't have much control of yourself. It's all automatic reactions, it's not about thoughts or control. So just stick with me, guys, and remember that there's so many different factors to consider when you're trying to understand all of these characters reactions/responses to things, okay? Please know that this is in no way an attack, either, and that I'm just trying to help you to better understand the situation, and understand other character's reactions and thoughts. And if you read through all of that...thank you for sticking with me, and now please continue reading, where you'll finally get to see Jake's side of things.**

**_Feenrai_ beta'd this super quick for me [and you], so a huge thank you to her.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

* * *

_**Previously:**_

_Jacob showed up at the Swan residence, where he found Bella alone. This is his side of things now._

* * *

**Chapter 23**

**Jacob's POV**

"Finally..." I breathed out in relief.

For the first time, none of the Cullens were with her. She was finally alone. I could finally see her.

I groaned. God, it had been a while since I had got to see her...got to see her beautiful face and smile, and just got to be near her. I've missed her. The memory of us making love still brings a smile to my face, even weeks later. She was so gorgeous - so perfect, even though she was acting a bit weird when I took her home. But that's exactly why I haven't been able to see her since then.

_Them_. Always getting in the way. I knew they wouldn't let me near her once he found out. And obviously, he found out, since he (or Charlie) got my butt dragged into the police station on some ridiculous claims.

So when I finally saw her come home, alone, I waited, and watched for a couple of minutes. I wanted to be sure none of the blood suckers would come after her, after all.

When the coast was still clear, I made my way across the street from within the woods. I knocked quickly, wanting to get inside before anyone spotted me. When there was still no answer, I knocked again, in case she hadn't heard me. I was becoming more fidgety, but then the door finally swung open as she started grumbling.

I didn't hear what she said, though. I was too distracted looking at her. She looked different. Definitely upset, but...thinner and tired, as well. And it was when I was noticing these things about her, and flashed her a huge smile in relief at finally getting to see her again...that I noticed that she looked scared.

Was she worried they would catch me here?

Her gaze flickered around nervously, until she let out a sob. My smile fell. Was she really this nervous about us being caught together? Or was she scared of what they might do to her if they found out? My mind swirled with all the reasons for why she would be acting like this, but I was coming up blank.

"Geez, Bells. What's with you? You look like you're scared as hell right now," I muttered, starting to worry about what was wrong with her.

As soon as I asked the question, she started to shake. I couldn't figure out what would cause her to act like this. She really, truly looked scared, so I quickly stepped inside, and shut door behind me. I went to take a step towards her, to hug her, or comfort her...anything to get that scared look off her face. But as soon as I took a step towards her, she took a big step away from me.

I looked at her, trying to figure out what her problem was. Why was she backing away? So with my eyes on her, I took another two steps towards her, only to get the same reaction from her.

"What the hell, Bella?" I asked, completely frustrated now.

"Wh-what are you do-doing here, Jacob?" Even her voice was off.

I rolled my eyes, because it was an obvious answer. Why else would I be here? "I'm here to see you."

I was hoping my answer would have calmed her down, or at least softened her up with this whole backing away from me thing, but as soon as I took another step towards her, she backed away again.

This was just getting frustrating. She wasn't being herself, and she just seemed so scared. Her fear only seemed to increase when her back hit the wall. I was happy she at least couldn't keep trying to back up, but she looked terrified as hell for some reason. Her eyes were shifting all over the place, and she was still shaking. I wanted to find out what was going on, and comfort her, so I tried to get a bit closer to her.

Again, however, as soon as she saw me move, her voice stopped me in my tracks.

"Please don't," she whispered, causing me to look at her, at her face, and try to figure out what was going on. She sounded scared. Desperate. Frantic. Obviously about to cry.

She was seriously acting like she was _scared_ of me...but she knows I wouldn't hurt her. She knows I love her, so why was she acting like this? I didn't know what was going on, but I wanted answers. Now.

"What the hell has gotten into you, Bella? You really think I would hurt you?" I asked her, totally dumbfounded. "You're being just as weird as Charlie, and I think he's even gotten to my dad lately." I shook my head, completely irritated at this point. "As if I would ever hurt you," I muttered absent-mindedly.

_"Jake, son...what happened between you and Bella the other night? Did things get out of hand? Did you...rape her?" Dad asked. He looked genuinely worried now._

_He had asked me similar questions for days now, ever since I got called into the station for questioning. Every time, I told him the same thing: I would never do that to Bella, and that I didn't know why the hell I was even accused of that. _

_He had always been on my side, defending me, and knowing I would never do that. I've heard him talking - or should I say, fighting - with Charlie a few times now, and it's always ended with yelling. But the last few days, he seemed to be questioning me - doubting me - like he actually thought I was capable of something like this!_

_"I told you, Dad," I bit out. "Bella and I slept together, but I did NOT rape her. We made love. I had just told her I love her," I ground out. I was past being embarrassed about informing him that Bella and I had made love. I had to repeat it so many times, to the point that now it doesn't bother me._

_"I want you to think about it for a minute, Jake. Just...take a minute, and think about it. Was Bella happy with what was going on between you two? Was she happy about being with you like that?"_

"You already did." Bella's dead, monotone and quiet voice brought me back to the present. She sounded completely sure of what she was saying, leaving no room to doubt her.

But I couldn't help but question it. I could feel my face contort in confusion, trying to figure out what she could be talking about. How could she think I hurt her? After a minute, I shook my head, still not able to come up with anything.

I just wanted to make her feel better, to get rid of that horribly sad, scared look on her face. It upset me to even think that she thought I had hurt her. I reached for her, wanting to hold her hand - wanting any contact with her, even if it was minimal. The second my finger so much as even touched her, though, she whipped back into the wall, hitting her arm and head.

I winced, knowing by the loud sound of it that it had to have hurt.

"Don't touch me..." she spoke so quietly, I might not have heard her if I wasn't already focused on her. This wasn't my Bella. None of this behavior was my Bella. She was shaking, barely breathing, and seemed scared of even talking to me. This was such a contrast to the girl I knew, who wouldn't even hesitate to hurl insults at me, but now seemed scared to even have me around. It didn't make sense, unless...

"Wha-" I cut myself off, trying to gather my thoughts, "did one of those leeches mess with your head or something, Bella?" I asked harshly, finally realizing _they_ must have done something. "You're not making any sense. How did I hurt you? You're acting all scare- wait, did that blood sucker do something to hurt you? Are you hurt?" I asked frantically, trying to scan her for any visible signs of injury, and seeing none. Treaty or not, I would go after those monsters if they had harmed her in the slightest.

Bella let out a little whimper, and I looked her over again. "God, you're shaking," I mumbled, seeing her tiny body quake with fear. They _must_ have done something to her - look at how she's acting after I asked her if they hurt her! I didn't know what they did, but whatever it was, I would make them pay for hurting her.

I couldn't stand to see the pain and fear on her face, and wanted to sooth it, to sooth her. I wanted to hug her, to hold her, but as soon as I so much as even moved a muscle to even try -

"_Don't touch me!"_ she screamed as loud as she could.

I looked at her face, covered in tears, with her bottom lip trembling. Her eyes - they looked frighteningly empty, aside from the flash of fear burning heavily within them.

I staggered back, shocked and a little hurt that she would react that way. Honestly, she was starting to freak me out with how she was acting. There was something seriously wrong here...

"You're really starting to scare me here, Bells." I spoke quietly, softly. I was hoping I could calm her down, if I stayed calm and made my voice quiet and soothing. "Did Cullen do something to you? Or one of the others?" A little bit of anger leaked into my tone, unable to stop the hate from exposing itself at the thought of what they might have done to her.

I don't know if my plan to calm her was working, but it was obvious that what I said had some kind of affect on her.

She squared her shoulders a bit, and even though she still wouldn't look my in the eye, I saw her chin jut out defiantly, the same way it always did when she was about to fight me on something.

"_They_ did not hurt me. _They_ would never do anything to hurt me," she emphasized this, before saying the words that twisted the knife in my heart: "unlike you." She said the words with such disgust, and possibly even hate.

But that _couldn't_ be true. There's no way, and she _knows_ that! I mauled over her words for a minute, trying to figure out her irrational logic, but I couldn't. There was no way she could mean that. I haven't even been around her, due to _them_!

I could feel myself getting a little defensive, and my eyes narrowed in on her, wanting answers.

"You think _I_ hurt you, Bells? I've barely seen you in weeks! Not since we made love..." I trailed off, possibly realizing what she could be mad at me about. "Oh crap, is that how I hurt you? Because I haven't called or been around since then?" I asked gently. "The reason I didn't come by was because one of _them_ has always been around, and I wanted to get to talk to you - alone. I knew they would be mad that you and I had been together," I explained gently, hoping she would understand my side, and that she would stop looking so sad.

It was true...I knew they would be pissed, and at first, I knew if I went anywhere near her, and the mind reader was around, that if he didn't already know, my thoughts would definitely give it away. But then after getting called into the station, I knew they knew...but I also knew he'd try to rip me from limb to limb, and to be honest...after getting hauled to the station under those false charges, probably due to him, I didn't think I'd be able to keep myself from ripping him to pieces, either. It was best, and less stressful for Bella, if I waited until I could see her while she was alone. I just hoped she would understand that.

Apparently, she didn't. Her mouth popped open in surprise. Her next words made my mouth want to hang open in surprise.

"You - you staying away...that didn't _hurt_ me," she spat, "that was a _blessing_! You want to know how you _hurt me_?" she laughed harshly, clearly not amused.

She stayed silent a moment, while I tried to ignore the twinge of hurt in my chest from her words. Within seconds, her face contorted into a look of pure rage, and her voice screeched out.

"YOU RAPED ME!"

Everything stood still. I simply stared at her, not blinking, not even breathing for a second. I knew I was staring at her, but I couldn't seem to see her, aside from recognizing that she now seemed completely panicked, and entirely silent. For the first time, my mind finally absorbed the fact that she really did seem to be afraid...of me.

I wanted to speak, but the words wouldn't come out, even though I could feel my mouth moving. I took another breath, and finally forced out some sound.

"Ho- wha- I..." Okay, there was sound, but nothing that actually made sense. I was getting frustrated - so frustrated - at my lack of words, and at the fact that she truly believed that. We had made love, and it was passionate, and loving, and at times tender.

_I kissed her. I finally did it. I kissed her perfect, full lips. Now that I had, I couldn't hold back. I was trying to put every bit of my emotion into that one kiss, hoping she would finally understand my feelings for her. _

_I gripped the back of her neck, wanting to pull her lips, and her body closer to me. I wanted to feel her against me. I couldn't seem to get her close enough._

_At first, she fought against the kiss, trying to push me away, probably conflicted because of her blood sucker...but then she stopped, and her lips were soft and pliant against mine. I quickly allowed my tongue to slide along hers. I could feel myself desperately needing a breath, but I tried to ignore the urge. Her lips on mine, her body against mine...was so much better than oxygen._

_She stood still for a while, aside from her lips working against mine, but soon I could feel her hands on me. On my arms, my chest...anywhere she could reach. She finally seemed to be getting fully into the kiss, and feeling that same passion that I was feeling._

_She even started to call out my name when I started to lay kisses on her neck, clearly enjoying what my lips and tongue were doing to her. I think I even heard her yell out "don't stop," while her hands kept roaming my body. She didn't have to worry about me stopping, though. I was enjoying her and this new nearness between us too much to stop, now that she was also enjoying herself. The only way I would stop is if she told me to, but based on her words and actions, she definitely didn't want me to._

_And as amazing as her mouth and neck were, I wanted to explore more of her, to feel more of her. I still just couldn't seem to get her close enough, as I hugged her to my chest tightly, while my other hand began to massage her denim clad thigh. She really seemed to like that, judging by all the little noises she was making - gasping and panting._

Bella had wanted to be with me. She only fought against the kiss for a minute, and then she was fine. Then she was enjoying it, enjoying me.

"What?" I asked harshly, thinking I must not have heard her right. That night was so beautiful, so special, and she had wanted it - wanted _me_ - there's no way I heard her right.

But as soon as the word left my mouth, she jumped, and seemed to try to disappear into the wall. I had scared her, again, somehow, and I hated myself for it. I could feel my shoulders slump forward, as the sadness of her words and the situation set in. She honestly believed that I did that. She thought that the night I've felt was so precious, was something so horrible. She sincerely believed that I was capable of hurting her like that, and she obviously doesn't understand how much I love her.

"You...you think I...raped you?" I could barely get those vile words out of my mouth. They hurt me to even say it, let alone think aobut the fact that she thought it.

Instead of an answer, I was met with a heavy silence. I could hear her harsh breathing, and my own. The silence was killing me. In a way, that silence gave me more of an answer than her words could. She believed it, without a single doubt. That alone made my chest hurt.

"You - you believe all that crap?" I asked her, needing to hear the words now. "I know the cops questioned me, when I saw you that day, outside the station..." I mumbled. "But you know the truth, Bella. I thought - I thought Cullen, that he pushed you to make those claims because he found out we slept together, and he was angry, or that maybe - maybe Charlie found out somehow and filed the report because he misunderstood what really happened, and was just trying to be...protective," I rambled, and explained, hoping to get through to her.

I stared at her, waiting for some kind of answer. She didn't say anything at first, but I could see that same determined and defiant tilt of her chin, before she finally spoke.

"You raped me," she said slowly, carefully. And as those words left her mouth, this time very deliberately...I could see something in her expression break. Something very real.

I thought back to that night again, and my fathers words also came back to me.

_"Was Bella happy with what was going on between you two? Was she happy about being with you like that?"_

But she was. She did. She enjoyed it. She only fought against it for a minute, just for a minute, when I first kissed her, and then...then she stopped...

I wouldn't have done that. I couldn't have done that. Could I?

"No..." I whispered, as I stepped away from her slightly. I shook my head, not believing it - not wanting to believe it.

But she believed it, and what she did next only further proved it.

"Stop! Stop it! Stop lying!" she screamed shakily, before a large sob erupted from her little body. She had tears streaking down her cheeks, as she again seemed to try and disappear into the wall, and her breathing got louder.

I looked at her, really looked at her, seeing every little detail. How pale she was, even more so than usual. How sad she looked, and how scared. How scared of me she was. The dark circles under her eyes. Even her body seemed even smaller, thinner.

Could I...could I have done that to her? Could she be right?

_Was Bella happy with what was going on between you two? Was she happy about being with you like that?_

I could feel my memory trying to conjure up every minute, and every detail of that night. I was desperately hoping that all of this was some kind of misunderstanding, or mistake.

_She stood still for a while, aside from her lips working against mine, but soon I could feel her hands on me. On my arms, my chest...anywhere she could reach. She finally seemed to be getting fully into the kiss, and feeling that same passion I was feeling._

_She even started to call out my name when I started to lay kisses on her neck, clearly enjoying what my lips and tongue were doing to her. I think I even heard her yell out "don't stop," while her hands kept roaming my body._

But something at the back of my mind was nagging me, making me look at what happened again and again. I could feel that something was off. Something just wasn't quite...right.

And then it hit me, hard and fast, the memories unrelenting.

"_Don't stop_," she had begged in passion. I could hear the words reverberating in my mind. "_Please._"

_Please._

Her hands were on me, touching me, caressing me, loving me.

_Don't stop._

I could hear her moaning, and gasping in pleasure as my lips explored her neck.

_Jake._

She was calling out my name, almost as a plea. I could feel her body shaking with need beneath me.

_No. Don't stop._

I didn't want to stop, with how responsive she was to my every touch, every kiss.

_Please._

Desperate. the word sounded desperate, and I could feel the nagging feeling again, pushing and fighting to remind me of something, even as I remembered her hands exploring my face, and touching my lips.

_Please, don't! Jake!_

Her hands were back on my chest, feeling and...shoving me? Was she _pushing_ me? She had been saying don't stop...she had been saying - why were her words different then?

_Jake! Stop! No!_

My name falling from her lips in ecstacy suddenly started to sound desperate and terrified. Her beautiful face was suddenly covered in tears, and contorted in fear. And her small little hands that were exploring my body, were suddenly pushing me away. Her cries of pleasure, the same cries I had heard in my mind over and over in that night...suddenly weren't cries of pleasure at all. They were filled with terrified desperation, and anguish.

I felt faint, and couldn't seem to stay upright. My legs shook, and I felt myself reeling backwards, the same way I could feel myself reeling at the realization of what had happened.

She had said no. She said _no._

I only blinked when my back thunked into something solid behind me, before I found myself sitting on the floor all of a sudden.

I couldn't think. I felt like I couldn't even breathe properly. I let my head fall into my hands, hoping the physical support of my hands would help get my mind to stop reeling, and my thoughts to stop spinning.

"How?" I wasn't sure if I was speaking out loud, or in my head. "How...how could I... I couldn't have - could I? I love her. I love her, I couldn't have done that. I wouldn't have done that. Not to her. Not to anyone."

But she had said _no_, she had said _stop_. And I didn't stop. I had...touched her, and kissed her, and everything else. Against her will.

"I don't...I don't understand...how..."

A sound in the room focused my thoughts for a second, and it took me a minute to realize why it was familiar. The sound had been a heart broken sob coming from Bella, the same kind of sob that I now remember coming from her that night. She was crying, and she was scared...of me.

"I didn't - I just...no. Not possible. It's not possible," I let out a shuddering breath, and could feel myself shaking my head, in both confusion and denial. I let my hands drop, needing to see her, to hear her answer when I spoke. I needed to know what she believed. I needed to know if there was any hope - any chance, that this was all some sick joke, or mistake, or...something, anything. "Bella," I spoke softly, seeing that she was scared and refusing to look at me. I think she was also shaking. "I...I didn't. I couldn't... Do you - is that really how you think of what happened?" I could barely get the words out, as they came out so quietly. I was afraid to say them. As much as I desperately needed to hear her answer, I was also terrified of it.

"It is what happened," her broken voice whispered.

As soon as the words left her mouth, I could feel the tears building in my eyes. I clung to my legs, pulling them tight against me, while hoping that hanging onto something would keep me sane.

This couldn't be happening. I couldn't have done this. I couldn't have done that to her. How could this be true?

I had wanted her so badly, and wanted her to see, and feel, and finally understand how much I cared about her - how much I loved her. I had thought it was this beautiful, special night between us. I thought she had wanted me, wanted this, and us...but she didn't, and I...I didn't see that, somehow. I was so caught up in her, in my love for her, and the hope that she would want me, too, finally.

I was vaguely aware that I was making noise. I was crying, loudly. On any other day, or any other moment, I might have been embarrassed about crying like this, but right now, all I could think about was Bella. What I had done to her.

I had been so stupid, and so caught up in that...that _fantasy_, that I was oblivious to anything else. So oblivious to reality that I...I raped her. I r_aped_ her.

Oh my God, what have I done?

"I didn't...I didn't...oh, God. Bella..."

I had to see her. I had to see her, even though every tiny glimpse caused me intense physical pain. With new eyes, I took in her weight loss. Her tired eyes. Her uncharacteristicaly straight hair. Her fear. I was the cause of all of that. I couldn't look at her for more than a second or two at a time, the pain and shame were too unbearable.

I could feel the urge to vomit growing more intense, the more I remembered and thought about what I had done. The more I heard the same sobbing coming from her, the same way she had that night. Her pained and scared face was haunting my every single thought.

I spoke the only words I could think to say, despite how inadequate I knew they were.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." I knew the words wouldn't change anything, or wouldn't erase what I did, but it was the truth, and I couldn't seem to stop myself from saying it, over and over again. It was the only thing I was clinging to, that single phrase. It was the only thing keeping me sane.

Shortly after, that sanity was threatened by an unpleasant scent: vampire.

I should have known it was only a matter of time before they showed up. As it was, I wasn't even sure how long I had already been in the house. I knew it wouldn't end well if I was still here when he, or even they, showed up. I had to get out of there, because in the brief moment of panic at the realization of their close proximity, I also had a moment of clarity.

I took one more quick look at Bella, who was still pressed against the wall, before I jumped up. I should have thought that out a bit better, despite only having a few seconds to spare (from what I could tell), because Bella screamed again as soon as I moved. I hadn't mean to scare her...again...

"I'm sorry..." I told her softly, hoping I wouldn't scare her even more, and also hoping that those words could somehow magically fix things.

Knowing that they couldn't, and smelling the putrid vampire scent getting stronger, I ran for the door, letting it slam behind me.

I knew what I needed to do.

x-x-x

After I ran home, I stood in front of the door to the house, unmoving and trying to catch my breath. I ran the entire way, because I couldn't stand the thought of the others possibly getting a glimpse of what was going on inside my head. I couldn't bear to have them physically s_ee_ what I had done to Bella.

I had avoided phasing ever since that night between Bella and I. Originally, it was because I couldn't get her, and what I once thought was an amazing night, out of my mind. It just kept replaying over and over in my mind. The idea of phasing, and all of the guys, especially the more rowdy and crude guys, being able to see Bella that way, and to see what had happened between us...I just couldn't bring myself to expose her and our moment like that.

They hadn't needed me for anything, anyway, so it wasn't really necessary. I just knew that almost every thought was consumed by Bella, and that night, and...ironically, I had been trying to be somewhat of a gentleman. I was trying to do right by Bella, by waiting until I could control myself, and my thoughts a bit better, before exposing every single thought to the pack. The less they knew and saw of that night with Bella, the better. It was too private, and too personal. I hadn't wanted them to know.

A while back, they had asked me if I had done it - if I had raped her, and I told them no. At the time, I believed that to be true. I was pissed that they would even ask me, or that they would even think I could do that to her - they knew my thoughts, they knew how much I loved her.

Now I realize the only person who was wrong, and who I was pissed off with...was me. For doing that to Bella. For not even realizing that I had done that to Bella. There were so many things I should have noticed, and so many things that I should have done differently. All of that was too late now, though. There was only one thing left that I could possibly do.

I looked back at the door, the paint slightly chipped and needing some fresh paint. I just hoped that Billy would be able to find someone to do that for him.

I knew I needed to talk to him, and I would. But at this very second, I couldn't face him just yet. I just needed another minute. Without much thought, I turned and went to the garage.

Stepping inside, I was overwhelmed by all the memories. Bella and I working on homework. Bella talking to me while I worked on the bikes. Bella learning to help fix the bikes. Our arguments about age.

I could see it all. Every sweet, or special memory...now tarnished by what I had done. I had taken what was sweet, and innocent about our relationship, and unknowingly turned it into something vile and horrid.

At that moment, I wished I could shed my skin. I felt disgusting, and hated every single part of myself. Knowing the truth about that night was making my skin crawl.

Was I really that narrow minded and stupid that I couldn't notice all the signs, and see that she had been saying no? Was I really that blinded by my own wants and needs, that I was oblivious to her's?

Her voice pleading "no," and "stop," kept playing on repeat in my mind. Every single time I heard it in my mind, everything in me would ache, and shudder.

I deserved it, though. I know I did. So I allowed myself to keep listening to the memory of her saying those words, and making me remember every single torturous second of what I had done to her, until I felt the bile rise up my throat.

I ran just outside the garage, just in time to spill the contents of my stomach. I could feel myself heaving afterward, even though my stomach was empty. And with every painful, heaved breath, all I could think was: I deserve this.

After my body finally settled somewhat, I knew it was time to do what I had come here to do.

I went to the house, and easily let myself inside the door. I didn't see him anywhere, but that didn't necessarily mean he wasn't home. I just prayed that he would be home, because I needed to do this, now.

"Dad?" I called out.

I heard movement from down the hall, before I saw him wheeling himself into the living room.

"Hey, Ja-" he had a big smile on his face, until he saw me. "What's wrong, son?" His tone was now serious, and so was his expression.

I took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"I came to say goodbye," I explained, my tone mostly even. Truth be told, it was shaking a bit, even though I was sure of this, and knew that I had to do it.

"What?" he sounded alarmed, as he wheeled himself closer to where I stood. "What are you talking about?" he demanded.

"I'm going to be...gone for a while. You deserved to get a proper goodbye first, though." I stood there awkwardly, even though it was rare for me to feel uncomfortable in my dad's presence.

He shook his head, and his expression hardened. "What's this about, Jacob?"

"I did it," I forced out, hating what I was about to say.

Only confusion was visible on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but I continued before he could.

"I raped her." I said it as a statement. A horrific fact.

So many people had questioned me, and asked me if I had done it. Over and over, I had told them no. I was adamant. I was positive. Now...now I've finally seen the truth, and even though I was positive then that I hadn't raped her...I was now positive that I had. My tone left no room for question.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, and just stared at me for a minute.

"You...you raped her?" his voice was unsure, as he wheeled himself even closer, so he was right in front of me now.

I just nodded. I couldn't bear to say the words again. Telling him once already filled me with such immense shame. He had asked me about what happened, again and again, and every time, I would look him in the eye, and say no, I didn't do it. And despite his questioning, every time I told him I didn't do it, he would take my word, until his next fight with Charlie, where he would ask again, to be sure. Only for me to tell him now that I had been wrong all along, and that I really had done that to her.

"How- but you -" he took a breath before continuing, "you kept saying you hadn't raped her," he pointed out, gazing at me intently.

I sighed, trying to figure out a way to explain my mess of thoughts. "At the time...I didn't think I had. I believed I hadn't. I thought," I stopped, and looked for the right words. "I thought that it was consensual," I explained. Keeping my wording more...clinical seemed to make getting the words out a little easier. He didn't say anything, he just raised an eyebrow at me, silently telling me to continue. "I went to see Bella today, and-"

"What?" he nearly yelled.

"I know," I started, but again, he cut me off.

"Have you lost your marbles, kid? There are rape charges filed against you, and then you go over there to see her? What if she called the cops, and you ended up getting arrested? You might not have been able to walk out of there that time!" his loud voice ranted in one long breath, before he drew his eyebrows together.

He had a point. I knew that. As it was, when I got hauled into the police station a while ago, after the rape charges were first filed, I ended up being let go due to lack of evidence. Since I was adamant that I had not raped her, and the fact that there was no physical evidence, like DNA. It was ultimately dependant on her word against mine, aside from some bruising, I had been told, so until there was more evidence, they had no choice but to let me go.

Now that he mentioned it, I'm sure it wouldn't have looked good that I somewhat snuck in there to see her, and while she was alone. Though even if the cops had shown up, it wouldn't have mattered now, anyways.

"I wanted to talk to her. I...I missed her, and like I said...I thought it was consensual, but she made me see that...that it wasn't. She made me remember things differently than before..." I explained weakly. That's all I felt at the moment. Weak. Tired. Entirely shameful and disgusted with myself.

"And you, uh..." he cleared his throat, "you really did rape her?" he asked. His voice was quiet, but his tone said everything that his words didn't. He was disappointed in me.

"Yes," I confirmed quietly, as Bella's pleas for me to stop ran through my mind, and made my stomach lurch. I went on to try and further explain how I had deluded myself into thinking she had wanted it as much as I did, and I tried to find words to explain my side of things to him. He stayed silent through it all, just staring at me as he let me speak.

After I was done, I felt like my head was swimming, and I desperately needed to sit down. I went to the living room and plunked down onto the couch. Dad was right behind me, and had positioned himself right in front of me.

"And what's this with you saying you'll be going away?" he asked sharply. "You aren't planning to run away, are you?" Now he was starting to sound angry. Angry that I could be coward enough to try and run.

"No," I shook my head. "I'm..." I took a deep breath, hoping it would settle the nausea that was assaulting my stomach. "I'm turning myself in." I shut my eyes, and took another big breath.

Knowing what I did to Bella, that was the least I could do. I had done that to her. I had hurt her...I raped her. She had tried to stop me, she had tried so hard, but I was a damn idiot, and I didn't realize... I deserved to be in jail, and pay for what I had done. And Bella deserved to know that I was locked away, and wouldn't be able to hurt her.

Billy inhaled sharply, and levelled me with his gaze. "Are you sure about this, son?"

"Yes." I was sure. I had to do this. This was the only way to even begin to make it up to Bella, and for her to get any form of justice for what I did. As for me...if I was that much of a monster to do that to her...I belonged in jail.

He suddenly reached for me, nearly pulling me off the couch as he wrapped his arms around me in a fierce hug.

He had always been a caring father, but not much of a hugger, so this took me by surprise.

"I'm proud of you," he murmured. I went to pull back, to ask him if he was crazy, because how could he ever be proud of me after what I had done, but he grabbed me tighter, and spoke before I could. "For turning yourself in," he clarified. "Not everyone would, Jake. But you're a good kid. A good man, and I believe that you didn't mean to hurt Bella."

"I'm not good," I told him firmly, "but I'm going to try and do everything I can to fix this, or make it better...or at least make it easier for Bella."

He let me go, and I saw him inconspicuously wipe at his eye. "That," he pointed at me, "is why I'm proud of you. For trying to make it right, and doing the right thing now that you realize what really happened."

I still didn't believe him, or think he was right, but I didn't want to keep disputing it with him, so I just nodded, hoping he would stop. Him trying to tell me he's proud of me made me feel even more sick about what I had done. No one in their right mind could be proud of me after what I had done, whether I turned myself in or not.

"I should...go," I nearly whispered. I was dreading it, only because I didn't know what to expect, but I was completely sure in my decision. I had to do this.

"Do you want me to go with you?" he asked me quietly.

"No. I need to do this on my own," I told him gently. He shouldn't have to see his son getting hauled off to a jail cell. He had already lost my mom, he didn't need to be there to feel like he was losing me, too. Especially since I didn't know how long I would be locked away for.

He nodded solemnly. "Go do what you need to do, son."

I looked at his face, trying to remember it, or maybe even draw strength from it. I knew I wouldn't be seeing him for quite a while...not properly, anyway, not unless he came to visit me. So this time it was me who reached out, and hugged him one more time, before I made my way to the door.

"Jake," he called, right when my hand was on the knob. "I love you, and I'll see you soon."

"I love you, too, Dad." That was all I stayed inside for, before quickly closing the door behind me and blinking away the wetness in my eyes his words had caused.

Once I made it to the police station (with the hopes that Charlie would take pity on my dad, and get the rabbit back home), I wasted no time in walking inside. I was past hesitating. This is where I should be. This is what I deserved, and this is what's best for Bella.

I walked up to the main desk, and waited for the guy working to finish what he was doing, and look up at me.

"What can I do for you?"

"My name is Jacob Black," I started, before a loud voice and angry figure came marching up to the main desk, obviously having heard me.

"What the hell are you doing here, boy?" Charlie asked me angrily, as he crossed his arms over his chest.

I looked at the guy working the main desk again for a minute, before I locked eyes with Charlie, and spoke the words that would seal my fate.

"I'm here to turn myself in for the rape of Isabella Swan."

* * *

**Next chapter: Finally find out why Edward isn't returning Bella's embrace. What will happen between them after Bella's reaction to his 'I love you', now that they may get the chance to talk, and will they be able to get past it? And how will Bella's interaction with Jacob affect her?**

**Okay, guys...you finally got to get inside Jake's head, and see what he's been thinking and feeling about everything that's going on. Is it what you expected? Now that you've seen his side, what are your feelings towards him?**

**I'm very anxious about this chapter, since it's a very important one, so...please review, and give me your thoughts on it, even if you just want to answer one of the above questions I asked, since I'd love to hear your opinions on that, too. So either way, leave a review, and let me know you're still interested!**


	24. Chapter 24

**I don't even have words to properly apologize for how long it's taken me for this chapter. Between bouts of being sick, and just incredibly busy, topped off with writers block still kicking in at the worst time - it was a slow process. Much much slower than I ever wanted or expected, and I'm very sorry for that. To those of you who are still with me, and have been patiently waiting, and sending me PMs inquiring about the story - thank you so much. I would say I hope it was worth the wait, but that wait was incredibly too long, so instead, I'll just tell you that I hope you enjoy the chapter, along with finally getting the answers you've been waiting for.**

**There's also something I need to say quickly, and I apologize for putting this before the chapter, and making you wait even longer, but there's something important I need to clear up. I didn't include it in an AN last time, since I hadn't felt it was necessary at the time, but after seeing some of the reviews, I think I should. Contrary to popular belief, a case like this, with the rapist being unaware of his actions - as convenient as it would seem, in some cases, it really is the truth. Some may use it as an excuse to attempt to get away with it, but there are some true cases where they're unaware of what they've done or are doing. In Jacob's case, he's deluded himself into believing she wanted it, and that it was consensual, due to how badly he wanted it to be true. There are many other similar situations that are just as complicated as the one I've portrayed, if not moreso. Please don't get me wrong, what Jacob did was beyond wrong, and unforgivable, and he _should_ have known better. Just because in this story, he wasn't aware that what he did was wrong at the time...that in NO WAY means that I feel he wasn't wrong. There is no excuse for what he did, period. But the truth in his case, and some others, at the time, he didn't realize what he did was wrong, but I know, and you know, that it was, and now, so does he. He never intended to rape Bella, it was not planned or in any way meant to be malicious, however, he was only seeing/hearing what he desperately wanted to see, and you can see now how he's reacting to the truth, by being sickened by himself, and turning himself in. He was never a malicious person in the books, and I'm trying to keep his core character traits the same. He was never a bad guy, he had a good heart, and he did love Bella. He wouldn't have tried to purposely hurt her like that. His POV was to show you he really didn't know what he was doing, and that it was never done maliciously, or as a way to hurt Bella, or Edward, or anyone else.**

**Beta'd by the amazing _Feenrai. _A big thank you to her for getting this beta'd so quickly =).**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

* * *

**Previously: **

**_The big Jacob/Bella confrontation finally happened, where we discover that Jacob had not been aware of what he had done to Bella, and then turned himself in to the police. Meanwhile, Bella is left at the house, after Jacob runs out, and Alice and Edward arrive._**

_All I felt at that moment was relief. Pure relief and safety. Edward was here, and I was safe. He came to help me, to save me. He was here._

_Edward stood near the wall Jacob had been sitting against. He was unmoving, as still as a statue, as he kept his unwavering gaze on me. His presence seemed to overwhelm my already frazzled emotions, and I couldn't help the fresh tears that wracked my body, as I slowly let myself slide away from the wall._

_As soon as I took the first step away from the wall, I found myself running towards Edward, and wrapping my arms around him. I pressed myself as closely to him as I could, needing to feel him, to know that he was here, that he was real, and that I was safe._

_It took me a moment, while I clung to Edward, basking in the comfort of his presence, that I realized something._

_Edward was not returning the embrace._****

* * *

**Chapter 24**

My breath hitched in a gasp at the realization.

I suddenly felt foolish. Dumb. Naive.

Surely, Edward had come out of some sense of obligation. With a faint whimper, I realized that, of course, he wouldn't have come. Not after the way I had treated him, when he's been so wonderful to me. Not after I had yelled at him and told him to leave me alone. Not after the way I reacted, when he said those sweet words.

No - there was no way he was here for any other reason than a misplaced sense of obligation, when Alice discovered my future disappeared. So, with that thought weighing heavily on my mind, and feeling fresh tears pricking my eyes, with my head hung in shame, I reluctantly began to let go of the one person who could comfort me right now.

"I'm sor-" I abruptly stopped, mid-apology, when I felt soothing, icy arms wrap gently - hesitantly - around my back, and ever so slowly pull me back towards his chest.

"Bella..." he breathed.

It was only then that I even became aware of what I had done. I had been so relieved, and so happy to see Edward, that I had hugged him. I hugged Edward, and didn't freak out. As the situation dawned on me, I discovered the discomfort, and unease at being touched was there; but more-so right now, I craved the comfort that only Edward's touch could bring me.

Unfortunately, even with him now embracing me in his cool grasp, and my face being not even an inch away from his chest...his sudden return of the embrace also left my already confused and quivering mind with even more questions. Why was he hugging me, when I had treated him so badly earlier? Why didn't he return the embrace earlier? And was this only to appease me, again, out of some sense of obligation?

Right this moment, though, I pushed every single one of those thoughts aside, along with the discomfort of being touched, and revelled in the feel of his arms around me after so long. I burrowed my face into his chest, and inhaled deeply, letting his scent - so familiar, but distant to me now - and his presence, soothe me.

And along with the comfort his touch invoked, it also caused me to feel something else I desperately needed at the moment: safety. Not since earlier today, before he had said those three words, did I feel safe. The second his arms wrapped around me, that was all I could feel for a moment. Safety...but with that safety came the weight of what had happened, as my mind finally began to process the events of the past couple hours.

Edward telling me he loved me. My reaction. Jacob showing up. Jacob showing up, and being here with me, alone.

That was all it took for the flood gates to reopen, as I didn't even bother to hold back the loud, all consuming sobs that poured out of me. I knew there was no way I could have controlled my emotions, even if I wanted to. It all seemed surreal, but I knew that it was all real, and that knowledge made it that much worse. The fear was one hundred percent real, and despite now feeling safe, I could still feel it lingering in me.

I fought to push it down and ignore it, and focus only on the safety Edward's presence brought me. So I did the only thing I could do: I clung to Edward with as much strength as I could muster, needing to be closer, tighter, safer. I could feel his hard body digging into my even more bony frame, to the point that I may have bruises, but I couldn't find it in myself to care. I needed him.

"I'm...sorry," I gasped, wishing I could fix how I had behaved towards him earlier. I wanted to apologize, to tell him what had happened, but I couldn't seem to gasp out much between sobs. "Didn't...mean...Jacob...here...scared...Alice...you...so sor-sorry."

"Shh.." Edward soothed. "You're safe now."

I felt an inkling of panic as Edward's arm lifted off of my back. However, that feeling vanished as soon as I felt his hand on my hair, stroking it in much of the same manner as he has so many nights lately.

I wasn't sure how long we stood there, as I clung to him and cried, and the events of the day kept replaying themselves in my mind, making me shudder and gasp in fear and pain over and over again. Eventually, Edward's reassuring words of being safe now, along with his hand rhythmically stroking through my hair, managed to calm me. My sobs became sniffles, and my tears became slower, but didn't stop.

It was around that time that I also became more aware of my close proximity to Edward, and my still near-lethal grip on him. I started to get self-conscious, and loosened my grip. I moved my body a fraction of an inch away from his, as I began to think about the fact that he shouldn't have to hug me, not when I was like this...not when I was so _dirty_. I couldn't bring myself to completely let go of him, though, and I could still feel his arms around me. His grip wasn't stifling, though, it was loose enough that I could move away should I need to, and that fact helped me to continue to keep the anxiety at being touched manageable.

The feel of his arms around me, and being pressed against him again, or having any kind of contact with him again, for that matter, was indescribable to me, after being without it for so long. I momentarily revelled in it, not ever wanting to let him go, despite the discomfort that was also stiffening my spine and setting my nerves on fire at the touch.

My heart was still pounding frantically against my ribs due to what had just happened, and as it was, I wasn't even entirely sure of what _had_ just happened. I didn't know what to believe, because _his_ words had left me entirely confused.

After another minute or two, I could feel that my breathing had calmed, and nearly gone back to normal.

"Your heart is still racing, love," Edward murmured. "It seems to be an absurd question, given the circumstances, but are you alright?" he asked softly, bringing his head down towards mine. I could hear him inhale, before letting out a long breath that fluttered my hair.

Truthfully, I didn't know how to answer him, so I just shrugged in response. Did_ him _showing up still terrify me? Yes. Was I more calm now that Edward had shown up? Yes. Was I alright? Not really.

I regretfully disentangled myself from Edward's embrace, realizing that I needed at least some answers now, before my mind burst.

I saw Alice standing off to the side, evidently examining her nails, pretending to pay us no mind. Even though she probably knew what was coming, I silently thanked her for her discretion.

"Why-why did you come?" I asked him, my voice now scratchy and hoarse.

He blinked, and stared at me for a moment, making me extremely uncomfortable and self-conscious, before he answered. "Did you not want me to?" he asked cautiously, as his eyes watched my face intently.

"I did..." I admitted softly. "Not at first...when I ran," I sighed, and shook my head, trying to clear my extremely jumbled thoughts. "The entire time, I just - I wanted you," I whispered. "You make it better...easier. With you, it doesn't always hurt so much, and I just...I need you, and I lo-" I staggered back a step as the words almost left my mouth, and I involuntarily shuddered. They were true. Of course they were true. But they were also horrible, terrible words right now. They were the last words I heard _then_. They were the last words I heard before I freaked out on Edward, which left me here alone with _him_.

I couldn't bring myself to say them, despite how much I meant them. There was also a little voice in the back of my mind that was also trying to prevent the words from leaving my mouth. It's taunting voice kept reminding me that I wasn't good enough to love him. That he deserves someone good, and pure, and not filthy and disgusting. Either way, I knew that the words would not be said - not now, not today.

His penetrating eyes softened even more, as he realized my cut off words. He nodded infinitesimally to show he understood, and I was relieved that he knew better than to risk saying those words to me, again, right now.

"I just...don't get it," I mumbled after a moment, hoping to change the subject, with my eyes now fixated on my worn out sneakers.

"What don't you get?" he kept his voice soft, soothing.

"Why you came here...after - after what I did...after what I said. I just...you," I trailed off for a second, as my voice became thick with emotion, and my bottom lip trembled. "You should hate me right now," I whispered.

"Bella - I could never hate you," he murmured gently, with a hint of disbelief. "You know how much you mean to me," he said hesitantly. "I'm still not sure why you ran, and reacted that way, but...I'm sure there's a reason for it." His eyes bore into mine, intense, but soft, at the same time.

Guilt washed over me instantly. He didn't know. I thought back, trying to dredge up the painful memories of the times I had recounted what had happened, only to realize something: never once had I told anyone that he told me he...loved me right when he... No. Nobody knew that detail, but ever since the words fell from Edward's lips, the memory of that single moment was all that I could remember, and the worst part about that, was my reaction to Edward. I had reacted that way, and said those things, and ran off and left him standing there, clueless as to why.

I gasped, even more disgusted with myself than before, and feeling so horrible for doing that to him. "I'm sorry," I spluttered, my breathing unsteady again, and the prick of tears stinging my eyes. His eyes were wide, and penetrating as he stared at me, seemingly knowing I would say more. "There...there is a...reason. _He_ said that to me...right when he, um...when he...um, you know..." I mumbled and stuttered, hating every single word as it left my mouth, and feeling the blush cloud my cheeks. I could feel the bile rising, making me gag, before I could stop it. I suddenly felt the need to have a shower, to get rid of the sickening, dirty feeling that had plagued me since earlier today, and to hopefully get rid of the shame that telling Edward those words caused me. I had to look at him, though - I had to know that he understood.

Almost as though he could read my mind, he nodded once, showing me he did, in fact, understand. I let my head hang, embarrassed and ashamed, as a single tear slid down my cheek.

"Oh, Bella," he murmured, his expression pained. I could see his hand inching towards me, probably in comfort, or worse, pity...but I couldn't. I moved away quickly, because I just couldn't. Not right now.

His hand dropped back down to his side, his gaze still soft as I chanced a glance at him.

"It's okay, Bella," he spoke softly. "I understand why you reacted the way you did earlier now, and I would never hold that against you. I wouldn't have, even had you not explained," he murmured. His eyes seemed to be trying to seek mine out, to hold my gaze, but I could only stand to allow that for a moment or two, because I had to look away again. "I admit, if we're being honest here, that your reaction earlier...hurt," he explained gently, though that didn't stop the feeling of the knife in my heart twisting a little more with his words. "But, Bella, I knew that there had to have been a reason, and I also know that you are hurting beyond belief right now, so any small amount of pain I felt was nothing compared to what you are going through. Mostly importantly, I know that things are hard for you. I know that you're hurt, and scared, and confused. You may do things, or have reactions to things that I don't understand," he murmured, inching the tiniest bit closer to me, "but that doesn't mean that I won't do my best to try to understand."

"I'm sorry," I whimpered, not knowing what else to say. I felt horrible still for hurting him, even if he claims it's now okay. It's not. "I'm sorry for hurting you again."

My emotions seemed to be on overdrive, completely over-sensitive to anything and everything. On top of feeling incredibly guilty for hurting him, I also felt an overwhelming amount of love towards him for what he had just said - for being willing to try to understand my reactions, and my insanity. I didn't deserve his patience. He had been far more than patient enough.

"Please, love, no more apologizing for today," he tried to force a small smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. "You won't ever know how sorry I am for not following you immediately, to avoid you ever having to be left alone with that monster. I'm also sorry that my words, as well-meaning as they were, caused you so much pain. I also know that you're sorry for your reaction, but we could not have known all of this would happen."

"Edward," Alice's subdued voice broke in, as she stepped closer to us, no longer pretending to check out her nails. "You didn't just leave Bella, with no intention of following her, or making sure she was safe," she came to stand beside him, slipping her hand into his. She then turned her dark gold eyes to me. "As soon as you left, I saw that he was going to ask me to follow you home, because he was convinced you didn't want him here with you, but he didn't think you should be alone, either, and he was extremely worried about you. I was already out the door, already heading to you after I told him I would, that's when I got the vision of your future disappearing. I was still close enough that he saw it, too, though I had a head start on him. That's why I got here first. That's why he didn't follow you himself. He was just trying to respect your wishes, and give you the space you seemed to need from him, but he couldn't just leave you alone - that's why I'm here. And for the record, I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner, too." Her face looked so sad, so guilty, even though she had no reason to be.

As pathetic as it made me, I felt better after hearing what had happened - knowing now that Edward had wanted to follow me, but also respect my wishes, and instead tried to send Alice. Despite how much I must have hurt him right then, he still loved me enough to make sure I was okay.

I attempted to gather all my strength and composure, and cautiously approached them, Alice's hand still in Edward's. As I got closer, I could see a smile flit across Alice's face, and I assumed she already knew what I was going to do, and how it would turn out. That gave me the last bit of courage I needed, as I wrapped my arms around her. "Thank you," I whispered in her ear, despite knowing Edward would be able to hear it, as well.

I felt two arms encircle around my back, so I knew she must have let go of Edward. Surprisingly, the hug was rather subdued for Alice, loose enough to keep some of my anxiety at bay, but still secure enough to provide that amazing comfort that only a hug can.

When she let go, she had a beautiful smile on her face, seemingly over her guilt. It made me smile in return, because I didn't want her, or Edward, to feel guilty. I knew I had caused this situation by reacting so badly to Edward earlier, and taking off like I did. Neither one of them was to blame.

"Can we go home now?" I asked quietly, back to looking at my feet, as I started to realize I didn't really feel safe in the house anymore right now. I had been there alone with _him_, and right now, that thought still just made my skin crawl. Edward and Alice being here helped, knowing even if _he_ showed up again, I at least wouldn't be alone, and I would be safe. Including for when Charlie was home with me, but as of right this minute, just after it happened, I just wanted out of there, and more than anything - I just wanted to feel comfortable and safe again right now.

Alice bobbed her head quickly in agreement, while Edward stayed oddly silent - however, the beautiful smile that graced his face when I said that was answer enough.

By the time we got back to the Cullen home, that smile had faded, however, due to Alice's non-stop complaints the entire way there, as she chose to ride back with us in my truck.

"Can't this thing go any faster?" she whined for at least the sixth time, choosing to sit in the middle, to avoid Edward and I being squashed together due to the extra body in the vehicle.

"If you wanted to go faster, perhaps you should have run," Edward muttered.

"You should really have Rose look at this thing, Bella. Maybe she can get some speed back into it," she suggested thoughtfully, probably hoping I would do just that.

When we got to the house, it seemed as if everyone that was home, knew to steer clear of us, and allow us our space. Even Alice, after grabbing my hand one more time, and giving it a gentle squeeze, left Edward and I alone, allowing us to retreat up to his room, and have our privacy.

x-x-x

I sat on Edward's beautiful golden bed, feeling as though I was tainting its beauty, by even so much as sitting on it. That's all I kept feeling. Despite _his_ words, I just...I didn't know what to believe, and whether it was an act of...violence, or somehow...somehow unintentional, as he claimed...it didn't change the way I felt. The heavy feeling of filth clinging to my skin, to my every pore, made me feel so incredibly dirty. I would be in an ice cold shower, attempting to scrub it away, if it wasn't for the fact that I was terrified that if I even so much as moved a muscle from the ball I had curled myself into, that I would fall apart again.

I knew Edward was in the room. I wasn't so out of it that I wasn't aware of that. He was sitting quietly next to the bed, letting me have my silence. Honestly, I wasn't sure what was worse - attempting to talk about it, or the silence, that left my mind free to wander.

Apparently, I must have unknowingly begun crying, as Edward was suddenly beside me, his face soft, yet pained.

"Bella," he murmured, slowly leaning closer, attempting to touch me, hug me, console me. My body and mind, however, despite its compliance earlier, instantly reacted, and I found myself cowering away from him, my eyes instantly snapping shut.

I was sure my eyes had only been closed for a second, before they snapped open as I jumped when I heard a sickeningly hard thud, followed by a tearing type of sound. What I saw was Edward across the room, his fist punching its way through the wall.

"Edward!" my voice came out in a combination of a gasp, and shout.

He turned to me, his shoulders slumped, and his eyes now squeezed tight as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Edward," I said, this time almost a whisper. I had never seen him lose control - not like this. It took me a second to realize what he had reacted to: me pulling away from his touch. I cringed, curling in on myself a little tighter. I hadn't meant to pull away, but I just...I couldn't... "I'm sorry," I whispered, not meeting his eyes.

"Don't," he told me, his voice almost harsh. "Please," he murmured, "don't. Don't apologize," he spoke softly, soothingly. "That wasn't because of you, or your reaction, Bella," his voice was still soft, "that was because of me. I'm a fool," he muttered. I could still hear the quiet hum of his voice beyond that, but he had begun talking too low for me to hear what he was saying.

I didn't quite understand what had caused his outburst. If it wasn't due to my reaction to him trying to touch me, then what was it?

"I'm so sorry, Bella," his voice was laced with agony.

At hearing that sad tone in his voice, I couldn't help but look at him, and what I saw caused me to lose my breath.

His eyes.

His eyes were filled with so much pain, so much hurt. Just...so many emotions, but the one that exceeded all others was pain. It appeared that if he could cry right now, he would.

I was hurting him. Again. My stupid body, and my stupid mind...me, all of it - I was hurting him. _I_ was doing that to him. First with my reaction to his words earlier, and now this, and so many other things.

"I'm sorry," I whimpered. "I'm sorry I keep...hurting you so much," I breathed, attempting to hold back the sob that was building in my throat.

"Bella," he groaned, his expression more pained, if possible. "This - I'm not - I shouldn't -" his hands flew to his hair as he growled, his fists visibly yanking on the strands, clearly unable to find the words he was searching for. I had never seen him at a loss for words like this. "I shouldn't...have reacted that way. I'm sorry, Bella," he finally spoke, his voice calm, though you could hear the sadness lingering in his words. "I'm not upset with you. Never with you," he murmured, cautiously approaching the bed, and stopping mere inches from the end of it. "I just..." he trailed off.

"What?" I breathed, watching him, his every movement, every blink.

"I hate this," he spoke in such a controlled voice, it was unnatural. His body was entirely rigid. I knew my eyes widened, wondering what it was he hated - us, our relationship? - but he doused those fears with his next words. "I _hate_ what he's done to you," he seethed. "I hate how much he's hurt you - how much he's scared you," he ranted, his eyes slightly wild as they glanced around the room, looking at anything but me. "I hate seeing you in this much pain," he near whispered, his eyes now finding mine again, full of torment.

I always knew it was there, I could see it in his eyes, feel it in our brief touches, but apparently he had kept it well hidden. It wasn't until this moment that I saw the full extent of it.

"Edward," I breathed.

He quickly turned from me, his back rigid, his hands back in his hair. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have said any of that, and I especially should not have lost control."

"Now _you_ stop apologizing," I spoke as firmly as my trembling voice would allow. Apparently, that caught his attention, as he slowly turned to face me again. As much as I didn't want to, I kept my eyes locked on his, ignoring how uncomfortable it made me. I couldn't let him look away, though, as I gave myself a moment to think my words over carefully. "Jacob," I forced the name out, swallowed down the bile that threatened to rise into my mouth as I spoke it, "he didn't just hurt me, you know. He hurt you, too," I began to tell him softly, my voice still a little shaky.

Edward scoffed, disbelieving, not giving me a chance to finish. "I wasn't the one that he...traumatized," he spoke the word softly, unsure of it, but aside from his questioning of that one word, his sentence still held conviction.

I finally found the strength to release myself from the tight ball I was still curled into, and crawled to the foot of the bed, and sitting up on my knees, mere inches from Edward. Up close, even more-so, I could see the pain reflecting itself through his usually clear, golden eyes. Now, though, they appeared cloudy, and swimming in pain.

"Edward, you..." I breathed deeply, searching for the words again. "You may not have been the one he..._hurt_, but it still affects you - it still hurts you. You were traumatized by it, too," I spoke gently, but firmly.

He narrowed his eyes at me in disbelief. I didn't back down, however, and I held his gaze, my eyes just as determined - the same kind of stubborn determination that used to frustrate him in the past. I suppose it was good to know that at least that hadn't changed, since he appeared to be frustrated by it now, too. But if his eyes were proof of anything, it was that he w_as_ traumatized by what happened, too...maybe in completely different ways, but still hurt by it, all the same.

"I _know_ you're hurting too, Edward," my voice was whisper soft, the words paining me to say, despite their truth. "Maybe in different ways, but you _are_ hurting. I can see it in your eyes, how much pain you're in. I s_ee_ it, Edward. And I wish - I just - I want to hold you to make it go away, but I _can't_," I cried, knowing how true those were words. I could feel the ache throughout my body, compelling me to just hold him, to comfort him, and make that horrible pain in his eyes go away. Except, it was that same horrible pain in me that kept me frozen, and kept me unable to hold him, or touch him the way that I wished I could.

I felt useless, unable to do anything for him. As that thought occurred me to, though, I realized that maybe, this was also how he felt. Maybe he felt helpless and useless, too.

"Edward, you mean...everything to me. E-everything," I stuttered, my voice cracking. I couldn't say the words he would probably long to hear, but I could tell him that. "I don't like seeing you hurting, either. Just tell-tell me what you need," I cried, not caring if tears were beginning to cascade down my face once again. It was futile to stop them at this point.

His eyes remained on me the whole time, the pain almost intensifying within them as I spoke, almost as though they were wordlessly confirming my words.

"You, Bella. You're all I need," he murmured, finally breaking eye contact with me, and covering his face with his hand. His next words were muffled, as his hand remained covering his face. "I just need to know that you're alright. I just - I wish I could feel you, to hold you close so that I would know, with every fibre of my being...that you were okay - that you were safe." He dropped his hand, his eyes meeting mine, looking extremely guilty and vulnerable. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't intend to make that sound like a guilt trip. You are...my life, my whole existence, and you know how much you mean to me. This is just...maddening, seeing you in pain, and afraid, and being unable to touch you - to comfort you." He cast his eyes downward, hiding himself from me again.

"Edward," his eyes came back up, tentative, unsure, and still appearing so guilty and vulnerable. It made my eyes pool with more tears. "I'm...okay. And I am safe, as long as I'm with you. You make me safe - you make me _feel_ safe," my words, for whatever reason, made his eyes fill with sadness. I wanted that sadness to go away, so I steeled my nerves, and held out my hand to him. "You can touch me," I whispered, ignoring the fear, and the sensation of my skin crawling.

With my hand held out, I waited, offering him the only comfort I could right now. Apparently, it was enough, as his hand tentatively engulfed mine, holding it within both his hands, and simply staring at it, watching as his thumb swept over my knuckles. My eyes, however, were transfixed on him, his emotions, for once, displaying themselves upon his face, giving me insight into his feelings.

I knew I couldn't offer him much. I knew he wished he could hold me - hell, I wished he could, too, and more than anything, seeing that pain in his eyes, I wanted to hold him and never let go. My hand was all I had to offer right now, and even that required a lot of effort, but I could see it - I could see it in his eyes, and on his face, and that right now, he needed this. Needed me. He was hurting, and on top of that, I had also already hurt him too many times, and I refused to deny him this. If this was the only way I could comfort him, then I would do it, and thankfully, it seemed to be enough - for now.

I tugged my hand, trying to get him to come sit on the bed, to try and relax. After a moment's hesitation, and still never releasing his gentle grip on my hand, he followed me, and took a seat beside me on the bed, mindful of keeping a space between us, the only thing connecting us being our hands: my one, to his two.

We didn't seem to need words, then, as we sat there. He seemed content to just be, and I was grateful for it, as I attempted to get used to the discomfort of being touched right now. Wanted or not, my thoughts stampeded my mind again, and I couldn't get _his_ words out of my mind. They played over and over in my mind, along with so many memories of our friendship, and the way we used to be with one another - trying, unsuccessfully, to figure out if he really thought _that_ was what I wanted.

As I sat there, staring unseeingly at the gaping hole in Edward's wall, I couldn't help but feel even worse than I did earlier, because one thought - one poisonous, numbing thought came to mind:

Did all of this happen because I led Jacob on?

* * *

**So, we got to see a different side of Edward this time, and we, along with Bella, got to see how truly affected he is by all of this. Nobody can hold everything in forever, or be composed every single second. And we got to see a bit of the old Bella, where she would do anything to help Edward, despite how it may affect her. And now you finally [sorry] get to know why he didn't hug her back immediately.**

**Next chapter: How will Bella and Edward deal with the aftermath of the Jacob confrontation? How will they react to the news that he's turned himself in? And will Bella's thoughts that she could have led Jacob on begin to take a toll on her? Plus, B/E will try to find ways to reconnect.**

**Don't worry, I most definitely will not let things get so out of hand with taking so long to update next time.**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts, as always, especially to let me know you're still reading and still interested, even if you just say hi, or if you want to share your ideas on ways for E/B to reconnect, given their situation. So if you're still with me, leave a review, and share your thoughts!**


	25. Chapter 25

**AN: Guys, again, I am SO sorry. Life has been majorly getting in the way, and on top of that, despite having almost all of the chapter done for quite a while...I hit a block, for the Charlie scene, despite having the rest done. So, as my own birthday present, I get to post this finally, so I can be happy knowing that you guys finally get the chapter you've been waiting for. All of you who are still with me, and those who have sent PM's asking about the story...all of you are **_**amazing**_**!**

**I know you want to get reading, but be sure to read a VERY important AN at the bottom, okay?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Beta'd by **_**Feenrai**_**, who is, hands down, the best beta ever =D.  
**

* * *

**Previously:**

_We didn't seem to need words, then, as we sat there. He seemed content to just be, and I was grateful for it, as I attempted to get used to the discomfort of being touched right now. Wanted or not, my thoughts stampeded my mind again, and I couldn't get his words out of my mind. They played over and over in my mind, along with so many memories of our friendship, and the way we used to be with one another - trying, unsuccessfully, to figure out if he really thought that was what I wanted._

_As I sat there, staring unseeingly at the gaping hole in Edward's wall, I couldn't help but feel even worse than I did earlier, because one thought - one poisonous, numbing thought came to mind:_

_Did all of this happen because I led Jacob on?  
_

* * *

**Chapter 25**

"Oh, Beeeella! Edwaaaard!"

Our names were sing-songed in a high, trilling voice which could only belong to one person: Alice.

She bounded into Edward's room, forgoing knocking as she came to a halt in front of us, her loud entrance having woken me up to the bright morning light streaming in through the windows.

"Alice," I whined, her voice being entirely too loud to someone who just woke up. As I went to rub my eyes in an effort to wake myself up, my left hand didn't budge. Instead, I realized it was wrapped loosely in icy fingers. With a gasp, I realized I must have fallen asleep like that, after offering him my hand in the only kind of comfort I could.

I turned my head to smile shyly at him, which he returned just as tentatively.

"Good morning, love," he spoke softly, his thumb slowly brushing over my knuckles.

I shuddered, but not in an unpleasant way - more out of elation that I was able to sleep while touching him in some small way. However, to try and get the attention off of me, and my reaction, I turned to Alice, and pointed my free index finger at Edward. "_That_ is the volume of how nice people talk in the morning."

Edward chuckled beside me, our hands jiggling with his movement. Alice only smiled wider, and began to suspiciously rock back and forth on the balls of her feet.

I narrowed my eyes at her. "What?"

"Yes, out with it, please," Edward interjected. "The song you're singing to mask your thoughts isn't very...appealing."

"Exactly," she beamed at him, clearly enjoying trying to get a rise out of him. After he raised his eyebrow, she sighed, and stopped rocking. "I have a surprise for you two!"

"Alice, you know I don't really like surprises..." I mumbled, apprehensive to even know what kind of surprise it was - I had had enough surprises in my life lately, none of which have been good.

"Please, Bella...humor me? You'll like it. Besides, I haven't been able to be there for you as much as I want to lately, so please?" I couldn't decide if her blinking was just that...blinking, or if she was attempting to bat her eyelashes, hoping to sway me.

A smile ghosted over my lips. I couldn't help it. I had honestly missed her, even with seeing her as much as I have lately.

She squealed, already seeing my answer. "Okay, up! Be downstairs in five minutes!" she yelled as she bolted downstairs.

After taking a few human minutes, Edward and I made our way downstairs, no longer holding hands, but still staying close to one another.

"You know," he leaned in conspiratorially, just whispering, "we could just try and sneak out the back..."

"Don't even think about it!" Alice yelled, still out of sight.

I laughed, knowing it was an impossibility from the beginning. What surprised me was the beautiful, albeit small laugh that came from Edward. It made me happy to see him smile after last night.

As we came into the room, and my eyes settled upon Alice, and what was beside her, I stopped mid-step, causing Edward to freeze.

"Ta-da!" Alice sang, a brilliant smile on her face, as she held her hands out towards the item.

"Your piano..." I whispered, feeling irrationally emotional, seeing as Alice replaced Edward's old one that he had destroyed. I was about to open my mouth to thank her, knowing that her replacing the piano would make Edward happy, and hopefully give him an outlet for his emotions, but she interrupted before I could speak.

"You don't have to thank me. I figured you guys might like the day - and the house - to yourselves, to just spend the day together. Maybe try out the new piano," she hinted, as I caught a tiny glimmer of something in her eyes.

"Thank you," Edward spoke, his eyes only darting to Alice for a moment, before settling back on the beautiful, shiny, black piano. She smiled back at him, more gentle than excited now, and if she responded, it wasn't aloud, though she seemed to realize there was a bit more to Edward's simple 'thank you'.

At first, a temporary blur as he came through the doorway, Jasper immediately slowed to a more human pace, as he came to stand beside Alice, wrapping his arm around her waist.

"Rosalie, Emmett and Esme are out hunting for the day, and Carlisle's at work...and now that Alice has shown you your surprise, Alice and I will be out of your hair," he explained with a barely-there smile.

As they began to retreat, I distractedly called out a goodbye, all the while my eyes stayed fixed on Edward, as he approached the piano, his fingertips grazing the top surface, before stopping in front of the keys. He sat down on the bench, and suddenly looked up, his eyes locked on mine, as he held out his hand to me, inviting me closer - inviting me to join him.

I only hesitated for a split second, steeling my nerves and my resolve, as I placed my hand in his, and sat down beside him. We sat there, staring at the keys, neither one of us touching the piano, neither one of us talking. The only sound in the room was my own breathing. More than anything, it was beginning to set me on edge, so I hesitantly reached out with my free hand, and pressed down on a key, the room reverberated with the loud sound and caused me to snatch my hand back.

Edward looked at me, then, his eyes locked on mine. I could only maintain the eye contact for a second, before I had to look away. With a gentle squeeze, he released my hand, and began to play. It was a song I would know anywhere, and within the first few notes, I began to relax, enjoying the soothing melody that was forever etched in my memory: my lullaby.

As the final notes of my lullaby filled the air, he seamlessly began something else. Something beautiful, but almost heartrendingly sad. My eyes were already wet from hearing my lullaby being played for me, because it just felt so...normal. Something like we would have done before, and have done many times before. It just felt normal, and for those few minutes...I felt normal. Above all else, I cherished that feeling, that normalcy, because I didn't feel normal anymore. I w_asn't_ normal anymore, and that scared me. Lately, that was also one of my biggest fears.

Adding to my emotional state, though, were these unfamiliar notes filling the air, its sadness pouring into me and making me wonder if this was how Edward felt.

I had managed to hold off the tears as the final notes faded into silence...unfortunately, I still flinched, and then stiffened as I felt Edward's fingers barely grazing my hand, before incredibly slowly taking my hand back in his.

As I controlled my breathing, and tried to force my muscles to relax, I squeezed his hand, trying to let him know it was okay. I could see him looking at me worriedly out of the corner of his eye, but I was trying. I needed to try, and I knew that. Sometimes I just needed to feel him, to touch him, and after last night, I knew he felt the same way. I couldn't guarantee that I would always be able to manage the contact, but I would try. I resolved myself to at least try, because I wanted so badly to have that aspect of normalcy back.

"That was beautiful," I whispered, when I had finally managed to compose myself.

"Just like you," he breathed, his hand holding mine a little bit more tightly, as his thumb began to ghost over my fingers.

I didn't respond, feeling anything but beautiful lately, but I tried to at least smile. Instead, I said, "thank you for playing my lullably."

At this, he did smile. "It was my pleasure, m'lady," he joked, as he attempted to bow from his seated position.

Without my consent, and to my own surprise, a tiny giggle escaped out of me at seeing him be so...chivalrous, and I couldn't help but picture him from his own time period. The only conclusion I could come to in my imaginings, was that he still looked just as handsome, regardless of how he dressed or wore his hair.

I sighed, realizing that I stood no chance of being pretty next to him, especially not now, not after what had happened. He was beautiful, and I was just...gross.

Edward seemed to sense my mood, as he squeezed my hand a little more firmly, and I could feel his eyes trained on the side of my face, imploring me to look at him. When I did, however, I could only look at him for a second before diverting my gaze to his neck instead.

"Oh, my beautiful Bella. What am I going to have to do to make you see yourself the way I do?"

"The way you used to see me, you mean," I murmured, not sure if I even wanted him to hear the words, but unable to restrain them from falling from my lips, holding nothing but truth.

"No, Bella..." he told me, his voice even, sure, causing my eyes to flicker to his for the briefest moment. "I mean how you are now. Not just before, but now, too. You're still the same Bella, just with some scars - but they're a part of you, and they don't change how I see you."

"But I'm _different_..." I mumbled, feeling my eyes fill with tears that I refused to let fall. I was sure of my words, sure of the feelings coursing through me. It wasn't just new scars added to me - everything about me was different.

It was the absolute truth. I was different. I wasn't the same as I was before...before _this_ happened, as much as I wanted to be, or even tried to be. I acted differently, and I, especially, reacted differently. My thoughts were barely even my own lately. I wasn't the same person that Edward fell in love with, and what scared me the most, was that I wasn't sure I ever would be again.

"Bella," he murmured, his hand squeezing mine ever-so-slightly. I wanted to take my hand away, to break some of the intimacy of the situation, but I couldn't. I refused to do that to him, or even myself. "You have always accepted me for what I am, and I will always accept you for who you are - be it the old Bella, who stumbled over her words and shyness...and her own two feet. Or this Bella, sitting right beside me. What happened, Bella...it may have changed you in some ways, but underneath it all, you're still that same amazing, beautiful woman that I fell in love with," he smiled gently at me, bringing our connected hands up to his mouth to lay the softest of kisses on the back of my hand. "And should you ever change, my love...I would still love you just the same. From your flushed cheeks and beating heart, to when your heart no longer beats." He brought our hands to rest over his silent heart, emphasizing his point. "All the old parts, and the new. All of you, Bella. Always."

"So much for not crying..." I muttered, using my free hand to swat at the unwanted tears. Though it was nice for once that the tears were out of happiness. I heard him chuckle lightly, obviously having heard me anyway.

His words, though...his words made me feel warm, and safe, even if it was just fleetingly. I still had that voice in my mind, screaming that it couldn't be true, or that I didn't deserve his love, but for right now, for this moment, I chose to try and ignore that voice, and just...be with him, and let those words try to comfort me.

"I - I...," I huffed out a breath, frustrated, because the only sufficient words I had at that moment, were to tell him how much I love him, but due to everything yesterday, I couldn't seem to force the words out. Instead, I brought my hand up to my chest, resting above my heart, as I tried to put it into the only words that I could, while trying to tell him with my eyes, what my words could not. "_So_ _much_."

I jumped, my heart pounding, when seconds later, there was a heavy knock at the front door.

"Shh, it's just Charlie," Edward murmured soothingly to me. To Charlie, he called, "come in!"

A moment later, Charlie's head peeked around the door, assessing the room before completely stepping inside and clearing his throat.

"Hi, honey," he spoke softly, almost gauging my reaction.

"Hi, Dad," I attempted to smile, unsure of his presence, and the nervous twitch he seemed to be exuding.

"Chief Swan," Edward nodded.

"Could I speak to both of you?" he asked formally.

"Of course," Edward answered, standing and guiding me by the hand he still held, over to the living room, where the three of us all sat down, Edward close, but not touching my side, as Charlie sat in a single chair across from us.

"I have some...good news. Or at least, news that should be a relief," he amended. He gazed at us both, his eyes assessing, deciding. "Jacob turned himself in today and admitted to...what he did," he breathed, his eyes never leaving my face.

I froze, my muscles all locked. Beside me, Edward seemed to breathe a huge sigh of relief, but me...I wasn't sure what I was feeling.

I _should_ have felt better - relieved. Safe. But instead, my mind was a jumble, various degrees of guilt and blame clouding my thoughts.

I should be relieved and safe, knowing he's locked up, knowing he won't be able to come anywhere near me, or do anything else to me. I should be feeling validated, knowing that he turned himself in, and is admitting, not just to me, but anyone else, that what he did was wrong. That everything I've been feeling has been reasonable - his words no longer covered by denial. I should no longer be afraid.

Instead, all I felt was guilt. Every inhale tasted bitterly of guilt, and every heavy exhale was tinged with feelings of self-blame. I led him on. Could I be to blame for why he acted the way he did? It was my own selfish behaviour, and his then-comforting warmth, that caused his lines to blur. That caused his line of fantasy and reality to become a tangled mess, keeping him from seeing the truth at the time. I did that. I caused that confusion. Yet, he's now in lockup, for who knows how long...his life now gone, wasted...and, possibly, all due to my actions. I wasn't sure whether he was solely the guilty one, deserving of punishment. A large part of me couldn't help but tell me that I must be responsible for all of this - that I must have caused this.

"Bells, you okay?" Charlie asks, breaking me out of my thoughts. My gaze darts to him, his brows furrowed, eyeing me closely. It's then that my gaze lands on Edward, who sits beside me, still holding my hand, surely noticing the tension in my every limb. His eyes are intense, full of worry and, maybe, grief. I don't know what he's thinking - but then, do I really even know what I'm thinking anymore?

"I'm fine," I say, trying to keep my voice even, confident.

The only thing is...I'm not sure if I am. A part of me thinks so, but another part is doubtful...the same part that wonders if I caused this. From Jacob being the sweet, caring boy, and loyal friend...to now ending up in jail. My mind can't seem to comprehend how one could go from sweet, innocent boy...to what he's done, what he's become. The only logical explanation in my mind, is that I must be responsible in some way.

"Are you sure?" Edward asks quietly. I shut my eyes, and nod, not sure of what other words I'll be able to get out.

"You coming home tonight, Bells?" Charlie asks me, his words neutral, though his facial expression showing he'd like me to come home.

And that only brought another round of guilt, as I realize that with everything that happened yesterday, and Charlie working a late shift...he doesn't know about what happened. Edward seemed to realize this at the same time I do, as he clears his throat, and began telling Charlie the words that I know won't go over well.

I was right. As he recounted the evening, telling him that Jacob showed up at the house, wanting to catch me alone to talk to me. First, Charlie's ears, and then, his entire face went red, nearly purple, and his hands ball into fists.

"I'm okay, Dad," I assure him quickly. "Edward came for me-so did Alice-and Jacob left on his own. I was just a little...shaken," I say carefully.

"Damn it!" Charlie yells, his fury apparent.

His shout, however, caused me to visibly jump, and instantly, his fury was replaced with worry, and I felt Edward's hand squeeze mine, and Charlie's face looked instantly sorry.

"I'm okay. I just...we forgot, that with everything that happened, and you being at work, that you didn't know, that no one had told you. I wasn't trying to keep it from you," I murmur, my voice unsure.

"I'm not mad at you, Bella. I'm mad that he went anywhere near you, and cornered you like that. I'm mad that I wasn't there to look out for you - to protect you," his voice softens, eyes pleading.

"I know," I tell him, because it's true. I knew it would bother him, to know he hadn't been there when it happened, but it wasn't his fault. I knew he just wanted to protect me, especially now. "I'm sorry."

"No," he says, voice strong. "I'm sorry. For not being there."

"Dad, please - don't. It's not your fault."

He opened his mouth, ready to argue, but then thought better of it, and closed his mouth.

"Are you going to come home tonight?" he asks instead, after a few moments of silence. He looks completely unsure.

"I... I don't think that...I can right now," I force out, not wanting to hurt him, but knowing I'm speaking the truth. "Right now, it's just...him being there is so fresh in my mind, and it just...it sets me on edge," I shudder, thinking back to yesterday, and the emotions that swirled through me, as I sat in the house, locked in with _him_. Edward's thumb suddenly started rubbing across my knuckles, its rhythmic pattern soothing. "Not tonight," I murmur.

Charlie nodded, accepting, and not arguing. His brows were still furrowed, worried. "Whatever you need, Bella. Wherever you feel safe," he said lowly, his eyes sad.

I smiled a sad smile at him, not wanting to hurt him. It's not that I didn't feel safe with Charlie, especially knowing that _he_ is now locked up, no longer roaming free and able to appear whenever he pleases. I did feel safe with Charlie, it was just that the memories of being trapped in that room with _him_, caused me to shudder, and my eyes to dart to every corner of the room. The memories were just too fresh, the fear still not completely gone from my system, from yesterday.

"I need to get back to work." Charlie stood rather abruptly. "I told one of the other guys that I'd come over here to tell you the news myself, so I need to get back," he explained, his eyes staying on me.

He came closer, leaning in as though he'd like to offer a hug, a kiss to the head, maybe, but stops himself, and looks at me yet again. "Just be safe," he tells me. "And don't you go anywhere by yourself again," he warned, all business, and worry.

"I won't," I promised him, all too easily, still rattled from yesterday, and not wanting anything like that to happen again. Edward was also my safe haven, and I didn't want to leave him.

Charlie's gaze flicked to Edward. "And you," he muttered, pointing his finger at him, and offering another warning. "Keep my little girl safe, and do not let her out of your sight."

"I will, sir," Edward vowed.

As Charlie walked by on his way to the door, he placed his hand on Edward's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. As he got to the door, knob in hand, he stopped. "I'll see you tomorrow, Bells. And call me later - let me know how you're doing."

"I will," I promised, as he turned, offering his goodbyes and was out the door.

As Edward and I sink back down to the couch, both of us still connected by the hand, and now our thoughts both reeling from this latest news, we remain quiet - thinking.

"Wow," he breathed the word after a while. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye, as he softly said his next words, his relief evident in them. "He can't come near you ever again."

"Yeah," I whispered, stuck in my thoughts. He can't come near me ever again...but is it because of what I did, that led him to that place - led him to the actions that put him behind bars?

Edward's other hand began to lightly trace the top of my hand with his finger tips, encasing my hand between both of his.

"You're quiet," he murmured, eyeing me warily. When I didn't respond, he asked, "are you okay?"

I stayed silent, not sure what to answer. Thankfully, he seemed to understand this, and didn't push. His eyes, however, kept sliding to me, checking on me, worrying about me.

Every breath, every beat of my heart, made me feel a touch more guilt, a touch more confusion. I couldn't make sense of it - of whether I caused this, or _he_ did.

"I just...I think I need to be...alone," I admitted, honestly just needing time to think, to process. Time with no worried eyes casting obvious glances at me every few minutes. Although my thoughts were relentless, and I didn't know what to feel - I'm wasn't going to shatter.

Edward looked at me for a moment, contemplating. "I think I just want to have a shower - try to clear my head," I elaborated, hoping to appease him.

"Okay," he conceded. "I'll be here."

The worried look on his face as I left the room didn't escape my attention.

Already stripped down, with nearly ice cold water running from the shower head, I stepped under the cold spray.

I expected to feel relieved, but honestly...I'm wasn't. A large part of me felt guilty. Guilty for leading Jacob on, for sending him those mixed signals that caused this. In some ways, I feel like have no one to blame but myself, yet he's the one who will be stuck behind bars for who knows how long...for something that I ultimately caused.

I hated what he did, with every single fibre of my being, and nothing could make what he did okay - but could I honestly say he's the only responsible party?

The thoughts were relentless, and not even the frigid water seemed to clear my head. I'm not sure how long I was in there, but by the time I came out, I was shivering.

I didn't know what compelled me, but I chanced a look in the mirror after I had dried off and dressed.

For some twisted reason, I expected a different result. All I can see is ugliness. A girl who is run down, ugly, and lacking any attractive qualities. Some part of me expected me to _look_ different now, to look _normal_ now. Just like that same part of me expected me to feel different now - relieved, safe, free. Instead, all I can feel surging through me at the mirror's reflection is rage.

Why did this happen? Why did I lead him on? Why did he act on it, why did he do it? Did I honestly deserve it, no matter the mixed signals I may have sent? And why...why don't I look different? Why don't I _feel_ different now that I know he's behind bars?

Why. Why. Why._ Why_.

More than anything right then, my reflection in the mirror continued to piss me off with its lack of results, but I couldn't seem to look away. I was transfixed in my own gaze, and hating - absolutely loathing - every single part of myself that I could see.

I didn't even think about it, as I grabbed my hair brush off the counter and flung it at the mirror with all my strength.

As beautiful, sparkling shards of glass flew around me and scattered along the counter and floor, I couldn't help but feel better - relieved. Because now, the broken, fractured, and disjointed reflection staring back at me finally seemed accurate. My reflection finally matched what I felt - what I was.

As I take a step back from the glittering pieces, I could already hear hurried footsteps rushing down the hall. I already knew it was Edward.

Apparently, he was right. I was going to shatter.

* * *

**Good news...majority of the next chapter is actually already done, and I'm still in a writing mood, so things shouldn't go crazy and take forever for an update. Another thing to mention quick...Holly made a beautiful banner for Fix You, which I will be putting on my profile tomorrow, so check back soon for that! Thank you, Holly! I promise I will PM you later today [finally!].**

**Next chapter: Just how badly will Bella shatter, and how is everyone going to react to that? Is she going to share her thoughts of blame/guilt with Edward? If so, how will he react?**

**Time for that important AN now that you've read the chapter. I'm sorry, it's quite long, but it's important, and I don't want there to be any misunderstandings or confusion regarding some things you've read in this chapter. I don't want to offend anyone in any way with the author's note, either, so please bear with me, guys. **

Bella did _**not**_ lead Jacob on, nor is she at fault. She is _**not**_dirty, worthless, or any of the negative thoughts she mentions in this chapter. Its common for rape/sexual assault victims to _**mistakenly**_ place blame on themselves, or suffer severe drops in self-esteem, as you've seen Bella do. Her thoughts are NOT a reflection of the author's thoughts or beliefs, but rather a realistic representation of the **incorrect**self-blame rape victims sometimes suffer.

Just remember - have hope. I'm not going to write a tragedy with a sad ending. Bella will continue to heal and cope with the trauma she suffered, and she'll stop falsely blaming and hating herself - in time. But I'm not going to rush to the happily ever after and ignore the pain and suffering it takes to get there, either...that isn't realistic. My main goal has always been to keep it as realistic as possible. I don't want to gloss over the harsh reality of the long-lasting pain someone in Bella's situation goes through, even if it's uncomfortable to read sometimes. And I won't pretend that afterwards, the victim is instantly all better and their life is perfect again. Doing so would be disrespectful to those who have suffered through something like in this story. However, things will get better...like I said, have hope, and be patient with both me, and Bella. So, just to be clear:

1. Rape is _**never**_the fault of the victim. No victim "asks for it," "deserves it," or any of the other nonsense prevalent in our blame-the-victim culture.

2. The negative, self-hating thoughts Bella relates are realistic representations of what some rape victims actually think. They are **NOT** what the author thinks, and most importantly...they are** NOT TRUE**! Its just one of the many painful, possible stages a victim may go through in trying to cope with a trauma, so just bear with me, please.

**With all that said, hopefully you all are still with me? I would love to hear your thoughts on the chapter! Or even just tell me your theories for just how far Bella will continue to shatter. Leave me a review so I know you're still interested, and tell me what you thought!**


End file.
